35 and over and ltttc for baby #2 for over 2.5yrs!

[WhiteOrchid24]

Gemmy - It has literally just been since his cousin was born (4 weeks ago) that he has taken a whole new interest in babies. Yesterday was the first time ever that he mentioned having a brother. TBH I have been waiting for it and knew it was only a matter of time.

Isaac - you are lucky your DH is so willing! My DH would go and told me to make an appt for him a few weeks ago but we hadn't DTD for a week as I had AF and it was 2 days away so not allowed to DTD before so I couldn't make it. I made his first appt and TBH will probably organise the 2nd but our problem is that he's working away from home a lot just now so it's impossible to know when he can go for it and fitting it in so it's not my fertile time! Wish things weren't so complicated!!! As for the morphology I don't have much advice. Our Dr was totally optimistic that it can be improved by simple life style changes such as exercise, cutting out alcohol, eating healthy and trying to limit stress. Well he gets lots of exercise through work, he does still drink but only at the weekends and it's not a lot and we eat super healthy and stress levels are much better! He takes multi-vitamins and has done for ages but that's it. Whether that will make a difference or not I really don't know but once we get the 2nd SA done we'll go from there but my suggestions are going to be to try Fertilaid (think I will need to order it online) and possibly accupuncture..... He will also be referred to a urologist so I am hoping they will have more constructive advice! I feel a little in the dark to be honest and it's impossible to find anything concrete on the internet re. morphology but I just have to stay positive that it can improve! Every month I keep telling myself "it just takes 1....I just need 1 good one"!!! I also think of Cali whose DH's morphology was 0.5% and she got her BFP so we know it can happen!

 

[eyemom]

HI ladies. Hope everyone has had a good weekend. I'm always happy on Sunday nights because my weekend is only half over. But it sucks on Friday night/Saturday.

My DH really REALLY did not want to do his SA either. After I saw the Dr and he ordered the test, we waited out the cycle we were already in the tww for. But then after AF arrived I called to schedule it. He was so dreading it, but then it came back good and he felt like such a stud, lol.

Speaking of the FertilAid, does anyone have any knowledge/experience with the women's version? I have been kinda wary to try it. I know some supplements are legit, but some are just kinda scary. But at this point I'm just about willing to try anything.

AFM uuurrrrghhhh I wish I knew what in the world was going on. I'm on CD 12, maayyyybe 13 if I counted wrong. I started on the OPKs early, not really expecting much at first but I've ov'd a on day 12 a couple of times recently and I didn't want to miss it. Libido was starting to ramp up a little bit recently so I thought it was probably going to be soon. This morning, I started having what I thought was the beginning of fertile CM, so I thought cool I may get my +opk tonight (within the normal time frame). Later in the day, ***SORRY TMI WARNING*** I thought I felt more in my underwear. Next time I went to the bathroom, I looked down and it was BLOOD! Definitely more than "just spotting," more like a light AF day. I have had very light mid-cycle spotting before just in the last few cycles, but never bright red and AF-like, and never this much. It was still nothing a panty liner couldn't handle, but way more than anything I have ever experienced without it being a period. And it's not ovulation spotting because I know I haven't ov'd yet. I'm so frustrated, I just wish I knew for sure what was going on. I did have the HSG on CD 7, and AF at that point was down to a trickle. So I spotted for 2 more days (could have been AF or a result of the HSG or both), then nothing on days 8-11 and now this. No cramping, no fever, no other symptoms of anything at all. It still doesn't seem quite like AF other than the amount and the color. Just so confused. I was all excited to try after the HSG, and now I'm worried about maybe an anov cycle??? (never had one before) which would just mean more waiting. And if it's not an anovulatory thing, none of the other options I can think of sound all that great either. Ugh. But I guess all I can do is just wait and see what happens.

Also worried now, I am using some OPKs I bought on clearance that don't expire til December. ($2 for a 7-pack, how could I resist?) WHAT IF I already ovulated and missed it???? But still I never had any other signs. My temp has been all over the place this cycle too, though I didn't temp this morning because I had a sick dd in my bed and I didn't sleep at all. (I know on my chart it looks like my temp is starting to spike but I took it way way late that day so if I factor that in it's not really all that high.) Ugh.

SORRY to come in here and rant! I didn't even properly reply to anyone. I gotta call it a night though. Still rooting for you all!

 

[tommyg]

Eyemum, I think you should have a word with your GP mid cycle bleed can be your hormones out of sync.

My DH was fine going for his SA, I think, but the problem with us was always more likely to be me. However I have a friend who was really wound up about going for his. I also think there's an element of women can discuss fertility issues without feeling less of a woman. Where it's just not something men discuss, hence my friend was really wound up and used me as a sounding board. I didn't realise how wound up he was until he thanked me later for listening and not taking the mickey.

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

Oh eyemom that is so frustrating! I hate it when you get random cycles but maybe it's just from the HSG....I would just keep BDing as much as you can and keep your fingers crossed and hope but I know how confusing it is.

AFM - I'm around 10dpo and have started with my sensitive boobs today so know I'm out although I wasn't really expecting it to happen this month anyway so just trying to stay positive. Really need to get DH to go for his SA so we can get things moving with tests etc.

I was feeling crappy yesterday as my sister told me at the end of a conversation that one of our friends is pregnant with her 2nd. It's so hard because she always just seems to tell me quickly at the end of a conversation and I'm supposed to be all excited and happy about it. I don't understand how she can't see how hard it is for me.....I don't want to upset her (esp. since she's just had a baby and is probably still quite hormonal) but I just don't understand at all that she doesn't even get it a little. I think I'm going to talk to my mum about it then she can talk to my sis, because every time it gets harder and harder and puts me in such a bad mood! It's not that I'm upset they are all pregnant - it's more the fact the way I am told and the lack of understand of what i am going though. Aaarrgghh sorry everyone! I wish I didn't feel like this I just can't help it. None of my family ever ask how things are going even though they know we're having problems and worst of all when I have spoken to them in the past I always get "well just think how lucky you are to have your son"! Which I totally get and am grateful and thankful for every-single-day BUT that doesn't take away the fact I want another - in fact it makes it worse cause I want to give him a sibling and have to deal with the pain of that and the guilt that apparently I should just be grateful for having him! Anyway I'm so sorry - I didn't mean to rant I just don't know who else I can talk to who truly understands!

I hope the rest of you are doing better!!!

 

[gemmy]

Hi ladies,
Eye mom - what a nightmare with your cycle! Yeah keep bding you just don't know. There was one time I bled mid cycle, around ov, and it was because of a uti - although I knew I had some kind of bladder infection since it stung so much to pee. I got it because we were overdoing doing the deed lol. Good luck to you!

Tommy - yeah I think dh always thinks it's him and just doesn't want to hear it, although I just want know one way or other! Good that yours didn't worry about it. Mine puts things off in general!

White orchid - I know the feeling when no one understands irl!!! So glad to have found this thread, at least we all do. As much as you appreciate one baby you want to give them everything including a sibling! I was saying to dh earlier what would ds do if we hadn't moved next to neighbours with a 4 and 9 year old. He plays out going garden to garden most nights. Also I childmind so he has other children aeound but it is just not the same.

Hope we all get our bfp soon, I used to expect it at some point but feels impossible right now xx

 

[tommyg]

Eyemom Just realised you are on your HSG cycle. I had a bleed a few days after mine however it was also the month that I tried Soy Iso, decided not to try the soy again. So I'd leave it this cycle but if it happens again I'd contact your Fertiliy Specilist or your GP. As it could be a sign of your homones are out of sync.

Gemmy does your OH have a friend (a sympathic friend, sister, or another man who's been through it) that he could talk to and reasure him and it means you can do something about any problems that exist? I'm not sure that my OH spoke to anybody first time round he kept delaying making the phone call but realisng we didn't have time to waste helped. I know my pal found it a great help to be able to speak with somebody else outwith their relationship. I know we are unusual to have a male/female non romantic friendship where we can be so open and discuss that kind of stuff. You could try pointing him in the direction of the "men only" part of the forum.

Yip its hard when you are watching your LO and know how much another child would enrich their lives. Anybody else do the thing of "if I'd concieved when I started trying we'd have a 1 year old by now?" Yes you are happy for friend but at the same time it does sting, tbh I think people just don't know how to tell you that they (or other people) are pregnant.
I got 3 babies almost due around me, one happy accident, one clomid baby (whos mum was TTC her first for about 6 years, also a clomid baby) and the other was a lucky try (mum tried for about 18 mths for her first). I keep reminding myself that you just don't know what paths other mums have walked before you.

 

[IsaacRalph]

No I agree tommy and some people keep things like ttc to themselves where as we find it easier to talk with like minded people. I have a very annoying friend/work colleague who has just announced her pregnancy via scan pic on fb. I am happy for her but it was so cliche she's gorgeous has got a 2yr old boy and just got married to the love of her life and low and behold it was a honeymoon conception! Every damn thing she writes on fb is all happy happy and rose scented! I'm not that bitter really I just wish that I could also share some good news. People are getting pregnant all around me that I'm kinda numb to it all now. Nearly 2 years is tough going! Oh girls I'm so glad I started this thread although I think we would've found each other eventually. Cd 13 for me and opk's still negative can't believe this will be my last ov before treatment. Bding every other day and not charting this month as it really didn't tell me nothing i ddidn'talready know last month waste of time. Feeling a bit fed up today and it's defo fine to rant on here that's what we are all here for x

 

[gemmy]

Eyemom Just realised you are on your HSG cycle. I had a bleed a few days after mine however it was also the month that I tried Soy Iso, decided not to try the soy again. So I'd leave it this cycle but if it happens again I'd contact your Fertiliy Specilist or your GP. As it could be a sign of your homones are out of sync.

Gemmy does your OH have a friend (a sympathic friend, sister, or another man who's been through it) that he could talk to and reasure him and it means you can do something about any problems that exist? I'm not sure that my OH spoke to anybody first time round he kept delaying making the phone call but realisng we didn't have time to waste helped. I know my pal found it a great help to be able to speak with somebody else outwith their relationship. I know we are unusual to have a male/female non romantic friendship where we can be so open and discuss that kind of stuff. You could try pointing him in the direction of the "men only" part of the forum.

Yip its hard when you are watching your LO and know how much another child would enrich their lives. Anybody else do the thing of "if I'd conceived when I started trying we'd have a 1 year old by now?" Yes you are happy for friend but at the same time it does sting, tbh I think people just don't know how to tell you that they (or other people) are pregnant.
I got 3 babies almost due around me, one happy accident, one clomid baby (whos mum was TTC her first for about 6 years, also a clomid baby) and the other was a lucky try (mum tried for about 18 mths for her first). I keep reminding myself that you just don't know what paths other mums have walked before you.

Unfortunately don't know anyone. Every one we know seems to have fallen pregnant straight away and he has a brother who doesnt want kids apart from step kids he has. Although I get the impression that my neighbour may have had fertility issues and didn't exoect her 2nd ever to come (5 year gap) but I am going by old comments ob her faceboij, reading between the lines and dont know her well enough to ask. However in time if she asks me about another... mens section is a good idea I think I would suggest if he isnt happy with results. Not sure I can see him as one to post but he likes to research.

Yes totally often think about age of possible child ( would have been just around after his 2nd birthday.... now if we conceived would be born just before he turns 4, I don't mind 4 year gap, just no more!!

Well I met a lady the other week who has a son the same age - she said she was 7 weeks pregnant. This is her third!! Has a one year old already. I really wanted to be pregnant myself at that point I wouldnt have been far behind. But that was two cycles ago.

 

[gemmy]

My battery was about to die so I submitted the above quickly! !

IssaccRalph - I love your thread! It feels good to talk to you girls. Have met other people on here but they have all either had a baby or trying for 1st. I feel for you with the two year mark. Like me you must have started trying at 33 and presumed you would give birth before turning 35! I remember when I kept saying that was my goal! Hopefully you do it this cycle

 

[IsaacRalph]

Aww thanks so much gemmy! Yeah started trying when I was 33 thinking I had loads of time left, how wrong I was. It's so hard cuz like you we have got pregnant before secondary infertility really is so frustrating! Ds is 3 in December and all I hope is that we have another by his 4th birthday we started trying again when he was 12 months sounds crazy all that time has passed. Whether natural or not I must have another baby please god give us all another baby and for barbi a rainbow baby xx

 

[gemmy]

Fx for us all. My ds was born 9 July 2010, my next possible due date is 28th June, really want this one. He will start school that september!

 

[tommyg]

Glad I'm not the only one who works out possible due dates at the start of a cycle. DS will be 3 in Feb so I'm looking at almost 3.5 age gap if we hit jackpot this cycle. I know this is only round 3 of femara but starting to loose hope already. However if I get pregnant now I'll be 39 before baby is born, definitely don't want to be 40 having babies. So it's kind of tough from that point.

DH and I were 33 when we met, DS came along 3 years later. But can't understand ladies who are in settled relationships waiting until they are 36/37 to start trying, been at 2 weddings this year where that's their plan. One I've been telling for years to get ttcing if it's what they want.

 

[gemmy]

Yeah one couple I know same age as me well she is 34 almost 35 and he is 29, waiting 1 or 2 years. I did mention to her the time it has been taking me. I tried for no1 when I was 30 pregnant at 31. Been trying no 2 since 33... I really think they should start!!

Yeah I cant help but count 40 weeks after every af on my phone calendar, gives me a little pleasure on cd1 lol. Lots of for you x

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

It's funny but I always said 35 was my cut-off for having children....that gives me 10 months!! I think I might have to reconsider that one

Isaac - I understand how you feel about your colleague. While it is true that we might not know what many ppl have gone through to get their BFP for me, EVERYONE I know who is pregnant (or just had a baby) got pregnant within 2 months of trying....2 MONTHS!! AF is due this weekend and that will mark the start of cycle 20 of TTC and December will be the 2 year point since we started..... humph that will be tough, especially cause my DS turns 4 then I always wanted a 3 year age gap between my children, now i'd be looking more like 5. Although that being said I'm trying to see the positives in that - DS has suddenly become interested in babies so I think he would be a great help. Hopefully he would be more understanding if I had morning/all-day sickness like I did with him and be able to give me a break for an hour! Also he'll be at school so might make things a little easier with a new born - see there are lots of positives to having a bigger age gap!! Plus all the mums I know that have kids 2 years apart seem so frazzled and exhausted!!

I too always think at the start of each cycle what month that would mean I would have the baby if I got pregnant! I think it's natural....at the same time I get frustrated with myself as I find myself day-dreaming about finding out I'm pregnant, telling my DH and everyone else etc.....and then AF arrives to squash all those dreams. I think that's why CD 1 is just so darn hard for us all. Even if you KNOW AF is coming and you are out you still can't give up on that tiny last little thread of hope until AF arrives. At least I have now learnt to save myself some money and stop buying HPT!!!

Anyway hugs to you all - I think we're all going through a tougher time just now! Let's just blame it on the weather

Barbikins - how are you doing?

 

[tommyg]

I always said if I didn't have my first before 35 I wouldn't have any, DS was born just after I turned 36. My ideal had been 2 year gap. Funnily enough my mums ideal would have been 2 years too but she took over a year to conceive me.

From the frazzled point it's something that means I get to go through the toddler stage twice rather than 2 together and enjoy them both that bit more.

 

[eyemom]

Hi ladies! I feel a wall of text coming on. This is what happens when I stay gone too long!

I ended up just bleeding that one day. I'm hoping it was just a result of the HSG. I just wasn't expecting it because I had light spotting the day of and the day after, then 4 days of nothing at all. But who knows? I haven't bled any since. We dtd a couple of nights ago, then started to last night (had planned to take a night off, but ya know...) but ended up getting too tired since it was so late. Buuuut tonight I got a +opk, so it's time to start the serious BD. *fingers crossed* I'm a little nervous I haven't noticed any fertile mucus to speak of. Granted, I don't reach up by my cervix. But usually there's at least a scant bit on the TP like when I wipe (sorry if that's TMI; I think of it as my own sort of modified Creighton Model but not quite). I have one more applicator for Pre~Seed. I guess I'll have to buy more tomorrow.

Orchid, sorry you're feeling out. It's so funny (though I guess not in a "haha" kind of way) because if I get sore boobs, I get really excited and hopeful. Funny how our bodies can behave in different ways. Hope you can get those tests going soon. Even for myself, I never know whether to wish for answers or hope that everything's normal. I guess it's definitely better to hope everything is normal, but then it's still frustrating because otherwise WHAT is going on????

Sorry about the thing with your sister and your friend. It's great news for them, but you'd think they could be a little more delicate, ya know?

And I know how you feel because I feel TREMENDOUSLY blessed to have my daughter. She is just beautiful inside and out. But there's still that intense longing for another child. There's just no sense of peace when you don't feel it in your heart that your family is complete. Also, I want a sibling for my daughter, too. It's definitely possible to feel completely thankful for the child you have and still yearn for another.

Hi gemmy! I don't think I have a UTI. I haven't had one in a few years (all the ones I had before, I accidentally fell asleep before I could pee after dtd). But when I do, I feel like I gotta go all the time and it hurts to stop. It's still a mystery, but just hoping it's a one-off.

tommy, thanks for your input, too! Wonky cycles are frustrating no matter what, but...maybe I'm projecting here...but when you're like us (or at least me), and you're paying attention to e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g your body does, it's hard not to go a little crazy when something is COMPLETELY different! But I've never had iodine shot up into my uterus either, so I'm really hoping that's all it was. You better believe though if it happens again I'm calling the Dr!

I kinda do my own variation of "if I'd conceived when ___, we'd have a ___-year-old by now." We conceived shortly after we started trying for #2, and that one ended in m/c. The due date for that one was the day after dd1's birthday. So pretty much every year on her birthday, I will be celebrating one and silently mourning the other which would have been almost exactly 2 years younger.... In my case, I try to think of it from the angle that at least I have something happy to remind me how blessed I am during an otherwise dark time for me.

I imagine it being kind of hard for other people to bring up others' pregnancies when they must know it's hard for us to hear. Because while it sort of crushes me in a way to hear that kind of news, if no one told me, I'd be pretty upset about that, too. So maybe people just don't know what to do. It does seem like there should be some middle ground though.

Regarding distance between kiddos.... We also wanted ours 2-3 years apart. 2 would have been ideal, that's why it sort of kills me because it's like we were soooo close. Now we're >3 for sure. I just looked it up and it'd be 3 years and 4 mos apart if we miraculously conceived this cycle. I think it's okay, just not what we'd hoped for. My brother and I are 5 years apart (because my mom had secondary infertility too), and we were always cool with it. We were still close and we got along great. But even so, I just really really really don't want my kids 5 years apart. Sometimes I think of it this way though..... Don't get me wrong, if I could undo the m/c, I would in a heartbeat. But having a child now that dd is older, she'd get to enjoy the pregnancy a lot more and be a more involved big sister. It'd also be way easier to manage a newborn with her being a little older. So there are some plus sides. But still. The baby fever is just so so bad.

(I just read further down and saw that the advantages of a bigger age gap have already been covered, lol.)

Somebody mentioned rainbow baby. This is a tangent but it reminded me. Some pages back (sorry too lazy to look it up ) I mentioned something like "Hope you get your rainbow soon" to somebody. I can't remember who. But at that time, I didn't even know that rainbow baby was, I just thought it was a baby that you really want that gets to be born. I didn't know it meant baby after a loss. Ever since I joined, before I got in on this thread, I hung out in the ttc after a loss section, so I just heard "rainbow baby" all the time and didn't realize what it meant. Soooo I said that to somebody and it probably wasn't even the right thing to say. So, whoever that was, I'm sorry!

I totally look up the potential due date every CD1, haha. It is a little fun.

Funny how young whatever age feels once you get there, right? 35 is definitely young!

I do that thing about day-dreaming about finding out I'm pregnant too! Every time toward the end of the tww, I start thinking about how I'd react if I saw those two lines. Would I cry? How would I tell DH? My imagination really gets going sometimes. And then when I see the one line, you'd think I'd get used to it, but it seems like it makes it so much worse. But I just can't help but think about it.

But yeah, I test early, mostly because I'm totally impatient, but also because seeing those negatives kinda helps me mentally and emotionally prepare for AF's arrival. Often, by the time AF actually arrives, I've more or less come to terms with it and it's a little easier to deal with. But even so, I still have some shred of hope until I actually start bleeding, even if every sign is pointing to "NOPE, NOT THIS TIME!" I keep buying internet cheapies, so the expense is less of a deterrent. :-/

Anyway, sorry for all the rambling! Cheering you ladies on as always.

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

Sigh....I'm starting to feel like giving up with TTC. Every month just gets more and more disappointing and harder to take. There is honestly a part of me that just feels like stopping and enjoying what I have but the other part of me screams NOOOOOO it will happen - don't give in yet. I hate this sorry girls - don't mean to be so down but having a tough day today

 

[eyemom]

orchid

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

I'm sorry for being such a moaner! I'm not normally like this but I feel like the last month all I have done is moan to you all!! I appreciate all of your support and will be more positive and cheery from now on!!

 

[eyemom]

No concern! Sometimes you just gotta let it out.