30 yo and TTC #1

[DosPinkies]

Girls...the ups and downs of this are just too much. How can I possibly be so fired up one day and the next day I just can't imagine doing this for one more day? I have no idea how to stop getting in these ruts. Tonight I knocked my OPK holder off the windowsill and just said, "Eff it. Just stay there. I don't even care anymore." Then I told myself that maybe I'm just not meant to be a mother. I'm meant to be in bad health and in pain all the time and this is just it for me. And then I cried. And now I'm going to bed. I'm about to enter my fertile window and I just...can't imagine where I'm going to get the heart from to do this again.

 

[JCM]

Girls...the ups and downs of this are just too much. How can I possibly be so fired up one day and the next day I just can't imagine doing this for one more day? I have no idea how to stop getting in these ruts. Tonight I knocked my OPK holder off the windowsill and just said, "Eff it. Just stay there. I don't even care anymore." Then I told myself that maybe I'm just not meant to be a mother. I'm meant to be in bad health and in pain all the time and this is just it for me. And then I cried. And now I'm going to bed. I'm about to enter my fertile window and I just...can't imagine where I'm going to get the heart from to do this again.

I took a break from my fertility monitor one month. Then I screamed at "fertility friend" I think my exact words were "oh friend? You are not my friend!!!" And then I deleted it. Isn't is the worst when you're about to ovulate and you can't even get in the mood for fun sex? You should have a glass of wine and sit in the bathtub with some lavender oil and bubbles. You won't get the chance to do that very often after your baby gets here!!! You will be a mother. A great one too because you are so passionate about having a child. You got cheated last month cause of stones...make this cycle a good one!!

 

[ladders]

Dos I know exactly how you feel I did exactly the same when af arrived Tuesday especially after it chose to arrive just after I'd spent the afternoon at soft play with my nieces, resolved to give up because the thought of going through it again was just too exhausting especially with dh moaning everytime he takes his vitamins! But yesterday morning I found myself on the Internet buying my supply of opks preseed softcups and mucinex because we can't give up because we want it too bad and we have no choice.

Thank you ladies for getting me through

 

[Miskas mommy]

Aww dos big !!!

I finally figured it out from my iPad this morning.. My computer must have been being an ass last night..

I think we are out this month... DH still has a kidney stone still and I think my kidney infection is back, follow up at the dr this am.. And according to ff I should O on Monday... Maybe we can sneak in a bd this weekend if he's feeling better

 

[curiousowl]

So sorry you're having a rough time Dos. I second what everyone else said. And just know we're all here for you.

I see it Miskas! Your temps are a little crazy but if you think your infection is back that could easily explain it. You should still be able to see a pattern I think.

As for me, FF is so weird. Today I put in my temp, which was low, and it took away the crosshairs! What?! But my FF ticker still says 18dpo. So confused. I tried putting in that AF started today (it hasn't but with the low temp I'm hoping) and they came back as solid lines. I guess FF is just as confused as I am. Frustrating.

 

[lsd2721]

Dos, I'm sorry! I know it can be just so upsetting/stressful at times! It'll be even sweeter once you see that BFP!

Miskas, you are jumping around! I agree with Curious, it could be the infection. I would wait and see what next cycle is too before you get concerned.

Hope everyone has great plans for the weekend! I had a great time seeing Elton John in concert! Now apparently my husband has a surprise for me and asked me to pack us a bag for a trip. I have NO idea where I'm going! LOL What a great husband I have!

 

[Miskas mommy]

Curious and LSD Thanks! thats what i was thinking but i thought maybe i was nuts.

Lsd Have Fun!! such a great hunny

 

[MrsKChicago]

How's everyone feeling today? It sounds like it's been a rough week for our little group here.

 

[curiousowl]

I'm bummed that my body was such a jerk to me this cycle. I think at this point it seems pretty clear that I didn't O CD9 but the temp rise along with the crazy PMS-like symptoms CD21-25 were SO convincing. I'm guessing I'm having another anovulatory cycle. Can I consider myself TTC if I'm not even ovulating?

How are you MrsK? Did you end up getting some good timed BD in? When are you planning to test?

How's everyone else?

 

[MrsKChicago]

I'm doing ok. Trying to not get my hopes up and symptom spot this month. The lack of any real symptoms helps with that

We managed to BD every other night for the week leading up to O, so I guess we're in pretty good shape. Better than last month. I'm probably going to start dipping into my stash of Wondfos on Wednesday.

 

[DosPinkies]

I'm making it. I appreciate everyone's support. I'm in my fertile period, but I don't even know if we'll get any BDing in because of my headaches. Oh well. What's another missed cycle, right? :\

Good luck, mrs k...sounds like your timing is great this month!

 

[MrsKChicago]

Dos, I hope you can get at least a couple sessions in. It's amazing that we can send robots to Mars, but we can't cure chronic headaches.

 

[Miskas mommy]

So frustrating! Here i am thinking i am supposed to ovulate this weekend and it seems like AF is arriving!!! WTF!!!! i go from 40 day cycles to 25??? Stupid body! How am i supposed to plan anything that way!!

sorry for the rant.. just frustrated.

 

[DosPinkies]

Miskas, are you sure it's AF? Ovulation bleeding is common I think. Have you ever had that before? Looking at your temps, they're awfully low to be post-ovulation. Check this article out. https://www.conceiveeasy.com/get-pregnant/ovulation-bleeding/

 

[Miskas mommy]

dos, no i haven't even heard of that before.. Sorry if this is TMI, but its more a Brownish color than red.. Like Old blood maybe? same as what i usually get the day before AF comes..

 

[MrsKChicago]

I know this is minor compared to the other problems here, but it's something that I'm struggling with, and I'm not "out" as TTC with more than a small handful of people in real life, so you guys are getting it

TTC is probably the worst thing I've ever done, as far as weight loss goes. I'd lost a little over 50lbs as of November (getting healthy for TTC is the most motivating thing I've found), gained almost 10 through December vacation and the holidays, which was frustrating but worth it because I got amazing vacation food, you know? But I'm really struggling to stay motivated, and I've managed to put on another couple pounds, as opposed to losing the darn weight again, which is what I should be doing. I'm paying for Weight Watchers, I know it works, but I can't get myself to stick to it all of a sudden. It's like I know I'll be stopping it any day now, so I might as well just eat that extra cookie. For the baby I was so close to the line between obese and overweight, and if I'm not pregnant right now, I really need to get back there. So frustrated with myself. I made a ticker to shame myself into tracking everything.

 

[RForReal]

I know this is minor compared to the other problems here, but it's something that I'm struggling with, and I'm not "out" as TTC with more than a small handful of people in real life, so you guys are getting it

TTC is probably the worst thing I've ever done, as far as weight loss goes. I'd lost a little over 50lbs as of November (getting healthy for TTC is the most motivating thing I've found), gained almost 10 through December vacation and the holidays, which was frustrating but worth it because I got amazing vacation food, you know? But I'm really struggling to stay motivated, and I've managed to put on another couple pounds, as opposed to losing the darn weight again, which is what I should be doing. I'm paying for Weight Watchers, I know it works, but I can't get myself to stick to it all of a sudden. It's like I know I'll be stopping it any day now, so I might as well just eat that extra cookie. For the baby I was so close to the line between obese and overweight, and if I'm not pregnant right now, I really need to get back there. So frustrated with myself. I made a ticker to shame myself into tracking everything.

Seriously, good for you for coming as far as you have! I think everyone gets into ruts, no one is perfect! I've been guilty of eating an extra cookie because I *might* be pregnant and it's for the baby. I think it's normal to slip up so don't be too hard on yourself! You should feel encouraged by all of the progress you've already made. You will get there, just think about how good you feel when you step on the scale after losing a few lbs and how good you will feel about yourself when you meet your goal. Good luck!

 

[MrsKChicago]

Thanks. I've been in and out of ruts before, but this has gone on for months. It's way out of hand now!

 

[trumpetbeth]

I think the ticker is a great idea! I lost 70lbs in 2005 with weight watchers but I am still should probably lose about 40 more... The OB/GYN told me I should probably lose weight during this pregnancy, not really gain any since I am considered "obese" according to BMI.

My advice, you know weight watchers works, just make yourself do it babies do not need cookies!

 

[ladders]

So ladies af has just left the building and I'm summoning the energy to battle on again this month. Has anyone thought of or have tried acupuncture to help? Or reflexology. I'm thinking of trying it but quite expensive and not sure how my scientific brain feels about it, especially as I'm concerned that the problem possibly with dh. But I need to do something extra this month so any input on either?