Waiting for ov after mc. 8BFPs so far!! *"the list" page 291*

[Literati_Love]

That's too bad it is a BFN, Celine, but it's still very early on! I do hope you get at least a squinter tomorrow!

 

[celine]

Tx literati, of course i feel this may be a sqinter but when i took a photo to enhance its stark white boo

Editted: my squinter after elapsed time...

Not too hopeful just yet. Will wait two days.

 

[garfie]

A BFN for me as well - okay that I can cope with still early blah blah but my body has been such a mess this month.

This morning I had a major temp drop and when I went to wipe I saw blood - so I guess she is on her way

So it looks like not only have my temps been playing up, OPKs and HPTs but it seems like I can't rely on my body signals either.

It used to be TMI creamy cm (and there was a lot yesterday) and sore boobs (been sore for last few days) meant pregnancy now I don't know my body at all

Of course hubby would have to chose last night to "have the talk" as well so it looks like my days are numbered any way

Today I have both children off on holiday - so I guess I need to plaster that smile back on my face and get the lazy little bums out of bed



X

 

[celine]

Oh no garfie what talk is hubby talking bout? Stopping ttc?

 

[garfie]

yes that's the one - we have had 5 m/c since we have been married and we were NTNP beforehand. He feels sometimes we BD to schedule, certain times I put my life on hold - and then when I can (AF time) I don't feel like it - as I'm bloated, feeling yucky etc - I'm sure you understand where I am coming from

We were going to stop a while ago - but I talked him round and luckily I got pregnant - then of course I lost it AGAIN

I also have to think about my two boys - aged 12 and 10 and me of course I'm not getting any younger (42) so I have told him if he is serious - he can have the snip - he goes very quiet when I mention it, so we will see

Hope you get your squinter tomorrow



X

 

[celine]

its indeed a hard topic to talk about. My friend with the 22 week loss lost when she was 39 so she too is now having icsi (i think?) with clomid. At first the hospital said she should try teo years and she said she refuses t wait til 44 to be a mother again. I hope you and dh can come to an agreement xxx

 

[Linnypops]

Celine - sorry it's a bfn! You're quite early on though right? Still time. x

Garfie- Aw love. I'm sorry to hear that...Do you reckon with a bit of a breather from ttc he'll come around?

 

[GRGirl]

This past weekend was horrible Yesterday was my birthday and I'm in the middle of miscarrying (awesome, right?) Luckily, most of the painful cramping is gone and the bleeding is almost done, just tiny bits of spotting. I'm just still extremely sad and emotional, have bits of depression where I think I'll never be a mom again, DS is all I'll ever have, etc. I'm sure you guys understand all of it too well.

All weekend OH tried his hardest to make me happy, I know he did, and I really am grateful for him, but he blew it big time yesterday. We're in the store (I just had to get out of the house so we went and got Halloween decorations) and I had a brief moment of depression looking at all the kids in the store and said "I should buy something for (DS), since he's all I'll probably have" and OH was so condescending and said, "he's not all you're going to have" which upset me. Then when we're leaving the store, he said to me, "It's not the end of the world, plenty of people have one" (a MC). I was gutted. I felt so utterly alone- he's my best friend and I should be able to tell him anything, but he was so dismissive and minimized my sadness to the point that I felt like an idiot for even being still upset. It's like he has a timeframe for grieving and I'm past what he thinks is ok, so he's annoyed I'm sad.

Yes, I know it's an early MC (I wasn't even 5 weeks) but I'm still IN THE MIDDLE of it right now. Isn't it ok to still be sad then? I'm sad and worried and up until this morning was still having painful cramping. It's VERY real to me and I should still be allowed to be sad, right? The only things even making me feel any better right now are DS and the thought that we can keep trying.

He really is a good guy but sometimes his insensitivity makes me want to scream!

 

[celine]

Its good to grieve and be sad i mc-ed on my sons birthday and felt like the worst mother in the world i couldnt get off the sofa. I do worry if im not preg by his next birthday what i will feel.

Men sometimes just dont get it, ive seen many quotes on pinterest and this one sticks to my mind. I dont want to be told that i will have another baby, i wanted that pregnancy, i wanted that baby.

 

[GRGirl]

Its good to grieve and be sad i mc-ed on my sons birthday and felt like the worst mother in the world i couldnt get off the sofa. I do worry if im not preg by his next birthday what i will feel.

Men sometimes just dont get it, ive seen many quotes on pinterest and this one sticks to my mind. I dont want to be told that i will have another baby, i wanted that pregnancy, i wanted that baby.

It's funny you say that, because I told OH almost the exact same thing yesterday. I said, "Great, we can try again, but I wanted THIS baby and I didn't want to have to try again!"

 

[celine]

A loss is a loss, no matter how long a time you had together.

 

[Literati_Love]

Celine - I am terrible at seeing squinters but I hope you get a clear line in a couple days!
Garfie - so sorry AF is showing signs of arriving and your DH is thinking he wants to stop trying. Can't he just wait for you to get pregnant one more time? It could be your healthy pregnancy! Maybe a break to just NTNP would help?

GRGirl- I am SO sorry you had such a down day and your husband was not the support you needed. I am also so sorry you are going through a miscarriage on your birthday.
Your feelings are completely understandable and normal. You are grieving and there is NO timeline on grief. You have the right to heal at your own pace. The timeline thing I could really relate to because I felt like my DH ha a timeline as well and we had a similar conversation just a few days after the m/c. He was ready to 'move on' and at least pretend to be happy again, and I was shocked because I was still in the midst of miscarrying and couldn't even THINK of acting or feeling normal again! Maybe you should explain to your DH that everyone grieves differently and things are very different for you as you are going through the physical side effects as well. Tell him you can respect the fact that he is healing before you feel he should be but he needs to respect that you are still grieving. You lost your baby, and it could take a very long time to recover.
I should note that despite that sad conversation with my DH, 3 months later he is still not over it either and he is actually more understanding of my breakdowns about it now. He is still sad too but men just deal with emotions really differently than we do. So do not for a second feel 'stupid' for being upset. You have had a great loss and your baby deserves to be grieved and remembered properly.

 

[Munchkin30]

Hi ladies.
Sorry i've been AWOL it's just been a busy time, i was in a concert on saturday which involved long rehearsals and yesterday was my DD's 'fake' 2nd birthday as my gran will be in hospital next sunday on her real birthday so we've had to throw 2 parties!

I'm at work now so struggling to catch up with everyone but:
Celine i could definitely see a squinter there. Have you had evaps on those tests before??
Garfie sorry about the BFN and sorry about your OH. I think the 'get the snip' idea is good. It tends to put them off! Or make him responsible for timing so you're not TTC anymore. Men are rubbish at that and there'll inevitably be accidents! He's probably worrying about you as much as anything though and probably thinks it would help you to not TTC any more

GR Girl i'm so sorry you're having such a rubbish time. It's not surprising but no one other than you really knows how you feel and your feelings are all valid so don't feel bad about it. I could still cry if someone trys to talk to me about mc and my mc was in July!

AFM i am on cd8, my fertility monitor started to ask for sticks yesterday so at least i'm peeing on something otherwise i woudl die of boredom! BDing starts every other day from today so hopefully OH will rise to the occasion

My main thoughts at the moment though are with my gran who is 90 in december and going in to hospital tomorrow for lung cancer surgery. She is very fit and has no heart problems or anything but the surgeon has never done this operation on someone as old as her so i'm terrified. She has no living children (my mum was an only child and died in a car accident about 10 years ago) and i live very close to her so we're extremely, unhealthily close. I'm taking time off afterwards to look after her but so long as she gets through the surgery on wednesday i know we can deal with whatever happens afterwards. I'm off work on wednesday too so it's going to be a very slow hard day.

 

[Literati_Love]

Munchkin - yay for POASing! I can't believe I am already done BDing for the month!

So sorry about your gran. That must be scary for you. I will be praying her surgery goes well.

You have mentioned being at work a lot lately. Weren't you thinking of quitting work and becoming a SAHM a little while back? Did things change? Just curious!

AFM - I am (probably) 2 DPO today! How weird!

 

[celine]

Hi munchkin wondered where u ran away to! Hows the birthday celebrations going with dd? Ive never had evaps on these before, will poas tomorrow! I totally understand being bored without anything to pee on, thats prob why cd1-9 is the cRappiest followed by 1dpo til 9dpo!

Hope all goes well with your gran, i dont think you could be unhealthily close? If she has no living children, you must be very special to her. In a way all this will take your mnd off ttc except for the bd marathons hopefull starting up

 

[ItsAWonder]

Munchkin - so sorry to hear about your Gran. I hope things go well and that her recovery stays on track.

As for peeing on something - yeah! It's so nice to get back to that point. Fingers crossed!

Celine - sorry for the BFN or squinter. Really hope you get a clear BFP soon!

Garfie - "the talk." It's a tough one. I hope you get surprised with a healthy BFP when you least expect it, even if AF is on her way now. I am sorry things are so difficult right now, especially after all you have been through.

Literati - You're in the TWW!!! I hope the times does not drag and you get your BFP.

GRGirl - as Celine said, a loss is a loss. Even if you only knew for a few hours you were pregnant, you still imagine your future and that of your little one's. You are still going through it, as you said, so take time to grieve when you need. It's normal and natural.

 

[Munchkin30]

Thanks Celine. I know she's nearly 90 and has 'had a good innings' but she's still got so much quality of life and i feel like she's not ready to go yet

Literati i ended up not leaving work, partly because of money, partly because i couldn't cope with the idea of losing another bit of me and partly because i've got a new boss just started so it was a really bad time to be taking time off. After this week though i've got 2.5 weeks off with my gran so hopefully i'll be able to get her back on her feet!

If everyone can have a word with whoever they have a word with on wednesday and ask if she can be ok i'd be so grateful.

On another subject Celine my DD stopped feeding when she was ill the week before last and we never got started again, until this morning when she asked for mummy milk. I was said she seemed to have stopped but it had been peetering out for months so wasn't surprised. I don't know whether it's even possible to keep feeding now after that break and if i should keep offering or not?? She's nearly 2 so she might just be ready to stop and i don't want to keep feeding for my own sake rather than hers? I really wanted to tandem feed but it's not looking likely now Any advice from a long term breastfeeder?? or anyone else i'd love your thoughts xx

 

[celine]

I dont know if your milk supply will still be there? I think if you feel its ok to cut the tie, then its okay, i feel its a two way relationship, if one of you isnt comfortable or happy about it you could stop. I also had hoped to tandom feed but thats out.

My son stopped at 19months he just stopped asking. Dd funily enough carried on bfing after i "announced on fb" that she was done (we secretly bf hehe) but two weeks ago my bra got a hole on it and while she wanted to feed she saw it on the righ side, so she said its broken and wanted to feed from the left, so i showed her a wee hole on that side of my bra and that was it. She still says they are broken. So i ket it go, i kept the "holey" bra in case she asked for it again but she hasnt wanted.

So its your call. Youve done amazing to get so far, no one would judge u either way.

Oh i am crocheting a rainbow baby blanket for church collegues of dh, they are preg with their rainbow and due in feb with a girl. So im crocheting this sweet blanket its white with rows of hearts in every colour of the rainbow

Ill keep your gran in my prayers xxx

 

[boodley]

Rachel – Ha! You gave me a laugh there. Gas, better out than in, huh? I’m taking agnus castus. It’s supposed to help regulate hormone levels – both oestrogen first half and progesterone second half, though some places say to stop taking it after ov; others say that it can help boost progesterone levels in second half of cycle, and that you can continue to take it till you’re 13 weeks, before gradually reducing out. It’s supposed to help regularise irregular cycles. I just got mine in local health food shop. I’m hoping it’ll get my cycles back on track as quickly as possible.

Penguin – hats off to your dedication with that drive!! I popped home between appointments today to DTD with DH – he was snoozing too, but I quickly put an end to that! Fingers crossed you caught that egg!!

Literati – thanks for your advice on the CM issue. I’m gonna post more as a question below, for general input! You timed your BD quite well then, I think. I don’t think we had 24 hours between BDs the cycle we got our BFP. Fingers crossed!

Garfie – sorry bout the conversation. Hopefully he was only having a bad day and he’ll rally round again.

Celine – fingers crossed for a different outcome in the next few days! And that blanket sounds beautiful. My MIL knit me a memory blanket over the summer. It’s lovely to have! Such a thoughtful thing to do.

GRGirl – sorry you’d such a rotten birthday. I was the same last year – I told all my closest not to text/send cards/acknowledge it. I came straight home from work, put on my PJs, lit the fire and hid away for the evening. I dunno if it’s the same, but sometimes my DH can’t take hearing me be sad or negative, and tries to snap me out of it. Sounds to me like your OH is more trying to convince himself than you that the feelings are gone.

Munchkin – hope the concert was a success. Do you sing, play music or something else? Sorry to hear about your granny. It’s good that she’s so fit and healthy – it’ll help with her recovery. Please God it’ll go well. I’m sure it’s a great comfort to her that you’ll be around.

AFM – hmmm. So, I’ve been busy. That’s all fine. TMI warning: But I’m lost on the CM front. I’ve been having stretchy CM for a good few days now. About three days ago, it became bloody CM on and off. And I don’t mean just a little tinge. Proper AF-spotting type bloody. It’s still stretchy. And sometimes it’s clear. But again this evening…. I don’t know what to think – is it mid-cycle spotting that’s getting mixed up with normal EWCM?? Or is my EWCM bloody for some reason??? Or is it perhaps not CM at all, just stretchy spotting?? Does it matter?

I was with my doctor this morning for bloods, and they said it’s just my body settling after MC. Not holding out much hope for this cycle as a result – things obviously aren’t optimal. I haven’t ovd yet, not sure what my body’s gonna do this cycle. For now, I’m going to - as Bruce Forsythe would say – keeeeeeep dancing! Would love a bit of normality.

Bxx

 

[boodley]

Wow - liking the new format!!!