Would you "smack" your child?

[Lover]

I agree with Dragonfly.

I will never smack my child.

 

[jackiea85]

This is something I have thought about a lot recently, now Joseph is at a difficult age, and I have decided that I will never smack him, there are other things that work much better. My mum used to smack me but I was never scared of her and I would still play her up. My step-dad on the other hand, would never ever smack me, but I would never play him up! The reason being that he was very consistent and I knew that if he said something he meant it, it wasn't worth testing it!x

 

[Chocciebutton]

there have been the couple of odd occasions where my now 15 year old was very naughty, he smacked our cat really hard, he was about 5 at the time. I gave him a smack on the top of the leg and it took him by surprise and I think it shocked him......he never hurt the cat again after that. On the odd occasion I have felt it was needed it has worked I must admit, but I do try and reason and talk to my children to discipline them.I was smacked and hit with a wooden stick as a child...usually for my brother being naughty and I can remember how this used to upset me. I would say that if you only occasionaly use a smack and it is a situation where the child has done something like hurt another person or an animal then giving them a smack takes them by surprise as they are not expecting it and they then realise that it isnt nice to hurt someone.

 

[m_t_rose]

I have never, and will never lay a finger on him. In my opinion all it will stand to do is teach him to be scared of me, or have no respect for me, and learn that violence is acceptable when someone does something you don't agree with or won't do what you want them to. At the end of the day it's assault, regardless of age and relationship. Would you condone a man smacking his wife because she talked back to him or didn't listen when he asked her to do something or walked off in a shop?

NO it wouldn't be acceptable for a husband to spank his wife but would it be any more acceptable for him to put her on a time out and make sure she stayed there for one minute for each year of her life That would be incredibly demeaning. You aren't meant to discipline your spouse you are both adults so you cannot compare that to disciplining children it is just ridiculous and anyone who thinks its not how would you feel if your OH put you on a time out in a grocery store or if you had a friend visiting.

I do believe some children respond well to spanking and some children do not. As a small child I was spanked and when I got older around 9 I would be grounded. I was just as scared if I did something bad that my mom would find out because any punishment is just that a punishment. It isn't meant to be happy and fun, so when people say "spanking will make your child lie to you" any discipline will do that because no child wants to get in trouble.

 

[Pippy76]

Before Christmas, Polly was on the changing mat throwing a complete wobbly - almost hysterical - and no matter what I did she was screaming louder and louder (almost revelling in getting so upset), so I gave her a little smack on the bottom .... she stopped immediately and stared at me in total shock and disbelief. I didn't do it out of anger or to hurt, but to snap her out of a sort of frenzy she had got herself into. She settled down straight away, almost relieved to have found a way out of the tantrum. Needless to say, I've felt guilty ever since and have never resorted to a smack on the bottom again and never intend to in the future, but at the time it felt appropriate ... still feel guilty tho ...

 

[Weeplin]

No. I feel that smacking teaches a child through fear, not respect. The child is too scared to get hurt so that's why he/she doesn't do whatever it is they got smacked for again.

I also don't get how a parent would hurt their child to teach them and be ok with themselves after. I am really against it.

Each to their own though.

 

[polo_princess]

Before people start jumping the gun because i know this is an emotive topic .. this is Toddler Club, first rule of Toddler club is no bitching and bickering, lets just remember that and this thread will go fine, if you want to debate it, go to the debate section

 

[nanomey]

i was smacked as a child and as someone else said - id never push a warning from fear of what would attually happen if mum and dad followed through with the smack! - not that i had an awful upbringing or grew up terrified etc etc!

with my 1st dd i have smacked her on the back of the hand when she was proberly about 3.5 - a few days later i found her telling her at the time 2yr old sister ''you've been naughty'' and smacked her hand! and so since then (shes now 6 by the way!) i have never smacked -they get a warning and then if needs be i use the naughty step or i will take a toy or somthing away if they have been really naughty... after my tried and tested method (!) id say that smacking makes them think it is right to smack other people.

 

[redpoppy]

Knowing people from big families who were smacked (families of 5, families of 6 etc.) I think whether you do or don't smack your kids makes little effect on their personality. Difficult or mischievous kids stay that way and you may get momentary good behaviour or crying etc. which will stop them doing something in the short term but more than likely they'll be at it or something similar again quite soon.

I don't think smacking or not smacking makes a difference unless it's on abusive levels to how well behaved kids are. We are three siblings and never got hit. We were all scared of doing something wrong to upset my mum but in our very natures some were more troublesome than others.

I would never ever lay a finger on my child and I know there will be times I may want to but I'm trusting that because it's not learned behaviour (as in most people learn how to parent form their parents to a great degree) that i won't resort to it.

Either a child is too young to reason with or they can reason and either way smacking isn't right to me. It just doesn't fit into the equation unless there is some imminent danger and they won't listen.

However I don't think smacking is the sign of a bad parent it's just how some people parent.

But I am VERY impressed by those who were smacked as children who then go on NOT to hit.

Oh and I feel VERY awkward if someone smacks their child because of something they've done to my child (snatch, bite, etc.) I'd REALLY rather they didn't.

I do think what amounts to abuse though is a little difficult to determine. You could shout and scare a sensitive child into submission with not hitting and that child could go on to have a badly stunted emotional life so I think to a degree everyone should learn to understand that a child will do age appropriate things and that smacking them into submission isn't really what discipline is about.

I know a full grown adult who is the most horribly repressed individual and apparently he was a very joyous and normal (albeit mischievous and curious) child but the parents came down hard and he is now THE oddest human being I have ever met. He has no social skills, pretty much no friends and he's never really been able to hold down a job for very long either. He does seem like there's a lovely guy in there somewhere. People who focus too much on good behaviour and discipline should always keep things in perspective.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Hmmmm, my dad and his brothers we hit with a wooden spoon when they were little. If they knew it was gonna happen, they ran upstairs and stuffed a book down the back of their jeans

My brother and I were spanked infrequently and then out of the blue it stopped I'm not sure why or if my parents decided it wasn't right for them.

I don't think I'll spank LO. I don't see it as effective, but that's just me. I don't look down on anyone that does. I think it's generational tbh. You have to do what's right for you.

 

[aimee-lou]

Short answer - No, never!

Long answer - I'd like t think there would never be an occasion that needs physical violence to play a part in discipline. I was hit, and it made me scared of me step-dad for years! My Mum didn't stop him, so I felt she didn't love me, but she didn't realise and just thought that I was being difficult (this went on for years and only really came out how bad it all was when I was pg with Earl).

I'm sure that this isn't the case for everyone, and I think it has everything to do with personality- I really didn't need hitting for what I did - looking back I'm such a placid person, I hate raised voices and I know a well-placed time-out would have done the trick (don't think they existed in the 80s! lol - Jo Frost wasn't around then! lol)

Hubby and I are quite clear, that violence shouldn't play a part in a child's life in any form. Innocence is precious, and I don't think that I could forgive myself for taking that away.

 

[smelly07]

No i dont smack my chidren and dont agree with it, i dont think it achieves anything.
When i went on a child protection course we were given a Nspcc leaflet called behave yourself.
well worth a read.

www.nspcc.org.uk/inform/.../behave_yourself_wda73928.html

if that doesnt work just google nspcc behave yourself x

 

[Lyndz]

No i wouldn't smack her. I wouldn't ever want her to be scarred of me or to teach her to hit people to get her own way.

I was smacked as a kid and i remember how upset i used to feel afterwards, i wouldn't ever want my daughter to feel that way.

 

[OmarsMum]

No, I wouldnt smack him. He's not a naughty boy in general & he doesnt look for troubles. He's cautious by nature since he was tiny.

I dont believe in physical punishment.

 

[redpoppy]

No i dont smack my chidren and dont agree with it, i dont think it achieves anything.
When i went on a child protection course we were given a Nspcc leaflet called behave yourself.
well worth a read.

www.nspcc.org.uk/inform/.../behave_yourself_wda73928.html

if that doesnt work just google nspcc behave yourself x

That didn't work but this is the pdf for those that have a reader. Thanks for the link btw.

 

[smelly07]

No i dont smack my chidren and dont agree with it, i dont think it achieves anything.
When i went on a child protection course we were given a Nspcc leaflet called behave yourself.
well worth a read.

www.nspcc.org.uk/inform/.../behave_yourself_wda73928.html

if that doesnt work just google nspcc behave yourself x

That didn't work but this is the pdf for those that have a reader. Thanks for the link btw.

no probs x

 

[rosie272]

I won't be smacking Charlie ever - I just don't agree with physical punishment.
I really don't see that it can solve anything and he'll only be confused by the mixed messages it sends, that hitting and smacking is acceptable.
I just think a HUGE amount of patience is required when it comes to discipline and I'm mentally preparing myself for that..

Failing that, the garden shed it is

 

[Chocciebutton]

^^^^^I posted earlier stating that I dont as a rule smack, but have on a couple of occasions when I feel it has been needed. I am 39 in April so I may be older than some of you on here. When I was younger most teenagers still did the things that teenagers did today like maybe drink or smoke behind their parents back (I never did incidently!) and that was because I was scared as I knew that I would be in so much trouble with my parents. My parents smacked us ....and hard at times. I think smacking back then was accepted more and seen as the most effective way of punishment. (they had the cane at school back then)and I know my friends nor I would overstep the mark as we knew what would come! I am not saying that it is right, but it is funny when you look around today and compare certain children and teenagers (not picking on any group of people) in general, they seem to lack respect for their elders, unlike myself and others back then in the 70s and 80s. I often wonder if it is because we have got a softer approach, I am not saying that smacking is the answer but it does make you think! We are all scared of smacking today, myself included but at times when my 15 year old is naughty, I think back to how I wouldnt dare do half the things he does because I feared my parents, but at the same time I respected them.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

No, never.

 

[letia659]

yes we spank it was the form of dicipline I had growing up and Im definatly not violent and I have a very good relationship with my parents but they never never went over the line it was never a beating and they never hit me anywhere other than leg or butt I find these threads bring out people opposing it because they were beaten instead of diciplined I feel there is a big line to be drawn on a little spanking and a hit in the head face etc with bruising etc I have to say my 6 yr old is such a well behaved child now he hardly ever has to be punished and we do use other forms such as standing in the corner for the lesser crime and only spanking for more serious things so it is rare these days and Zander is still so small we have smacked his leg a little but I still feel he is young for it even though he can throw some major tantrums but what I learned with Jacob was instead of giving attention (by talking or smacking) to the tantrums just to ignore him and act like Im not paying any attention to him at all worked best so thats what I do for those