Would you go through IVF to guarantee gender?

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by MommyPrice, Apr 20, 2016.

  1. pinkribbon

    pinkribbon Mum of 3 boys

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2009
    Messages:
    6,371
    Likes Received:
    0
    No, I wouldn't. I don't think it's wrong but I personally wouldn't do it. I have 3 boys and while I would have liked a daughter the children I have is exactly who I was meant to have in my life. Not everything in life can be controlled and I think this is one of them for me.
     
  2. vermeil

    vermeil Mom to 27 week wonder+DD

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    1,495
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is obviously a grey area and very personal.

    Gender selection is technically illegal in Canada, which I agree with. Because it opens the door to the ugliness we see in some communities where 115+ boys are born for 100 girls.

    But I have one of each. If I had only boys and really wanted a girl, would I have considered going to a us ivf clinic for it? Probably? who knows.

    I went through ivf for my second child and got 6 embryos. They transferred them back in order of quality. This gave me my beautiful daughter. I did no genetic screening though (no need) but if I had and the doctor had said 'by the way you have 2 xx and 4 xy' I would be tempted to choose. But since it's illegal I suppose he/she wouldn't have told me anyway?

    In any regard I would donate the extra embryos or freeze them for later. In fact I still have two that I need to decide on, try for a third child or donate to another couple.

    I think it's different when you've been down the ivf path already and have had to think through the ramifications... perhaps my opinon would be different if I hadn't had to navigate those complex waters.

    Btw ivf is free here in Quebec because the law only allows transferring one embryo per cycle. Because it drastically reduces the amount of twin pregnancies. Which are the largest source of premature births. Which are very costly for our public health-care. My own preemies care cost a small fortune since he was 4 months in nicu (not to me but to the system!). It seems fair that ivf be free in return for that limitation. It's also much cheaper than in the us anyway, about 1/4 of the cost. It's still a fairly new system but early results are promising - far fewer preemie babies! Healthier babies and mom's and less need to long nicu stays.

    Sorry I am rambling, I have spent dozens of hours researching all this!
     
  3. ElmoBumpToBe

    ElmoBumpToBe Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2010
    Messages:
    3,513
    Likes Received:
    1
    I have three boys and am expecting what we think is probably our 4th boy (sonographer said looking boyish at 13 week scan) I have to say that as much as I would adore the chance to finally have a daughter, I personally could not do it because I would see disposing of the embryos the same as aborting my boys and donating the same as giving my boys up for adoption, would love a girl but never at the cost of one of our boys does that make sense? I would however do sperm selection if that exsists? I don't see sperm as being the same, as someone else said, thousand get wasted every day due to protected sex etc! X
     
  4. topsy

    topsy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2010
    Messages:
    16,901
    Likes Received:
    107
    No, not now.... I would be happy witha boy or girl... but I would of at one point. xxxxx
     
  5. Wombat

    Wombat Married mum of 2:)

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2009
    Messages:
    1,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    If I'd be desperate for a specific gender I would do it.
    We have 3 boys between us, tomorrow is a gender scan for this baby, and, although I would like to have a girl now, if it is a boy I'd be equally happy.

    But, if it is a boy - we are trying one more time (hmm... probably if it is a girl, we are trying one more time anyways, I want 4 kids :D )

    What I DO want to say, I DO not view choosing a girl embryo over a boy embryo as a killing of others... If couple goes through IVF, they usually have a few good quality embryos to be transferred back. Which are chosen randomly. So, if I wanted a specific gender, and knew there are 2 male and 2 female, all same quality, why not transfer the gender I want? Freeze the others. And if I decide not to use them later, other embryos would have to be destroyed (isn't it what is being done anyways?).

    I could not donate my embryos though... Since they would be genetically mine. But it is personal.

    So, on the whole - if you have 2-3 boys and want a girl - I would go for it!
    Also other way around.
     
  6. ElmoBumpToBe

    ElmoBumpToBe Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2010
    Messages:
    3,513
    Likes Received:
    1
    It's hard isn't it I know what you are saying I mean we where waiting to start IVF when I fell pregnant and we did consider egg sharing, and even without egg sharing, if I had ended up with say 5 embryos and trasferrd one we had 4 frozen, at some point down the line I would have had to decide what to do with those embryos and I guess they would then be either donated or destroyed and I would maybe have been ok with that I mean I would have had to have been as they can't keep them forever can they but somehow I would feel differently donating or disposing of them BECAUSE they where boys or girls. It's just a personal feeling and choice I guess but one things for sure I would never judge someone who did do it!! X
     
  7. 6lilpigs

    6lilpigs Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2008
    Messages:
    3,345
    Likes Received:
    39
    Sperm sorting/spinning has a pretty poor success rate of pregnancy and correct gender, and I think most clinics have stopped offering it. For me, yes I would have gone High Tech/IVF if money was no object but luckily swaying for a boy HE style worked for us three times now. The possible extra embryo question would be everybodies own personal dilema, whether to donate, dispose or try with them for themselves at a later date. I used the gender dreaming site, they have excellent up to date information on current High Tech clinics and the most up to date swaying advice for people who want to try the natural approach:)
     
  8. cosmicgirlxxx

    cosmicgirlxxx Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2011
    Messages:
    560
    Likes Received:
    0
    As a mum of 6 boys, lets face it, I'm not going to get a little girl naturally.
    If it were as easy as sorting sperm then yes, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
    I could never give away any of my embryo's though and would not want to go through IVF.
     
  9. MommyPrice

    MommyPrice Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2012
    Messages:
    205
    Likes Received:
    48
    Thank you all for your input! After much discussion, my husband and I are starting the IVF process next week with our initial consult. We are going to freeze the unused embryos and either donate them to an infertile couple, or donate them to stem cell research. We are quite excited to finally be getting our girl - we love our boys dearly, but our family doesn't feel 'complete' without having her. :)
     
  10. lau86

    lau86 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2009
    Messages:
    8,862
    Likes Received:
    0
    Good luck I think you're very brave!
     
  11. DobbyForever

    DobbyForever First Time Momma

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2013
    Messages:
    14,138
    Likes Received:
    176
    I totally would. Having a son first is so extremely and illogically important to the people in my life. I would be happy either way, but I know they would be disappointed and the first boy to show up would always out shine my baby. The only thing is the amount it costs I couldn't justify that. Especially living the Bay Area of Cali where everything is so expensive. I think that choosing the sex or health is up to parental discretion, though I do worry how it could imbalance things if it became too widespread. But for me it goes to far when you start picking out eye color or hair type and what not. I want some mystery ;)

    Congrats on your decision and I hope your baby girl is everything your family was hoping for :). And tha is so noble of you to donate any male embryos.
     
  12. cnsweeney

    cnsweeney Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2013
    Messages:
    1,001
    Likes Received:
    0
    I personally couldn't do it . I mentioned it to dh just in conversation and he was like what ?! (In an excited way) then in a matter of seconds his smile faded and he was like actually , no . I'd feel wrong . Whatever God wants us to have , we will have . & that spoke volumes to me .
    But to anyone who does do it , that is their choice .best of luck to you whatever you decide :)
     
  13. laila 44

    laila 44 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2010
    Messages:
    7,161
    Likes Received:
    1
    Good for you! That's so exciting! Wishing u lots of luck! Come back and update xo
     
  14. Wish85

    Wish85 Pregnant with #2

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2012
    Messages:
    2,060
    Likes Received:
    0
    Personally I wouldn't do it, no. This is only because I believe children choose us as their parents to learn the things they need to in this life. I also believe that we are not the same sex in every life so your daughter might have been male in a past life and visa versa. I already have a son and I couldn't give two hoots what this next one is. Boy/Girl - doesn't matter to me.

    That being said, would I judge someone else for doing it? No.
     
  15. Emma93

    Emma93 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2011
    Messages:
    626
    Likes Received:
    0
    I personally wouldn't. I'm a big believer in fate and a believer that everything happens for a reason. I have two daughters at the moment. However, I do understand what you're saying. We have 3 girls between us, so I would love a boy next time. Especially as our next baby could be our last. But I wouldn't be disappointed if the baby were another girl, I only know girls so it's my 'comfort zone'. If it's something you're passionate about (which you clearly are) then you can all but try! - X
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice