We All Should Just RELAX

[sugarlove]

Shannen didn't you post the following re

"I'm 2 DPO and soo anxous...first cycle ttc, and having hot flashes and gas, cramps and tiredness. I just wanna know, when will i have symptoms? Are those symptoms!!!!??? And how can i pass this dreadful 2 weeks???? AF is due May 16th btw...."

This doesn't sound like you are exactly chilling out!

Having just had a miscarriage myself and coming up to 35, and waiting to see if I've got a BFP this month, I'm afraid it is a very stressful time, and I found your post slightly patronizing.

 

[Shannen]

Its not detrimental, it just has a tendency to prevent the likelihood of conception thats all

This statement contradicts itself.

I'm not trying to be militant here. There are just a lot of women who have been trying for a long time. As most women do stress a little during the TWW, this thread is less than hopeful for them.

its not a contradiction; stress if significant enough could lower your chance of conceiving, not eliminate it altogether...and im just stating facts lol

The definition of detrimental is , in laymen's terms, "hurting your chances." That's where the contradiction lies.

And if they're facts, then back up what you are saying with significant sources. You're also contradicting what you said earlier in response to one of my points about how some stress is normal and shouldn't hurt you chances. Now, you are saying "stress if significant enough," which is quite different from what you stated earlier.

The only reason that I'm bothering to argue this point is that there is a bit of a sensitivity issue here. When you argued against my point earlier, after I had stated that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, you said that stress is stress and any kind of stress can hurt your chances. What that basically means to me is that , because I have an anxiety disorder, my chances of conceiving every month are going to be lower than other women's. Furthermore, when you are actively trying to conceive, as some have stated previously, it is almost impossible not to stress a little bit. Because this stress is inevitable, threads stating that you should "just relax" are less than helpful and can actually have the unintended effects of making women stress about stressing. This is what I mean when I say these threads that state these harms associated with stress can do more harm than good.

Furthermore, one thing that I've learned from my therapy is that stress is not going to just go away. Wishing something away doesn't make it happen. It's important to recognize the stress, understand what it is that is stressing you, and then learn how to address it.

Hurting your chances does not mean makng you permanently infertile. like I said in another post, it was meant to HELP you people, not make your problem worse. I could never understnd what its like to be ttc for like 3 years and i do realize there will be stress, stress is NORMAL. I was referring to the frantic women who obsess themselves to the point of near mental breakdown. thats why i said the degree of stress (Obviously) has an effect proportional to conception. so again, i did not contradict myself, im not thinking in black and white here...I said stress releases hormones that can affect reproductivity. If you want sources, google it, i thought this was common knowledge.

 

[Shannen]

Shannen didn't you post the following re

"I'm 2 DPO and soo anxous...first cycle ttc, and having hot flashes and gas, cramps and tiredness. I just wanna know, when will i have symptoms? Are those symptoms!!!!??? And how can i pass this dreadful 2 weeks???? AF is due May 16th btw...."

This doesn't sound like you are exactly chilling out!

Having just had a miscarriage myself and coming up to 35, and waiting to see if I've got a BFP this month, I'm afraid it is a very stressful time, and I found your post slightly patronizing.

Which is why I said "WE" should all just relax

 

[aragornlover8]

I never suggested that you were saying I would be "permanently infertile." The sources I'm asking for are sources that state that "normal" amounts of stress can still affect infertility. I have seen sources that show that inability to get pregnant can be linked to MAJOR stress (ie, a death in the family, losing a job, trauma, etc) but not regular every day stresses. Also, by source, I don't mean some person's website; I mean an actually valid scientific source with supporting data.

I also haven't seen many people on these boards stressing to the point of mental breakdowns; I see a lot of normal "am I pregnant? am I not? I'm worried!" posts that don't seem near the types of reactions that you are talking about. So, in that case, the point is most likely moot.

The main point I'm making is that a lot of us here on the board get tired of these repeated "don't stress! it can affect your fertility!" posts. This pet peeve of ours (meaning me and fellow TTCers) is stated in quite a few threads.

Again, I'm not trying to be militant. I may have just misread all of your previous posts; if that's the case, I apologize.

 

[Shannen]

I never suggested that you were saying I would be "permanently infertile." The sources I'm asking for are sources that state that "normal" amounts of stress can still affect infertility. I have seen sources that show that inability to get pregnant can be linked to MAJOR stress (ie, a death in the family, losing a job, trauma, etc) but not regular every day stresses. Also, by source, I don't mean some person's website; I mean an actually valid scientific source with supporting data.

I also haven't seen many people on these boards stressing to the point of mental breakdowns; I see a lot of normal "am I pregnant? am I not? I'm worried!" posts that don't seem near the types of reactions that you are talking about. So, in that case, the point is most likely moot.

The main point I'm making is that a lot of us here on the board get tired of these repeated "don't stress! it can affect your fertility!" posts. This pet peeve of ours (meaning me and fellow TTCers) is stated in quite a few threads.

Again, I'm not trying to be militant. I may have just misread all of your previous posts; if that's the case, I apologize.

Its alright, I apologize too if I seem a little catty today, its these darn raging hormones! And well, you know you can still google science articles too. Agan, this is my first cycle TTC and i dont know much about LTTC and all that. I guess I could have been more sensitive about the matter. I can have issues with being unsympathetic sometiimes. Its something Im trying to improve on. Good Luck and Baby Dust!

 

[aragornlover8]

No hard feelings at all. Tons of to you, hun!

 

[caz & bob]

you are all soupsed to stay relaxed but you guys dont sound very relaxed haha well i have learned to chill now xx xx

 

[floofymad]

Heard quite a lot of people say when they relaxed and didn't do the whole OPK thing and other tests each month, that it just happened. But that's easier said than done. We all want to know that we've done everything possible each month that we could have done. I suffer from a little anxiety myself, but at the moment, don't have any of the usual anxiety symptoms, so feel relatively calm. However, still feel anxious waiting each month and then disappointed when AF comes. Wish I could start again, and not look into all the fine details. That way, I wouldn't obsess each month over pains and feelings and would just hope one day to miss AF...

 

[Shannen]

yeah, i do realize it is difficult to be chilled about it when you want it so badly...i guess what i meant was to try to help see if relaxing a bit more would actually get someone a bfp

 

[floofymad]

Advice on relaxing?! Don't seem to be able to forget about it............

 

[Whitbit22]

You poor thing!! I just try to keep myself busy. I do a lot of gardening.. and if there's not that there is cleaning, or planning something. Try a new hobby! It's so hard isnt it?

 

[floofymad]

Yes, really hard! Keep myself busy with lots of things but whatever I'm doing I'm thinking about it! Have an overactive mind/brain though, so that doesn't help. Would like to switch of thoughts occasionally!

 

[Whitbit22]

I hear ya Im the same way! I have to REALLY immerse myself in whatever Im doing. It helps for at least a while.

 

[Shannen]

I hear focusing on your immediate surroundings can help...getting "out" of your head lol

 

[aragornlover8]

Hey girls, I found this website which somewhat closely the steps I was taught in therapy. I find that steps like this help me recognize my stress for what it is; sometimes just stopping to think about what's really bothering me is a big help. It makes me feel more proactive about it. There are also a number of breathing techniques that can help center your focus and concentration. For example, when things get overwhelming for me, I sometimes close my eyes, take a deep breath, count to ten, and then let it out.

Not sure how hokey this sounds, but I hope it helps!

https://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Stress_Relief_for_Dummies.html

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Came in here all ready to get ticked off! I HATE HEARING "JUST RELAX AND IT WILL HAPPEN!" ARGH! *punches the wall* Granted, I have told girls to relax that were on like 2dpo and thinking they were pregnant or overly obsessing at whether or not they were pregnant when they JUST came off the pill, but some of us in here have been trying for a long time. Telling them to relax is almost like setting off a ticking time bomb! lol! I think it's important that we think before posting something in TTC or TWW that's headed "We should all just RELAX" Phew. Sorry. Had to get that all out. 9 days late does messed up things to people! lol

 

[wantingagirl]

I guess we all have a different opinion that matches our situations. I think from trying with my first I was so stressed and then just got used to getting my period month after month. Alot of stuff on google contradicts itself and think these are based on their opinion but I have seen somewhere that normal stress wouldnt affect things but like someone put moving house, family death etc....... I think alot of it is coincidence when people say they relaxed and it happened I was thinking about it just as much when I got my BFP I just accepted that I was never going to get pregnant lol..... I think with me if I think the worst then it would be a nice surprise if did happen.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I hope you get that soon

 

[princesspie]

when i caught prg with my daughter who is now 12 (unplanned) i was going through alot of stress, my 4 yr old had just been diagnosed with ADHD and i was moving house, my boyfriends family had all fallen out which made us argue all the time, he was arrested for something he didnt do and took a long time to clear his name, my mum decided she was moving to the the other side of the country! i was only 21 and needed my mummy
all this and i still got pregnant, while on the pill!!
so just goes to show stress does effect people in different ways xxx

 

[JaymeeBee]

I got pregnant, while battling the flu and bad sinus cold...everyone in my house was sick that week...we were the house of snot all week...LMAO

Needless to say I was stressed, because I wanted to take cold medicine, but couldn't, I wanted to take something for my headaches, but didn't know which ones were safe when TTC.

So from what I've experience...a little stress didn't affect my ability to conceive, but had I had a lot of stress...um..maybe it would have been a different story.

Good Luck Ladies, Get those BFPs!