Neversaynever
Whatever.....
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2010
- Messages
- 12,977
- Reaction score
- 1
Title says it all really 
I have so many areas of this forum that I could be in but the loss section is more fitting for me personally.
I've had two losses in the last nine months, I'm 35 and don't have any children and would like some people that are in the same position as me.
I know it's fairly common to have one loss then go on to have a normal pregnancy which is why I would like to have the support and to support others who were not lucky to get the normal pregnancy second/third etc time around.
XxX
A poem I got from a support group. I printed it off and handed it out many times and will continue to do so
I quickly typed this up over my lunch break...apologies for typos
Thoughts from a mother....
This was written by a lady who had just lost her baby. Even if you only find one of the sentences that describes how you are feeling; then let it show that you are not alone.
1. DO understand that losing a baby changes people. I am not the same person I was before I experienced it nor will I ever be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to “get back to my old self,” you will be frustrated. I am a woman with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations and values.
2. DO not be afraid to speak to me about my loss and to ask questions or just let me talk about my baby when I feel it is going to help.
3. IF I cry or get emotional when I talk about my baby, I wish you knew that is isn’t because you hurt me. The fact that I have suffered has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry, and I thank you, the crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
4. DO not pretend that nothing is happening to me, because it is a large part of my life.
5. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. Do not think that if I have a good day, my grief is over, or that if I have had a bad day, I need psychiatric counselling!
6. DO know that all of the “extreme” grief reactions I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness and lack of self-confidence are to be expected during and following what is happening.
7. Do understand the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, want to surround myself with loved ones or be alone, all of which may be related to my grief.
8. IF I get withdrawn, just know I am doing my best to cope. Do not try to compel me into being cheerful or tell me that it will be better soon. How do you know?
9. DO understand that it is normal that I may re-examine my faith, values and beliefs throughout this journey. I will recall things I have been taught all of my life, and hopefully come to some new and better understandings to include those with God.
10. IF we hear of friends and family that are p[regnant, do understand that I am truly happy for their blessing and my sadness or perhaps distant behaviour during this time is not personal but just a part of my grief for my own baby.
11. DO not avoid me or stop calling because you don’t know what to say or you are waiting for me to call you. Show me that you care and that I can lean on you.
12. DO not tire of my constant modd swings. I know it’s hard for you to be strong all the time for me, I am trying to protect you too but I can’t control my feelings every minute of the day.
13. DO not treat me as though I am not a ‘mother’. Not having a child in my arms does not mean that I do not understand unconditional love. I have experienced the intensity of maternal love and it has changed me.
14. DO not expect my grief to be over if and when I become pregnant or have another child. With the search to add to my family I will face the same fears, concerns and challenges. I will also never forget the pain of losing this much wanted child.
15. DO pray for me to have the strength and patience and pray that I come out of this a stronger and more loving and compassionate person.
XxX
I have so many areas of this forum that I could be in but the loss section is more fitting for me personally.
I've had two losses in the last nine months, I'm 35 and don't have any children and would like some people that are in the same position as me.
I know it's fairly common to have one loss then go on to have a normal pregnancy which is why I would like to have the support and to support others who were not lucky to get the normal pregnancy second/third etc time around.
XxX
A poem I got from a support group. I printed it off and handed it out many times and will continue to do so
I quickly typed this up over my lunch break...apologies for typos
Thoughts from a mother....
This was written by a lady who had just lost her baby. Even if you only find one of the sentences that describes how you are feeling; then let it show that you are not alone.
1. DO understand that losing a baby changes people. I am not the same person I was before I experienced it nor will I ever be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to “get back to my old self,” you will be frustrated. I am a woman with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations and values.
2. DO not be afraid to speak to me about my loss and to ask questions or just let me talk about my baby when I feel it is going to help.
3. IF I cry or get emotional when I talk about my baby, I wish you knew that is isn’t because you hurt me. The fact that I have suffered has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry, and I thank you, the crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
4. DO not pretend that nothing is happening to me, because it is a large part of my life.
5. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. Do not think that if I have a good day, my grief is over, or that if I have had a bad day, I need psychiatric counselling!
6. DO know that all of the “extreme” grief reactions I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness and lack of self-confidence are to be expected during and following what is happening.
7. Do understand the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, want to surround myself with loved ones or be alone, all of which may be related to my grief.
8. IF I get withdrawn, just know I am doing my best to cope. Do not try to compel me into being cheerful or tell me that it will be better soon. How do you know?
9. DO understand that it is normal that I may re-examine my faith, values and beliefs throughout this journey. I will recall things I have been taught all of my life, and hopefully come to some new and better understandings to include those with God.
10. IF we hear of friends and family that are p[regnant, do understand that I am truly happy for their blessing and my sadness or perhaps distant behaviour during this time is not personal but just a part of my grief for my own baby.
11. DO not avoid me or stop calling because you don’t know what to say or you are waiting for me to call you. Show me that you care and that I can lean on you.
12. DO not tire of my constant modd swings. I know it’s hard for you to be strong all the time for me, I am trying to protect you too but I can’t control my feelings every minute of the day.
13. DO not treat me as though I am not a ‘mother’. Not having a child in my arms does not mean that I do not understand unconditional love. I have experienced the intensity of maternal love and it has changed me.
14. DO not expect my grief to be over if and when I become pregnant or have another child. With the search to add to my family I will face the same fears, concerns and challenges. I will also never forget the pain of losing this much wanted child.
15. DO pray for me to have the strength and patience and pray that I come out of this a stronger and more loving and compassionate person.
XxX
no POAS (OPK or HPT) no temping etc. 
