Waiting for ov after mc. 8BFPs so far!! *"the list" page 291*

[celine]

Hoe beautiful ive been wondering how to honour/keep the memory of my two angels.
Garfie - do your sons know about your angels?

 

[ItsAWonder]

Good morning ladies (or evening where you are). I have not been able to fully catch up on everything here.

Rachel - Sorry you have to join this group but welcome. I hope your hormones come down quickly.

Annie - Looks like a BFP to me! Congrats and keep us posted!!!

Me - 7 dpo. No symptoms. Definitely nothing that I felt with the last two pregnancies but won't count myself out this early. Saw our granite slab this morning for our counter tops and it is gorgeous. Should be cut and installed by this time next week!

Garfie - really like the candle holder and it's a beautiful idea to keep you warm and remember your angel babies.

 

[Munchkin30]

Itsawonder the granite sounds amazing! Yay!! We've just spent so much on building work I can't even start to broach the idea of a kitchen yet!

AFM ladies I need you to help me out this cycle to stop me getting in the state I did again.
There's a few things I need you to do -

1. Stop me temping! It's turned into an addiction after 2 long cycles. I really want to temp tomorrow but I need to stop myself!
2. Stop me being obsessive and perfectionist at BDing. I'm aiming for every other day between about cd10 and the day after ov. I really stressed this month because we had 36 hrs between BDing over ovulation!
3. In the 2WW if I'm saying I feel pregnant from about 7DPO remind me that I always feel like this in the 2ww. I'm not crazy it's just the progesterone in the 2ww that's the same as pregnancy hormones and I forget EVERY month!
4. If I'm going crazy and getting depressed near the end of the 2ww remind me that I always feel better once afs here. I'm not going crazy or clinically depressed, it's hormones and stress and I will feel better.

I don't know what my testing strategy will be yet this month but I think I need to do whatever feels right at the time and not stress.

Please help me with this. I'm relying on you!
Thank you.
Love you all x x x

 

[ItsAWonder]

I can help with the first one. Have DH hide your thermometer and not tell you where. It will only be stressful for the first few days and then, trust me, about a week into not temping you will feel better (if not before).

Can't help with #2 b/c I do the same

3+4 - of course we can remind you. Try to plan some fun events to help you through that time as well if you can.

 

[Munchkin30]

Ooh that's a good idea! I can pretty much work out when the bad days will be already so if I'm prepared for them in advance I think it'll really help! I might plan something for cd1 that I can't do if in pregnant, like getting my hair died or going in a sauna or drinking lots !
Good thinking x

 

[Munchkin30]

I have gathered all the thermometers in the house together and when oh gets home I will get him to hide them all! He thinks I'm totally crazy anyway so this won't make it any worse! X

 

[Anniebobs]

Hi Rachel! So sorry for you loss but in here we all know what you're going through, it really helps. And like Garfie said you won't be allowed to hide, just tell us how you're feeling and somehow it helps you not feel so awful. Or helps you have a good cry and get it all out.

I had a bit of a cry today, I feel so stupid about it but I got really upset because I want my other baby not this one. I don't want to be getting a bfp, I want to be already pregnant. But then at the same time I'm there feeling such guilt that I'm not as excited about this baby as I was for the last one or for dd. I mean of course I'm excited and amazed that I might be pregnant, but it doesn't feel right. Maybe once the lines start getting darker and I start believing that I'm actually pregnant then ill feel a bit happier. Oh god I'm not making any sense am I, how can I be moaning when I might be pregnant? I hate ttc!

 

[ItsAWonder]

My personal feeling Annie is that our babies are just waiting for a healthy body. That it's actually the same being, soul, whatever you want to call it, that will enter when you carry a healthy pregnancy. I don't know if it helps, but I think this "baby" is the same as your last.

Being raised Jewish, I also asked a Rabbi the Jewish interpretation of a miscarriage. Now, I am not a religious person and not trying to push ideas at all. Instead, I want to share a part that I found to be beautiful for anyone to read. If you are interested in more there is a website link at the bottom but it definitely gets more into the religious teachings.

"Kabbalistic sources explain that there is a finite number of different souls. By now, every soul has been born into the world at least once; souls that are being born now are reincarnations, which need to complete their spiritual task in the physical world. Some souls are so close to perfection that they don’t need a lifetime to achieve their full potential. They only need to be carried by a caring mother, in complete selflessness and love, to complete their divine mission. It is taught that these are the souls of stillborn and miscarried babies. After this pure experience, the baby’s soul has nothing left to achieve by being born, and returns to his/her Source in purity, unsullied by life in the lower world. It can be a comfort to know that our baby has not ‘lost out’, but lived all the life he/she needed, and has returned to the highest possible rank in the spiritual world."

Here is a website:

https://www.jewishpregnancyloss.org/an-exploration-of-jewish-sources-on-perinatal-loss/

I hope this helps and is not pushy. I hope that you see that line get darker and you find your happiness. I believe that this pregnancy will be successful and you will soon cry with joy instead of pain, loss and fear.

 

[Munchkin30]

Oh Annie I totally understand. Being pregnant again would be absolutely terrifying and tied in with the grief and maybe even the guilt of being happy about the new baby. Also whatever happens you're not as pregnant as you would have been with the other baby which is rubbish. Also it would be so hard to get excited when you're so terrified of it happening again. So yes it's ok to cry and cry if that's what you need but at some point you will be excited and happy about it x

 

[Anniebobs]

IAW that gave me goosebumps, that is such a beautiful way to think about it. I think this is going to be a strange pregnancy to get my head around, but I'm definitely more excited than I am sad.

I forgot to say Garfie that candleholder is such a lovely idea.

 

[Anniebobs]

That's exactly it munchkin, all those different things going on in my head. And the GUILT! Why when something goes wrong (or right) do I always feel so guilty?!

 

[RachelLynda]

IAW - That is beautiful paragraph!! If I think of it like that then my angel was here to show me and my partner how much we wanted a baby (OH wanted one but wasn't sure) and bring us closer as a couple. We've now decided to get married a lot sooner then we first chose so I guess that's what our angels done, pushed us to do what we wanted and get married! x

 

[RachelLynda]

Hi Rachel! So sorry for you loss but in here we all know what you're going through, it really helps. And like Garfie said you won't be allowed to hide, just tell us how you're feeling and somehow it helps you not feel so awful. Or helps you have a good cry and get it all out.

I had a bit of a cry today, I feel so stupid about it but I got really upset because I want my other baby not this one. I don't want to be getting a bfp, I want to be already pregnant. But then at the same time I'm there feeling such guilt that I'm not as excited about this baby as I was for the last one or for dd. I mean of course I'm excited and amazed that I might be pregnant, but it doesn't feel right. Maybe once the lines start getting darker and I start believing that I'm actually pregnant then ill feel a bit happier. Oh god I'm not making any sense am I, how can I be moaning when I might be pregnant? I hate ttc!

OH MY GOD! My internet went just as I pressed submit! I can't remember what I said now
The silly internet is the reason I might disappear haha.
Well the thought of me replying was there It was something about what IAW said, oh heck. I give up trying to remember it will come to me at some point
I'm so late when it comes to news on here - Have you got your BFP? x

 

[Elizabean]

Annie, super huge mega congratulations! I'm sure you will get a big-fat-dark-line-positive in the next few days

Wonder, I love that thought, thank you for sharing

Munchkin, that is a great list, very positive. I'm a clothes shopping addict so I would add that at least I would be able to wear the new jeans I just bought for an extra month Great idea hiding the thermometers too!

Celine, that woman is a nasty piece of work. Even if she genuinely believes that, it should never be said. Karma will get her

RachelLynda, I'm sorry for your loss. Welcome to the thread.

Garfie, sending you some virtual chocolate and wine

Literati, have fun and keep calm!

Penguin, any news from your scan?

I hope I haven't missed anyone

I haven't heard the new house new baby saying before, but hopefully that will work for me.

Last night DH's parents moved in unexpectedly! GGRRRRR. SIL and her hubby and kids are here for a few days, and so they are staying in PILS flat and PIL's are staying in the room below our bedroom, but of course they never told us this was going to happen, and I didn't think SIL was arriving until today. And his dad is the worst sleeper and constantly complains about any tiny noise the house makes.

So it was a disaster, DH was feeling unwell, worrying about his parents hearing, getting annoyed with himself. I told him I didn't want a cranky and frustrated sperm to fertilise my egg! We did manage to BD in the end but I'm sure DH would have preferred to be scrubbing the bathroom or something, it was not very fun.

I wanted to try again tonight but I don't think that will end up happening. I even suggested going to a hotel tonight but DH was not keen. I know I cant help it, but I feel so bad about being fertile at such an inopportune time.

I'm about 80% sure that if this month isn't it, I will stop trying for a few months, maybe until January

I'm so about the whole thing.

 

[Literati_Love]

Elizabean - Yay for a +OPK! That is very exciting. What a trooper your hubby is for being willing to BD while recovering from surgery! I probably would worry about the anesthetic affecting his swimmers as well, but I'm sure it's fine. That's exciting you will be moving soon! I can imagine it will be nice to get a little farther away from the in-laws ahah!

IAW - Good luck in the 2nd half of TWW. It definitely is the worst part of the cycle. You just want it so bad but have no idea if you'll get your BFP or not.

I hope you didn't use oil-based stain on that wood! Not good for the possible bun in the oven!

Celine - So sorry you're feeling sick! That is neato that we ended up being bump buddies (well, not neat at all that you've had to start a new cycle, but under the circumstances, I mean).

That is DISGUSTING about what your "friend" said to you. Your baby was just as much a baby as any live child on earth! Every single human being on this planet was once just a tiny little embryo in a mother's womb. To think that she would say that, especially when she'd had a miscarriage herself, absolutely horrifies and disgusts me. What an awful person! I am so sorry she was so insensitive to you.

Jelly - Thanks! I didn't know about the pumpkin seed thing. How long is your LP normally? 15 DPO seems more than sufficient!

Munchkin - Thanks for doing the list. It always helps so much. There are so many people to keep track of now. It actually takes my entire lunch break to read this thread and then I don't have time to reply. Sounds like you're trying to focus on the positives now, which is great. I LOVE your list of positives about starting a new cycle. Being able to drink wine is definitely my favourite!

Annie - There is DEFINITELY a line there. I am terrible at seeing 'squinters' but that one isn't even a squinter. Congrats! And your feelings are totally valid and understandable. You should be farther along than you are and it's so sad you'll never meet the baby that you lost. But I am sure once this sinks in you will get very excited about the new baby. I, too, am worried about not being as excited about the next one. It's not fair we've been robbed of that joy.

Rachel - Welcome to this thread, but very sorry we meet under these circumstances. You are very ambitious for trying to read this entire thread. I get overwhelmed just reading a few pages!

AFM -

What Celine said reminded me of what a friend this weekend said. We had a couple over for supper on Saturday and I hadn't decided yet if I was going to tell the girl about my m/c. We always discuss babies and pregnancy when we're together because we've both been excited for that for a while (I haven't seen her since before the m/c). She told me that she and her hubby started trying in August. She then brought up a co-worker who is trying as well and said, "She's been trying for a few months. She was actually pregnant in August, but then she had a miscarriage or whatever." I responded, as appropriate, with, "Oh no! That's so horrible! How is she doing?" and she replied very casually/flippantly, "Oh, she's fine! It was just early on." I knew right then that I would definitely not be telling her about my m/c. It really bothered me but at least I found out how her reaction would be before I told her!

I have mixed feelings that she started trying already. Before this all happened, I would have been thrilled at the prospect of us being bump buddies. It'd be nice to take our mat leaves together, etc. But now that we've had a loss, I'm worried she'll get pregnant before us or we'll get pregnant at the same time and I'll have another loss and she'll be ahead of me. I want her to get pregnant but it doesn't seem fair that she should get ahead of me when I was already pregnant before she even started trying.

 

[penguin1]

Hello Ladies! Yes my scan was very late this afternoon and doing the happy dance!!!! I have 2 beautiful 18mm eggs on my right ovary and for some reason my left didn't work. Im just happy for a cheap treatment! I just finished giving myself my Ovidrel trigger shot and get to bd tomorrow night and thurs morning and night! he he I hope it works!

 

[penguin1]

Welcome Rachel! We have a wonderful group here, although I have a hard time catching up but the ladies on here are so nice and helpful!

 

[penguin1]

Hi Rachel! So sorry for you loss but in here we all know what you're going through, it really helps. And like Garfie said you won't be allowed to hide, just tell us how you're feeling and somehow it helps you not feel so awful. Or helps you have a good cry and get it all out.

I had a bit of a cry today, I feel so stupid about it but I got really upset because I want my other baby not this one. I don't want to be getting a bfp, I want to be already pregnant. But then at the same time I'm there feeling such guilt that I'm not as excited about this baby as I was for the last one or for dd. I mean of course I'm excited and amazed that I might be pregnant, but it doesn't feel right. Maybe once the lines start getting darker and I start believing that I'm actually pregnant then ill feel a bit happier. Oh god I'm not making any sense am I, how can I be moaning when I might be pregnant? I hate ttc!

I am very happy for you and I know the line will get darker. I always try to think of my losses as that they were not strong or healthy and that is not what I want. I want a healthy baby and that was my body's way of releasing the unhealthy baby. I know ppl have unhealthy babies all the time, but I also see the heartbreak and stress of caring for a baby like that. And a times the stress gets too much for a marriage as well. I don't know if this helps but I know it helps me.

 

[Elizabean]

Hello Ladies! Yes my scan was very late this afternoon and doing the happy dance!!!! I have 2 beautiful 18mm eggs on my right ovary and for some reason my left didn't work. Im just happy for a cheap treatment! I just finished giving myself my Ovidrel trigger shot and get to bd tomorrow night and thurs morning and night! he he I hope it works!

Woohoo, great news! Fingers crossed!

 

[Literati_Love]

Yay, 2 eggs! You could have twins! Good luck with everything, Penguin!