Will you have any more?

[Cazzyg]

Has the experience of having a baby early put you off having more babies?

I'm terrified of having another and getting pre eclampsia again. The outcome was fine this time, but there are all these niggly what ifs.

I don't want Charlotte to be an only child, but I'm not sure if I can do it all again. I feel like a bit of innocence has been taken away, when I think back to being excited about having a baby before I started to feel ill and the fear kicked in. Worried about what it would be like to be pregnant again, would I be neurotic about every little headache, dizzy spell, swelling.

So if you've gone on to have another child after an early arrival or know that you will definitely try for more, has anything helped you make your mind up?

Please feel free to tell me I'm being an irrational mare. It's not unheard off.....

 

[Marleysgirl]

I really am undecided on this. I don't fear having similar placenta problems nor another premature baby. I just worry about how the practicalities of visiting NICU for a similar length of time (11wks) on a daily basis, but this time with a toddler in tow. Our life really did just revolve around the unit for those weeks, and we wouldn't be able to give a second baby the same level of attention.

 

[AP]

Im with MarleysGirl, but I think we're just going to throw caution to the wind, and try again next year, so long as Alex is ok. It worries me, all the time.

 

[jadesh101]

Keira was 5 weeks early altho not as early as the rest she still was small and that was due to pre-eclampsia, we both almost died and she had to be pulled out by emergency c-section, I will have more but when both OH and I also when Keira is ready x

 

[angelstardust]

I had pre eclampsia with DS1, who was induced at 35 weeks. Only 2 weeks in hospital for us both (after his birth, 2 weeks before). I was assured that if we waited a few years before our next baby, everything would be fine.

We waited 2years, then tried for about 18months, nothing happened so we I went back on the pill and started a new job. Then I feel pregnant with DS2.

With DS2 I found out as I was pregnant almost immediately when I started throwing up several times a day from about a week after conception. I threw up several times a day till 24 weeks, then that stopped and I got SPD. My BP was up and down from the start and I just felt so ill. I never thought I would see that baby alive, had a bad feeling from the start. Admitted to hospital a few days shy of 33 weeks with the plan to keep me medicated and induce at 35/36weeks. Then I had an abruption, em c section, eclampsia, HELLP, spent 3 days in a chemical coma, liver and kidney failure, heart rate of 122bpm BP of 220/180. I was then told by my consultant that he had no idea how I was still alive and another baby would be suicide.

8months later DS2 was diagnosed with 'some degree of brain damage'. Even though deep down I had been waiting for it, it's still like having your knees broken and being told to keep walking.

Then we had our little surprise! We were told to terminate, but I just felt good about the pregnancy, I knew it would go well. I was terrified the whole way through but BP stayed ok, had GD but compared to my other pregnancies, everything went well and I got to 37weeks and we decided that we were just pushing our luck and she came out by elective C section.

It is possible to go onto have normal pregnancies, just listen to your body and make plans for every eventuality.

I had a stash of cash so that I could buy tiny baby clothes, to pay for fuel and snacks incase 'they' did come early. We spoke to family and knew we had a support network and baby sitters. Basically we planned for the worst case scenario. I'm not saying it was any easier, but there was a plan made so when they ended up in SCBU etc, it wasn't the last minute rush that the first was.

 

[Cazzyg]

How do you think you will know when you are ready? I thought I would be there by now, but I'm not.

As you all say, it's the practicalities too. For me, it's how would I cope with a toddler and feeling as rotten as I did when pregnant and the impact on her. I wouldn't be able to stay in hospital for as long as I did last time, otherwise who would look after her etc.

If only I had a crystal ball.....

 

[premmiemum123]

Am undecided about another one, it does scare me and as Marleysgirl has pointed out it is the praticalities you worry about and the fact you won't be able to spend every waking hour at the hospital...that would be really hard, it was bad enough the first time around...

 

[Foogirl]

For us, it was our follow up discussion with my consultant that put my mind at rest. She said there was no reason that the same should happen again. Abby didn't come early, they went in to get her out because I was bleeding very heavily. They found nothing wrong with the placenta - other than it had been low lying.

But of course that means there was no reason for it to happen in the first place. We discussed it and decided it was the same level of risk the first time round and it didn't stop us.

I need to go back to work for a couple of years before we try again but I'm also aware of the ticking clock and like you, I don't want Abby to be an only child. We've decided we'll start trying when she is about 3. Pregnancy was pretty easy for me (as far as 29 weeks anyway!) but that's not to say it will be the next time! And Cazzy, you might find the next pregnancy is much easier for you.

I haven't really considered logistics and practicalities of doing the NNICU thing with a small child, I guess it will work itself out. Lots of people do it so it can't be impossible. I know what you are saying Marley, but you also have to remember that you hadn't even adapted to having one baby at that point. I'm betting the way you live your lives now is totally different to how you were before. You adapt to whatever your situation is. The other thing is, as you have been through the NNICU journey before, you might well decide you don't need to be there all the time.

As for when are we ready - I'm thinking mother nature is pretty good at making us feel ready!

 

[Laura2919]

I would like to have more but for now I want to enjoy Chloe and Jaycee. I will probably try in 2012! x

 

[AP]

We are going to bite the bullet in May next year - we're getting married then and thought that'd be a good point to start again. It took us a year and 2 mc to get Alex though, so we're aware it might take a while!

 

[nkbapbt]

My hubby wants another baby in a few years, but I on the other hand either want one sooner than later or not at all. I feel like the longer we wait the more risk for another preemie could happen because Im 31...I know that's lots of time before 35 the "scary" age for pregnancy for me (because it increases the chance for preterm labor).

I think if it happens by itself, then we would be over the moon. We did get pregnant after Lakai and lost the baby at 12 weeks.

And I had another M/C before Lakai as well. So that scares me. And the fact no one knows why exactly Lakai came so early. It could have been the infection I had, but it is most common to happen once your water breaks. I am not sure if I hadn't gotten the infection if they would have tried harder to keep him in longer or not. It was at a point of life and death for both of us. The infection set in hard and quick.

I also sometimes wonder how it would be for another child, especially a full term baby. We would NEVER make them feel less special than Lakai, but I worry it could happen anyways, does that make sense?

 

[Cazzyg]

We did have a very positive 'debrief' with a Consultant. I know that I have a higher than average risk of getting PE again. But she assured me that I would have additional monitoring and I guess given the history, I know what to look out for and would hope that the midwives wold take any symptoms seriously.....

And I suppose it's true - that whatever happens, you just cope with it because you have to.

I think I know what you mean, but I think that's normal even if you've has a normal pregnancy and birth too. Worrying about not loving another baby as much as you do your first........if that makes sense.

I guess it's preying on my mind a bit as a lot of the mums I met when C was tiny are now pregnant again and given my age, we can't afford to wait too long.

 

[Foogirl]

I also sometimes wonder how it would be for another child, especially a full term baby. We would NEVER make them feel less special than Lakai, but I worry it could happen anyways, does that make sense?

I think it is natural to worry. And of course, if Lakai's ongoing health issues need more attention than the next one that comes along, you will worry about it more.

But it seems we have more than enough love to go around!

 

[mommy43]

i had my first at 27 weeks shes now 16 ive had 4 more full terms since n am prg with number 6 it obviouly depends on the reason why u had a premmie in the first place with me i went into labour numerous times from 24 weeks n the hospital managed to stop it untill i had a placental abruption at 27 weeks it is scarey especially when u reach the stage u were when u had ur premmie

 

[nkbapbt]

I also sometimes wonder how it would be for another child, especially a full term baby. We would NEVER make them feel less special than Lakai, but I worry it could happen anyways, does that make sense?

I think it is natural to worry. And of course, if Lakai's ongoing health issues need more attention than the next one that comes along, you will worry about it more.

But it seems we have more than enough love to go around!

I dont think its his health I worry about, I mean all we are dealing with now is his feeding tube. No big deal in our world. We are old hats at it. I think its more that everyone fawns over him, he is treated very differently already than the other grandkids. And I am scared another baby/well more a child would pick up on that.

I know its natural to worry...I also know it normal to love your kids differently. I would never love Lakai more than another baby, I just worry that they won't feel as special because if they were born normal and full term then they wouldn't have be through as much as he has. Does that make sense?

 

[Foogirl]

I dont think its his health I worry about, I mean all we are dealing with now is his feeding tube. No big deal in our world. We are old hats at it. I think its more that everyone fawns over him, he is treated very differently already than the other grandkids. And I am scared another baby/well more a child would pick up on that.

Yeah, that's kind of what I was getting at. But I can promise you, even with full termers, that's always the case. My nephew will always be closer to my parents. My brother is the same with my grandparents as the oldest grandchild. On the other side of my family, the eldest cousin is the same.

But whenever a smaller cute one comes along, all that fawning goes! In fact, that might actually turn out to be your big issue! Older siblings can get jealous of the new baby, and if Lakai is soooo used to alllll that attention, he might just throw his toys out of his pram.

I'm certain though, that you will manage to deal with that just fine Nikki. He'll love his little brother or sister just fine. And they will love him. (Until they are about 5 years old then they will fight like cat and dog!)

 

[JordansMommy]

I dont have any plans of having anymore, but i never say never. I had preeclampsia which caused placenta abruption at 31 weeks, had to have a emergency c section. I think if I were to get pregnant again I would worry the whole time and I am afraid the outcome wont be as good next time. Plus the pregnancy was horrible, very sick and in pain all the time.

It is such a hard decision. People tell me eventually youll want another so mayber there right. Time will tell I guess. But I know how ya fill those what ifs are big what ifs.

 

[Lullaby2009]

When I first had Ruby (emergency c section 4wks early due to many complications and eventual full placental abruption) I was so shaken up I had nightmares and panic attacks, and vowed never to have any more..... but here we are looking forward to ttc our 2nd.... Ruby brings me so much joy, I'd go through it all again in a heartbeat to have her and knowing that made me realise my dreams of having 2-3 children is still in reach.

 

[Anna Barry]

Difficult one, especially when you don't know the exact reasoning behind the early arrival!!! I really do want more but like everyone else am worried about the practicalities. Better make my mind up some point soon as i am 31!!!! tick tock lol

 

[you&me]

My first pregnancy...I went to hospital with nothing more than instinct that something just wasn't right...that was christmas eve 2005...within 2 hours of arriving I was diagnosed with the sudden yet severe onset of pre-eclampsia toxemia...baby's heart keep doing decels, protien in urine and I bloated out so bad, blood pressure through the roof...I was scanned that night and the placenta was starting to fail...an injection of steriods to mature the lungs and all night monitoring...on christmas morning they scanned again after another steriod injection and made the decision to deliver to keep us both safe...at 9.57am on that christmas morning my little lady was born by emergency c-section weighing 2lbs 5ozs...I was 29 weeks + 4 days.

She was on the ventilator for only 24 hours because she tired herself out crying...CPAP for 2 weeks...and overall spent 7 weeks in SCBU, coming home on Valentine's Day weighing 4lbs 10ozs...she has no health concerns at all and is a lively and happy 4 year old (going on 14 most days).

I have never been so scared, terrified...or felt so useless that I hadn't been able to keep my baby safe and growing...the nurses over time helped me realise that it was because of my instinct she was safe, and better off out of the womb because at least she was here.

For a good few years I put off having anymore, have never been able to speak too easily about the whole experience...then I met my new partner...and the rest they say is history.

I am now just over 9 weeks pregnant...I have seen my midwife, and been called to go into the hospital at 12 weeks for my consultant...they have told me this pregnancy will be much more consultant led than midwife...I will likely be going on baby aspirin at 12 weeks, scanned more regularly to pick up any changes in the placenta as that is where PET starts...and I will be given a tub of them dipsticks to test my own urine at home...aswell as having more regular BP checks with the midwife...so all in all for the next (hopefully) 7 months I am property of the doctors and midwives...but I feel relieved about that...of course I am nervous...I survived it once...and if I have to I will do it all over again.

Sorry this is such a long reply