What NOT to say a few days after someone has had a mc

[SianMA]

I found that one or two of my nurses just saying that they were sorry to hear about my miscariage and that that I could talk to them whenever I needed (then or in the future) was helpful. It just let me know that they knew I was hurting and that if I needed to vent they were there (much like everyone here on B&B) but that they also understood that I might not want to talk at all.

DH was really good, whenver I had to lie to my family/ friends that i had been ill with a sore throat he just backed my story up or held my hand - He knew I felt awful lying about something so painful but it just felt good to know he was on my side.

 

[Kaelia67]

I have alway's said action's speak louder than word's. Just a Hug and I'm alway's here to talk if you ever feel up to it, is often the best way to go about thing's. That way you are giving them the option to talk, if and when they are ready (rather than saying Oh what happened, get it off your chest, you will feel better etc.)
I think just knowing people cared and offered to be there when I needed them was the most helpful for me

 

[Jen Jen]

6 days after i m/c - 'i thought you would be over it already'

some people!
xx

 

[NickyNix]

It's not even been a week since I m/c'd (my first) and I'm still bleeding.......

Here is what I have had in the way of comments........

"Well, you're getting older and older and older...and you do have a son already...." - My Mum!!!

"It's strange because there is no family history of miscarriage....." - My Mum..........again!!!1

Question - I am 37 years old and have an 8 year old son - does that mean I don't qualify to have another baby????

]"Hi how are you? I've got a stinking cold and feel like crap" - My sister
Reaction - F*** OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Oh sorry to hear that...I've lost 2 babies....." - A friend
Question - is it a bloody competition then????

Aaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh

Rant over xx

 

[Neecee]

When I miscarried I found out whilst I was in hospital (for something else), here's just 2 of the pieces of CRAP that came from peoples mouths:

Sonographer: Erm..no heart beat, looks like a missed mc, here's leaflet about mc, you can go back to the ward now.

Nurse: Don't worry, I'm sure the baby's still there - it's just hiding from you!

Doctor: Are you sure you've got your dates right? Maybe it is there.

And all this s**t from so-called 'health professionals'...

 

[daniella00]

I had comments about it was gods way and was meant to be etc... i M/C at 18 weeks, i had to give birth and we had the funeral last Friday.
I had comments from my friend who has had 3 abortions that 'its so hard to get over,im just getting over it now!!!???' whhhaaattt?? you chose to get rid of your babies how can a miscarriage be compared to THREE abortions!!!!

That makes me mad! Also advice from people who have never misscarried or even have children is sometimes bad, they try and be nice but it just comes out wrong!! ..like 'oooh you can get drunk now'!!!

MY best friends been great though and so has my sister, i dont know what id do without them as my OH doesnt want to talk about it!!

Im slowly starting to be ok now. Every day im getting better.

 

[Angeldust]

I hate hearing people say it was not meant to be this is said by outsiders
but cause i have lost 8 how can thesa all be not meant to be the arss holes
i would rather them say nothing and keep there opinion to them selfs

Another is , I was worried a few weeks back because of thesa results i am waiting on cause this will be wether i can get help some kind of medication or for them to find out a reason why my babys heart stops round 8wks and 10wk
and if all comes back normal which already has done at my local hospital
and they give me asprin and fragmin which did not work ,
This could be the end for me really or get pregnant only to lose another,

and i was saying this to my mum and she said well if thats what they say they cant help you either then you will have to get on with it look at your cousin ?? she had many losses and she aint got no children and she gets by
erm but i am not her am i and she is like 20 years older than me they can do more for you this day in age

Drove me nuts she said that

 

[Angeldust]

I had comments about it was gods way and was meant to be etc... i M/C at 18 weeks, i had to give birth and we had the funeral last Friday.
I had comments from my friend who has had 3 abortions that 'its so hard to get over,im just getting over it now!!!???' whhhaaattt?? you chose to get rid of your babies how can a miscarriage be compared to THREE abortions!!!!

That makes me mad! Also advice from people who have never misscarried or even have children is sometimes bad, they try and be nice but it just comes out wrong!! ..like 'oooh you can get drunk now'!!!

MY best friends been great though and so has my sister, i dont know what id do without them as my OH doesnt want to talk about it!!

Im slowly starting to be ok now. Every day im getting better.

So sorry hun on your loss

 

[moomoo]

ooooh let me see - "IF it is a miscarriage, then at least you can try again!" (doctor in accident and emergency)

"better luck next time!" (friend, as if it was like doing the freeking lottery)

*******s.........some people can be soooo insensitive..someone said i've been OTT recently...thanks a bunch!!

 

[Shazzy]

I was appalled at the lack of information I was given when I started to m/c. This site kept me sane.

agree with that 100%.

The one thing that really gets me going, is now a week after the m/c they ask me why i didnt notify them. Im sorry but i was not up to emailing all my friends and family and sharing my loss duh!

Ppl mean well i know they do. But just a hug and a sorry is the best medicine.

 

[ClaireyF]

I lost our baby at 7 weeks, i felt so alone even though my husband was trying so hard to make me feel better. No one knows what to say and I agree that 'a sign from God' does not help in the slightest. I was so angry that some people get pregnant and then just decide to have an abortion coz they no longer want a baby. was this just me being bitter or did other people feel the same? I'm pregnant again now but very apprehensive x

 

[WelshGirl]

I lost our baby at 7 weeks, i felt so alone even though my husband was trying so hard to make me feel better. No one knows what to say and I agree that 'a sign from God' does not help in the slightest. I was so angry that some people get pregnant and then just decide to have an abortion coz they no longer want a baby. was this just me being bitter or did other people feel the same? I'm pregnant again now but very apprehensive x

I have to admit to feeling that way sometimes.....I'm not anti-abortion, but it still makes me angry/upset jealous...... we lost our much-wanted little boy at 28 weeks in Jan this year, and even though I am pg again, it still hurts.....

 

[ClaireyF]

I have to admit to feeling that way sometimes.....I'm not anti-abortion, but it still makes me angry/upset jealous...... we lost our much-wanted little boy at 28 weeks in Jan this year, and even though I am pg again, it still hurts.....[/QUOTE]

Thank god I wasn't the only one! I just kept thinking how much i would have loved our little baby no matter what. i can't understand what it moust be like at 28 weeks though as the pain was bad enough at 7 weeks. Good luck with your pregnancy x

 

[SeekingBFP]

Most of my friends/family know that DH and i arent religious so i hate when they tell me its "gods way". If there was such a loving god why'd he take my f*cking baby? And yes, i do say that to them

 

[JASMAK]

"it's meant to be" hurts hard now, because I have had three...so now I know there was very likely nothing wrong with the baby...but with me, and these babies were TRYING to be...and my body failed them. So..."it's meant to be"...I just want to punch people in the face when they say it.

 

[todteach]

Sending

 

[Debbie82]

I remember when I returned to work after my mmc, one of my colleagues said to me

"You know I had a miscarriage, it wasn't planned so I was relieved when it happened!"

Wtf, is this meant to make me feel better

 

[JayleighAnn]

My aunty had a 42week stillborn december 2007 and I think the worst one was "well maybe it was for the best" wtf? why would you say that!

 

[Hevz]

My aunty had a 42week stillborn december 2007 and I think the worst one was "well maybe it was for the best" wtf? why would you say that!

I dunno babe but I have heared this "cracker" many times too

 

[trishk]

I had a d&c on a friday, my boss rang me on the monday to ask when was i coming back to work. I went back the following monday. I had kept in contact with them throughout yet when i returned to work he proceeded to give me a warning for missing the week and took 2 days holidays off me. It was the only time i was off sick! Can you believe that?