white single mums raising mixed-race kids

[babycrazy1706]

there probably wont be many of us, but.....

do you worry that if you meet a white guy and have a long term relationship with him it would be unfair for your child/ren to be raised in a totally 'white environment'

especially when there is only one child (like mine) would it be confusing being a mixed-race child living with 2 white parents? feeling so different and 'the odd one out'

i also then think if we went on to have more kids, elijah would feel even more 'different'

it makes me want to meet another black or mixed race guy so elijah's cultural/ethnic needs are more incorporated, mums with mixed race kids will understand me more, but welcome comments from everyone, or if you have experience with growing up as a mixed race child yourself etc. thanks

just one of my many worries as a mother!!!

 

[Dream.dream]

I have a close friend whose first is white , second is mixed Ethiopian and white , and now she's married to a white guy again and has another baby.

Honestly they don't have issues , they have made sure she knows about her culture with books as fortunately for her her dads side of the family do see her and helped mom with things like managing her hair and such.

I don't think limiting your self by who you date because of their race would be good for you, if you explain to children from early on that all people are different in different ways and that's what makes us all special then I don't see an issue . Of he asks some day why he looks a bit different from you tell him the truth but say it doesn't matter and you love him the same

 

[babycrazy1706]

yes i suppose you are right, thank you

its sometimes hard to know what to do for the best

 

[Ceejay123]

I'm not a single Mum - but I wanted to share the experience of one of my best friends (Shes like a sister to me and has been growing up)

We grew up together from being 18 months, she was a year older. She is mixed race, her Dad Jamaican, her Mum White-British. She has (or had, as one died) two younger white-british brothers who share the same Dad.

Honestly I don't like how her mother approached it. When she was around 5-6, me and my sister approached her about her race and asked where her Dad was from. She had no idea what we were talking about, we were the ones that initially told her she had a different skin colour to ours, so obviously she ran in to her Mum as she'd never thought about it or questioned it before. Her Mum should have been honest and educated her about it from the start. She always thought her brothers Dad was her Dad... Which was hard for her when she came to learn otherwise. I feel her Mum should have been honest.

Anyway after that, she pretty much felt quite comfortable about it, she was told she was special, more than different if that makes sense? She didn't make a deal out of it, until she was around 15 and she tried to meet her Dad. She found that he was a waste of space, but she has a lot of mixed race sisters she didn't know. She has since welcomed her heritage with open arms, done a lot of research about it and is proud to be british and jamaican. She still has nothing to do with her Dad, but she was old enough to learn about her ancestory.

I think the best you can do as a Mum is take things as they go. Be very open and honest about it to him and answer all of his questions. Try not to treat him as though he's different(as obviously he's not!), while being open with him about his race. Questions will come one day, just make sure you're ready to answer them x

 

[babycrazy1706]

Thanks ceejay Xx

 

[F0xybabe]

My moms first marriage was with a black guy and they had two kids. Then she married my dad and had me.

To be honest even though both my brothers grew up with my mom and my dad, they both turned out completely different. One is very involved in his culture. The other is more like my mom and less involved in his culture where the other is like his dad.

Is the dad involved? My mom just made sure that my brothers were very involved with their father and that side of the family so that they could understand and have the best of both worlds, even if they often expressed that they didn't like going to their dads. Even though they were both raised the same they both turned out different.

 

[LastBabyforMe]

Hi,

I have students who have a white mother and black father who went on to remarry white men and from my observations they seem very well adjusted and fine. ONe young man in particular is just a gem. Honestly it all depends on the mother. I have seen white mothers who make sure their mixed race children know both sides of their culture(all they way down to what products to use on the children's hair) I am thinking of one sweet lady in particular who organized a group to help women of European descent do cute styles for their African American children.

But I have also seen some women who've had horrible experiences with their partners of another ethnicity and cast off every remembrance of the union. One mother would tell her mixed race children to say they were Hispanic at school and forbid the father from coming to see the children. She had married a white man and wanted a very "new, fresh start" I suppose.

At the end of the day I believe a loving family environment will make all the children comfortable and loved. My first two children were from a Pakistani and African-American man. My current pregnancy is from a man of European descent so in a way I will experience this in a similar way.

I am sure all will work out fine.

 

[babycrazy1706]

Thank you for your insight lastbabyforme

In response to foxybabe, yes his daddy is involved. Xx

 

[creatingpeace]

I too am a single Mom raising a mixed race baby (well toddler). AND we live in a small "white town". However, I am very supportive of him spending time with his Dad and his extended family. I also will be very encouraging of suportting any of his cultural needs. I will be taking him to many festivals and exposing him educationally also.

It's not the colour of who we end up with it is their mental levels, education, tolerance, grace and dignity that will make good role models for our children!

 

[babycrazy1706]

thanks creatingpeace. we too live in a small 'white' town. Xx

 

[lovejoy]

I'm a black british and my children are mixed raced and they look very, well white too. I just make sure they know both cultures and anyone from the other family who's interested in knowing them I don't stop them.