What Would You Give Up?

[Lightworker]

Something is imploring me to shutup now but something else is urging me to just ask you one last question Moomin- in your previous post you said "I'd rather give it to my son who deserves it". Do you feel the orphans in other places are less deserving of food etc than your son? Please do not be offended or feel attacked, the point of this thread was for me to understand what people are willing to give and also, to understand attitudes towards charity and aid so really I am just seeking to understand. X

 

[Hayley90]

Huggermomof2 - personally, if it were my son vs another child, of course my son would take priority. He has priority in everything i do. Its not that the other child is less deserving, or more needy... its that my son means more to me, he takes more precedence in my life.

Its not that others DO NOT deserve, it is that there are others who i am closer to who ALSO deserve.

If that makes sense?

Moomin troll has had a very very difficult time, i dont blame her for putting her son first in any situation. Charity starts at home, as they say.

 

[PeanutBean]

^I would agree with that.

I suppose it depends on what we think our children need. For example, I wouldn't spend £400 on him at Christmas and feel he would need that. But if it came down to it of course I'd choose my own child first if it was one or the other and I do. I only give what I feel we are able to afford at the present, but we don't live a life of luxury. If we did I'd certainly give way more.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I like my children to know what goes on in the world and also in our own country. I encourage to give what they do not need to someone else that needs it more. I just think give a little receive a lot and the "alot" is good karma. I want my children to know that just because we have this life, it does not mean everyone does. That does not mean they should feel guilty but its not hard to give time or unused items to someone far needier.

 

[Lightworker]

Thanks for the clarification Hayley90- i appreciate that things aren't easy for Moomin and I would hate it if she felt I was attacking her etc, its just me getting to understand people thats all.
@Peanut yes I agree it depends largely on what we think our children need and ofcourse it is natural to put them first I just worrry about people that dont have family to help.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Something is imploring me to shutup now but something else is urging me to just ask you one last question Moomin- in your previous post you said "I'd rather give it to my son who deserves it". Do you feel the orphans in other places are less deserving of food etc than your son? Please do not be offended or feel attacked, the point of this thread was for me to understand what people are willing to give and also, to understand attitudes towards charity and aid so really I am just seeking to understand. X

The flip side to this question would be.. Why is Moomin's son less deserving of food or her own money that she worked hard for? Just because someone is poor or in unfortunate circumstances does not make them more deserving than her own child.

 

[Sarahkka]

I'm not sure that we are all talking about the same thing here.

I interpreted the OP's question as after meeting the basic needs of your own family, do you put the basic needs of other kids next, or do you move on to giving your kids the next steps of toys, classes, nicer clothes, etc. Is that what is being asked?

Because I don't think anyone is saying that you don't feed your own kids first. I think we are talking about that next level of consumption, which are more wants than needs.
That one is trickier for me. I tend to think that something like music classes are a vital part of my kids' education. For others, those would be a big extra and possibly the source of charitable donations. I obviously don't want other children to literally starve, so I look for ways I can do both things.
Again, I think that there is so much more to do to help impoverished parts of the world than just give cash. I really think that shopping with your conscience and making choices to live lightly on the planet are a big part of dealing with the overall problem.

Also not sure that the word "deserving" plays a part in it for me. I think more in terms of, "is my kid having this at the expense of another?", as a guiding question. So for example, buying a cheap toy made in some slave factory export processing zone in Indonesia - is that supporting a viable economy for families in that country? I need to educate myself (and my kids) about it and make an informed decision that works with our ethics.

And I am certainly not perfect on this one, but it's how I try to do my part. I think being an educated consumer goes a lot farther than supporting one charity, personally.

 

[PeanutBean]

^ That all makes sense to me.

I suspect some posts early on in the thread brought in these terms like deserving and derailed things a bit.

 

[moomin_troll]

my son deserves it
1 because its my money
2 because his father has just died, who he was very close to and the money that is paying for my sons treats is money his dad wanted HIM to have.

in my previous post i wasnt being defensive and i didnt say anyone had called me selfish yet but i knew someone might think it!

And yes my son deserves food more then others as hes MINE

 

[moomin_troll]

Thanks for the clarification Hayley90- i appreciate that things aren't easy for Moomin and I would hate it if she felt I was attacking her etc, its just me getting to understand people thats all.
@Peanut yes I agree it depends largely on what we think our children need and ofcourse it is natural to put them first I just worrry about people that dont have family to help.

i havent felt attacked so dont worry, im not that thin skinded.

yes my recent times ofcourse makes me want to put my children above all others even more but i have always felt this way.

growing up wasnt a easy time coming from a single parent family which a highly mentaly disabled brother and no one helped us. my mum had to work her ass off for what ever we had and shed go without.

charity does start at home and i dont like putting my tv on and made to feel guilty about poor countries and how hard they have it and showing ill children in order to get money...which we would never no if it was used right.

i want the people in this country to be helped more then other countries as this is where i live and my children are being bought up. theres enough suffering in the UK

 

[PeanutBean]

Actually I have to agree that much as I am in favour of donating to charities working in the developing world I do resent those adverts. They make me feel horrendous and I suspect they only really act on people who are already donating. I also don't like Children in Need. I don't understand why one cause and one charity should get the backing of a broadcasting company in that way. I'm not sure I know what alternative I'd like but I don't like the way these particular things are done.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I don't really like the adverts either x

 

[Hayley90]

Nor me... and i agree RE C.I.N - and the presenters are paid a silly amount.

 

[Lightworker]

I like the thinking behind those adverts. I think they are symbolic of the fact that in order to extend charity alot of people have to be shocked into doing it. I was reading Eglantine Jebbs bio about her starting Save the Children and she had similar ads with similar sort of thinking. She understood that not many will want to give to "other" countries or people and she wanted their sense of humanity to prevail. I think thats why they are so graphic and come on just before dinner time alot.

 

[redpoppy]

I hope this hasn't been asked before if so, sorry. Was just wondering at the state of the world's children all over the world. I was thinking that if the more affluent people gave up some of their salaries, surely it could balance out and ensure at least every child had food, shelter etc (I appreciate that this is an oversimplified view given other factors eg govts.) but if it would work, how much do you think you could give up? Your car, annual holiday?

I think this is a very interesting question. I haven't yet read the whole thread but will! So sorry if this has been said. I think many people don't give to charity and that's why I feel a good welfare system is vital for any country and taxes should support that. As for other countries I do sometimes feel overwhelmed when I visit Pakistan at the problems a country like that faces. It seems endless and there seems no start. Where do we start? We can give indiscriminately but charities eat up so much money too. And then, once you give to a charity they just won't stop harassing you! plus everybody wants luxuries in life. Holidays, nice gadgets, clothes or whatever. I personally need to be reminded to give to charity as I'm rubbish but those adverbs to nothing for me as i'm cynical and desensitised which is awful but true. I am not one to buy status goods but in my dream life I would have freedom to travel extensively and live in a safe, interesting neighbourhood in a nice sized house for my family including room for people who may visit and good schools. However despite a decent income this is simply not possible living in London.I suppose I'm ranting a bit but my point is that there needs to be some type or proper organisation of non profit orgs so that more can get done and we feel like our money is well spent. As for what people will give up... People can't be made to care and so I don't know. I already live in a manner to keep my conscience clear ad I feel most people do, the challenge would be to make that level higher in all people and offer direction and hope for real change.

 

[Hayley90]

^ I agree with the desensitized thing. I am too. I've seen hundreds of pictures of starving children, dead dolphins, dried up lakes and rare polar bears to be shocked anymore.

All advertising is "shocking" so none stand out anymore. Whereas years ago when things like Live Aid were HUGELY successful, adverts were still pretty tame. Live aid was new, fresh, people hadn't seen those starving kids before... and it worked! Who was it who did the cockroach-in-babies-mouth ad?? That was banned all over the place!! THAT is shocking... standing out from the masses.

Nowadays there is no "shock" left in advertising, so the "please send £3 a month..." adverts just go right over my head now.

Whoops... advertising ramble. Shut up hayley

 

[PeanutBean]

I'm the opposite of desensitised which is why I don't like them. I'm a member of Amnesty International but I don't read a thing they send as I can't bear it. I want to give them my money to spend on human rights issues but I don't want to hear about the torture. There's no naiivity, I know it goes on and I care, but there isn't room in my head and heart to hear the stories.

 

[redpoppy]

When I say I'm desensitised I wonder what I mean as I always simply switch over when those adverts are on. SO it's not like they wouldn't affect me, I just don't feel guilty for not allowing them to.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I am not desensitised, I am still shocked to see

 

[lesleyann]

i think we should sort out the starving children and homless people in our own country first, those adverts just get on my nerves if i wanted to give money i would your advert will not make me do it, I also hate how its not just asking for a donation its asking for £3 a month rather than just saying donations needed or accept ect there askign you to pay every month theres one i saw before for £3 a week!! I will put lose change into the the buckets at the check out tills when its for the UK you know the ones where you might also get your bag packed for you? i dont donate to places like rspca or dogs trust id rather donate to a small place where the dogs/cats w.e are not locked up most of the day and get the attention they need *well more of it* and are not pts so fast