What am i going to do, why does he have to tell me this now

[Aidan's Mummy]

right

as many of you know im 16 and expecting my lil boy in 7 weeks


well im entitled to all the benifits in the uk that every mum gets. So i wasnt worried about buying nappies, clothes for Aidan and anything he needs really

well im living with my mum and dad and they said they would support me and there would be no need to get my own house with the council.

Anyway dad told me today that all the benifits i get for aidan have to go to him becasue they are having to support me and OH and it costs alot. Well im really gratefull to him for supporting us but he gets child benifits for both me and OH cos we are still in full time eductaion

and that money isnt for me and OH anyway its for aidan and everything he needs. So i said this to my dad and my dad was like we have to pay for the extra shopping somehow.

say what?? i mean they wouldnt have to buy anything for aidan i will pay for everything he needs out of the benifits i get.

and then he turned round and goes we have a certain amount of money in the bank for rent and when that goes im not going into my savings to pay for the house so i will put myself on the streets and give the house up.

at this point i nearly started to cry i mean it wouldnt just be him that he was putting on the street it would be me mum, OH, and Aidan all together.

I just dont get why he didnt say this when i first got pregnant and i was offered a house, not leave it 7 weeks before my bloody due date and have me panicking about what we are going to do.


I asked if mum knew of his plans and he said no. So should i mention it to her

im really grateful for what he does for us but i really need that moeny to buy things for Aidan cos as you all know babies are expensive.

God am i being selfish for being upset??

Any advice girls
xx

 

[Serene123]

Tell him to piss off. Your mums not going to agree with that surely?

 

[ClaireLou]

you will be the parent so he has no right to the allowance. is he saying he will pay for baby milk nappies and baby food and toiletries etc if you give him the money? I can see your point though - you want some independence... are you entitled to any other benefits other than the allowance because theres no way the allowance will cover everything a baby needs

 

[ClaireLou]

i think because you are the mother the benefits are legally yours to do with as you wish! if he takes it then you may argue over what is bought etc...

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

you will be the parent so he has no right to the allowance. is he saying he will pay for baby milk nappies and baby food and toiletries etc if you give him the money? I can see your point though - you want some independence... are you entitled to any other benefits other than the allowance because theres no way the allowance will cover everything a baby needs

im not actually sure what im entitled to mym mum did tell me but i cant remeber it all she was going to sit down with me and sort it all out. i think its child benifit, sure start maternity grant, family allowance and job seekers allownace
xx

 

[Magenta]

he can't force you to pay the benefits to him. I'd have a word with your mum and see what she thinks about it

are you still on the council list though?

 

[Mervs Mum]

Hmmmm.... it's a tough one. I think if my daughter was pregnant I'd probably do the same thing TBH unless she wanted to go it alone. They are paying for the house and the gas and electric etc too - its not just shopping is it?? And they are helping and supporting you - thats something money cant buy when you have a new baby.

I'm not sure I fully understand what he's saying about using his savings so I may b missing something.

I think you need to keep in mind how lucky you are that you and your OH are getting to continue your education while they help you out in more ways than just financially. Lots of parents might just boot their kids out to sort it themselves.

Talk to your Mum hun - see what her take on it all is.

x

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Tell him to piss off. Your mums not going to agree with that surely?

Nah hun she wont agree with it. thats why he hasnt told her. I just dont want to cause an argument between them. But i think she should know cos it isnt just his house and she is the one that goes out to work and brings the money in, he just sits out home all day on his computer
xx

 

[ClaireLou]

if the benefits are in your name then the money is yours. Tell them you want to be in control of the money and provide for your baby yourself. Let them keep your allowance for your usual food needs and you provide for the baby. You will want to decide for yourself what sort of clothes etc to buy and how much they cost, you may even want to save a little each month for him. I think it should be up to you. You are going to need to learn how to do this. How will you learn if they take over?

 

[Serene123]

Tell her!

 

[PeanutBean]

As the others have said you will get the benefits not your dad . I would talk with your mum about it and see what she says. Perhaps you can come to some arrangement where you keep all the benefits income you receive and are responsible for buying certain things, then your parents can fulfil their promise to support you by committing to buy other things. If you see what I mean...

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

he can't force you to pay the benefits to him. I'd have a word with your mum and see what she thinks about it

are you still on the council list though?

nope they said if we are being supported then we dont need to go on it and we wouldnt be very high priority
xx

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Hmmmm.... it's a tough one. I think if my daughter was pregnant I'd probably do the same thing TBH unless she wanted to go it alone. They are paying for the house and the gas and electric etc too - its not just shopping is it?? And they are helping and supporting you - thats something money cant buy when you have a new baby.

I'm not sure I fully understand what he's saying about using his savings so I may b missing something.

I think you need to keep in mind how lucky you are that you and your OH are getting to continue your education while they help you out in more ways than just financially. Lots of parents might just boot their kids out to sort it themselves.

Talk to your Mum hun - see what her take on it all is.

x

i totally see what you are trying to say hun. i said i would give him part of it for our upkeep

and then the other part i will use to buy what aidan needs but he wasnt happy with that

and the savings bit is a bit complicated. they sold are house a year ago and put most of the money into a seperate account for savings. but some of it was put away for everything we needed like rent etc a.d he says he dosent want to go into the savings he put away

which i do understand because most of that money will help with his and my mums retirement

he is still getting moeny for me and OH though and the job seekers allowance i am going to give to him and some of the beinifits but he wants all of it
xx

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

if the benefits are in your name then the money is yours. Tell them you want to be in control of the money and provide for your baby yourself. Let them keep your allowance for your usual food needs and you provide for the baby. You will want to decide for yourself what sort of clothes etc to buy and how much they cost, you may even want to save a little each month for him. I think it should be up to you. You are going to need to learn how to do this. How will you learn if they take over?

thats what i mean i wasnt expecting them to provide for Aidan i was going to use the money i get for him to do that but my dad doesn't see it that way

and like you said i need to learn how to handel money, budget and get ready for when i move out after my course has finished
xx

 

[polo_princess]

How comes your dad gets the benefeits for your OH hun?

I would say offer to meet your dad in the middle, its easy to tell him to shove it but where will that land you? Your going to be a mum soon so you need to be sensible and rational. Offer your dad what you can comfortably afford .. he cant disagree with that can he?

 

[claire1978]

Im not sure why ur Dad is being like this and also how can he say that u will all be out on the streets when its ur Mum that earns the money, does he not work at all?

I think u should speak to ur Mum, u shouldnt be stressing over this sort of thing at this stage and I agree with the others that the benefits go straight to u and rightly so, u are going to want to provide for ur own child and choose what u buy

I think u should go on the council list, it is lovely that ur parents are supporting u but surely u are going to want ur independence at some point, u may be on the list a good few years and by that time would be out of full time education and ready to stand on ur own two feet, good luck and speak to ur mum, it sounds to me like ur Dad doesnt want his little girl to grow up and be independent but he has to let go even though it will be hard

 

[Blob]

Hmm well i dont know about all those benefits.. if you look at them like the 'sure start' and the 'job seekers' i thought that you couldnt be in full time education?? I dont know i'm just thinking that i cant get them.. i cant get job seekers while i'm on a break from uni and OH being at uni and i cant get the surestart one cos i'm not working?? I was told the only one that i could get was child benefit? I think you need to go and ask someone to find out exactly what you can get.

Also OH and i are renting a flat/annex thing from my mum, we're giving her the money that we get to go towards heating etc and fuel that we spend. We're paying for our own shopping etc.. but the electricity well i wouldnt be happy if i wasnt contributing towards something.

Maybe your dad was just having a bad day and has just blown up and taken it out on you?

 

[Carlyanne15]

Ah babe!
Well i agree with all the other girlies, he cant have the money its in your name! Plus he shouldnt of (if this is what he intended) told you this now! Very unfair

hope it all works out chicken
x

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

How comes your dad gets the benefeits for your OH hun?

I would say offer to meet your dad in the middle, its easy to tell him to shove it but where will that land you? Your going to be a mum soon so you need to be sensible and rational. Offer your dad what you can comfortably afford .. he cant disagree with that can he?

I dont know the ins and outs of it hun but because OH is under 19 and in full time eduction my mum and dad are entitled to it because he lives with us

dad sorted it all out with the child benifit people though and there was a few problems but they finally decided he was entitled to it

ive tried meeting him half way by saying that i can spilt the money but he wont have it
xx

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Hmm well i dont know about all those benefits.. if you look at them like the 'sure start' and the 'job seekers' i thought that you couldnt be in full time education?? I dont know i'm just thinking that i cant get them.. i cant get job seekers while i'm on a break from uni and OH being at uni and i cant get the surestart one cos i'm not working?? I was told the only one that i could get was child benefit? I think you need to go and ask someone to find out exactly what you can get.

Also OH and i are renting a flat/annex thing from my mum, we're giving her the money that we get to go towards heating etc and fuel that we spend. We're paying for our own shopping etc.. but the electricity well i wouldnt be happy if i wasnt contributing towards something.

Maybe your dad was just having a bad day and has just blown up and taken it out on you?

my dad filed for sure start on my behalf because we are recieving child benifits for me and they have approved it after going through it with detail. And i just looked it up i cant apply for job seekers because they are getting benifits for me. So thanks hunni that saved me applying for something i cant get lol.

xx