What kind of mother do you think you'll be?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by jenny82, Aug 19, 2009.

  1. jenny82

    jenny82 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2009
    Messages:
    9,085
    Likes Received:
    0
    From the general chatter section, there is a thread on mobile phones and how young is to young..

    I replied that I didn't think kids should have mobile phones until they're teenagers, as kids are kids and should be treated as such. Some kids apparently get phones at 8 years old!!!

    Its got me thinking - what type of mother do you think you'll be?

    Personally, I can see myself as being quite strict. Not strict as in control freak kinda way like my own mother. But I have very strong ideas about food, music, movies and exercise etc and so does my OH, and I can see myself trying to mould our baby the same way.

    I wouldn't want my kid to have a phone at 8 years old. I don't him to be spoilt or rude or run the streets like an animal (like the other kids in my area) :/

    I know that I want my son to be healthy, eat all kinds of food (unlike my brother, whose only vegetable intake is chips!), play sports, read, learn to play the piano, etc etc - you get my drift :)

    I realise that I'm possibly being very naive as kids grow up so quickly these days, but do you think its possible to bring your children up without all the other crap that is involved - such as 'must have' items, designer labels, latest techonology etc??
     
  2. Kittee

    Kittee Pregnant with #2!

    Joined:
    May 23, 2009
    Messages:
    1,795
    Likes Received:
    0
    I will be pretty strict.

    No cell phone. (8?? Are you kidding me?) Until 15 or 16.
    Since she's a girl she will be in MODEST dress. She will NOT dress up like a brats doll.
    I do intend on punishing her and I don't mean a time out in the corner. I do not see a single thing wrong with a spanking. (notice I say spanking, not abuse or "beating.)
    Diet: Healthy foods. No McDonalds too often. No soda.
    And Piano lessons too. :)

    She will not be able to go out with friends until 16.

    No boys at all until 18.

    I'm mean huh? =P

    But in return she will get all the love in the world from her daddy and me and a quality education.

    I think she will thank us when she's an adult. I know I thank my mom for being strict.

    Oh and no car until 18. I am not buying her a car.

    :)
     
  3. bekkie

    bekkie Mommy Due Sept 20

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    4,469
    Likes Received:
    0
    I want to be everything mine wasn't. I want to be involved in every aspect of their life... from knowing their friends, to going to every PTM, helping with homework, encouraging them to do whatever it is they're passionate about and helping them figure out what they will be great at (DH and I have ooo'd and aaah'd at all the beginner instruments at toys-r-us and he's already talking about coaching hockey like his dad did)

    I want them to know every single day how unbelievably loved and wanted they are and just be there for them...

    terrified that what they say is true, and that you do end up like your parents - but I'll fight hard for that not to happen and have a wonderful DH and in-law support structure to help :)
     
  4. jenny82

    jenny82 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2009
    Messages:
    9,085
    Likes Received:
    0
    100% in agreement! :happydance:
     
  5. Jchihuahua

    Jchihuahua Mummy to 3

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2009
    Messages:
    8,278
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm a reception class teacher so I'm pretty good at being firm but fair but with my own little one I just don't know! I have a chihuahua who has been my baby up until now and SHE can twist me round her finger and I find it hard to say no to her so with my own child I'm worried I'll be a real push over even though I won't want to be! I think I'll also be a little neurotic and worry constantly!
     
  6. ChubbyBunny

    ChubbyBunny Baby #1!

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2009
    Messages:
    337
    Likes Received:
    0
    I want to be a carefree momma & teach my kids to love the earth and animals, to be kind and natural and to stand up for what they believe. I just hope I can instill these views early so they don't ever want to grow up to dress as a Bratz doll, sit in front of the tube all day or value material things most in life.

    Haha, I should write that down to see how different things actually are when my kids are growing up. My mom always said she wanted me to have a child that was as difficult as me...looking back, I hope I do too. I could have turned out a lot worse.
     
  7. littledancer

    littledancer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Messages:
    1,691
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree with a lot of what you are all saying and also with ChubbyBunny about teaching my child the values that go behind some of these strict ideas so that they'll make some of those choices on their own too.

    For me one of the most important things will be to listen to my child and no matter what they natter on about, to show them that I feel priviledged to be hearing what's on their mind. My mother used to actually leave the room while I was talking to her the whole time I was growing up (even as a teenager) and constantly told me how unimportant what I was trying to tell her was/ignored me most of the time...it really hurt.

    I want to give my child as much attention and care as they want!
     
  8. jenny82

    jenny82 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2009
    Messages:
    9,085
    Likes Received:
    0
    My mum never played with us, went out walking with us, was silly with us. When we went out as a family, it was to M&S, or shopping centres or we sat in the car while she went into supermarkets etc..

    I was a chubby child and she always, always called me fat and disgusting - which she denies to this day! Don't get me wrong though - my mum is great and I get on with her and love her to bits, but when she got angry, she just couldn't control her tongue.

    I think though that if we realise what we *don't* want to be, what we do want to be will fall into place...?
     
  9. x_ericaa

    x_ericaa Due November 30th.

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2009
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ahh, my cousin has a cellphone at 8 - I didn't get one til I was 14, and it was prepaid - she's got a plan! o_0 It's craziness.

    I won't have a phone for my son until they're old enough to make plans on their own, at the very least - say 13-14. They don't need it - they should be reachable at a parents number!

    I don't think I'll be all too strict, but not lenient (sp?) either. I don't want my kid running the streets, especially at all hours, and he'll have to check in with me often. Of course, when he gets older I'll lighten up on the checking-in a bit...but not too much. I'll still want to know what he's doing and who he's with (which is new to me - my mother has always driven me crazy with that! but now I understand! lol).

    I want him to be healthy and I'll try to get him into sports and things - but of course, if it's not something he enjoys, I'm not going to force him to do anything. Daddy wants him to be a fighter (MMA, muai thai, boxing, etc.) like he is. I'll support his interests in any way and try to be very involved when I can. I did everything when I was younger, from piano lessons to sports to horseback riding to summer camp, etc. and I want my son to have the same luxouries I did in that sense.

    I won't spank my kids, but I can't say the same for his father. Of course, his father won't take it overboard - it'll be "simple spanking", for lack of a better term, not abuse, nothing that will seriously hurt them.

    I'll make sure homework is done, and checked by me or his father, then corrected by him. That's how my parents were, and it really helped out.



    I'll try to extend all the same standards of living into teenage years - I know my mother lightened up on me seriously, and I went a little crazy for a few years, to say the least. I don't blame her for it though - she tried everything she could, I got out of control, and I don't want to let that happen.




    I think I'll end up spoiling him a lot though, at the same time, and have a hard time telling him no - especially if it turns out he's as good at swaying people as his father.:dohh:
     
  10. genkigemini

    genkigemini Jack-Jack's Mommy

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2008
    Messages:
    4,029
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think DH and I will end up being quite strict about certain things. We both want to be very active in our child's life. Due to finances, he will not be going into daycare so I will be trying to do as many Mommy and Me (Daddy and Me) kinds of activities as possible so he will have lotss of other kids to play with.

    He will NOT have a TV in his bedroom. -- He will not watch TV in the morning until he is ready for school. -- He will wear pants that fit and his underwear will NOT be hanging out of his pants. -- He WILL play outside and will not play video games unless someone else is playing with him.

    I am completely against TV and video games raising children. I want my child OUTSIDE (when weather permits in Alaska) playing at the park and getting fresh air. He will not be inside all day like so many other kids I know.

    As for a cell phone when young, No way.
     
  11. littledancer

    littledancer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Messages:
    1,691
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes, this one too- very important to show interest and help (but not do for them lol)


    YES, and this one too...

    Maybe I'll just print out this thread lol...
     
  12. genkigemini

    genkigemini Jack-Jack's Mommy

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2008
    Messages:
    4,029
    Likes Received:
    0
    YES!!! Although homework will be correct by his father. DH is a MUCH better student than me. :haha:
     
  13. bekkie

    bekkie Mommy Due Sept 20

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    4,469
    Likes Received:
    0
    That's so important - DH and I have decided that after he gets his electrician ticket (3 years from now) we'll be moving to a small town about 3 hours away from the city we're in now... there's a massive lake... and plenty of outdoor stuff to do - his parents bought a cottage right off the lake which is what brought us there, and there are constantly people on the trails, or out on the water - we spent the whole ride home talking about all the fun toys we'd have to buy so we could have family outings and spend tons of time outside.
     
  14. x_ericaa

    x_ericaa Due November 30th.

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2009
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0


    Oh yes, definately. How could I forget TV issues? Haha. & On video games - I don't mind if he plays, but certainly not for hours a day, and the time will be balanced out with outdoors or reading time. And homework and chores will be done first!

    Oh - and the pants! AHH I hate that so much!




    Maybe I'll be stricter than I thought. o_0 lol.
     
  15. jenny82

    jenny82 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2009
    Messages:
    9,085
    Likes Received:
    0
    I removed the tv from our bedroom and its the best thing we've ever done. Will be the same for the wee one also.

    I remember at one stage, we had 7 tvs in my mums house - one for every bedroom, the living room, kitchen and sitting room. Thats just nuts when I think about it now!!!
     
  16. Good idea for a thread! It's really interesting to see what people's views are on things and why they think the way that they do.

    OH and I have talked a lot about the kind of parents we'd like to be. He studies child psychology for a number of years and there's such a big gap between myself and my sister that between us I feel we've got a lot of ground already covered to prepare us in some small way.

    We're going for the authoritative approach. I was brought up under authoritarian rule and I don't think it served me well at all, my sister was brought up the same and it bred a lot of resentment and a lot of that has been borne of the inconsistencies behind high expectations couples with zero guidance.

    I will not be hitting my children. I'm not judging people who wish to spank or physically educate their children in any way but I believe that it is unnecessary and I believe it to be teaching through fear rather than understanding. I believe there are other ways. of course, this is only my opinion and others are entitled to disagree and do as they wish with their own children. It's a difficult and well debated subject.

    I don't believe in having mobile phones before at least the age of 13. This is the age at which I will allow her to go to places without me (but with friends) where she will be otherwise unable to contact me. Such as shopping with friends, the cinema etc. She will be allowed a contract at this point but it will be monitored (itemised billing) so that I can know if she's constantly calling people when it is not necessary. She will be told beforehand what is expected of her but teenagers are social creatures and I'm not stupid enough to think that she'll listen straight away.

    I don't believe in free and unlimited access to the internet before the age of 15. I think once they're in high school they should be allowed internet access for an hour or two per day up until the age of 15 when they will be allowed a laptop and wireless internet connection. I believe 15 is about the age when children make a big cross over into adulthood and should be given a certain amount of provisional control over their lives. Of course I will remain involved and take an interest (and log what is accessed on the router) to make sure they're going down the right path and that their happy and will do up to and beyond the age of 18 when I will take on a much more friendly role. I will be there for advice and both emotional and financial support and guidance always but I will slowly phase out the control I have over their lives and hand it over to them.

    I'll allow them to drink alcohol with friends at 15, so long as they're at home (our home or their friend's) and it doesn't get out of hand. I was drinking from that age and it wasn't frowned upon. I'm not a big drinker now and never have been really. I wont ever tolerate smoking and I wont tolerate drug use in my house. I do appreciate that people experiment, hell... I did it myself, but I wont be the once to encourage it. I will be telling them everything they really need to know about drugs around the age of 15 and practical advice should they decide to do it anyway.

    For my little girl, I hope to begin sexual education the second she asks. I believe that if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to know. Of course, what they're told will be based on their age and what they need to know at that stage. As they get older I'll make the education more about self respect and the importance of sexual relationships over the mechanics of sex and bodily functions (this will be covered earlier and aided via the medium of books... so they don't have to keep asking questions and getting embarrassed). The same applies to boys but I don't think self respect is so much of an issue for them, more the aspect of pressure from peers and how they behave around/treat women.

    There's lots more and I could go on and on (yes, really... haha) but I think this covers the basics/fundamentals of their upbringing. I'll provide relentless support and promote their self image but I wont control them or force their decisions. My role will be supportive and educational more than that of a trainer/disciplinarian.

    Obviously communication will be vastly different in 13 years time to how it is now so much of this is theoretical but the theory itself is sound enough to apply to any form/level of communication that is around then. I bet my parents didn't sit around discussing unlimited texts and calls on a mobile phone contract when they were expecting me... such things just weren't conceivable.
     
  17. Lullaby2010

    Lullaby2010 Mummy to Ruby

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2009
    Messages:
    780
    Likes Received:
    0
    I hope to be firm but fair, approachable but not a pushover.

    I don't know if we're having a boy or a girl yet but I don't go in for stereotyping kids as in girls wear pink boys wear blue, girls have dolls biys have cars etc. I want my kids to experience everything and make their own minds up about what they like or don't like. Similarly I want my children to eat right, so I won't be introducing them to heavily processed or stodgy foods until they are in their teens, and even then it will be in moderation. Mobile phone at 8???? Not a chance! Going down the road on their own at 8??? That won't be happening either! However, I'm a great believer in building social skills so sleepovers, playdates, parties etc. will all be happening in our house. Fun holidays, days out, etc too.

    I believe in honesty, so when I'm asked what something is or what it means I will tell them honestly in an age apropriate manner, along with advise on whether or not it is something they are allowed to say/do/have/use and the reasons why. I will also make sure they know the safety of things.

    Designer/expensive stuff would be earned through keeping their rooms tidy, eating well at meal times, being kind to others, and when they're older a combination of light chores and budgeting a small part of their pocket money to a certain point such as 20-40% of the total price of the item they want, which will help them learn about money and savings, as well as an introduction to work, and give them time to evaluate whether it really is something they want or if they'd prefer something else etc.

    H2B has much the same thoughts and values as me, and we're the same with DSD who often says things like I was going to save up for a dvd but then I saw some shoes I like so I'm putting £1 a week aside for them instead now. Bless her, she knows that for every pound she saves towards something, we'll give her another £3 to supplement it. But it's only for things she consciously saves for. She's only 7 so no chores yet, and the saving up was something she wanted to do when she found out we had started a savings account for her and that we put money in it for when she's older. She said she wanted to do a savings account at home, so we bought her an ATM money box. She was doing so well we introduced the supplement and decided it was a good idea to carry on with our kids.

    Anyway there's my 2 pennies worth lol Just realised I've written an essay!! lol
     
  18. Bunnipowder

    Bunnipowder Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2008
    Messages:
    1,459
    Likes Received:
    0
    Aw what a great idea for a thread!!

    I plan on :
    AND THESE ARE JUST MY OPIONINS ON RAISING MY CHILD IF SOME ONE DOES THE OPPOSITE THEN IM NOT CRITISIZING (SP) ANYONE WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN LIFES AND OPINIONS :thumbup:

    Introducing a varied healthy diet, I dont believe in my toddler dosent eat any vegetables, I love them so they will be introduced and eaten as if its completely normal. Im not a fussy eater so wont be much chance of baby copying any fussy food habits! Altho chocolate is a big weakness so that will be her little treat (everyday :haha: no I will try and put a limit).

    I dont want to use too much television as entertainment but do activitys together such as painting, drawing, even playing with her dolls.

    Take a interest in her school day what did they do? what did she learn? Has she got any homework? if so it will be done before anything else

    I plan on making it a rule that meals such as breakfast and tea are eaten together as a family up the table.

    I would encourage hobbies my faves would be dancing and horse riding but football would be fine with me too. I will take a interest in what she is doing each week and help her practise and be there to support her not sit outside in the car just waiting to pick her up.

    I would like to be part of the PTA at her nursery and school.

    I would always be honest with her and let her know she could talk to me about anything so when she is a teenager she would always feel if she had a problem I was there because we would have a close relationship.

    Cant really think of anymore although I do have this conversation with my friend a few times on what kind of mom il be :winkwink:
     
  19. Kittee

    Kittee Pregnant with #2!

    Joined:
    May 23, 2009
    Messages:
    1,795
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ah I completely forgot about the evils of TV! I can't say mine won't play video games though because that's what mommie and dad do for a living.. make them. LOL
     
  20. genkigemini

    genkigemini Jack-Jack's Mommy

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2008
    Messages:
    4,029
    Likes Received:
    0
    HA! Then that is totally understandable! I am so opinionated about it because a bunch of kids I know, that is ALL they do. I guess it is all moderation, right?
     

Share This Page