A month of no baby talk to OH's

[Mrs Doddy]

I have a confession to make - I mentioned babies to H this morning , well I thought that I hadn't talked about it for ages so a little thing couldn't hurt - All I said to him was maybe next year there will be three of us !!!!! he laughed nervously !!! and this evening he said that he feels a bit weird as we are telling everyone that we are not going on holiday because we are sorting out the house next year - loads of people have asked as we have normally booked or decided by now !!! this is partly true but the main reason is because of money for baby and the future and hopefully getting pregnant

 

[Belgiansunset]

I'm breaking the rules! My month of not mentioning babies is up on 13th Jan, I've done very well. But I've decided to bring it up this saturday (only 3 days early!)

But it will be different to the usual nag, nag nag, when can we have a baby etc etc, and him just repeating "soon" over and over again. I want to have a laid back but serious conversation about setting a date to start trying.

First of all, he knows I am miserable at work and have been for about 2 years but have stayed there because we knew we might be starting a family soonish and I didn't want to miss out on maternity leave etc. I was in tears last night about going back after the Christmas break. He was very sympathetic and said he would do anything he could to help (I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying that what he could actually do to help is make me pregnant so that I can become a full time mum and do a job I really enjoy!)

Also, I will remind him that if we wait until he is ready, it might take a while to conceive, and then obviously 9 months of pregnancy to wait through so it could be a long time after he feels ready that we actually have a baby.

We are going out for dinner on saturday night and my plan is to have a calm chat about it and suggest that we start trying in 3 months. I'm 99% sure he won't agree to that but then we can start negotiating! If he absolutely won't be pinned down, I will make a deal that we revisit the situation in 3 months and during that time I won't mention it. BUT, he can't just block it out of his mind, he has to be thinking about it so that in 3 months maybe he'll have a better idea of when we can start trying.

Sorry for cheating but saturday seemed like a good time to do it, you can't have an argument in a restaurant! I'll let you know how I get on.

How are you girls managing with keeping quiet?

 

[Mrs Doddy]

I failed at the end of December !!! BUT it worked H is happily talking about it now - withough me having to say anything whoo hhooo!!!!

 

[lauraloo24]

All the best with your chat belgiansunset - like the idea of having the talk in a restaurant so you can't start arguing! i think thats very fair though - go in with three months then start negotiating and at worst agree to review situation in three months. can't say fairer than that. for some reason guys think there is all the time in the world to start a family and that as soon as you start TTC you'll get pregnant - how little they know!

as for me i admit i have been mentioning babies here and there, nowhere as near as i was though, and got him to think about me coming off the pill mid 2010.
i also mentioned what mrs doddy said in her other post, that pregnant women will be getting £190 from the govt soon - he told me he'd give me £190 not to get pregnant - LOL! He was joking tho. He has said we can start TTC 2 years after he gets what he wants - which is a land rover - hope he's joking about that too as no way we can afford one at the moment!xx

 

[lionheartnz]

I have to admit that i have made little comments every now and then, but they have been the "in the future at some stage" kind of comments.
Good luck with the chat on saturaday, sounds like good plan to me

 

[eclipse]

So I have been following this and was going to sign up but I went there yesterday but I went about it rationally, which honestly isn't my strong suit To my surprise, he basically said I'm almost ready, just need a few more months to see what is going to happen with his job and grandfather (who is currently in ICU) so that was great. He said he does think about it, and we both have been back and forth about everything because of our son who is 2. I am overall happy with the conversation and he was too, he said he didn't feel pressured by me and that made it easier. So I feel I can leave him alone for a bit. The only thing he asked me was to not go off birth control and not tell him, which is something I could never do to him. So I'm actually pretty happy with everything! I wish good luck to everyone else, and those broaching the subject, a rational and thoughtful conversation with your significant others with results that you can live with

 

[MissPolley]

damn that you've been framed, i ended up talking to OH about them, teehee

 

[Belgiansunset]

I know, it's really difficult not to! OH actually started talking about them last night, I can't remember how it came up but he started talking about babies kicking in the womb and then we looked at some clips of it on YouTube. He said "your tummy will do that one day". I was tempted to have the conversation then but I'm sticking to doing it in the restaurant so he can't get cross and accuse me of nagging! Eek, it's tonight, I'm actually a bit nervous.

 

[Belgiansunset]

Well, we're back from a nice meal and... success! He took it much better than I expected, although I'm still glad I brought it up in the restaurant and not at home. I explained that I wanted us to agree when we would start trying, and my reasons for making it 3 months from now. He tried a couple of silly counter-offers (3 years!) but we finally reached agreement on starting TTC in November! And there's always a chance he might decide between now and then that he's ready, but at least I know the longest I have to wait is 10 months. That's do-able I think. We then had a lovely jokey chat about what to name our baby, so I feel confident that he really is up for it and not just trying to get me off his back. But I will now go back to mentioning it as little as possible because I'm so happy he's compromised that I don't want to pressure him any further!

 

[Aveta]

Well I'm glad its going well for everyone, I definitely found it easier not to bring it up as much, and it helped me think about other things I want to do before getting pregnant. Having said that, I was with my 2 month old nephew and that really made me feel crazy. I only lasted til the 29th of December! I pretty much begged him, I had no shame, but it was in a kind of funny way. He said its still too soon, although being around our nephew had made him weaken just a bit. So I had a good think about stuff, what would be the best time for us not taking into consideration my broodiness. I came up with April 2010, and it actually felt better than this year. I waited for a week or so then told him I'd been thinking about it and he said it sounded better. We just talked about it again this evening and he said April 2010.....YES! Woohoo!

I definitely think the reason he's come to a decision is because I've learned to control my mouth!!

Good luck to everyone else!

 

[Belgiansunset]

Hurrah! Well done! I think that is the key - if the menfolk can see it's something you've thought through rather than just another desperate rant they are much more receptive. Congrats!