i just pray more than anything that labour wont suck as much as last time.
I didn't find it empowering, liberating or wonderful. I hated every single minute of it. It was so much more exrutiatingly painful than i ever would of imagined. I thought i was dying. I thought my entire body was going to go into shock. I couldnt' not believe that i was even concious the pain was so brutal and i can't believe i hadn't passed out. i just couldn't believe in so much pain i was so concious. I didn't want her out i wanted a general anasthetic and to be woken when she was cut out of me. I just couldn't handle even one more contraction...
My labour was straight forward with no complications... which upsets me even more... i don't have a bad positioned baby to even blame it on. Waters broke at 6am and she was born 18.5 hours later after 20 minutes of pushing. It was just utter and pure hell.
I hate when i hear people say you have to go into labour without fear as that is what impedes labour. I went into labour without an ounce of concern or fear in my body, i thought i would just know what to do. The midwives were so surprised how excited and bouncing off the walls i was when they told me i was in labour, (before the pain started).
I just can't believe i'm going to do it again. I'm terrified and really upset that i have to do it again. I don't want to do it. I just want a c-section. I have no doubt the 6 weeks of recovery from a c-sec would be hard but i can't imagine thinking at all during those 6 weeks "oh my god i'm dying" "how am i still concious" "why haven't i passed out yet" "i just want them to put me out of my misery" "i'm going to die"