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[DV2012]

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[xcharx]

Woah he was well out of order!!!
he never should of hit you, whether it was a tap or not!! It deffo isn't your fault babe cant believe he then proceeded to text you abuse!!
does he get angry like that often? He absolutely over re acted, he shouldn't be making out its your fault either, that's emotional abuse

i hope he apologises, whatever you do do not apologise! He needs to see the error of his ways

 

[MrsMandy]

Honey - i'm sorry to say this but for your own sake get out now.
Wither its just been this once thats he's said these vile things to you or more than once it is massive red flag!!

Stop and think no matter how hurt and angry a person is at their partner, never would someone in love say something like 'i'll slit your throat!' That is in no way a healthy relationship.

Please dont linger thinking its just this once or it wont happen again - these type of things only get worse over time not better.
I have had to watch my best friend go through a bitter and twisted divorce because of a man who we all thought was the bees knees and a perfect match for her was actually mentally and emotionally abusing her - i would hate for you to end up in the same position.
Please stop and really think hard about everything.

 

[Yo_Yo]

He hit you?! He said he would slit your throat??!

That's domestic abuse, plain and simple. I'd definitely leave.

 

[Yo_Yo]

Honey - i'm sorry to say this but for your own sake get out now.
Wither its just been this once thats he's said these vile things to you or more than once it is massive red flag!!

Stop and think no matter how hurt and angry a person is at their partner, never would someone in love say something like 'i'll slit your throat!' That is in no way a healthy relationship.

Please dont linger thinking its just this once or it wont happen again - these type of things only get worse over time not better.
I have had to watch my best friend go through a bitter and twisted divorce because of a man who we all thought was the bees knees and a perfect match for her was actually mentally and emotionally abusing her - i would hate for you to end up in the same position.
Please stop and really think hard about everything.

This is great advice, couldn't have put it better.
So sorry your going through this

 

[LouOscar01]

Leave him and quick!! Please, my Mum went through this her whole relationship with my Father. They never change and I witnessed some horrible violence as a child!! He is NOT worth it. xxx

 

[spicyorange]

I agree with others verbal that's like that are I is it off order you def shouldn't be thinking of ttc.

 

[MrsMandy]

Honey - i'm sorry to say this but for your own sake get out now.
Wither its just been this once thats he's said these vile things to you or more than once it is massive red flag!!

Stop and think no matter how hurt and angry a person is at their partner, never would someone in love say something like 'i'll slit your throat!' That is in no way a healthy relationship.

Please dont linger thinking its just this once or it wont happen again - these type of things only get worse over time not better.
I have had to watch my best friend go through a bitter and twisted divorce because of a man who we all thought was the bees knees and a perfect match for her was actually mentally and emotionally abusing her - i would hate for you to end up in the same position.
Please stop and really think hard about everything.

This is great advice, couldn't have put it better.
So sorry your going through this

Thank you - she is now coming out the other side, but its not been easy for her and even harder having to care for their son, and hold down her job, whilst going through it all but she has been the strongest person i've known to get through it with the dignity she has.
Their son was only 1 when she finally saw the guy for who he was and got out after 9 years!!
It was very well hidden - even she wasn't aware of how abusive and manipulative he was until someone she barely knew regonised the signs in some of the things she was saying and pointed out that she wasn't happy or in a healthy relationship - i'll never forgive myself for not being able to see it.
I think the thing that stuck in my mind the most was when she told me that on her wedding day when her dad asked if she was sure, her reply was 'its too late now' - that should have had a few bells ringing!!

Original poster - I beg you honey DONT sweep this under the carpet - you are worth far far more than this guy! At the very least don't start TTC with this man until you have really and honestly (and honestly with yourself) thought through everything that's been said to you and you know in your heart of hearts that you will either be safe with this man or that you do need to leave.
I'm available if you need to PM me.

 

[Yo_Yo]

Honey - i'm sorry to say this but for your own sake get out now.
Wither its just been this once thats he's said these vile things to you or more than once it is massive red flag!!

Stop and think no matter how hurt and angry a person is at their partner, never would someone in love say something like 'i'll slit your throat!' That is in no way a healthy relationship.

Please dont linger thinking its just this once or it wont happen again - these type of things only get worse over time not better.
I have had to watch my best friend go through a bitter and twisted divorce because of a man who we all thought was the bees knees and a perfect match for her was actually mentally and emotionally abusing her - i would hate for you to end up in the same position.
Please stop and really think hard about everything.

This is great advice, couldn't have put it better.
So sorry your going through this

Thank you - she is now coming out the other side, but its not been easy for her and even harder having to care for their son, and hold down her job, whilst going through it all but she has been the strongest person i've known to get through it with the dignity she has.
Their son was only 1 when she finally saw the guy for who he was and got out after 9 years!!
It was very well hidden - even she wasn't aware of how abusive and manipulative he was until someone she barely knew regonised the signs in some of the things she was saying and pointed out that she wasn't happy or in a healthy relationship - i'll never forgive myself for not being able to see it.
I think the thing that stuck in my mind the most was when she told me that on her wedding day when her dad asked if she was sure, her reply was 'its too late now' - that should have had a few bells ringing!!

Original poster - I beg you honey DONT sweep this under the carpet - you are worth far far more than this guy! At the very least don't start TTC with this man until you have really and honestly (and honestly with yourself) thought through everything that's been said to you and you know in your heart of hearts that you will either be safe with this man or that you do need to leave.
I'm available if you need to PM me.

I have the utmost respect for your friend. She is a strong women and her ex is a weak (insert rude word of choice)
X

 

[DV2012]

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[MrsMandy]

Thanks for listening ladies. The thing is one minute he is the most affectionate, caring, loving husband. Shows affection at home, in public, always kisses and hugs me. My whole family think he is such a loving and caring husband and he is except for when he is upset with me, he calls me names. I am beginning to think it may be some kind of anger issue he may need some help in dealing with. I know he loves me and would do anything for me, he is a 'perfect' husband until we fight and he calls me names. Sometimes I call him bad names back and sometimes I don't call him anything to see if he will stop. I think I might mention counselling to him. He slept on the couch the night we argued, I didn't tell him too, he just did. The next morning he didn't say anything to me, but as time passed and we were about to leave for work he started talking and said I love u.

Just because he's upset and angry that does not give him the right to lash out in a physical way, or in the things he says to you.
Everything you have just said in your last post is an exact parallel to what my friend had for 9 years.
If you truely believe its an anger management issue then most definitely he needs counciling, but I think you need to maybe think about spending some time apart whist he seeks help, and perhaps you should also think about seeking some councilling too - my friend had some group sessions she went to which really helped her to see everything clearly for the first time and to understand what and why it happened. Most importantly always remember that none of it is your fault!!!

 

[angiepie]

Some of those behaviours sounds like my DF, and he has an anger management problem. For which he's getting counselling and enrolling in an anger management course. You sound like me- someone who doesn't want to leave- so I recommend getting help. You can't do nothing, you have to leave or get help. Hope that makes sense...

 

[DV2012]

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[Reidfidleir]

I agree that was wrong and unkind of him. I think you both should try to get some counseling. It takes two. He may have a temper problem but are you saying things that antagonize him? Maybe without meaning to? Definitely learn to love each other during the tough times and learn to communicate more effciently. Make sure things are solid and without incident for a while before you ttc. Pregnancy tests patience and having a baby reaaaaaally tests patience!!!

 

[AniMo2202]

I'm sorry @Reidfidleir,but if she's saying antagonizing things without meaning to,how can she stop doing it?I feel very sorry for her,because I have a friend whose OH was very similar.He never really hit her,just pushed her around every now and then,but the verbal abuse was horrible.And even after leaving him 4 different times,the last time seeming to have been permanent,the damage is still very evident to her.She still believes it's her own fault,and that she caused him to be angry with her.She's getting therapy,but it's going to be a long time until she can fully move on.

DV2012,nobody can know what truly goes on in your relationship,and I just hope and pray that you will make the right decision for yourself,and your future (as yet not born) children.Children deserve the best in life,and even though you love your hubby,not all loves are meant to last,or lead to a forever life together.

Sorry if this post makes no sense at all,I haven't had my coffee yet this morning.

 

[Eline]

I agree that you need to take action here. If something as small as some papers lead to this kind of argument, how will you both react when you have a baby that's been crying for hours or you have a toddler that's really testing your patience?

As he is acting like the perfect boyfriend in the presence of friends and family, I would definitely let some of your close friends or your parents read the texts he sent you. It doesn't help that everyone sees him as the perfect boyfriend and it's important that he gets feedback from other people close to him as well that his behavior is unacceptable.

 

[twiggy56]

The fact he can be two very different people, in itself is very frightening. To switch quickly between this person you say he is infront of other people and between the (vile) name-calling and aggressive physical behaviour he displays when angry means you will always walk on eggshells, wondering if today you might get Jekyll or Hyde....

I dont think the simple answer is to just 'get up and leave him' as when you love someone its never that simple. Its easy to give advice behind a keyboard but actually doing something yourself is guna take huge courage.

Its a first step you recognise this is not OK, this is not normal
behaviour and isnt acceptable- no matter what you do or say to 'provoke' him.
The other ladies suggested counselling which could be an option.
Above all PLEASE do not bring a child into this relationship until you have sorted this problem. A child demands far more from you than you can realise, its the ultimate stress to a relationship and a huge test of patience. Wait...til you know that little person iant going to fear his 'bad side' the way you already do...

Hope you find the courage. x

 

[DV2012]

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[twiggy56]

Its not just name calling though, if he's showing physical anger? We can all tell you how it looks from the outside but you already know your decision.

Hope it works out for you.

 

[MellyH]

Imagine what advice you would give a friend who came to you with the same story. You would tell her to please be safe. Domestic abuse - name-calling, hitting ("tapping" is an excuse for it and you know it) - is NEVER OKAY. You don't deserve that at all. There are so many people in happy, safe, loving relationships who genuinely would never have to deal with their partner calling them names or hitting them. I can't imagine anything more upsetting than have the person I loved calling me names. You really don't deserve to be treated that way at all. If there is a list of excuses in your head about why it's too hard to leave, think about them really carefully. Write them down, and consider what you want out of your life. You won't find that safe, mature, loving, considerate relationship you deserve if you're with this guy.

I know it sounds blunt, because you do love him. But you don't deserve to be treated that badly EVER. You should be with someone who is loving and reliable 100% of the time, not 95% - especially if the other 5% is mean, mean, mean behaviour.