Waiting till the new year - TTC January 2014!

[baileybubs]

Meep I know I felt that I had to, MIL didn't say anything at first, but now she has said congratulations, not actually seen her though. My mum was a bit shocked but is ok now too. She keeps checking I'm ok and taking it easy lol!
I'm glad they know now, takes a weight off my shoulders and now I'm even more excited!
Try not to worry about sickness and symptoms too much, both my previous pregnancies were exactly the same and I didn't have any ms in either, one ended in a MMC and the other was my LG so symptoms don't really tell you anything I don't think Hun.

 

[Tmb0047]

Meep, the strong sense of smell is the worst! Hopefully it eases off for you

 

[_Meep_]

Thanks guys. I am half wishing I could tell people, just so I don't feel so alone really - I know that sounds pathetic and I'm not alone because OH knows, but I just feel like everything has changed so much over the past couple of weeks ... I don't feel like myself and I feel like having my family sharing in my experience might help, but I'm so terrified of saying anything. It's utterly tragic but I really just want my mum ... :'(

 

[baileybubs]

That's not tragic at all it's a perfectly normal thing to want as she is the person closest to you who has been through this! And also I have to say I often don't feel like myself when I'm pregnant, it's the hormones Hun. Maybe you should tell people so you can talk to people about it, I'm sure people will be happy about it, it might be scary at first but in the end it's gotta be done at some point.

 

[_Meep_]

You're right. I might JUST tell my mum. I know she is the only one who will definitely be happy about it.

 

[baileybubs]

I think it will make you feel better Hun, after I told my best friend I felt so much better about it coz she had a positive reaction and I felt that well at least one other person is a happy as me and df lol! Plus if anyone isn't happy just keep it in the memory bank for when the baby arrives and they all wanna come round and have a hold, then you can tell them where to go lol!! Or maybe just remind them of their negative reaction at least!

 

[AuntieKate]

Oh boy, I so know how you feel meep! I only told the people that I would want to know if I miscarried, so I told both our parents, siblings and a best friend. It just didn't feel right waiting. Now, my husband and I are talking about waiting until after I see the heart rate. Part of me would want to tell my mom, the other part of me couldn't handle making her worry with me - she knows I'm still quite fragile. Such a tough call! Hugs girl!

 

[_Meep_]

Bailey - lol. I'll probably be so paranoid and nervous that I doubt I'll want ANYONE except me holding my baby! People are going to have to work very hard to get a hold of my precious infant. I feel soo guilty now for being secretly annoyed that my sister didn't pass my nephew around very much - I see why now, thinking about it. Oops.

Kate - the problem is, I wouldn't want anyone at all to know if I MCd. I think it has everything to do with my feelings about the first MC. I was so young when I found out I was expecting, and I didn't know what to do - my boyfriend at the time panicked and we went straight to his mum (her house was closer) and it all came out there. She said I HAD to tell my mum straight away and then she phoned her right in front of me, even though I didn't want her to (she was a total cow). And then EVERYONE knew. My dad went around telling people as if it was his own personal problem - looking for sympathy I guess - he's not a bad person, but it really didn't help me. I felt an enormous amount of shame. And then, when I lost the baby, of course everyone knew about that too and the shame just quadrupled. I felt really wrong and evil and disgusting, especially when people would talk about it in front of me, like it was their thing to talk about - it was as if they thought that it somehow made them more interesting, being involved with someone whose baby had died, if you know what I mean. Even certain family members. Nobody said they were sorry or seemed to wonder how I was coping (except friends, surprisingly) - maybe my family were just scared of what my reaction might be (probably the case), but I did get the impression people didn't really think it mattered THAT much. Because I was young and it was all unplanned, I think they expected me to just get over it, or treat it as if it happened for the best. And it was so unfair, because if I'd had any choice in the matter, I wouldn't have told so quickly. If I'd known what was going to happen, I wouldn't have told at all.

The shame never really went away, and I struggled with anger and anxiety problems (many causes, but the MC sort of brought it all to a head) for years, so if I MC again I will keep it to myself. I can't tell anyone until I'm through the danger zone for that reason. I wouldn't want people to know that about me again, even if I am an adult now.

Sorry for the rant, I don't really speak about this much. :/

 

[baileybubs]

Aw meep that's awful the way you were treated! I can understand why you are so nervous to tell if that was the reactions you had last time, but don't forget that was 10 years ago so people and attitudes will have changed. But definately tell people when you feel ready, and do not let anyone make you feel ashamed for either being pregnant or having a loss, neither is a shameful thing and you should have had so much more support than that!

On another note the chances of having a MC after having one MC are in no way any different than for a woman who has never had one, so the odds are in your favour Hun. Not long to go now until the danger zone is behind us

 

[baileybubs]

And Kate it is a dilemma isn't it, but last time when I told my mum at 7 weeks she said she would have been so mad at me if I hadn't told her til after the scan, coz she wouldn't like to think that her daughter was more worried about causing her any upset rather than asking her for her support....if that makes sense. So that's why I eventually decided to tell her at 6 weeks this time, and although she was shocked and now I get a daily text making sure im taking it easy, she'd much prefer it to not knowing (so she says!!)

 

[AuntieKate]

Hugs again Meep!! That's awful that people made you feel that way and took control over the situation and your body. No wonder you struggled with your decision to tell people. So many left over lingering feelings. An experience like that will undoubtedly shape you for life! Please don't apologize for 'a rant' - that's why there is this thread, so we can hash stuff out! We're here for you I know with my mc, it was hard to find people to talk to about it. And quite frankly, my husband is wonderful but he could only handle so much. Best talking to girls that have been through something similar before or a mom. Moms are great like that There are so many things in that story I find unfathomable - like they actually talked about it in front of you without asking how you were doing? That shit's f-cked up.

Bailey, I will probably end up telling my mom but then my husband will want to tell his... and you know how it goes. Time will tell what I do. I'll cross that bridge when I'm actually pregnant.

 

[Tmb0047]

Meep - virtual hugs from me as well Your story makes me sad, no one deserves to be treated like that! It's funny when you are young people find that everything is THEIR business and seem to think its okay to voice their thoughts and opinions out loud. My brother got his gf pregnant when she was 15 and both sides of the family were very opinionated about it....after a while though we all warmed up to the pregnancy and we all LOVE their little boy! Maybe if the mc hadn't occurred your family and friends may have changed their feeling as well. There will never be anyway to know what could or would have been but I hate to think that you feel you need to go through this alone now as an adult. Does your family like your oh? And does his family like you? This is a different situation then it was 10 years ago and although the past is hard to let go of you really need to stop beating yorself up about it. Forgive yourself because you did not do a damn thing wrong!

Either way, you are not alone....you've got us Tell when you are ready!

I was always a crapy secret keeper so my family and some friends new within a few days of testing! My mom was always the first one to now (besides my kiddos dad) as I am very close with her

 

[_Meep_]

Thanks ladies. None of my immediate family were mean to me, but I don't think they were particularly happy about it, or had any positive feelings about it. I think really there is too much stigma and stereotypical assumption attached to teenage pregnancy - yes, it's true that a lot of girls in that situation are perhaps troublesome, or living a wild lifestyle, or making deliberate unwise choices because they haven't been properly educated or informed about the enormous responsibilty that babies are, but they still need help. At the other end of the scale, you can be a straight A, scholarship pupil, in the private school system all your life, but that doesn't affect how fertile you are! Yet people still assume that you must be going off the rails, that you're sleeping around, that you must be having constant, wild, age-inappropriate sex off your face on crack in order to have conceived as a teenager.

WRONG. And I ask those people who the stupid one really is? Everyone knows it only takes a single sperm, right? Right? Ack.

When I tell my family, I don't want any comments or concerns coming up regarding the past, namely the MC. You are correct Kate that it has shaped my life quite largely and I don't want it tainting anything else now, especially something that is supposed to be good. I feel like it's my thing to carry. Nobody else has any right to talk about it.

One family member quite recently mentioned it over a meal out, although it was VERY loosely related to the conversation around the table at the time, and I knew they were just doing it in case any of the friends/acquaintances around the table were unaware of what had happened to me. I completely went off my food and just sat there thinking 'FUCK YOU' because I knew they only mentioned it to make people think they were a hero at the centre of a tragic story. That's what I mean about people just bringing it up and bandying it about like it's their personal pain. None of them were there with me in the hospital. Really pisses me off.

Yes, my parents like my OH and I assume his parents like me. I don't know what I'm scared of really. Stuff about the MC coming up I suppose and my dad mainly getting all worried and going around telling everyone his daughter's pregnant but it's oh-so-stressful and high risk because she lost a baby once. It annoys me whenever I think about it, as I'm 90% sure that's what will happen, but then I amuse myself by imagining that people will ask him how old I am, thinking his reaction is so extreme that I must be 12 or something and he'll have to admit that I'm 26 and plenty old enough to have a baby.

Anyway, I'll stop talking crap now. Thanks for the support girls. X

 

[ProudMommiie]

I will join for sure.....Hiiii I have pcos and I wtt in Jan 2014 for my number 3.

 

[Linnys vision]

Hey well no af yet full sure I was about to get them is the LH phase same 14 days for all or can it be longer cause cm would suggest I did have signs of ovulation im so confused

 

[_Meep_]

A 'normal' luteal phase is considered to be anything from 10 - 16 days I believe. It varies from woman to woman, but in the same woman it should not change, i.e. if your luteal phase is 12 days, it's unlikely to vary from month to month. Remember that fertile CM doesn't tell you exactly when you ovulate, just that you are likely to ovulate soon - it's said quite a lot that you probably ovulate the day you last notice fertile CM or the day after that. Also remember that when calculating the luteal phase, you count from the day after you ovulated to the day BEFORE your next AF, as the first day of AF is day 1 of your cycle. Confusing though if you can't be exactly sure when you ovulated!

 

[baileybubs]

Yeah I agree with that, I've read pretty much the same stuff. I think your LP can vary by just a day but usually stays the same

 

[AuntieKate]

Morning ladies...

How is everyone doing? I haven't been on much over the weekend.

Meep, sorry to hear that people are still throwing random comments around. I can't stand when people act like that. Sounds a little passive aggressive to me. You should have told them to fuck off.

Welcome ProudMommie! How old are your little ones?

How are you doing Linnys vision? I'm waiting for my AF too; feels like it's right around the corner. I'm still trying to figure my body out. No idea how long my luteal phase is either.

 

[Tmb0047]

Hey ladies!

Linny - I agree with meep's run down on the luteal phase I was sure I had Od as well but that was about 20 days ago now! Stupid body! Hope AF shows for you soon

Kate - love your comment to meep Hope AF is nice to you this cycle if/when she decides to show. Any possible pregnancy signs?

Hope our pregnant ladies are doing well

Welcome proud


AFM - cd50 something now and still no sign of AF I've been horrible at temping and OPKing as Ive just given up on this cycle for right now.....I'm sure Ill get back on top of it soon. I just want AF to show! Agh! On another note, Ive applied for two jobs. Hoping I get a call for an interview I love being home but I must admit I miss working and earning an income. Not sure if I'm going back to work or not but if the pay is good enough to cover child care and still bring home a decent amount at the end of the month then I think I'd take it! Plus DH has no benefits at his job and both the ones I applied to will so that would help out a lot also! Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for me

 

[_Meep_]

Kate, that made me snigger. I am perfectly prepared to tell people to fuck off if and when they make stupid or insensitive comments regarding this pregnancy. Probably won't have much of an effect though, as I tell people to fuck off all the time when they are being idiotic, which is often.

I made the mistake of telling OH's mother that I was feeling sick the other day as she asked me if I wanted to go to a concert and I was feeling really ill, so just told the truth. Then earlier, I was frying garlic for some bolognese and the smell unexpectedly made me heave so I sat on the kitchen floor for about ten seconds and OF COURSE she walked in at that moment and asked me loads of questions about how I was feeling. Then she goes 'You're not pregnant are you?' and I dunno if it's just me being paranoid, but it seemed such a negative way to ask me, like she was hoping I wouldn't be. Ffs.

I just said 'No' and went back to frying my garlic and trying not to retch. She knows. I'm sure of it.