40+ and Trying for 1st? Join in!!

[Pussycat1]

Weezy, yes I agree on the tests, they're not cheap but I wish I'd known about them earlier as your right, although they're expensive it's cheaper than a wasted cycle. I wish you luck. I don't think they can tell till 20 weeks if they're pink or blue, but with scans every two weeks I don't see how we won't find out.
Vonn, my family have no idea! We're close but not, if that doesn't sound weird, plus most of them are hundreds of miles away. We will tell them the full story, I want them to know how this has been for us as I think sometimes they think we lead a blessed life. Now we truely do. 😊

 

[Vonn]

PC--Awwww, that is so sweet! It's got to be just wonderful to feel that way. I can't imagine how shocked your family is going to be when they hear this story. And I can't believe you've been able to keep this emotional process to yourselves. I blab about it to my family and friends, even a few co-workers I'm not super close with. It's just such a big part of what I think about & what I do. I'm not sure how I'll deal with this when/if I actually get pregnant, as we will want to keep it quiet for about the first tri. Maybe I'll shut up about it or fudge the truth. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For the time being, I have to keep sane, and blabbing helps me do that!

 

[Pussycat1]

Vonn, we all deal with these things differently! I have loads of very good friends but in many ways I'm also a boy of a loner and for me it was just easier dealing with it by myself and of course with you guys. This thread and one on DE has been an amazing source of support and information for me and that's been my outlet. Now I can't wait to tell people but in other ways it's nice to be our secret! x

 

[kaysbc]

lastchances, one thing that I do with my DH in order to "communicate without talking about it"... We keep a calendar on our fridge where we write all kinds of things and appts, events etc so we know what we're doing. I also draw little hearts on the days I think I will be most fertile. I started doing this a long time ago without even telling him what it was, and he figured it out. This way he always knows when "its time", and we don't have to get into a conversation (nor argument) about it. Not sure if this would help you, but just sharing. There are ways to make this work even when our guys are not always the best.

 

[terripeachy]

Pussycat-I hope you are having a great time at your family reunion and getting spoiled rotten! I'm sure secretly your family has been waiting for this announcement and now I bet they Re doubly excited!! Shopping trips galore!

I'm back to the grind here this morning and I'm dreading it. It's been so nice being on vacation for most of the month. Now I have to go back to work. The good news is that I got my schedule from my nurse and things should start progressing here come August. Yay for moving forward. Hope everyone has a great day.

 

[Lastchances]

Ok...so in a fairly shocking turn of events, my boyfriend decided to move in with me, after all. It's certainly not an ideal or conventional arrangement, since I already had a housemate and other reasons, but quite surprisingly, he decided to take us up on the offer made a while ago when his landlords started making trouble, and he started moving in yesterday.

I live an hour away from his kids so I didn't think he would, but renting rooms for years, post-divorce just to be right near their house before he's ready to get his own again, just wasn't working anymore, especially once we got together. He said he had to make sure he was doing it for the right reasons, and I emphatically agreed. There was practicality and lack of great options in this, but at the end of the day had to be about a lot more.

So, this should be interesting for timing etc. Aside from the upcoming week he'll be away, we'll now be together for...the whole calendar. Given our situation, we probably should be doing everything possible to avoid pregnancy, but again...41 years old.

 

[Vonn]

lastchances--congrats on the moving in together, that's exciting! It should help with the money situation, since I know you'd mentioned that. It sure helped me when my then-boyfriend moved into the condo that I could barely afford. And now we're married. And still living in this condo that too small and too hard to sell right now. Ugh.

Weezy--good luck with the test!

Jean--met with the counselor yet?

Pussycat--how was the reunion? Lots of squeals with delight at your news, I hope!

Terry--how much longer on the bcps?

kay--it's interesting how men deal with ttc differently. Some want to know when bd time is and not feel like they're being used for their manhood. But others get major performance anxiety knowing that they have to perform later that day, later that week, etc. I guess they are complicated, just like we are, right?!?

AFM--just about time test, though I am not feeling like I am pregnant. RE doesn't really think it's gonna happen with me eggs, just had another consult where he told us that. But DH really wants to give IVF a try with my eggs before we move to donor. Now I'm researching more affordable IVF in other states and comparing costs.

 

[Jean40]

I met with the counselor today, lovely woman. She brought up a lot of good points and told me I should keep on reading articles and talking with you ladies, that a support system is good. I knew from looking at children's books about adoption and foster care that there were good books for that sort of thing, but she had books about gestational carriers, egg donation, etc that I looked at. I am going to buy a few.

https://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Was-Yo..._sim_14_5?ie=UTF8&refRID=00E2QF5CN2J977E9V711 I loved this one, too cute.

https://www.amazon.com/The-Pea-that..._sim_14_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=0G288KTPQCWCKV4K2K0R

https://www.amazon.com/Very-Special..._sim_14_4?ie=UTF8&refRID=0D7EDE5NPZXA8MSWGCXZ

https://www.amazon.com/How-Became-F..._sim_14_6?ie=UTF8&refRID=1JASA385DZT5V1Q03TEY

These are just some of the books that are available, if you look at what Amazon recommends underneath each book, there are more listed that are similar. I was trying to figure out how to tell a young child about where they came from so they can understand and these kinds of books are what she recommended and that it is better to start telling them their "special" story early on and if they have feelings of loss, just like an adopted child, that it's ok, it's normal. I have done foster care classes and a lot of what she was bringing up I had already considered and learned about from those classes. It was an interesting hour and a half.

 

[kaysbc]

Jean, those books are a great idea. I'm sure there's forums too where people talk about "How they told their kids" etc where you can learn a lot more too.
My sister is a single mom from sperm donor + IUI. She has always talked to her son from the very beginning (like when he was 3 yrs old) about how he came to be. Now that he's 9, in school recently the kids did a project where they each needed to draw a family tree. My sister had him include a little leaf on a branch that represented his donor dad. It was so normal for him (my nephew), since he's been shared this information his whole life. Nothing about it seems odd to him.
These days with so many women are using donors and IVF, conversations like these with kids will become more and more common and normal. Its great to share it. Thank you.

 

[Pussycat1]

Hey ladies, I'm back from an exhausting week with my family! We had a lovely time but not what you would call relaxing! We told them all our news and I think made every one of them cry, even by brother and dad were in tears! Both my parents and DHs mum both said we should have told them and they'd have helped financially, which I knew they would say, but I explained why we didn't tell and they understood. I think they were just astounded by what we've been through and of course thrilled at the thought if identical twins! We also caught up with cousins, One who has just had gorgeous twin girls (10 weeks old) so had lots of cuddles and they're going to keep all the things they outgrow (especially if they're neutral until we know if they're pink or blue). My 16 year old niece (who lives near me) is especially thrilled and can't wait to help! We stopped off in Yorkshire to see old friends on the way home and told them too. According to my latest scan I am now 12 weeks which seems like such a huge milestone! I'm definitely expanding but can't decide if it's the amount of food I'm troughing away or babies!
Vonn, any news in your testing? keeping everything crossed!
Jean, sounds like you had a positive meeting and got some great reading suggestions, I'll look up a few of them I think!
Terri, back to work after such a lovely break must be hard, hope you're coping! Great that you have your next cycle sorted, have you started yet?
Kay, what's happening with you?
Weezy, when do you get your test results?
Lastchance, how's it going living together? I hope you can work this out.
Sorry if I've missed anyone else but hope you're all ok. x

 

[terripeachy]

Pussycat! I loved reading your update. The joy shows across your words. I'm so, so pleased for all the great support you have in your life, even if it is after the fact, but now that they all know, you will have tons of support going forward. I'm just overjoyed!

Yes, you are correct, about where I am in this process. I went in today for my first bloodwork/ultrasound. I took my last bcp this morning (woohoo!), and I will have to take them again for two weeks should we have chromosomally normal embryos, so I definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel, good or bad. I think I start injections in a few days (I have to check the schedule again). I'm ready to get started. I get weighed every time I start a new cycle, and my weight has been creeping up ever so gradually, so I really need to reign it in. It's one thing if there is something growing inside of me, but 'just because' weight is not cool. So, I'll start using my exercise band and get back to running in the mornings when the temps are cooler. And maybe I can get my dog to not cut me off while running!

 

[Weezy9]

Pussycat, it's wonderful to read your update. I can imagine the excitement your family must have felt by your news and it's lovely to heAR how supportive they are to you. You give us hope that one day we will all get there.
Terri, best of luck in starting again, hopefully I'll be able to join you fairly soon.
My dh just rang to say the completion date for remortgaging the house has come through and we will get the money next Tuesday...yay...money for ivf. I've got my mid cycle monitoring scan tomorrow. I'm really hoping I can start ivf again when af turns up next month. This all depends if I have immune issues.
My ureplasma and mycoplasma results was negative so that's good but I think my immune test (Chicago test) won't come come back for another 7-10 days I think.
Hope everyone is ok

 

[Pussycat1]

Terri / Weezy thank you so much for your lovely words. You both deserve this so much (everyone does) so I am glad to hear you both have plans in place.
Terri, I hated BCP but a necessary evil, hope you're all set for injections again.
Weezy, great news that your finances have come through, fingers crossed that the immune tests come back negative, if not at least you'll be able to adapt your protocol to give you the best chance.
AFM, I've taken my last Clexane injections, down to 1 cyclogest and 2mg Estrogen per day and will stop all together on Sat. Prednisone I've dropped from 25mg to 7 1/2 (gradually I'm terrified of stopping too quickly) and will be off it altogether by 15th. Next scan is Mon and can't wait to see my twins again! I'm going to tell the team who work for me on Friday at our team meeting (they will be shocked!). I'm on holiday with most of my best friends from 16th and plan to tell them all then when we're all together.
x

 

[Vonn]

Pussycat--yay for sharing the joy of this amazing news with everyone! It must be/will be just wonderful to feel all the love and support that comes back to you when you tell people about your twin babies growing in there! You deserve all that wonderfullness (is that even a word?). I can understand anxiety over reducing the meds, esp the prednisone, that helped you get and stay pg. Trust the placenta to take over!

Terri--is it weird that I am excited for you to start injecting yourself?!? Sounds twisted, but it's true.

Weezy--great news on the remortgaging & the IVF money! I've thought about doing that, but it requires keeping my place for longer than I likely want to in order for it to really pay off. Glad it worked for you.

Jean--happy your appt went well. Thanks for sharing the resources/books you learned about. It was good for me to see. I have to admit it made me a little sad to think that a donor egg baby would grow up and feel loss, and that would be normal. I had really only been considering my own feelings of loss if we pursue donor eggs, so this added a whole new layer of acceptance and consideration. It's good for me to hear about all this, so thanks for sharing. It seems like you are totally ready & that is soooo amazing! Good for you! Next steps?

Lastchances, kays, clizzard--how are things???

AFM--Just got AF and I have a consult on Friday with a dr who will be removing my 3mm uterine polyp that I wasn't previously aware of, but apparently has been there since I started seeing this RE in Jan. Not happy to just learn of it now after 5 IUIs!! He said it could cause an implantation problem if a blast tried to implant on it, so should have it out before moving on to IVF. He hadn't wanted to bother before doing IUIs because it would have taken up a cycle and he wanted to start. Terrible reasoning, just awful! And it's not his decision to make anyway, it's ours, but he didn't even share it. What a god-complex he has. I get so worked up every time I think about it. I just need to move on. And little does the dr know, but that means moving on to a new dr when it comes time for IVF. Doing research now to find a less expensive IVF option.

 

[ps57002]

Can I join?
This is all too depressing and need some support. Plus need a crash course in all this involves.
Me 40, DH 47. no kids, no BFP ever, been trying about a year now. History of thyroid (under control/medication), endometriosis (left/right ovarian cycts removed in 2002).
First clinic, told IVF straight off even without any testing. AMH 0.04 (fell off chair), FSH 19.3. Never went back as they weren't good at responding, telling me how much it'll cost $$ etc. Started accupuncture
Month later, second clinic , told donor egg IVF straight off of history and previous AMH/FSH. Did blood work. DH/Me went into severe depression, him more than me in a way. Got blood test report, AMH 0.46, FSH 11.6. Still told IVF donor egg. Good news, insurance may cover cause FSH dropped. Gotta show blocked tubes. Did HSG. Doc doing it seemed to imply tubes open, my doc on phone tells me it's just confusion, left blocked, right unsure. Got insurance coverage. Me lost faith in that place... told IUI could be considered too.

Today going back to original clinic as if I do IUI/IVF, it's way more convenient. Trying to prep questions. What if this place is not on board with IUI and IVF with my own. I at least want to try one try with IUI one with IVF my own eggs. I think my insurance covers IVF 3 attempts (FSH <15, copay 25%), so next 2 can be donor eggs (don't want to think of that).

so that's my story. I'm hoping I can start some IUI/IVF this cycle...should be getting my period early next week...

Continuing with acupuncture/herbs... only person who seems to actually listen to what i'm going through, takes time, and adjusts according to my needs/body....

 

[Vonn]

Ps57002--of course you are welcome to join! Sorry that you have had troubles, but you are definitely amongst others with similar situations here. I'm really glad you are doing acupuncture, it is great for spirit and body. I, too, love my acu doc! It's sort of like a mini therapy session!

You mentioned some of your issues, but you didn't mention if DH has had a sperm analysis yet. I'm sort of assuming he has if you've been to REs, but that's one thing to def check if you haven't.

If you have IVF coverage, I would strongly suggest just going for it! Your chances are significantly higher with IVF over IUI. Make sure to find out if you have monitoring and meds covered. That could add up even if the procedure is covered. Money is the only reason I haven't moved on to IVF, I'm doing all that's covered first before paying out of pocket.

It also doesn't hurt to dip your toes in the waters of donor eggs. It is really hard, and I am not there yet myself, but I am getting closer. For me, if it's no baby or having to go down the road of adoption versus carrying a baby created from a donor egg, I take donor egg and the opportunity to be pregnant! But it is a process of grieving, letting go, accepting, and being hopeful. Just look at Pussycat! I'm not trying to push donor eggs, like I said, I'm not quite prepared for that step yet myself. But I have come to see that every new step in this process is something that I once thought I would surely not need. Hopefully, it would be the last time I thought that. I'll be ready for it, if it gets to that.

That's my two cents. GL to you!

 

[ps57002]

Thank you Vonn.

Dh hasn't tested yet, got too caught in negativity and depression.
met first clinic doctor and without knowing I went another place, based on first amh/fsh, stated long conversation about how bad it looked and I k he was gonna get to DE too. Updated him and basically told him I owed it to self to try one I V F on my own eggs. He didn't look happy but said ok, says I will most definitely not respond to meds. Asked him if I can convert to Iui if need be, he said yes. He didn't want to do Iui this cycle then ivf next, says u need a break between the 2. He kind of said it was waste time using my own eggs just to feel like I went through ivf, got eggs retrieved. I stopped myself from telling him u think I'd put my body through ivf for the experience, how crazy does that sound. Anyways needed him to go along and do the ivf, place more convenient that last place.
so met ivf coordinator and financial people. Will be challenging to get dh tested, get insurance approval and all that in next few days before period starts. I am expecting period mon tues if not early as it can hit sooner for me. I am praying it starts a little late this cycle.

Looks like I pay 25% for ivf, they say I may be covered for meds but I don't think my plan does, will find more tomorrow.

Class to do self injection Friday, really don't know if I can do that as I hate needles.

So much to take in....

 

[Jean40]

Weezy, what did the Chicago immune test look for? If you have a link, I'd be interested in looking at it. I've heard the best reproductive immunologist is in Chicago. I've looked around this area & not found one, but I can ask my RE. With my family history of autoimmune diseases, I think it might be good to rule things out. I also am going to ask about blood testing for clotting disorders. A distant relative told me there is a confirmed specific blood clotting disorder in her side of the family and on my other side of the family, my grandma had some serious blood clotting issues (it led to her death) that I don't think they had the technology to find out a specific cause of it for her at the time.

I am just waiting for the IVF nurse to call and let me know the next step. I did the first step, not sure how long it takes for the counselor to send RE her report. I've kept my cell phone on and with me at work all this week, if they put a message on my online chart, it sends me a text to know to go look.

Another thing the counselor told me is to take photos of the RE office (which I wanted to do before, but they have a "no camera" policy in that particular health system) and make something to show the child later to say "this is where you came from" and how special their beginning really was. I am into scrapbooking (when I have time, which is never lately), so I think I could come up with something cute and personal when the time comes. She also wanted me to tell my friends and family I am doing this, BEFORE I do this. Um, I really don't think that's a good idea with my group of people. I got such criticism when I was trying to become a foster parent that it completely ruined it. If it doesn't work, then what? I don't go into others bedrooms asking them if they are going to make a baby, so why do I have to announce to everyone BEFORE it even happens that I am going through all this? I'm sorry, I don't air every single thing about my life to even my best friend. She may be an open book on all areas of sex and life, but I am not. That's just me. I had already made my decision about it before I even started this whole process, and that's to not tell anyone until the second trimester if I do get pregnant. I had to get recommendations for the foster care application, so I did tell everyone about that. I would also tell about an adoption because I would need the same recommendations for that. However, this is a totally different thing.

 

[terripeachy]

ps-Welcome! The IVF process can be a bit harrowing, but I agree with Vonn that you should just go for it. Also, if your period is due on Monday/Tuesday, you'll probably end up waiting a cycle before you start. At my place there are other tests they do before they even let you get started, so don't be discouraged if you have to wait another month. My place also puts me on birth control for three weeks, so if your place does that, it may give you some time to get DH sperm tested, etc..Glad you're all in! It's fun to have a plan. And don't totally dismiss donor eggs. It could be your answer. I, too, am not there yet, but we have one more, hopefully happy bridge to cross before I start to think about that option.

Jean-Yeah, I don't agree with all the stuff your counselor said about telling everyone and being 100% open. Does it really matter to the rest of the world? Your kid may want to know, and he/she may not want to see a picture of the place. You can just tell them the scoop and that's that, unless of course you want to share EVERYTHING. I don't even know if I will tell my kid I did IVF until they're of baby making age, and a future grandma needs them to hurry up and have a kid or else they'll be old parents like me and their dad. HA!!HA!!

AFM-Tonight I'm sorting out my meds so I'm ready for tomorrow. I can't wait! hee hee.

 

[Clizard]

Still quietly stalking folks xx