40+ and Trying for 1st? Join in!!

[Emmi]

Emmi, congratulations! That's lovely news! Great to hear someone the same age as me too, I'm 44, and all going well I guess I'll be having these two in late Jan which means I'll be 45. How did you find pregnancy and being a first time mum at 44? After all these years of trying now it's happened, we're terrified! xx

It's natural to be terrified, after waiting for so long and then when it finally happens, it's such a rollercoaster of emotions!! I found pregnancy wonderful, loved every moment!! I had morning sickness and developed gestational diabetes but that just meant I had more scans. I felt so petrified of something going wrong but once I got to 30 weeks and started to feel baby kick, it was amazing.

I honestly don't think age had any effect at all, midwives thought I did great and better then most younger ladies.

My biggest tip would be to exercise gently everyday, I walked the dog a few miles everyday right up until I gave birth.

I know you have twins growing in there but one day at a time, eat good and think wonderful positive thoughts. All will be fabulous.

Xxx

 

[Pussycat1]

Thanks Emmi, I've been really lucky, no MS, just shattered! I'm on prednisone (just started tapering my dose down) and that can really effect your sleep. I wake every day c 4am and can't get back to sleep. Hoping as the dose reduces I'll sleep longer. I'm really pleased that from 12 weeks I'll be scanned every 2 weeks because they're identical so will see lots of them. Originally we didn't want to know the sex but with scans every two weeks I reckon we'll find out, besides I'm now keen to know! x

 

[Emmi]

Thanks Emmi, I've been really lucky, no MS, just shattered! I'm on prednisone (just started tapering my dose down) and that can really effect your sleep. I wake every day c 4am and can't get back to sleep. Hoping as the dose reduces I'll sleep longer. I'm really pleased that from 12 weeks I'll be scanned every 2 weeks because they're identical so will see lots of them. Originally we didn't want to know the sex but with scans every two weeks I reckon we'll find out, besides I'm now keen to know! x

Yes, the progesterone can interfere with sleep so hopefully that sill get easier. Mind you, my sleep was all over the place what with the nerves and excitement. I found out the gender too, we really didn't care but it was just nice to plan. And as I was having a little boy, my sil gave me lots that belonged to my little nephews.

It is so nerve wracking but it's beautiful, little miracles growing inside you!! Pure magic.

Xx

 

[Lastchances]

I would want to know, I'm fairly certain. If this happens I really, really want it to be a girl, so I'd probably want to know asap in case it is a boy so I can learn to love that idea. Honestly with possibly just one shot at this I'd be disappointed but I'm sure I'd come around. In my dreams for years it was always a girl I saw. I never gave her a chance to show up, but I really couldn't. This is the first time that's been even possible and it isn't being blocked. Since May. I don't know if I will ever meet her. :/

The good thing is, being 41 with a 47 year old partner, the odds are quite high for a girl (if at all), and he has 4 children (10-17), 3 of which are girls! As absolutely insane as I feel for saying this, twins would be so cool. Esp. At this age where I could likely only pull off 1 full pregnancy if that. He lost twins years ago too. After the youngest was born.

Though identical girls would be just too adorable, I also have thought he always wanted a 2nd boy so b&g twins would sorta be the best of both worlds.

 

[kaysbc]

Hi Emmi, thanks for popping in, its so good to hear from you and hear about your successful ,beautiful baby! It is encouraging to all of us!

Congrats on your babies pussycat! Wow This is fabulous news.
I've always secretly hoped for twins. Somehow at our age I feel like if I ever get pregnant it will be only once, so it would be SO NICE to get a larger family.

Lastchances, hang in there. Over the past 3 years of TTC my DH and I have been in more fights than I can count, almost separated multiple times, have been on the same page and then suddenly not on the same page about all this. We've never needed to deal with "using protection or not" like you are working through. but we've been through a lot of uncertainty,misunderstandings, "games", etc. I want to send you a huge hug, because it sounds like you are also dealing with a lot of other stuff on top of TTC/NTNP as well. You will get to a good place, I promise!

AFM, it is not normal for me to not OV, but the cortisone shots were making me not O. I'm pretty sure I did O last cycle, but I can't quite figure out when. I was using OPK and got a positive, but my temp spiked up and stayed up several days before my positive OPK. It also shot way down below coverline then back up again many times during LP. It was totally bizarre. I ended up doing my hormone testing on CD20, which could have been 4 dpo or possibly 6dpo.
My FSH is 16. My AMH is .62.
Two years ago my FSH was 12 and AMH .24. Not sure why/how my AMH increased. Its a better number but still really low. I'm told it should be at least 1.0 to be reasonable, the higher the better.

I try not to let my FSH freak me out, since its "so bad". I try to remind myself that I was pregnant a year ago, and I can't imagine my FSH nor AMH was so much better then. This is still possible for me. I have to believe it.

The other thing my hormone tests showed was that my progesterone is really low. This could be because I wasn't exactly sure what dpo I was, but in general anyway my doctor says even if I took the test a few days later, my number is so low that even if it was quite a bit higher it would still be low. She said my progesterone should be 5 or 6 times higher than what it was! She recommends supplementing after O,so I'm going to do that.

I got AF last week, I'm CD 9 now. So on we go with a new plan.
I'm glad to be back TTC'ing.

Wishing you all the best.

 

[Lastchances]

Thanks Kaysbc for the sweet words. Really it's become just not using protection at all. Many times. We haven't bothered with condoms at all since April. He surely knows what that can lead to. You'd have to be pretty naive not to and he is hardly that.

I may not mention everything in my head, but I'm hardly cryptic. I'm a blurter. I mentioned vitamins a while ago "in case", and now he knows I'm taking them. He knows he hasn't seen any hint of KY etc. for a while and I came right out weeks ago and mentionef what I read about it slowing sperm and potentially damaging DNA. Same with saliva. As I said...I have a big mouth. But he certainly wouldn't be able to claim cluelessness for a lot of reasons. The other night I even kinda whined about how I apparently "can do whatever I want and it doesn't seem to matter anyway", and I may not "work right" anymore, and it was pretty obvious I wasn't applauding this. He also got slightly offended when I teased that maybe his "platinum swimmers" status has been downgraded to gold or silver, so that seemed like a good sign that he even cared. Haha. I told him given our ages it was likely me. I just never actually verbalize that I'm basically trying... Surely he must have some idea though.

My body has lost its mind though. Here I am at CD 30 again with no hint of AF afa I can tell. I turned 41 and coicidentially happened to stop using protection the same month and my cycle also started to go all wonky right then. It's anyone's guess at this point.

 

[Lastchances]

Yesterday, after my bf came back from an unusually long day with his kids, I was not exactly in a great mood. I'd gotten my period and was kinda upset about that whether it makes sense or not. I was annoyed about the long day and other circumstances with it, a little at him, very upset that my niece's very serious health problems may be suddenly reaching the critical point we knew it would. He comes home nonchalantly and it was beyond obvious I was upset. I'm so not cryptic even if my life depended on it. I was trying to talk and was tearing. And he has this damn photo album in his hands and I knew what it was (baby pics of his kids) and thought he had a clue but he starts trying to show it to me anyway and I surprised myself that I said, "i really don't think this is the day for this." (I felt like yelling ENOUGH ALREADY! Thankfully I have some filter) And he said i was probably right. But then after we came back from our poker game I ended up sitting there tearing and blurting out a ton of things I probably shouldn't. Frustrations about various things and concerns about the future (and how he will handle things like with his kids and me etc.) And....though i watched it for a while, I ultimately blurted tons of details about baby stuff. Like in a lot of detail. Even about getting frustrated with the 24/7 baby and pregnant woman show...everywhere! Including that feeling I'm tired of and angry about where it's like it's something they do with their wives then it seems I'm the one who comes along in middle age to be fun girl. I don't belong to the club, never will, and it's and endless stream of "look at how awesome my kids are." After day apart in our already limited time together, more freaking time essentially dedicated to his kids was NOT what I had in mind or needed. I'm pretty good about this but really...enough! While they just have their kids and history, and then there's just me. Over in another corner. My role and maybe I'm not ok with that and I'm tired of it just being assumed. Was any thought even given to the time I have left and what I might want?. Stuff to that effect.

So...it's mostly all out there. So far he hasn't seemed to be acting like he's itching to make a run for it at all and isn't completely put off by my crazy (yet). One thing's for sure. Because of my ultra big mouth he couldn't possibly claim naivety on much of anything anymore.

 

[terripeachy]

Sorry you were feeling so down yesterday Lastchances.

 

[Lastchances]

Thanks Terripeachy. The crazy really came out a bit. Lol. Now since then he's made a couple of comments about how he should maybe pay more attention to timing etc. Which annoyed me actually. And I said, "is that you just saying that again and have no intention of actually doing it?" And, "did you hear a word I what I said the other night?" But...it was all utterly laid out. In a fair amount of detail. He knows what I think and feel and even that I did some things on purpose. Last night I even confessed that I quite purposely made a point of seeing him on a particular Wednesday for timing reasons because the weekend wasn't good enough. I couldn't have been more forthcoming. There also doesn't seem to be "timing" to follow anymore which he also knows, so I don't know what the point of saying that even is. If he feels the need to just say it then fine. When I told him it seems he'll be away for the next one, he said something like "well that's something we don't have to worry about." Man I've started getting touchy about this. guess we'll see what he tries to do from here. I highly doubt he's totally against. But torn because of circumstances. So am I, but this is it. It. I don't get to blow another year or 2 then give it some thought. As far as I'm concerned,and as I told him straight out, the odds are low anyway and I'm not blocking it anymore. I'm letting something else decide. But I sure as hell don't want to see and hear about his kids constantly, if he closed that door permanently with his wife years ago. The funny part is,very oddly early on, he was bringing up kids and I was like, whoa he does realize how old I am and what that means right? I think he might possibly love the idea but knows circumstances are sooo complicated right now. Problem is...all I have is "right now." Anyone in this thread probably gets that. I guess I wish he's secretely at least hoping deep down, but that may be too much to ask at this point. But it's so out there now. We'll see...

 

[Jean40]

I went to my day 3 ultrasound, no cysts, then met with my RE. I got my packet for pursuing donor eggs or donor embryos. There are a LOT of steps to go through first. Very first thing is meeting with a counselor, who has quite a waiting list (I was told probably 6 months) and that there are a few ahead of me. I could also pursue an outside agency (kind of like going through an adoption in a way) or find someone on my own, but I still have to go through all the steps first. I tried calling the counselor right after the meeting, but got her voice mail, so I will call her tomorrow. She only takes these kinds of counseling sessions on Fridays.

So, after that, I need current (within 6 months) infectious disease testing, TSH, prolactin, and blood type (I already had that, don't think it changes, lol), then go through antibiotic treatment, current HSG or SIS (probably SIS to see what my little fibroid is doing, he said it might or might not cause a problem, we just won't know until we try, quite expensive to try though), then a trial embryo transfer.

Then it's medication prep for FET. Down regulation on BCP, lupron, hormone replacement, then progesterone (I have looked into all of them, I can't do Endometrin due to the lactose in it, but Crinone is ok, not sure about the oil in the progesterone in oil shot, I have LOTS of gut issues with most oils but I'll discuss that more with RE when the time comes).

So, that's where I'm at. RE seemed to think I could do this fairly soon, but the IVF coordinator said 6 months probably. I guess I'll find out more when I talk to the counselor about getting an appointment or asking for a recommendation for another counselor closer to where I live who is qualified (this one is 2 hours drive from here). No more IUIs for now. I'd rather save my money for this, which the other RE told me is my best chance.

Other things I see in the packet: if you are over 45 years old, they require a cardiovascular health evaluation (and the nurse DID tell me I am required to bring in my MRI results since I am a heart patient, even though my cardiologist sent them a letter already stating I am healthy to do this) and a consultation with a high risk obstetrician or Maternal-Fetal Medicine specialist (we have one I have already been referred to by my GYN, haven't met her yet, will probably do this anyway even though I'll only be 43 when we do this). This also states that the woman must be under the age of 50 and have a uterus.

I have a lot to get started on.

 

[Vonn]

Jean--I was wondering how you would proceed this cycle. I hope you can find a counselor that doesn't have a 6 month wait, that's crazy. I will be keenly following your progress/process. GL!

Pussycat--okay, twin mama, what's the latest?!?!? Any more scans? Thinking of you!

Lastchances--sorry things are tough for you. It does seem as though your true feelings are coming out, so perhaps processing on here is helping you figure out what you really want? From what you write, it seems like you do want to have a baby. I would give bf a little space to consider what he really wants & then try to have a conversation about it. It could be all he wants to do is be careless, not use protection, and see what happens. He doesn't have to know how planful you are each cycle, but it should be clear to both of you want you each wants/how you want to handle it. Even the most sensitive men can never fully understand the emotional rollercoaster TTC (esp over 40) is, so even NTNP can be stressful. As you have found out. Good luck to you.

Terri--Are you on another vacation? Haven't heard from you in a while!

Hi to Emme, Clizard, Kay!

AFM--Well, I finally had my IUI on CD 25. The meds really messed things up at first. But when I went back on them after several days off, I did end up with 2 mature follicles at trigger time. I also had a couple more that weren't quite ready. I was thrilled to get 2 follies! Improved my chances, though it is still a long shot, I know. Trying to be positive! It was spendy, costing just under $1800 for 13 days of follistim and menopur. And that was with the follistim covered at 80%. That's crazy! This is getting real now. People don't tend to talk much about money on here, but this is definitely a big stressor for me. We don't have a ton of money. How do you all handle the money part of this???

 

[terripeachy]

Hi vonn!
Yeah I'm on my final days of vacation. It's my family reunion week!! My nieces and nephews are so cute. They range from age 6 down to 7 months. Then I have my aunts, uncles, big and little cousins. We're having a blast.

As far as money goes, this stuff is expensive. My mom left me inheritance money and I'm trying not to use it. If we adopt, I will probably use it then, but I have pulled some for IVF meds. Apparently my husband thinks this process is free. I can't get into it with him because if he had to save up, i'd be off these boards without a chance so I ask him to pay a little here and there. It upsets me but I want a baby, so he plays golf while I sit home not spending money. Plus, I have other savings of my own. I guess that's one thing I did right; started saving money at an early age for whatever.

I'm on bcp now and will be for another two weeks. Early August I start stimming. I wanted to do an overnight chromosomal testing so I can get this show on the road, but the nurse said the place I wanted to have it done doesn't have it. I'll call her next week and get my initial deposit back and go to the other place. Don't tell me no! Ha ha. This is exactly why I need savings. That's the latest from here. I'm feeling old and a little defeated when my cousins/little kids are so active and I'm tired, so I think this is really my last chance.

 

[Weezy9]

Hi ladies
How is everyone?
Vonn - Yeah is ttc business is expensive stuff. Started of doing chinese medicine and acupunture to avoid the big spender....but in the end still have to go through the IVF route and then the supplements etc. ... it all mounts up.
We couldn't start our 2nd round of ivf until we've got the money from remortgaging the house. We are still waiting for the bank to approve. Unless that happens, I'm just waiting, and waiting......waiting zzzz...hopefully we'll get the money in the next couple of weeks.
At the mean time, I've done an immune test. I couldn't believe they took 10 tubes of blood!! I won't know the result for another 3 weeks so it's good to get that out of the way while I'm waiting for the money to come through.
Terri - Nice to hear you're enjoying time with your family. My mum gave me a bit of my inheritance money for my first IVF - I suppose she feels, that's the best way to spend the money and she might benefit from having grand children hee hee...sorry to disappoint you mom : (

 

[Vonn]

Terri--thanks for the update. A family reunion sounds fun! I just wanted to say that all parents have certain gifts they give to their children. Just because you aren't 25 anymore & don't have all the energy of a young mom, doesn't mean you won't be the most perfect parent to a child. You will bring patience, appreciation, wisdom, gratitude, support, and tons and tons of love. My dad is older and has been the best dad I or my sister could have asked for. He was 40 when I was born & 47 when my sister was born. She absolutely idolizes him. We just had the a wonderful 80th birthday party for him & 80 people showed up. He is much loved & you are too. I just know it!

 

[Vonn]

Weezy--I'm sorry I left you off my list. It was late when I posted and I was too lazy to look back. Sorry! I will be so interested to hear the results of the immune testing. Part of me wants to have it done just for peace of mind. I haven't had mc but I just find it hard to believe that in all this time trying we have never had an egg get fertilized. I'd like to know nothing except for old eggs is preventing pregnancy, no infections, no anti sperm antibodies, etc.

 

[Lastchances]

Fingers crossed for you, Vonn!

Money is really the crux of our problem. Neither one of us is in a remotely good position right now. (Understatement alert). But again, this is life we're talking about. And a life. And for us on this thread we either do it, or we are closing that door forever. Unfortunately things just got worse. His landlords (which I thought were also friends of mine/ours) are raising his rent AND keep making up new rules making it almost impossible for us to manage. It was already tough. He needs to be by his kids. It's an expensive area, my house is too far away for his tastes, and this is going to make everything so much harder.

I have been really upset for days about that stuff and the fact that it seems I am once again having to choose the option that doesn't involve children...probably for the last time. But then he was here last night, we had sex twice and he didn't even hesitate to think of protection. Then again, he likely knows I just finished my period so it isn't high-risk. We'll see if he pushes the issue on the days before he goes on his trip with his kids. He also knows the odds are pretty darn low each month for an unassisted pregnancy, even if my body is still working just fine. (And I can't be sure that's even true atm)

Us having a baby would frankly probably be really irresponsible right now. In more than one way, I suppose, but again, mostly for money reasons. However, as I keep saying...this is it. "Now" is all there is. And it seems people always manage somehow. I don't want to have to give up my right and my chance forever, even if perhaps I should.

 

[Jean40]

I left the counselor a message & she got back to me a couple hours ago. I got an appointment for next Friday! I also happened to have that day off, so it was just perfect. She is going to email me the forms she needs filled out when she gets back from a mini vacation Tuesday. Tomorrow, I am going to call the IVF nurse & get a lab order for my infectious disease testing. They told me if I get all my stuff done before other couples in the waiting list, then I get to jump ahead of them.

 

[Pussycat1]

Hey ladies,
Jean, great news on the counsellor, 6 months would have been a crazy wait! We only ever went for one session but found it very useful and confirmed we were indeed ready to move onto DE. Got everything crossed for you.
Weezy, so you did the immune test, have they sent them to Chicago? Will be interesting to hear your results, either wAy it's another check you can cross off the list.
Terri, I have a family reunion next week and can truely say I am 100% looking forward to it as I get to tell them our news!! For the first time in years I won't feel like I'm missing something. Men are so frustrating, I've paid for so much more than DH, the big bills we split but testing, meds, flights to CR, lots of little things that have all really added up have been paid for by me and think he just overlooks it. Vonn is right, I don't think they can ever truely 'get' what this means for us.
Vonn, I hear what you say about the money, we've pretty much used all of our cash reserve and over the years we've been very careful so had saved a good amount. Now we're finally pregnant things will be tight, especially as DH is back at uni next year so no income from him, however we're in a much more fortunate position than most and only 4 years or so left on our mortgage. So it will be a tough 4 years but things should get easier after that. Guess we'll not he going out much anyway!!
Lastchance, I'm so sorry your having such a difficult and confusing time. I have to say your BF sounds like he's being a little unfair and perhaps in denial about the reality of your situation, however it goes back to them just not getting it. It does sound like you're working things through in your own head which is important.
Clizzard, Kay how you both doing?
Emmi, so great to hear from you!
AFM, well had a bit of a scare this past week, been feelling a bit off and uncomfortable abdomen, not quite cramping but just uncomfortable. So I called the EPU and they booked me for a scan yesterday and I'm delighted to say all us well. Both twins doing well and measuring 10 weeks plus 4 days (so a week ahead if what they said before which is actually more like I thought). I got amazing pictures and can actually see 2 tiny babies!! They were so reassuring and helpful. Next scan 10th Aug. I now feel very happy to tell all of my family this weekend, there's no way I could spend a week with them and not drink without them wondering what in earth was going on! I'm finally beginning to believe this is happening. xx

 

[Vonn]

PC--sorry to hear you had a bit of a fright, but how reassuring to see those two little babes all snuggled in! Your family reunion will be such a fantastic celebration! Do people have any idea that you've even been trying so hard for so long?

 

[Weezy9]

Yes I did the chicago test. Very expensive and to our consultant, it's not necessary as I've only had one failed cycle. I spoke to DH about it and we thought, it's cheaper than a whole round of IVF. We really don't have the time to "experiment" and would rather know straight off if there are issues on this front and hopefully save the time and the heartache. It's going to take around 3 weeks to come back and will gladly share this when the results comes back.
Pussycat - may need to quiz you on meds when I get the results : ) and I'm glad you feel reassured seeing tiny babies snuggling in tightly : ) when will we know if it's pink team or boy team?