Wedding gift deemed "insufficient"

[Tiff]

Bride sends facebook message to guest after wedding

And here I thought the other news story where the bride told off a guest for giving a gift basket rather than cash at their wedding was bad.

I could never in a million years do this.

Do you feel that you should "pay your plate"? If you can't pay your plate, should you decline in going?

 

[lhancock90]

Is it just me that doesn't think guests should have to bloody cover the cost of their meal? If you can't afford to pay for peoples meals, don't invite them

Gosh these women belong on that Bridezilla show

 

[Ceejay123]

Wow! Wow! Wow! Speechless.. X

 

[Tiff]

Is it just me that doesn't think guests should have to bloody cover the cost of their meal? If you can't afford to pay for peoples meals, don't invite them

Gosh these women belong on that Bridezilla show

I know right? We were in all honesty in a deficit after our wedding. People didn't "pay their plate", some guests didn't even give a gift.

Of course, the ones who didn't did make me a bit "erm" of course... that was an expensive party to put on. However, I didn't say a WORD to them and sent them a thank you note regardless thanking them for sharing in our day.

 

[dgirllamius]

I would have told her to fack off and give the money back if it was such a pathetic amount to her. Stupid, ungrateful cow.

 

[KrissyC]

Wow thats unreal!

I believe that you shouldn't expect a gift. You're inviting them cause you want them to share the day with you not just for a gift. A gift should just be a bonus!

 

[smokey]

It never even crossed my mind for people to pay to cover their food and drink, is this common?
We paid for all the food and drink as part of the reception we had, i just thought thats what you did seen as your the one throwing the party and inviting people.
Way i see it is if its getting too expensive stop spending money on things and if you need people to cover the cost of their food then your clearly inviting too many to just show off.
I do get really annoyed when people seem to forget the actusl reason behind a wedding and getting married, especialy ones that say things like "my wedding was ruined because i didnt get the honeymoon i wanted"
Weddings just seem to bring out the spoilt brat in some women.

 

[steph.]

You should invite people because you want to share the day with them, and if you put on an expensive wedding then thats your choice not theirs.

However, usually people that care about you will want to give a nice gift within what they can afford. For example my granny has very little money but she spent about 6 months stitching a table cloth for me which I really treasure. Other people didnt give expensive gifts or a lot of money but I didnt mind because either they werent very close (like cousins who had to be invited but we never speak otherwise) or they dont have much money. But there was one gift I was left a bit err... about. My dh's aunt and uncle are really wealthy. They have various properties, are always travelling, and their son is a doctor. My dh was always saying how much he loved his aunt and uncle and how close they were. Well the uncle, aunt and doctor son gave a combined gift of $100. I really think if they cared about my dh as much as he cared about them they would have given a bit more especially as they knew we had just bought a house and I was 34w pregnant.

 

[smokey]

See even a combined gift like that wouldnt have bothered me.
I just dont understand the idea of expecting a gift.
We had people come to our wedding that gave a £5 gift voucher frim argos (the ones you get free when spending £50 or more) we even had ones show up that didnt give anything.
It didnt bother us because thats not what we imvited them for.
What did bother me was my aunt and uncle showing up to the church in shorts and tshirt, barely even speaking to us and stayimg just long enough to eat and get drunk then leaving without daying goodbye.

 

[Tiff]

Handmade stuff is the BEST!

Two of my hubby's aunts made us quilts as wedding gifts, I love them more than I can possibly say It really meant a lot to us that they took the time to make them (they aren't easy to do!) and that was just as important to us as the people who gave us money.

 

[zanDark]

holy crap what a cow!

Here it is proper etiquette for the gift to be of equal value of the per person cost at the reception...but that is just a typical guideline and I'd never judge anyone for giving me a gift of lesser value! We received wedding gifts (both bought and cash) that ranged from very cheap to very expensive...we were grateful for every one of them and never judged the price.

When you plan a wedding you should be able to pay it all off without depending on the money guests will give you as a present! Typical people that don't live or get married within their means

ETA: 100-150 euro is a normal amount to receive from friends or distant family at a wedding here.

 

[Leesy]

A wishing well card in not uncommon to go out with a wedding invite as most people prefer money as a gift, how ever the wishing well card always states something in some sort of ryhme: we prefer money but don't expext we would just like you to share in our special day with us - pretty standard stuff.

This bride is a total cow! To question someone about the amount if money they gifted is very poor form. I have attended many weddings and I have given anyhwere from $50 - $250 depending on my financial situation at the time.

I'm glad this has gone viral, the only thing missing is the bride in questions name. She deserves to be shamed.

 

[Sarahkka]

That guideline thing about giving a gift that is approx what the meal cost is a very flawed one. It has always kind of bugged me because it doesn't really make sense.
First of all, what about the fact that many guests travel to attend a wedding? The costs of airfare, hotel, car rental, etc should be considered. Their presence truly is their "present" and it probably cost far more than the cost of their plate at the wedding.
Also, does that mean that someone who chose to put on an intimate, small-scale, home-cooked dinner somehow deserves less than someone who put on a fancy catered event?
The dollar value of the plate is a very silly measure and certainly shouldn't be used to dictate cash amounts. That's just crass.
This is one where I think common sense and courtesy needs to kick the silly etiquette guide out the window. It also goes to show just how vile and f-ed up the whole wedding industry is. I absolutely agree that the shocking spoiled bratty behaviour seems to be more and more common. When spending upwards of $30k (on average, here in Canada) on one evening has become the norm, we probably shouldn't be too surprised that perspective gets lost.

 

[Button#]

I think that brides behaviour is disgusting. A wedding is not a ticketed event. A gift should be an unexpected bonus, not a payment plan.

 

[Twister]

I don't understand expecting a gift. Most people will give something anyway regardless, but it's not a big deal if they don't because that is not the purpose of a wedding imo. Guests definitely shouldn't be expected to cover the cost of their plate. By that logic when you go to someone's house for dinner you should give them the money to cover the cost of your meal and drinks, it just seems ott. You invite someone round for dinner because you want to spend time with them, it's a social event and a wedding is no different. If you can't afford it then go for a cheaper option or invite less people.

We are going to a wedding in a couple of weeks and probably won't give them a gift or money. Finances are tight at the moment and we simply can't afford it, even giving them £10 might be the difference between us being able to get a full food shop and us not. I would be very upset if they decided to take issue with such a sense of entitlement. They invited us, if we'd declined they would have taken issue with that. Sometimes it seems like the guest can't win.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Absolutely dumbfounded!

I reeaally don't understand wedding etiquette. Is it normal to ask the guests to pay for the wedding? That's handy isn't it! Throw a big lavish do and get everyone else to foot the bill - might do that with all parties in future!

I hate the notion that guests HAVE to bring a gift/money anyway. Especially the whole 'pay your plate' thing. Having to fork out because someone wants you to celebrate their union with them, but feels the need to do it with expensive food and drink... it's rude to decline but it's rude to show up empty-handed if you simply can't afford it - how is that fair?

 

[smokey]

I think i would actually decline a invatation if i thought or knew the couple assumed a gift of equal value to the food and drink out of princple.
Its differant though if you where having a small resturant meal as a reception for say just a couple of close family and on a budget and arranged beforhand that people pay for their own meal as thats pre arranged but srull dont expect a gift
I agree you wouldnt invite someone round for dinner then give them a bill after

 

[sue_88]

Ridiculous. The Bride sounds like a stupid brat.

If she can't pay to throw a party, then she shouldn't have had one.

There is too much emphasis on the 'gift giving'............a wedding SHOULD BE a celebration of marriage of two people, not about throwing a party which is all the reception is and should be an added bonus.....IF you can afford it.

 

[lindseymw]

Yikes!

We told all our guests not to get us anything!

Can't say I've heard of the 'pay for your plate'......neither had my guests apparently! Our wedding was £3.5k & we got around £500 in gifts! Does the 'pay for your plate' cover each guest? i.e a family of 4, dinner cost £50ea, family expected to give £200?

I actually have no idea if there were guests who didn't get us anything....it certainly wasn't expected anyway.

 

[hayz_baby]

I always thought that traditionally gift giving at a wedding was about helping the young couple start off there new lives. That's why traditionally u would receive homeware. Cash gifts have only come about due to more modern settings. Eg most couple have already started a home and even have families or be of an older generation iykwim so the traditional gift of helping the couple start a new life as such is void. So really there is no rule about 'covering your plate' so 2 speak x