You Ladies

[Mrs. Atole]

I understand we are all going through things, but is this not a support forum ?? and yet i see so many post with lots of views and yet no comments? again are we not all here to support one another ? or just whenever we feel like it? yes, sometimes we dont have the answers to peoples questions, but why not give an encouraging word? baby dust ? something come on!? because it doesn't pertain to you and your struggle your going to brush off the same women who are just like you?? who know your struggle!? WOW this saddens me ..

I pray you all open up your hearts and mind and understand we are all on the same boat just different levels, have a great day God bless you all i pray you get your BFPs!!

 

[Mrs. Atole]

19 views and counting so far and no comments.

 

[Flueky88]

 

[KatO79]

I think it's true that some people may not have advice for the person and just don't respond as a result. Unfortunately I doubt this will change much as there will always be members that just read and run

 

[2ducks]

This is an interesting post Mrs. Atole. I have given MANY well thought out and supportive responses to posters who give nothing back to me, support is a two way street and this is an online community not Ask Jeeves. When I see a contributing member in distress I often will provide support even if I can not help. If I see a new member who is genuinely interested in joining the community I will welcome them. I have been posting here since November and have seen so many drive-by posters that I have lost a lot of enthusiasm for supporting.

Another huge pet peeve of mine is when people post their positive pregnancy tests. It clearly states in the rules not to post positive tests in the ttc #1 or ttc forums yet it is done almost every day. I don't look at the posts but i see the headlines, when I am having a difficult ttc day and come to BnB for empathy and support i don't need to see someone's positive pregnancy test especially if it is from someone who joined with the sole purpose of posting their test. I joined this community because posting positive HPTs are against the rules and it is not respected or enforced. Honestly this has made me consider no longer posting here, as much as I like many of the posters on this board I am not in a place emotionally where I can deal with this.

Also, ttc#1 does not get as much traffic as the regular ttc board so that may be another reason for low response rates.

 

[KatO79]

2ducks brings up some good points. I have many times seen new members come on here with the sole purpose of e.g. asking about "Am I pregnant?" and then give a list of their symptoms. I will on occasion answer these people but admit I often have no patience for them. They almost never answer and never post again and only joined to get an answer to their question.

Again she's right about people posting positive HPTs on the TTC and TTC #1 forums (which is also a peeve of mine) even though if people bothered to read the rules, they'd know it wasn't allowed. I get they're happy and excited but there is a BFP announcement thread for them so anyone that can't take seeing those posts can avoid seeing them. I know while I was struggling with infertility I found those posts incredibly hurtful and callous - like they're rubbing it in people's faces that may be going through infertility. I totally agree though that it's not enforced very well and it should result in the thread being locked or better yet deleted on the spot.

I also on occasion see people post BFP threads where they say e.g. "After a long 2 months..." or something similiar - which is also callous and hurtful to people that are taking and have taken longer to conceive. Posters that do this should really get some sort of warning.

I think the real problem is there will always be a number of members that don't show any consideration for others and seem to think only their journey or pregnancy is the most important thing in the world and don't care much about who's feelings get stomped on in the end. Unfortunately this isn't likely to change as more and more people are being raised to be mini narcissists because parents seem to more and more go against giving their children boundaries. I know here in this country it's almost child abuse to do so by lenient parents that give into their children's every whim and give them everything they want. But that's all of course another discussion.

 

[Mrs. Atole]

Hello Ladies
Lot's of good points, i do see lots of ladies posting symptoms of them being pregnant for me it's kinda dumb, if you having symptoms or no af why dont you just test ?? common sense.. now if you just need advice or comfort then just ask for it, right? I'll never know with some of these women.

I will say i love to see a long ttc # 1 get there BFP ( only who are long term members and we know their journey)
the ladies need to read and place there BFP in the announcement department.

We all need to consider each others feelings and help one another out.

2Ducks, i know your an active member and i love how you are always giving your advice!! keep it up girl ! i know we will all get our BFP soon.

 

[greenarcher]

Also, a lot of people view the forum posts without signing in or creating an account! The view number is probably counting these "guests" as well.

 

[Cowgirl07]

Agreed sometimes you have nothing to say so it might be best to say nothing. The views could all web views I think not just active members. That being said I generally don't read and run unless I don't have anything to say or am just busy. At work I can't reply anyway.

 

[Mrs. Atole]

I feel if i want support I NEED to give support.

 

[abennion]

I agree completely Mrs. Atole. There are days though, where saying the same thing over and over again does get a little tiring.

2ducks, I really do hope people stop with the BFP announcements in this section. For those of us who have been trying for a while it does become exhausting. I have to admit tough, I am one of the users on the forum who will check out a post and not comment, but that is only because trying to offer support when you have lost a lot of your own hope is hard.

 

[2ducks]

Honestly I feel really tired of giving thoughtful and friendly responses to questions like "my left nipple is tingling and I have a twitching in my abdomen, anyone else experience this? Am I ovulating?" Seriously, NO ONE can tell you what that means! So I read and don't respond.

 

[2ducks]

I feel if i want support I NEED to give support.

It's not your job to support every single person on this thread. Give what you can when you can and don't feel obligated to write on all posts. Honestly sometimes posts are ridiculous and when they don't get a response it sends a powerful message that the writer really needs to read through some threads and learn some info before posting.

 

[abennion]

Honestly I feel really tired of giving thoughtful and friendly responses to questions like "my left nipple is tingling and I have a twitching in my abdomen, anyone else experience this? Am I ovulating?" Seriously, NO ONE can tell you what that means! So I read and don't respond.

Agreed! Or the "here are my symptoms ... Am I pregnant?"

 

[psychochick]

I agree with many of the points already made here. I feel that not everyone here is looking for support, sometimes people are just looking to hear what they want to hear. Especially some of the relationship advice forums, it's tricky to discern people that want empathy/sympathy vs people that legitimately want someone else's perspective and advice.
Additionally, I often read about things that I have zero experience in; e.g. I read third tri threads to know what kind of issues come up and what the others say in response, but I've never been there and have nothing to provide, not because I don't want to.

 

[Mrs. Atole]

Honestly I feel really tired of giving thoughtful and friendly responses to questions like "my left nipple is tingling and I have a twitching in my abdomen, anyone else experience this? Am I ovulating?" Seriously, NO ONE can tell you what that means! So I read and don't respond.

LOL

 

[Mrs. Atole]

I feel if i want support I NEED to give support.

It's not your job to support every single person on this thread. Give what you can when you can and don't feel obligated to write on all posts. Honestly sometimes posts are ridiculous and when they don't get a response it sends a powerful message that the writer really needs to read through some threads and learn some info before posting.

I disagree, I will not deny i have posted my cervix hurts i've never felt this can someone help or comment ?? and no response sometimes i just need the persons story/comment to help me.

 

[2ducks]

I agree with many of the points already made here. I feel that not everyone here is looking for support, sometimes people are just looking to hear what they want to hear. Especially some of the relationship advice forums, it's tricky to discern people that want empathy/sympathy vs people that legitimately want someone else's perspective and advice.
Additionally, I often read about things that I have zero experience in; e.g. I read third tri threads to know what kind of issues come up and what the others say in response, but I've never been there and have nothing to provide, not because I don't want to.

I'm more likely to give advice to an active member. I have written out so many long and well thought out responses to people who never say thank you and never come back. Usually when someone introduces themselves and says "I'm new here" it means they want to stay, when someone just posts their story with nothing else that to me is an indicator that they just want advice and then to peace out. If someone wants to respond than more power to them.

 

[2ducks]

I feel if i want support I NEED to give support.

It's not your job to support every single person on this thread. Give what you can when you can and don't feel obligated to write on all posts. Honestly sometimes posts are ridiculous and when they don't get a response it sends a powerful message that the writer really needs to read through some threads and learn some info before posting.

I disagree, I will not deny i have posted my cervix hurts i've never felt this can someone help or comment ?? and no response sometimes i just need the persons story/comment to help me.

You also are not coming on the ttc#1 board fishing for "tell me I'm secretly pregnant", some of those posts are legit and get answers and some are just women looking to be told their are pregnant, ovulating, implantation bleeding etc which no one can really tell.

Honestly, I'm not sure I would even know my cervix was hurting!