What age do you allow your children to play out unsupervised?

[Tasha]

Mine are nine, almost eight and five and we don't let them. I think secondary school age but there will still be strict rules about where they can and cant go.

We live on an estate in London, and some children are out on there own as young as two and three. Crime rate is fairly high here and cars do about 30mph down our road too. I creep along coming into the estate and the amount of times I've slammed on my breaks as a three year old who doesn't really get road safety steps into the road. Scares me.

 

[mayb_baby]

I'm not sure, maybe 11/12+
We have a good size garden though

 

[Sarahkka]

I'm not in the least concerned about kidnapping or that sort of threat. The statistics show that it is a VERY unlikely occurence. Some basic training on stranger danger for my kids and that will be about the most energy I expend on that. I defintely see traffic as the biggest threat to my children's safety. But I also see a danger in overprotecting kids to the point that they do not develop good risk assessment and decision-making on their own. I am not going to let my 4 year old out by himself (even though our neighbourhood park is 1.5 blocks away) because he has not demonstrated to me that he has good focus and awareness about traffic yet. I am hoping to work with him and have him establish and pass a series of "tests" that we make up together about safe choices and risk assessment. I hope it will help him feel very proud about the autonomy he earns and give him skill sets to keep him safe and alive for a long time to come.
I am very concerned that our children are overprotected to the point of it impacting their successful development into adulthood. (By "successful", I mean an individual with the autonomy and skills to deal with adverse conditions or unexpected situations. Our kids learn these things by facing lighter versions of them in childhood and coping with them. Overprotection deprives them of learning those coping skills.) I don't want my kids to be scared to go outside or incapable of walking a few blocks to meet a friend for a playdate. For me, that is more worrisome than the statistically unlikely possibility of kidnapping.
I appreciate that we all have different comfort levels as parents, but I thought it might be useful to share my perspective, as I see overprotecting kids as being potentially very damaging to their well-being, even though it is meant to keep them safe. And please note that I am aware that we all live in different areas with different risks. I respect that every parent here has the right to judge those risks and make safety decisions as she sees fit. I am not condemning anyone's decision to keep their kids close by, but am trying to explain why I am concerned about the effects that seems to be having on kids and why we may need to consider that this can do harm, even if it feels like the safest choice.

 

[honey08]

my gardens big enough to fit enough kids in so he wanted kids to come and play he can, until i feel hes old enough to leave my garden thts wot he'll be doin, i cant see it been anytime soon at all though theres jst no way there is kids on this street out younger than my eledest :/

 

[Tasha]

I'm not in the least concerned about kidnapping or that sort of threat. The statistics show that it is a VERY unlikely occurence. Some basic training on stranger danger for my kids and that will be about the most energy I expend on that. I defintely see traffic as the biggest threat to my children's safety. But I also see a danger in overprotecting kids to the point that they do not develop good risk assessment and decision-making on their own. I am not going to let my 4 year old out by himself (even though our neighbourhood park is 1.5 blocks away) because he has not demonstrated to me that he has good focus and awareness about traffic yet. I am hoping to work with him and have him establish and pass a series of "tests" that we make up together about safe choices and risk assessment. I hope it will help him feel very proud about the autonomy he earns and give him skill sets to keep him safe and alive for a long time to come.
I am very concerned that our children are overprotected to the point of it impacting their successful development into adulthood. (By "successful", I mean an individual with the autonomy and skills to deal with adverse conditions or unexpected situations. Our kids learn these things by facing lighter versions of them in childhood and coping with them. Overprotection deprives them of learning those coping skills.) I don't want my kids to be scared to go outside or incapable of walking a few blocks to meet a friend for a playdate. For me, that is more worrisome than the statistically unlikely possibility of kidnapping.
I appreciate that we all have different comfort levels as parents, but I thought it might be useful to share my perspective, as I see overprotecting kids as being potentially very damaging to their well-being, even though it is meant to keep them safe. And please note that I am aware that we all live in different areas with different risks. I respect that every parent here has the right to judge those risks and make safety decisions as she sees fit. I am not condemning anyone's decision to keep their kids close by, but am trying to explain why I am concerned about the effects that seems to be having on kids and why we may need to consider that this can do harm, even if it feels like the safest choice.

Good post Sarah. I agree it can be damaging. I also agree about the kidnapping and stuff (you will notice in my post I was concerned about the speed of cars down our little road). I have actually begun to let my oldest go to play at the 'football cage' at my parents house, it is a three minute walk away, you can see the green in front of their house, as people don't speed down that road.

I think it is all about weighing everything up.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I just still enjoy being out with them and they have not asked to go out alone. Matthew is extremely vulnerable so thats definitely a no no for next few years! Rubys just not interested at all.

 

[dgirllamius]

Here I see kids as young as 4 walking to school ALONE. When I spoke to Oh about it he did it was normal and everyone did it and I was just in utter shock. My OH thought I was mad for wanting to drive lo to school until a certain age (11 for example). He said I have to trust lo ... um I do, it's the freaks and weirdos out there I don't trust!

 

[Mummy Bean]

11 - when they go to high school. As around that age i would expect them to be travelling o there own to n from school.

 

[babydevil1989]

Here they go to secondary school at 10 so prob then but with very strict rules - I have lots of family in my road tho who would look out for him x

 

[Bex84]

I think its to do with area you live as well. I grew upin countryside where i knew all the neighbours, didnt live down a road and was able to play with my sisters. Where live there are people who speed especially teens on there mo peds and there is a river neer where i constantly see the children let out by themselves over the safety rail, under the bridge right by the water. I can see what you mean about freedom but think that a child also needs the maturity not to be pushed into things by friends and make right choices

 

[1948LC]

My older two are 7 & 9 an they haven't played out alone. I can't see me allowing them till their 11/12 at high school?? The worlds a risky place nowadays. My OH is exactly the same if not worse than me.

 

[alicecooper]

My kids (7, 5 and 3) play out all the time, though granted the 3 year old is only allowed out if he's with the 7 year old. He's not allowed out alone.

They wander to the neighbours house and play on their trampoline (they're allowed, the neighbour is fine about it) and end up coming back from time to time saying they're stopping at somebody else's house for dinner or whatever.

And we almost always have other peoples kids wandering in and out of our house as well, and stopping for dinner.

This estate is a very quiet cul-de-sac with a huge field directly in front of our house, and it's FULL of kids (I do mean FULL - like about 30 or more kids ranging from age 2 all the way up live around here). And they all play out constantly, so it's not unusual for about 12 kids at a time to be milling around outside all together.

The big ones watch out for the little ones, everybody knows everybody else's kids. It's a case of "where are my kids?" and somebody will pipe up "oh they're playing at so-and-so's house".

I love living here tbh. It's a really nice place for kids.

Yes my only concern is cars, but there are 10mph signs all over the place, and all the kids are drilled from being knee high to a grasshopper to watch out for cars, to look and listen, and all the rest of it.

Nobody's house in the whole estate is that far that the kids wouldn't hear us call if we shout. Yell loud enough and they troop back.

I like that our kids have such freedom here. TBH there's no WAY I would have allowed them to play out like this when we lived in either of our last two houses, it wouldn't have been safe, but here it's different.

 

[Sarahkka]

Here I see kids as young as 4 walking to school ALONE. When I spoke to Oh about it he did it was normal and everyone did it and I was just in utter shock. My OH thought I was mad for wanting to drive lo to school until a certain age (11 for example). He said I have to trust lo ... um I do, it's the freaks and weirdos out there I don't trust!

May I use this as an example? (And it isn't meant to attack you in anyway, but I thought your post was very representative of the concerns that have been expressed several times here. )
I absolutely understand your concern and fears, but what if I pointed out to you that the hard numbers (statistics of traffic mortality and obesity) showed you that your child is more likely to be harmed by you not allowing them to walk to school?
There is real evidence now that our perception of "freaks and weirdos out there" and the choices we make to protect our children from this perceived threat is doing more real damage to them than the highly isolated incidences of abduction.
Our kids may be the first generation in centuries in which their life expectancies and standard of living will not surpass that of their parents. This is in great part due to the fact that they are significantly less active than we were at their age.
I am 37. I walked or rode my bike everywhere as a kid. So did all of my friends. Granted, I lived in a small town and everyone knew everyone, but it was very rare for anyone to get a ride to school.
My kids get driven practically everywhere, by contrast. Again, I cannot allow a 2- and 4-year old to navigate a city this size on their own as they'd be at huge risk from traffic. But I want my son to be able to walk to school by himself by the time he is in Grade 1. I want this for his health and his autonomy.
Driving him to school would impact his physical safety and health in two ways: it reduces his physical activity level and it creates a very real traffic danger zone right where small children are trying to cross the street to access the school grounds. We (my city) have had to put all sorts of traffic controls in place in school zones because of this.
So a very real health and safety risk has been created because we have collectively perceived a non-existent threat.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

For me: its not just about appearing 'over protective' but I just dont believe a CHILD under secondary school age needs to be out in public alone?
If they go out to play il sit out . The only time my eye is turnt is in the back garden.

 

[Bex84]

while I was working as teacher (sahm at the moment) children had to be bought to school and picked up by parents up to year 5 which is up to 10 years old (When the entered yr 6) then were only allowed to walk on own in the last year of primary. Children were not allowed to leave site without a parent or an approved person (who teacher knew about before hand) and there would be big questions asked if a child under this age was seen walking to school on own and parents called, in year 6 the childs parents have to sign permission for them to leave school by themselves. If parents were working early then they were expected to work something out with teacher of dropping them off early in to teachers care. Mind you in regards to sarahkka post above 99% of children walked to school with parent, it was only those coming from out of catchment area who came by car. Im surprised that schools wouldent say anything about a child walking on their own to school earlier than this (the policy I mentioned above is the common one for schools around here). I think it is a bit different such as in alicecoopers case where they play out where everyone knows children. Most children who I worked with got picked up my mum/dad/carer and most would go to park on way home. They got lots of exercise, and we made a special effort to teach children playground games which many didn't know. We did brain gym (exercise) every morning on top of PE which was 2 hrs a week, the brain gym was 20 minutes every morning. This was more activity than we got at school and most go out on bike or scooter with parents, I see a lot of this where we live to. There are very few over weight children around here and area where I worked. Teenage years there were more but not that many. Where I live and I already do this with LO local mums meet up around park and children run about together with parent there to. I don't think not letting them out on their own effects activity. Most of the kids I see hanging around with groups of friends are sitting around with their mobile phones any way. I think its about judging your childs maturity as well. I know my mum always felt better as there was me and 2 sisters and we were always together so looked after each other

 

[mum22ttc#3]

For me: its not just about appearing 'over protective' but I just dont believe a CHILD under secondary school age needs to be out in public alone?
If they go out to play il sit out . The only time my eye is turnt is in the back garden.

I agree, I just don't see the need for them to be out on their own yet, the same way in which I wouldn't leave them home alone yet either.

As for it impacting on their health with the walking to school issue we walk to school and back everyday even though we're not in the catchment area.

The school that my girls are in I never see any of the kids walking by themselves unless their in year 6 so I'm not sure whether they have the same kind of policy or not, I've never had reason to ask. There is a school up the road though and I have seen children as young as 4-5 walking themselves to school.

 

[meli1981]

My daughter is going into grade 2 and theres no way shes walking to school on her own. We live to far away number one, and we get brutal winters number two. I just dont feel comfortable with it.

 

[Natsku]

I don't know yet as it will depend on maturity not age. I can imagine letting her play out the front of our apartment building at around 4 years old as there are always other kids and mums out there so she wouldn't be alone or out with her friend Emmi who is two years older than her (already they play out in Emmi's garden and I only come outside if they go on the trampoline)
Probably when she's school age (7) she will want to go to the park with school friends or go sledging in the winter and if she is mature enough by then then I will probably let her go if she is with her friends, not by herself (and I'll probably get her a mobile phone then as well that she can take with her to call me if there's an accident or something)

 

[Tasha]

How old is grade one Sarah?

There is no way on earth I would let my children walk to school on their own until 11. It doesn't mean they are going in a car, just that they are not going alone. We live in London and the traffic is crazy, the road our estate is off of is a main route into central London, so we get people driving about 45mph along (30mph zone) also at two points from here to the school we have cars join from a major road and a motorway, I've seen those people do anything up to 60mph (again 30mph zone) coming off those roads. In the time we have lived here there has been numerous deaths by cars hitting pedestrians (both adult and children).

The school actually stepped in because when Naomi-Mae was year one (five to six years old) a classmate was walking on her own to school. We live 1.5 miles away and she lived past our house.

 

[Banshee]

I honestly don't know at what age I would feel comfortable letting the children play out alone. I'm not really worried about abduction, as other's have pointed out this us very unlikely. Children are much more likely to experience harm from someone known to them than a stranger.
But, there is a road running behind our house and a path that leads down the side of our house to it. It is a 30mph limit but it's a road heading out of town and (much to my annoyance) loads of people go at least 40-50mph and I would worry about the boy's safety. My current worry when we're playing out the front is teenagers who race through our road and down the path on their bikes on the way to the bike/skate park. They could easily run one of the boys down.
It is funny though as we'd play out all the time as children and would always be round someone else's house/garden in our road. At 11 I went to high school 20 miles away so had to get the bus into the city on my own every day. Wonder how I'd feel about that when the boys hit that age...