Hello again ladies. I am here to catch up on addressing questions and making comments on earlier posts that I didn't get to the other day (I've been in a bit of a fog but making more effort today).
To Suze, I did not actually lose a tube but I am under the care of a consultant that wants to investigate the damage done by the ectopic (i.e. Adhesions). I feel very lucky to have all my parts in place but there is a good chance that there was damage done by the ectopic, both from attachment to my left ovary and the journey the tissue had to make down my Fallopian tube. I did not have surgery or even drugs, just a lot of scans and blood tests to monitor how things were progressing. I hope you find my old posts helpful in seeing how normal it is to go all nutty about TTC after a loss.
Fortunately (or unfortunately), I am not in the same position or state of mind as last time. I think things are different for me this time around due to 3 things: 1) my body doesn't need as long to recover from this loss so I don't have any doctors telling me to wait; 2) my OH is completely on board with TTC again; 3) being my 3rd loss, not my 1st, has worn me out and nearly broken me. I actually want to give myself a bit of time to recover emotionally that I did not feel the need for before. That said, I am still feeling a strong aversion to birth control (condoms and diaphragm) which I have indulged, so it's possible that nutty-Ellen could come back if I were to force them on us right now.
Now it's time for my TMI segment. Yay! The first time me and OH got back to DTD I was still getting spotting so I knew we needed to use protection for the sake of preventing further infection. As my last experience with condoms had me in tears (when OH wasn't ready to TTC) I have grown an extra aversion to them so I opted for using my diaphragm which provides enough barrier protection for the situation. Well, after we
I started cramping and spotting again which continued for all of the next day. As for the diaphragm, it caused me so much discomfort afterwards that I had to take it out early. Since then, all cramping and spotting appears to have stopped (cramping was only on Wednesday night through Thursday, last spotting was Friday morning and very very light) so when we went to DTD again last night (we're making up for lost time!!) and it was time to get the condoms out (which I had talked to OH about after the problems with the diaphragm) I was like "I think we're fine without one" and he's like "okay, if you say so" so we went ahead without any protection. I'm happy my body is back to normal (at least, no infection, bleeding or pain) but my head is not. All the same though, I don't want to prevent pregnancy even now, when I know that seeing a BFP would bring me more fear than joy. We're funny creatures, eh? I can say that because I know I'm not the only one who would put emotion over reason in this situation.
Oh ho! I see you ladies have been getting busy with the chat while I was writing, so I will have to add more later. Have to get in the shower now though I'm afraid as I am going to take my son to see some close friends. May not be back till tomorrow, so will have to reply in full. Just a couple of quick replies first...
Poppy, what type of HPTs and OPKs due you use? I know Suze and I use internet cheapies from eBay (HPTs 10miu, OPKs 20miu).
Suze, of course it's okay to ask about Gerri's funeral. I hadn't thought about flowers TBH. I'm not good at these things, not had much practice with funerals (the last I went to were my grandparents' over 10 years ago and I had nothing to do with the planning). When I buy flowers, I tend to get them at Tesco, which hardly seems appropriate for my little one. I dunno. I will be speaking to the Chaplain next week so will ask what people do in these cases. In quick answer to your earlier question of what we plan to do in memory of Gerri, we are going to plant a little tree. Just working up the courage to go to the garden centre to arrange it all. I am not very functional at the moment. Where did you put your flowers for Joe? I'm not even sure where we would put them for Gerri. The hospital said it is unlikely there will be any ashes left as Gerri is so tiny (only 14 weeks) but they will give them to us if there are any to give. I was thinking I'd like to scatter them in the New Forest if there are any left but I can't count on that. It will probably end up being the garden of remembrance at the hospital for us as well if there are no ashes to take away.
I feel surprisingly okay while writing this. The co-codamol doesn't hurt though. I use it for back pain (long story there) and a little for relaxation when I need it (I needed it for both this morning). I'd be having wine or some other alcohol but I don't know that I would be able to stop if I started. At least my prescription will run out eventually and the doctor won't give me more if I go back too soon so it seems a safer option at the moment when emotions are likely to drive me to extremes. Anyone else out there able to relate?
gonna do OPK today see how everything going there, id just dtd just incase sweetie thats all im doing x
