Worried about infection after loss and ERPC at 14 weeks PG

[poppy666]

Im sure when he's ready sweetie he will look and share that precious moment with you, but like you say men grieve in their own way and maybe this is what he finds bearable at the moment, bless him and you

As for the other hmmmm i think a few days off will be better because the spotting has finished and i found when i dtd i started spotting again pfft xx

 

[Suze]

It sounds like you had a productive latter half of the day, I think it's nice that you have been sorting gerri's picture. It's funny you're so so right about that being a personal thing, before I went in to have Joe at first neither of us realised we'd have the chance to see/hold him but when we realised we could I knew for sure it was something I'd want to do my OH wasnt sure at all and I felt that although we are in this together there are some things that we needed to decide individually. He did decide to hold him but also doesnt look at the photos like I do, I'm so grateful to have them if I'm honest.
I'm sure you'll choose some nice individual flowers, I bought joes the day before but his funeral was at 9.

I'm feeling quite devastated if I'm honest. This morning I'd just been thinking how I felt genuinely ok then bam the phone call came. My OH is writing the letter of complaint which also takes in a lot of
possible negligence about Joe. However I have to say I'm finding what he's doing hard because it's
bringing back the bad things from joes delivery right now which is tough as his due date is on Monday, I'm gutted about the lack of info about this baby...and I'm meant to be returning to work in the morning!! I feel like taking a sleeping tablet but then I worry if I was pregnant that would be the wrong thing to do So sorry ladies I've just ranted to you instead!

 

[allmuddledup]

Rant away Suze, you are entitled to and fully justified. Do you really have to return to work tomorrow? God, I don't know how i would cope with that prospect looming over me at this stage. Good luck. We will miss seeing you on here so much (unless you are able to access BnB at work. Hah!) I hope writing to the hospital will help your OH deal with some of his own grief over your losses. Men are such different creatures from us, aren't they?

Yeah, Poppy, good idea laying off the DTD for a little while. I am sure it will be better for me to leave it alone as well for another night. My last 2 bouts of spotting and cramps have followed DTD as well. Doh!

 

[poppy666]

Awww Suze you rant away its understable and cant even imagine what your going through 'either of you' your losses were further on than mine, all i can do for both of you is be here to rant at

 

[allmuddledup]

Thank you Poppy. Having your support helps a helluva lot. I can only say I'm glad your loss wasn't as far along. Having had 3 losses in a row, I now realise the difference those few extra weeks can make and don't wish the added pain on anybody. Your loss is every bit as bad in so many ways though and we are here for you too. It helps me deal with things when I know I've got friends like you and Suze that know how it feels and what I'm going through. Thanks ladies. Xoxoxox

 

[allmuddledup]

I rang the hospital again today and the lady in Patient Affairs sounded surprised that the Chaplain hadn't rung me yet. She said that he was supposed to notify her by end of day yesterday if any of the funeral slots she had arranged were a problem so we can now assume that the date she gave me, 1 February at 10:00, is fine. That doesn't ring with absolute clarity for me but if she says so, I guess I'll just have to go with it unless notified otherwise. She said she was going to ring the Chaplain to make sure all it okay just in case there was a problem with him receiving the emails she has sent him. Again, not smacking of certainty. Sigh.

When I've talked with my partner about what I want to do for Gerri's funeral (photos, letter, flowers, maybe a little music if it is allowed) he just sits quietly and listens and says that sounds nice. I'm not sure if he wants to add anything himself or if he can even get his head around it right now. I don't want to force him to talk or think about it if he doesn't want to, I just don't want to make all the decisions if he wants to add anything himself. I suggested we go down to the flower store the day before and each of us picks out a flower, including my son who won't necessarily know what it's for, and then take them with us in the morning.

I didn't even realise until today that the funeral and cremation are not done at the hospital, but at the crematorium nearby. I'm glad of that. It will make visiting the garden of remembrance nicer I think, kinda like where Suze can go for Joe I would guess.

Well, I'm off to try to get out of bed now. It's 12:30pm and I've only been out of bed to go to the toilet so far today. At least I am getting up earlier than I did yesterday. That's a start, right? And I haven't taken any co-codamol since yesterday morning either. I didn't sleep as well last night but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I'm just gonna go with it and try to stay off the tablets unless I actually need them for my back.

Here I go. Wish me luck facing the day! xox

 

[allmuddledup]

Well, brown spotting and very light cramping has resumed today and I didn't even do anything to merit the reappearance! I am scratching my head, wondering what is going on. I think I will call the doctor tomorrow and try to get an appointment. We were planning to DTD tonight as well but not sure if I should as I don't want to aggravate my insides further. What a let down.

How are you ladies doing today? Did you return to work today Suze?

 

[poppy666]

Hey sweetie well done for getting up earlier & no co-codamol proud of you

FX the date is set now for Gerri's funeral, im sure your partner will go along with everything your happy with if he's anything like my OH... on that side of thing i dont think men have an idea what is needed or what they want especially in this kind of situation, but maybe im wrong only you know your partner.

Really sorry the spotting has returned 'its such a bummer isnt it' mine tapered off today but back to light bleeding now after my bath and its actually annoying me now, but see what doctors says tomorrow x

 

[Suze]

Hi there, I've been MIA action aka work!

Ellen, sounds like you are getting there and I'm sure Gerri's funeral date and time are really a helpful goal on your road to recovery. As for your OH not conrtibuting massively to plans for Gerri's funeral I would probably be inclined to let him go at his pace BUT don't alter any of your plans because of him....continue to do what you want to do for Gerri, yourself and your family on the day. Make sure the day is how you want it and that you create the memories of Gerri as you want. I'm pleased that the service will be at the crematorium rather than the hospital, it makes it more 'real' I think and also negates the need to return to the hospital when yo want some time to remember Gerri. Our garden of remembrance for babies only is called the 'snowdrop' garden and unlike the rest of the garden of remembrance is unmarked and also seperate which is nice....I like popping by when I feel I need to be closer to Joe.


Sorry about the manky spotting...both of you!!!

Am I right in remembering that you both have appointments tommorow?!

 

[allmuddledup]

So glad to see your response Poppy. Thank you. I am a real mess today. Today, it does not feel like anything will ever get better. I think I am becoming thoroughly depressed. I managed the entire day without using anything to soften the pain but wanted to use something, anything, to make it hurt less. I ate lots of Oreos and ice cream instead. I listened to music as well, trying to find the right songs for Gerri's funeral. It's only 20 minutes long. I've chosen 3 songs so far. One of them is a special one for my partner. He said he'd like it to be played when I suggested it. I'm glad I was able to think of it. I feel almost paralysed with pain and helplessness, not quite knowing what to do.

Thank you for listening/reading. It really helps to know I'm not alone right now.

 

[Suze]

Good for you for using ice cream and Oreos to soften the pain
It will get better after Gerri's funeral I can assure you, just take each day as it comes and do whatever feels right each day. Don't try and rush yourself either and pressurise yourself into getting back to normal as soon as possible.

It is sadly reassuring to know that we are not alone, Im just so thankful for finding such supportive people on baby and bump as the majority of my friends and family haven't got the first idea about all this stuff

 

[allmuddledup]

Ah Suze, so good to see you here too. We must have been posting at the same time. It does help a bit to have a specific point in time to focus on but I still just feel incredibly sad most of the time anyway. That's some good advice about planning. I am trying to do that, I think. Just making some memories I feel I can live with.

Regarding spotting, it's a mixture of brownish spotting and watery discharge for me, the latter which is apparently something to be concerned about according to the info I've been able to find online. It will be back to the doctors for me tomorrow. Still getting odd little cramps as well. I think the drawn out recovery and continued worry about infection (and its implications) is getting me down as well. I need a break. Sigh.

How are you doing? I read your post about being back at work. Don't know how you're doing it Suze on top of everything else right now. Sending big hugs to you.

 

[allmuddledup]

We are SO not alone, even though in my head it feels like I am sometimes. And yes, it is reassuring to have the support of so many wonderful ladies on here. It has been a tremendous help meeting everyone I have on BnB.

 

[allmuddledup]

Just got back from GP who took swabs this time and is also sending me for an urgent ultrasound scan (hopefully will be done by early next week). As the pesky spotting had cleared before I got there and the cramping has once again died down she didn't get the impression that there is still an infection but wrote out a prescription for the same 2 antibiotics I just had in case it does flare up suddenly. It's a relief to have the prescription on standby, particularly with the weekend coming up and not knowing what to expect from my body next. The lab results should be in by Monday afternoon hopefully so I'll know how things stand then. When I go for the ultrasound I'm going to ask if they can see any signs of ovulation (past, present or future) and also how the lining of my uterus is looking (besides checking for any retained tissue from pregnancy). I would be surprised if there is anything left as I got a total BFN on Monday. I feel kinda lucky getting to have a sneak-peak and the chance to find out if I'm showing any signs of fertility. No no no, I'm not supposed to be thinking like that yet. I just can't seem to help myself. I was in TTC mode for so long I get a bit excited to have the chance at finding these things out.

How are things going with you ladies?

 

[poppy666]

We must be twins cos ive had no spotting since i got up fx you dont have an infection but your not cramping, bleeding heavy etc.. ive got docotrs at 4pm today so see what they say x

Just cleaning up but popping on and off lol good questions for up and coming scan

 

[allmuddledup]

Good luck at the doctors today Poppy. I hope they are able to help. It really helped talking to the GP I saw today. I had never met this doctor before and she was really lovely and reassuring and thorough. She wanted to see my photo of Gerri as well which made me feel better, like she could respect that Gerri was a real person, not just the idea of a lost baby. I dunno if that makes sense.

Big hugs to you. I hope things go well for you today. Xoxox

 

[poppy666]

Awww bet that felt lovely showing your little Gerri mine is a male doctor and ive not met him before so not sure what he'll say but will let you know xx

 

[allmuddledup]

I just received a phone call that's left me reeling and feeling very confused. Before falling pregnant with Gerri I was referred to a consultant gynecologist after my GP diagnosed we with PCOS because I was concerned about the effect it appeared to be having on my ability to conceive and to maintain pregnancy (I had had the early miscarriage by this point and been trying to conceive again for 7 months without success). When I saw him he reassured me that we would get things sorted out and I would have a baby. He is a great doctor in every way and I felt so reassured by him. Well, after things went downhill with Gerri and the pregnancy ended, I rang his office to enquire about carrying on with the investigations he had planned (blood tests in regards to PCOS and laparoscopy to sort out any damage that may have been caused by the ectopic pregnancy) but that had obviously been halted when I fell pregnant. His secretary very kindly booked me in for an appointment to see him in February which I was incredibly relieved to get as it had taken months to be referred to him in the first place. Well, she just called me back today to say that I have to be re-referred to him by my GP since I managed to fall pregnant since I was originally referred to him. I am gutted to say the least because I don't know what my GP will do now or if she'll even bother referring me again. I am really concerned about the overall effect PCOS can have on my health, not just my fertility, and I never felt like that was taken seriously until I saw the consultant. Now I feel like I am back to square one and am gutted. Feeling really let down by the system right now.

 

[allmuddledup]

And to top it all off for the day, I just missed a call from the chaplain who I've been waiting to hear from since Monday, or rather, I fumbled the phone and accidentally sent him through to voice mail. This has not been a good day for me. It's truly been one little thing after another (too many to go onto now) like a comedy of errors, which is never funny when it's actually happening to you. I just want to go home and pull the covers back over my head. Maybe that's where I went wrong today. Maybe I should just try not getting out of bed tomorrow.

I hope things have gone better for you ladies.

 

[poppy666]

Awww god sweetie you have had an awful day

Was thinking regarding having to go through your gp again and from square one, can you not see the lovely doctor you seen the other day? Im sure with everything you have gone through she can refer you as soon as possible x

Worried about you now hope your back online tonight so i know your ok

afm started bleeding lightly again earlier so rang EPU this is no way my af and got an appointment monday to see the doctor really had enough now, my hormones are all over the place and messing with my head