Would this bother you?

[misspriss]

Okay, DS got a ton of presents for Christmas, mostly from my in-laws and aunts and uncles on that side of the family. Among those presents he got an 8 inch Buzz Lightyear and Woody from Toy Story. The Woody broke down into really small pieces (he was a weird transforming Woody) so we had to go buy him a Woody that didn't have so many small pieces since DD is still little. Okay fine. Well we made the mistake of taking DS to the store when we bought it, and he saw the 16" large Woody and Buzz dolls (they were $45 each!). Well ever since he saw those, he would put his shoes on and head for the door and say he was going to the store "to buy a big one!" meaning a Woody or Buzz. Mind you it's less than a week since Christmas.

Well MIL had him over at her house yesterday (she usually keeps him one day a week so I can have a chance to catch up on the house, etc, and just because she loves to have him). I had told her about the "big ones" at the store and said he didn't need them and we weren't going to get them. She keeps him one afternoon and bought him one! If they had the other she said she would have bought him that too! AND she bought him another dinosaur figurine, even though we have not even got out the set of 5 dinosaur figurines of the SAME SIZE she got him for Christmas not a week before.

All I have talked to her about since we got home was how we had no room for his presents, we had to get rid of things, we needed to downsize, he had too much, he got too much, we were NOT going to buy the larger figurines...and then she just buys them for him!

Would you be upset if Grandma went out and bought your child a large, expensive toy less than a week after Christmas (after you had told her you had no space and did not want to buy that toy)? Should I say something? Would it be bad for our relationship to not explain to her how I feel or will it just mess things up?

 

[AP]

I would just let her do it if she's so insistent, I couldn't hurt her feelings. and if you don't have the room, consider donating the toys you would rather not keep. Every Christmas I store away the unopened unwanted toys for the local charity who collects gifts at Christmas for children who may not get a toy. I don't feel so bad and someone else benefits, I just try and stash them with the Christmas tree and decorations

 

[misspriss]

I would just let her do it if she's so insistent, I couldn't hurt her feelings. and if you don't have the room, consider donating the toys you would rather not keep. Every Christmas I store away the unopened unwanted toys for the local charity who collects gifts at Christmas for children who may not get a toy. I don't feel so bad and someone else benefits, I just try and stash them with the Christmas tree and decorations

Thanks. I usually donate the toys I don't want, or sell some of the bigger ones if I can.

I should probably add we are putting our house up for sale in two months and need to get it DE-cluttered, even the storage (people look at that!), and then are going to build and move into a much smaller house, we won't have a lot of "storage" in the next year...and she knows all about it (they are helping us get the house ready).

I'm probably just overreacting. I just thought I made it clear we weren't getting the "big" ones. He threw some HUGE fits about wanting the big ones, and I don't reward that kind of behavior. I wanted him to learn to appreciate the smaller toys that he was given instead of wanting the biggest and best at the store. I just think he feels if he tells MIL he wants it, he gets it...no matter what I think.

But then, he's 2, maybe I shouldn't overthink it. However, unless I say something to MIL I don't see her behavior changing, she's way older than 2...

 

[misspriss]

Haha, MIL just talked to DH and she and FIL drove all around to find the "big" Woody and got it for him too....definite disconnect here oh well she is just trying to be nice I guess.

 

[embo216]

I tend to let a lot slide with the MIL, one for the peace and two because I never had a nan to spoil me and I like them having it (to a certain extent)

 

[misspriss]

I tend to let a lot slide with the MIL, one for the peace and two because I never had a nan to spoil me and I like them having it (to a certain extent)

Yeah, and I think I could have expected this. DH and I had really different upbringings, I was brought up pretty low income, we had few toys and we really cherished the ones we had, but getting everything we wanted never happened. DH was an only child, they were still not too well off but he was their world and they didn't hesitate to buy him all the expensive toys he ever wanted. Now they are older, their house and cars are paid off and these are their GRAND kids....they really do spare no expense for them. My parents, on the other hand, my mom passed away and my dad has had some kind of late midlife crisis and didn't even get my kids anything for Christmas, to put it in perspective.

I think I just need to relax. Thanks for the input guys. Sometimes I get "stuck" on stuff and I just need to live and let live.

 

[embo216]

Oh so do I, I'm a real dweller and overthinker, happy new year x

 

[tommyg]

It would bug me more on the basis that you are being completely undermined.

Yes he is 2 but do you want him running to granny for everything. I honestly think a word needs to be had from DH.

I have a spoilt little boy who embarrasses me when he opens presents "huh its not the one I wanted" ok he's 4 but I've tried teaching manners but its cringe worthy.

 

[missk1989]

How about he keeps them at grannys house? I understand you asked her not to but she obviously dotes on him so unless it starts getting a bit OTT then I would thank her but suggest he keeps them at hers. Alternatively, maybe some of his old toys can got to MIL to play with whilst he is there which makes room for his new ones? This is what we have done with my mum.

 

[misspriss]

Yes I think it is the undermining that bothers me. I think back on it and I don't think I made it clear why we weren't getting them, I think she thought it was a cost issue (I didn't pay $44 for anyone's single present this year).

She has more toys at her house than we have at ours, she bought him Christmas presents to have at her house in addition to the ones to take home. FIL is a bit of a toy guy himself too.

 

[tommyg]

I think I'd let it go this time. But I'd make it clear in future that big presents are to stay as birthday / Christmas gifts. He has enough toys and you are lacking storage space.

 

[c1403]

For me my concern would be that being spoiled would turn my child into a bit of a brat who wants everything they see for the sake of it... Myself and my sister were spoilt (ie usually got what we asked for) but we were always taught to be grateful and appreciative and say thank you. My OH wad the opposite and never got much at all. My parents spoil my two and my eldest is getting to an age when she expects something everytime we go somewhere and has little tantrums. My sister wanted to buy her something today and I said no as she has just had christmas. I think sometimes its more for the adults enjoyment as well as the child. If you get on well I would have a discussion, I've had to have one with my parents and even myself this week as i cannot cope with the toys and DDs are too overwhelmed it sometimes affects their behaviour and concentration. I am doing a toy 'rotation' with all the new stuff and everyone knows no toys until their birthdays (somehow I doubt that as it isn't until September)

 

[amazed]

personally id say nothen lol, saves me having to buy it lmao, seriously though i prob wouldnt say anything xx

 

[CRWx]

I would just see it as her being nice!

 

[Scout]

It would bother me. I don't know if I'd say anything being a mil. I've had this problem with my mom, but we have a very good rel'ship, so no one gets hurt feelings when we speak our minds, so I did tell her. It was getting to the point that daughter wanted (expected) something every time we went out. Plus, if she's always getting things, then her birthday and Christmas won't be all that special. So, I've told my mom that I don't want her buying daughter anything until her birthday in May. And if she does, then yep, it will bother me and I'll speak to her about it again.

 

[emyandpotato]

My in laws buy DS a new toy or five every single time he sees them, which is sometimes twice a week. I've asked them not to because he has now gotten the idea that he is entitled to every single toy he decides he wants, and going anywhere that sells toys is now a nightmare as he isn't used to being told 'no'. She ignores me though, and buys what she pleases. And yes, it really really pisses me off.

 

[tommyg]

My in laws buy DS a new toy or five every single time he sees them, which is sometimes twice a week. I've asked them not to because he has now gotten the idea that he is entitled to every single toy he decides he wants, and going anywhere that sells toys is now a nightmare as he isn't used to being told 'no'. She ignores me though, and buys what she pleases. And yes, it really really pisses me off.

I think I would have a chat with them. Not sure how you word it but you could suggest they give him a "penny for his bank" instead of a toy every time he see them.
He could have an eye or something expensive so has to save up for it.

I was guilty of picking up little cars and things every other time we went shopping. It was becoming expected etc. I opted for a change of tack, give him £2 pocket money if he is good. Its not quite as all or nothing as a car, ie he can loose some of it. Pocket money also means he can save for something big if he wants.

 

[emyandpotato]

My in laws buy DS a new toy or five every single time he sees them, which is sometimes twice a week. I've asked them not to because he has now gotten the idea that he is entitled to every single toy he decides he wants, and going anywhere that sells toys is now a nightmare as he isn't used to being told 'no'. She ignores me though, and buys what she pleases. And yes, it really really pisses me off.

I think I would have a chat with them. Not sure how you word it but you could suggest they give him a "penny for his bank" instead of a toy every time he see them.
He could have an eye or something expensive so has to save up for it.

I was guilty of picking up little cars and things every other time we went shopping. It was becoming expected etc. I opted for a change of tack, give him £2 pocket money if he is good. Its not quite as all or nothing as a car, ie he can loose some of it. Pocket money also means he can save for something big if he wants.

Oh I have. Quite a few times. MIL gets really offended and has even cried. It's ridiculous. I've actually stopped them seeing him on his own now (for other reasons too) and said they can come see all of us or arrange a day out with OH and DS1 because I'm not comfortable with them having full responsibility for him quite as often as they have been.

 

[jd83]

I think if its something they frequently do, then you may have to say something or you'll end up with a house full of toys with no place to put them. If this was just more of a random, unecessary splurge, though, just let it go. They're grandparents, and spoiling the grandkids once in a while (even though the timing sucked right after Christmas, lol) is what they do. My in-laws do it, too, once in a while. They see something that they just think the grandkids would love, so they buy it. They don't do it all the time, though, and they do keep some of the stuff at their own house for the kids to play with when they are over there.