Where do I start? Due date today (27/09/08)

[shmoo75]

i am so sorry to hear of your loss. I think you are so brave and, I am glad to hear that you are starting to get back to some sort of normalacy. I'm also sorry to hear about your sister it is really crappy timing. You will get a soon I just know it.

 

[NickyT75]

Thanks everyone

I just feel like this has really set me back in terms of coping with losing Sophie.

I guess I was hoping to come back from holiday pregnant so that when I go back to work on monday & have to face everyone for the 1st time I wouldn't be as upset cos I'd know I was pregnant again & had something to look forward to

I want a baby so bad I just don't know how i'm gonna cope with the disappointment of arriving each month. I feel really disheartened as I thought we were supposed to be extremely fertile after M/c & we relaxed while we were away but everyday so i thought we had a good chance of success. I EVEN TOUCHED A FERTILITY STATUE HOPING TO HELP THINGS ALONG!!!

My 1st A/F came exactly 5 wks after I lost Sophie but i didn't notice any signs of Ovulation so I guess I must've ovulated before we went on holiday/before we'd resumed & I must've been too upset to notice cm etc...

Its really weird though... as usually my boobs get really sore before A/F & I get really bad stomach cramps & back ache but this time I've had nothing!!

The only way I know was here was the small amount of blood I had for 4 days... TMI ALERT!! I only used 5 tampons the entire time which is MUCH less than usual.

Does anyone know if this is normal for 1st ? I was expecting it to be heavier & more painful than normal, but if i'd blinked this month I probably would've missed it! Lol

Love Nicky xx

 

[maccy]

Hi Nicky glad to see you back, sorry you didn't get your BFP, but it will happen. x I think it can vary from being really light to really heavy. I haven't had mine yet so will just have to wait. A lot of us from this board have now moved over to WTTC, come join us hun. xxxx

 

[poppy]

Hi Nicky,

I am so, so sorry to hear about what happened to your little girl. I remember reading your posts a couple of months ago - you have been through so much. I really hope things get better for you really soon. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

xxx

 

[NickyT75]

Thanks girls

I'm really hoping to get my BFP this next month... I'm thinking that maybe the lining of my womb wasn't thick enough to sustain a pregnancy this month (as my period was really really light) so I should be back to normal now.

Im still taking my pre natal vitamins & Agnus Castus until i ovulate & I'm charting my temps so I should be able to work out when that is.

I'm coming to terms with my sisters news & trying to be here for her, but I really hope I get pregnant soon cos it'll definitely get harder for me to cope with the further along she gets.

I went back to work yesterday but only managed to stay till lunchtime & ended up taking the day off today - I couldn't even drag myself out of bed till 1o'clock!!
I am feeling really down & don't feel like i've got a reason to get up in the morning, i've lost all interest in my career & my heart just isn't in it anymore.

I'm gonna force myself to go tomorrow as much as I dont want to - cos I know I need to get back to some sort of normality ASAP.

Sorry I'm just waffling on now aren't I?

Nicky xx

 

[Snowball]

Aw Nicky hun

It's so soon since your loss. I am a few weeks ahead of you in this nightmare and it's still very raw for me. Like you I'm throwing myself into ttc again because looking towards the future is the only thing you can do right now.

Have you been over to SANDS? I honestly find it so helpful there.

Sue xxxx

 

[NickyT75]

Aw Nicky hun

It's so soon since your loss. I am a few weeks ahead of you in this nightmare and it's still very raw for me. Like you I'm throwing myself into ttc again because looking towards the future is the only thing you can do right now.

Have you been over to SANDS? I honestly find it so helpful there.

Sue xxxx

Hi Sue

Yes i've been on a few times but haven't really posted as there is so much sadness there - I don't really feel like i deserve sympathy from people who have so much to deal with already... i'm scared to post & end up feeling rejected i guess?

I lit a candle for Beau a while ago tho hun xx

 

[NikiJJones]

Hi Nicky,
I've just been reading about your ordeal. So sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how painful it must have been for you. I'm TTC after MC too, and wishing you all the best and hoping you get a very soon.
You have done so well to get through this so far. You truely deserve lots of .
xxxx

 

[JASMAK]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your little girl, Sophie. What a beautiful name. I can't imagine the pain and sorrow in your heart. I can almost feel some of that pain in your words. We are here for you... (hugs)

 

[Mamafy]

Hope you're doing ok hun, give yourself time..xxx

 

[Farie]

so very sorry Sophie didn't make it

 

[trish4]

So So sorry for your loss am new to this site i had slightly similar exp but different i also lost my little boy at 18wks 5 days last week went into pre-term labour so i know what you mean not meaning to make this about me .am so sorry .will pray for you.

 

[Logiebear]

I'm new here too, just wanted to give you some I am sorry for your loss and am here to support you if you need me xxx

 

[NickyT75]

Hi everyone

I haven't been able to get online for almost a week now due to problems with my laptop...

You know how i was moaning about my sister being pregnant? - she miscarried on friday so i'm feeling awful about that now too! I've been really down all weekend feeling guilty as though me not being happy for her could be something to do with her losing her baby.

I know this is stupid but I've been beating myself up about it.

I'm back at work full time from today so planning on throwing myself into work to try to take my mind off things for a while, think I could be ovulating around now so planning to do plenty of BDing & with a bit of luck I could get my BFP after the 2WW... I really hope so... I really need something to look forward to right now.

Nicky xx

 

[Mamafy]

aww hun sorry to hear of your sisters loss and do not beat yourself up about it...

 

[NikiJJones]

Hi Nicky,
Don't feel guilty about your sister. You have enough to deal with without adding that stress to your mountain. Glad to hear you are sounding positive about TTC again though. Good Luck!!! Hoping for a really soon.
xxxx

 

[NickyT75]

Thanks everyone

Im officially in the 2WW now so fingers crossed this might be my month (I really hope so) xx

 

[NickyT75]

Hello everyone

Haven't been around this section for a while as I was trying to move on with my life, but I've been finding things increasingly difficult lately for some reason?

I don't know why im still feeling like this? but I've been crying at my desk on & off all day (trying to hide it from others) & I feel like everyone thinks I should be over it by now.

Don't even really know what im trying to say.... I just feel isolated & don't have anyone to talk to about how im feeling xx

 

[Rachsi]

Niki i really feel for you, time is the only thing you need. You have been so brave, i really admire you.

I just wish the best for you in the future, and hope you get what you have always wanted soon.

 

[NikiJJones]

Nicky: we are all here for you. Don't feel isolated. Having said that, I feel like that too when I'm at work especially. It hits you at work that life for everyone else is just going on, whereas if you feel like me, you feel life stopped when you MCed.
AF also seems to set you right back to the raw pain of the MC.
I hope that we can be here to offer you the support you need, and a shoulder to cry on.
Hugs, Hugs and more hugs,