what is it about being an older mum that frightens you?

[mumoffive]

I think the thing that frightens me the most is that i wont be around long enough to see my kids grow up. I keep thinking about it...not so much for the children i have atm but any future ones as i am 42 soon to be 43. I just wonder if im being selfish wanting another one and when to call it a day. I think for me, anything over 45 will be a no no - but i suppose i wont know until i am there. I just feel at 45 the risks of something being wrong with a baby may grow considerably. What are your fears? How do you console yourself over them? I will atm be 59 when my ds reaches 20 and i will also have a dd who will be turning 23. I dont think thats bad..but im nearly 43 and see the time ticking away....

 

[poppy666]

I think sometimes how old my kids will be when im 60 but im 40 now & there is so many older mums nowadays im not too worried, like you i want one more if im blessed so Korben isnt too much a lonely child because his brothers are more like uncles being aged 17,18 and 19

If nothing happens before 42ish im just going to give up i think

 

[Lisa1]

probably a bit selfish but I don't want to be the old mum at the school gates but i think it is more acceptable now.

I hope I will raise them to deal with the challenges ahead and hope my life experience will amke me a good mum...

 

[babyanise]

well i will be 44 in march so if nothing happens by then i think that will be it for me.

 

[HappyAuntie]

I agree - for me, it's not how old I am now, it's how old I will be then... will I ever get to meet my grandchildren?

 

[turnersgirl]

My fear isn't to do with how old i'll be at a certain stage etc, its should i get pregnant, having a mc.

It wasn't something that ever occured to me would happen (naievety maybe) but on reading some peoples posts the heartbreak they must of gone through , a) how could i cope with that and b) have the strength like a lot of ladies have to try again if it did.

I don't know if they are down to medical issues or age, although i know that it unfortunetely happens to younger ladies aswell but so, so scarey could i ever actually enjoy being pregnant and not constantly worry which is probably just as damaging.

 

[Nikki Leigh]

Mostly it's about my age/health in 30 years. I want to be an active mom, and I also don't want to look like my children's grandmother. I would also like to know my grandchildren.

But, it is what it is--my health is largely in my own control, and I think it will be just fine.

 

[mumoffive]

Thanks for all your posts. Its actually really reasuring to read these as i know im not alone in these thoughts. Its interesting that noone has commented about the fact that they may have a child with issues like downs [ although tbh, downs certainly isnt the end of the world]. I am 43 in November and i also have grown up sons who are 23 [twins] and 21. I hopefully will see some grandchildren lol..but they are all boys so who knows!! They are a bit like older uncles lol!! I would be so shocked if people thought i was my younger childrens gran. I dont look my age. I have been told that many times. I have been asked once if i was there gran but simply because the lady knew i had older children that were ' of age' and assumed they might be one of theirs. She actually said that to me...so i felt reassured lol!!

 

[future_numan]

I really worried on weither I would have the energy to be able to keep up with a young child now that I am older ( I have have three older children that are 20,19,17..) but I think it is in some why easier this time around...maybe because I haven't really sweated the small stuff like I did when I was younger..less stress = more energy for a youngster..we would like to have one more but I now worry that might not happen since we had a hard time conceiving Emily and had to turn to fertility treatments to conceive her, which was very expencive..I don't plan on returning to work so we will try on our own for about a year ( we plan on starting when Emily is 18 months old ) if it doesn't happen in that time frame I think we will just except having just Emily ( our only child together ) and OH will get the big V ..

 

[mrsessex]

I had my first two boys at 23 & 26. I am now 34 and feel
on the verge of being too old to have another although we have just literally this weekend started trying for our 3rd

my v good friend has just had her 3rd at 44! All healthy.... So there is hope

 

[serendippy]

I must admit ive never given a thought to the fact of if i will be fit enough at 44 which is how old i would be if i conceived this year. im prob not fit enough but ill give it a damn good try lol. My main concern is if the baby will be healthy really cos i know theres a lot more problems associated with older mums

 

[poppy666]

I must admit ive never given a thought to the fact of if i will be fit enough at 44 which is how old i would be if i conceived this year. im prob not fit enough but ill give it a damn good try lol. My main concern is if the baby will be healthy really cos i know theres a lot more problems associated with older mums

Thats the attitude to have lol.... the 40's is the new 30's is what i say, i also worried about health issue's being older, for the baby & myself because i suffered a Pulmonary Embolism 6mths prior to getting pregnant & just come off blood thinners, Didnt have the Amino triple test i just thought id been blessed & if the baby had Downs id love it all the same.

 

[ArticBaby]

Being and older mom would not scare me. These days I noticed older moms are everywhere. And there's grandparents raising their grandchildren.

The only thing I would be concerned is having a healthy baby. Im 39 and never been pregnant. If I can achieve this miracle baby........I would not care what the other moms would think.

 

[chrissie33]

My main fear is that I have less energy and patience than I once had and that is not going to improve as I get older. It took us 4 years to have Katie who is now 10 months and so we are ttc again, both of us aged 35 as we want to give it a shot incase it takes a while this time. Hopefully we will not have any losses this time around and things will go smoothly but didnt want to wait too long incase..... Good luck ladies, I have fingers and legs crossed for you (in tww so thats ok )

 

[poppy666]

chrissie33;6850172 was going to say something about the legs crossed bit till you added the last bit lol gave me a giggle xx

 

[Emx]

I had lots of concerns about being the oldest mum at any baby groups I wanted to take Lani to.... but as it happens, I am about the same age (37) and generally younger than the majority of other mums at every single group we go to (7 a week ranging from mums and babies pilates to play groups)...

Health was also a concern before we conceived - and although we had a high DS risk and I had SPD - we are both very, very healthy now...

I do, like most of you worry about how old she will be when I hit 60, how old I will be when she has babies and have thought even more about how little time my mum (potentially) has to spend with my babies...

It doesnt stop me wanting to try again for at least one (maybe two if we are lucky) more baby xx

 

[bdwell1904]

It may sound crazy but really nothing about it frightens me. With all I've been through in life, I believe It would just be such a blessing. I have 3 ~24,22,20 and with all the good times when they were little and bad times after my divorce, I feel no matter what, it would be okay. I think about how much wiser and at peace I am now. If it never happens that'll be ok too, but it is fun to dream isn't it?

 

[Nat0619]

I'm with ArticBaby. I'm 36 and never been pregnant. I never, ever thought I would have waited this long to try for my first child but circumstances through life so far have meant it was never right time to try until now.

I married at 27 but we were not in any position financially to start a family and then marriage started to go downhill, then we split at age 32. I then met my current partner at age 33, moved in with him a year ago and now been trying since March 2010. He is 41 and was also married before but his wife never wanted children, which he accepted at the time but always really did want to be a father.

My main worry is mainly just falling pregnant in the first place and having a healthy baby. Older mums are way more commonplace now. I'm not even thinking about grandchildren or how I'll look at the school gates. I'll deal with that if/when I come to it x

 

[mrsessex]

I must say I'm far more laid back and patient than I was 11 years ago when I
was pregnant first time around at 23!

I was very very selfish. Also as bad as this sounds, wasn't so
'into' baby things

11 years on at 34 I'm totally ready to be a new mum and only this year actually discovered what broody really was!

I'm looking forward to being an 'older' Mum if 34/35 is older? Lol

 

[poppy666]

I must say I'm far more laid back and patient than I was 11 years ago when I
was pregnant first time around at 23!

I was very very selfish. Also as bad as this sounds, wasn't so
'into' baby things

11 years on at 34 I'm totally ready to be a new mum and only this year actually discovered what broody really was!

I'm looking forward to being an 'older' Mum if 34/35 is older? Lol

Totally agree with you there, ive got loads more patients & dont find myself all of a panic when korben's crying and im guessing whats wrong x