Wedding gift deemed "insufficient"

[Haylee.]

I see $100 as a very generous wedding gift. What an ungrateful bitch.

 

[Tiff]

That guideline thing about giving a gift that is approx what the meal cost is a very flawed one. It has always kind of bugged me because it doesn't really make sense.
First of all, what about the fact that many guests travel to attend a wedding? The costs of airfare, hotel, car rental, etc should be considered. Their presence truly is their "present" and it probably cost far more than the cost of their plate at the wedding.
Also, does that mean that someone who chose to put on an intimate, small-scale, home-cooked dinner somehow deserves less than someone who put on a fancy catered event?
The dollar value of the plate is a very silly measure and certainly shouldn't be used to dictate cash amounts. That's just crass.
This is one where I think common sense and courtesy needs to kick the silly etiquette guide out the window. It also goes to show just how vile and f-ed up the whole wedding industry is. I absolutely agree that the shocking spoiled bratty behaviour seems to be more and more common. When spending upwards of $30k (on average, here in Canada) on one evening has become the norm, we probably shouldn't be too surprised that perspective gets lost.

Totally!

Also, how does one know exactly how much each plate costs? There's been some weddings I've gone to that the food was horrid and not large yet it was $100. Ours was really good food and surprisingly was only about $70 a plate.

Besides, its not like in the invite the bride and groom put in the details as to how much the dinner is costing them. So silly

 

[babyhopes2010]

wow she sounds like a right cow!


i do usually give a gift or money to he value of the meals. but if i couldnt afford it i wouldnt and certainly wouldnt make anyone feel obliged to pay for a meal


the bride was irrelsponsible then if she factored in cash gifts to pay for her wedding.

our wedding was stunning and v low cost approx 1.5k and we recieved 4k in cash. i was speechless surprise though. i made my wedding plans so that what people gave us was a bonus as our wedding was already paid for by ourselves and we werent in any debt cos of it

 

[Dragonfly]

Shame she didnt ask people before the wedding I doubt many would have went. I certainly wouldn't have.

 

[smokey]

I always thought that traditionally gift giving at a wedding was about helping the young couple start off there new lives. That's why traditionally u would receive homeware. Cash gifts have only come about due to more modern settings. Eg most couple have already started a home and even have families or be of an older generation iykwim so the traditional gift of helping the couple start a new life as such is void. So really there is no rule about 'covering your plate' so 2 speak x

Exactly, it was all about something for your bottom draw originally (that phrase still makes me giggle)

 

[Raven24]

that is shocking, if it was me thought id send her a message back and say that id meant to put in more and must have miss counted and then ask her to post the $100 back and id send a cheque for $400
on receiving my money back id never speak to her again cheeky cow. but im a vindictive mare and ther eis no way id let her keep my hard earned money when she didnt even appreiciate it

 

[icklemonster]

Is this serious? Surely a hoax? The only person I can think of who'd email someone such a response to a wedding gift would be Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory lol...

We asked for money for our honeymoon and other than our parents, I can only think of one couple who would have covered the cost of their plates, when I think back (I had never heard of such a concept until this thread). Not in a million years would I expect all that, and we thought our friends were still very generous xxx

 

[smokey]

that is shocking, if it was me thought id send her a message back and say that id meant to put in more and must have miss counted and then ask her to post the $100 back and id send a cheque for $400
on receiving my money back id never speak to her again cheeky cow. but im a vindictive mare and ther eis no way id let her keep my hard earned money when she didnt even appreiciate it

My reply would have been more along the lines of.
"Seen as your determined to make the gift amount a personal interpretation of my thoughts on the day and the wedding I shall be requiring at least $60 refunded to me, it wasn't worth it.
I shall however let you keep the money as you are clearly in more need of it then I, maybe contribute it towards some lessons in manners on me"

 

[hayz_baby]

I always thought that traditionally gift giving at a wedding was about helping the young couple start off there new lives. That's why traditionally u would receive homeware. Cash gifts have only come about due to more modern settings. Eg most couple have already started a home and even have families or be of an older generation iykwim so the traditional gift of helping the couple start a new life as such is void. So really there is no rule about 'covering your plate' so 2 speak x

Exactly, it was all about something for your bottom draw originally (that phrase still makes me giggle)

I've never heard of that! What does it mean exactly....

 

[smokey]

I always thought that traditionally gift giving at a wedding was about helping the young couple start off there new lives. That's why traditionally u would receive homeware. Cash gifts have only come about due to more modern settings. Eg most couple have already started a home and even have families or be of an older generation iykwim so the traditional gift of helping the couple start a new life as such is void. So really there is no rule about 'covering your plate' so 2 speak x

Exactly, it was all about something for your bottom draw originally (that phrase still makes me giggle)

I've never heard of that! What does it mean exactly....

Its just a old phrase that ment a collection of stuff for starting up a first home together (normaly at that time your marriage home)
The saying was just about a place to keep things like lining and bedding thats normaly passed down, any gifts given towards the home and just general first home stuff.

 

[Pearls18]

How do we even know how much the meal costs?! It could be a cheapish hog roast type thing, or a 5 course meal with 3 different choices, you won't know till the day when you've already got the present.

Our wedding was paid for before the day, the gift money that we did get (and didn't ask for) was completely separate, if I needed the gift money to pay for the wedding we wouldn't have got married yet or had a cheaper wedding.

 

[Tess.ie]

I think she is an awful person and doesn't deserve a single gift she has received.

I am getting married in Aug, and I honestly don't expect a present or money from anyone. Any gift we get will be a delightful surprise, and very gratefully received. And we will make an effort to thank everyone for sharing our day regardless of whether we get a gift or not.

(and as an aside we are doing it on a budget and our plates are €24 so i would think a gift of 100 is super generous!)

 

[MrsPear]

I'm getting married in September and I'd hate to think someone was going to decline if they couldn't 'pay their way'. I've invited an appropriate amount of guests to reflect to my budget. There's actually other people I'd love to invite but can't, but that's life, we can't afford it so we can't have any other guests. I've put no presents on the invite although I assume that some may still bring some, but I certainly wouldn't use the presents to pay for the wedding. The people I've invited are my best friends who I'd like to share a special day with, nothing to do with who can help us foot the bill.

 

[Bex84]

Its a disgusting message to send. We didnt expect gifts from anyone and were very greatful for the gifts we got. We invited people who we wanted to share our day, we paid it on our own and didnt expect others to contribute

 

[Rachel_C]

It always amazes me when anybody thinks it's appropriate to say anything other than, "Oh thank you so much, that's really kind of you/it will look lovely in.../we're saving for a..." when receiving a gift! I understand that in some communities it may be usual to give a gift equal to the cost of your place at the wedding, but it is surely also good etiquette not to point it out if somebody can't afford to do so, or doesn't for any other reason. It's like if somebody farts in public, it's rude to do it but it's ruder still to point out who did it .

 

[fannyadams]

My wedding cost £12k and me and oh saved every penny of that.
We specifically told people 'no gifts' and didnt budge when people kept asking.
We ended up getting around £2k of vouchers for which we were hugely grateful but it wasn't necessary.
You invite 'guests' to share your day not because you expect something from them. If you can't afford your wedding you shouldn't have it that way.
It's the start of a marriage not a party.

 

[smokey]

It always amazes me when anybody thinks it's appropriate to say anything other than, "Oh thank you so much, that's really kind of you/it will look lovely in.../we're saving for a..." when receiving a gift! I understand that in some communities it may be usual to give a gift equal to the cost of your place at the wedding, but it is surely also good etiquette not to point it out if somebody can't afford to do so, or doesn't for any other reason. It's like if somebody farts in public, it's rude to do it but it's ruder still to point out who did it .

Tell that to my 3 year old son, he delights in shouting out top of his lungs " oh mummy you did a rumble bum" (37 weeks pregnant, really cant help it)

 

[Tasha]

This is awful. I don't think any of my family or friends have an expectation of pay your plate. My wedding was low-key, registry office, reception held in my parents's back garden as neither my DH or I feel comfortable in formal settings, we had a BBQ and chilled with over 100 of our friends and family. It cost around £500 for everything and we ended up with vouchers and money worth about £2.5k, perhaps I should of offered them a refund!?!?!

 

[smokey]

Next thing you know people will be asking for blank cheques for their wedding so they can fill in how much each guest cost plus a bit extra and claim it back like expenses

 

[JASMAK]

I dont even know whatai would have said if it was me. Id probably post it for everyone to read and defriend her.