Am I being selfish?

[katsbump]

I went to pretty big lengths to keep breastfeeding, including having my dh and lo come to a conference in another country with me so I could keep breast feeding her at eight months. So to me, since you ask, it does sound selfish based on my own experience. But at the end of the day it's you making a choice about how you are raising your baby so it doesn't matter what we think or even what your baby thinks, you have all the control here. If formula feeding means you can have fun and freedom over the summer and that's the priority, go for it. As far as convenience is concerned, I have found breastfeeding really convenient in many ways, particularly when travelling, though it's a commitment, there's no denying that. Maybe instead of being all or none about it just leave a bottle of formula when you want the freedom to go out. It won't kill your baby to have formula for a night and breastfeeding is not as all consuming when they start having solids at six months.

 

[sue_88]

Yep, that's pretty selfish. If you've got the ability to provide your baby with the milk that is directly tailored to them, then my opinion is you should do it.

I don't understand putting a party here and there as a priority over your baby's health, but hey you do what you think is important to you.

 

[Amygdala]

Personally, I wouldn't give up breastfeeding just for the freedom of not having to pump while away from baby but of course that's up to you to decide. But if it's really only about the odd day away, why not have DH give him formula on those days and pump and dump while you're away. You'd only have to do it every 3 hours or so, not a huge deal from my point of view.

In terms of generally switching from established breastfeeding to formula (ie stopping breastfeeding while LO is still very dependent on milk), I'd consider this: Breastmilk is known to have many "benefits" over formula, for example a lower risk of obesity, food intolerances, allergies and even cancer and benefits to LO's immune system.

By (voluntarily) replacing breastmilk with formula, you are increasing baby's risk of obesity, allergies and some cancers. I know this is not a popular way of putting it but it is a fact.

Of course, if breastfeeding doesn't work, formula is a great second-best alternative and no mother should ever feel guilty for having to use it. But it'll always be just that, second-best, so I'd personally want to make sure that I had a very good reason for switching. To me, not being able to feed, having to take medications or suffering mentally and emotionally would be good reasons to switch, wanting more convenience or more freedom would be less so.

What constitutes a good enough reason for you is for you to decide and live with. And you don't need to justify it to anyone but yourself.

 

[Pearls18]

I've give myself the minimum milestone of 6 months, I am determined to give my son that, but after then I will be adding my own "selfish" considerations as to how long to go on. Those who have read my posts know BF hasn't been as straight forward for me this time, I will have no guilt stopping when I have bent over backwards to give my son exclusive 6 months (no food) when only about 5% of women do this in the UK, I feel I need to do the same that I did for my first. After that, the pressure is off.

 

[Bun87]

I think you have to do whatever is right for you and your family. I had a lot of problems with my supply when bfeeding, it nearly pushed me over the edge and once we started using formula it was like a massive weight was lifted and it isn't that much extra hassle. If I had been able to bfeed I would have continued for as long as lo wanted to. However, if switching to formula is what you want to do then you should go with your instinct. Just make sure you don't have any regrets. For the couple of times that you are away, is formula an option for you as one offs? We all need a break sometimes, you shouldn't feel guilty about that xx

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

You have to do whats best for you too. I didnt even bother bf jade as although its important so are my other children etc xx

 

[Foogirl]

As usual the judgey pants go on when this kind of topic goes on.

If not being tethered to LO for demand feeds is what you want to do, then go for it. After all there will be absolutely no point in you carrying on if you resent it, that's not a happy situation for anyone. Different strokes for different folks, some mums prefer a different way of parenting and as long as LO is being fed and is healthy then it's nobody's business how that is done.

However, a couple of things to consider. First off, by summer the number of feeds will have decreased and you might find your 10k run is doable after all. How about moving to a combi feed routine. That way formula can be available if you are not. If you are enjoying the feeding but are just concerned for the times you can't be there, then it gives the best of both worlds.

I chose to BF but it did start to get difficult with returning to work. In the end I chose to change my plans and stay off much longer so I could keep on BFing and just as well I did as she started to refuse the bottles of EBM she had been taking. But I had the luxury of being able to afford to take more time off. It was incredibly hard for those months not even to be able to go out and get the hair cut I had badly needed for the best part of 9 months. Or even just to take a couple of hours away to re-charge, heck even being able to soak in the tub would have been nice! I was able to do it but that doesn't make me less selfish than someone who finds they can't, or don't want to. Massive numbers of women give up on day 3 or never even start so the fact the you have tried, want to continue but can see a time in the future when you don't want to, does not make you selfish at all.

 

[sequeena]

You have absolutely no judgement from me. This is completely your decision and you can do whatever you please. A lot of people BF to a certain age for various reasons and a lot of people BF until the child self weans.

I was neither. I FF'd from 3 weeks and yes formula is a real faff. Preparing, sterilising, washing etc. Ugh what a chore but it just became part of my routine.

Do whatever works for you, by the time you want to stop BF you may have changed your mind or perhaps not - or baby might not even tolerate formula. Who knows but good luck with whatever you decide

 

[Foogirl]

You have absolutely no judgement from me. This is completely your decision and you can do whatever you please. A lot of people BF to a certain age for various reasons and a lot of people BF until the child self weans.

I was neither. I FF'd from 3 weeks and yes formula is a real faff. Preparing, sterilising, washing etc. Ugh what a chore but it just became part of my routine.

Do whatever works for you, by the time you want to stop BF you may have changed your mind or perhaps not - or baby might not even tolerate formula. Who knows but good luck with whatever you decide

That's a very good point. No matter what your preference is, in the end LO decides what they want and nothing you do can change that

 

[NoodleSnack]

How far away is this holiday? Bf at 3 months and 6-7months is not the same thing. If you drop some feeds, it will be much easier and you won't feel so tethered - before I started bf, I never realised how restricting bf can make a person feels, now I completely understand where you are coming from.

There's really no need for you think of it as either/or, no formula or give up bf. You can always use formula for the time you're away, but you might be uncomfortable with the engorgement - pump and dump may be the way to go then.

I can tell you from my perspective, it's really not worth giving up completely just for a night or two out. So compromise with either pumping a few days before the outings or use formula during those times.

 

[Logan's Mum]

You have absolutely no judgement from me. This is completely your decision and you can do whatever you please. A lot of people BF to a certain age for various reasons and a lot of people BF until the child self weans.

I was neither. I FF'd from 3 weeks and yes formula is a real faff. Preparing, sterilising, washing etc. Ugh what a chore but it just became part of my routine.

Do whatever works for you, by the time you want to stop BF you may have changed your mind or perhaps not - or baby might not even tolerate formula. Who knows but good luck with whatever you decide

Nicely put The bit in bold could be true, baby might not like fake boob milk anyway.

I exclusively boob fed Eric for 4 months or so, then started expressing a bit so I could exercise/hair cuts etc. Now at 9 months my supply is not good enough for a pump but fine for him to feed directly. After several attempts at different brands, he finally will accept formula for one feed every now and again (exercise and the very rare night out). I would never stop BFing just to give myself more of a social life, why make hard work/extra cost for yourself? Having a young baby does mean there are sacrifices to be made, before I pumped I just accepted the fact I would be antisocial for a time. And you never know, you may be "lucky" like me and have a dwindling supply which forces you to stop anyway (like with my first son), I would have given my everything to be able to feed him for longer

 

[KAH1990]

I couldn't breastfeed due to tongue tie so we had no choice but to use formula so I can't say what is less of a faff but honestly formula feeding is pretty easy! It takes 5-10 minutes for me to wash the bottles then straight into the sterilizer which takes another 5 minutes and all filled straight away with boiling water. To the post saying my child is more likely to get obese, allergies and higher risk of cancer there is no need for that my LO is a perfectly happy healthy baby! You do what ever feels right as long as baby and you are happy that's all that matters.

 

[DianaB]

As someone who has done pretty much every form of feeding (DD1 was breastfed, then formula fed and combi fed while I relactated and then exclusively pumped for. DD2 is breastfed) I definitely think breastfeeding is the easiest. Also I can vouch for the fact that breastfed babies don't always take to formula. DD1 refused to touch it once she was able to get enough bm. DD2 has had weight issues due to not taking in enough milk and when I try to top her up with expressed bm she throws it up. One day to appease my public health nurse I tried her with a bottle of formula to say I had tried everything, expecting her to just throw it up. She is used to drinking from a bottle as she has one bottle of expressed milk a day but she literally took one suck spat the bottle out and looked at me like I was crazy. Some babies will just not make the switch. With all the hardships I've gone through with breastfeeding I personally could never give up for the reasons you've listed but in the end it's your decision and nobody should judge you or make you feel bad for it.

 

[chulie]

I just want to add. This is is one summer....I try and remind myself of that because some days I sooooo want to give up nursing. It's hard that it's all on me. But I remind myself that this is it. One summer I'm gonna have to curb my wants and by next summer (for me anyways) I'll have every summer from here until I die to do what I want. Hahaha. This is my last so maybe I'm a little more fuzzy...but end of the day do as you wish. We all do selfish things so I don't think it's wrong to say you want to be a little selfish. We give up our bodies to carry these babies and no one loves them more than we do.....but before you give up fully just remember before you know it these kids won't need us at all and I try and hang on as long as I can and enjoy every last second they're SO reliant on me. It goes so fast......good luck with whatever you decide.

.....and ya. For the record even though I breastfed both my kids.....I was a ff baby soooo...I think I'm pretty good. Hahahahaaha.

 

[Hopeful1479]

You will not be selfish at all, its a life choice and its your choice to make. I have supply isses and I have had to supplement with formula since day one of my daughters life and she is not over weight, angry, upset or anything. She is in perfect health, very happy and we could not be happier. I am stopping bf in two weeks becuase its my choice and pumping at work twice a day and having to schedule my days around that is and can be very annoying. Although I don't have the summer off, we like to travel and go boating and no I don't want to pump and what not and guess what that does not make me selfish at all, it makes me an adult who can make decisions for my life and family. Its your choice to make and your baby is going to be fine, I will bet in 20 years they will not scold you because you did not bf them till they were 5!! lol Don't let any of the posters get to you, you will not be a bad person if you stop.

 

[Foogirl]

The comment about not giving up BFing for a social life. I wouldn't have done that either, but then, I never had a massive social life before I had Abby. Maybe if I had, I'd feel differently. We are all different people just trying to find out way through the jungle of parenting. And everyone in the family needs to be happy, not just the LO

 

[Pielette]

Hmm. Personally I'd suggest at least waiting until nearer the time to make this decision. From around 6 months BFing became so so easy for me. My LO is nearly 9 months and feeds take 5 minutes. He has four feeds a day a and it's so easy. I feel like I have an awful lot of freedom these days to be honest.

DH and I went to our best friends' wedding last week and we were away for about 24 hours. It was fairly easy to pump enough milk. While we were at the wedding I slipped away 4 times to pump for about 20 minutes. It was no hassle.

It is your choice to make. Having formula fed my eldest and breastfed my youngest, I have found breastfeeding so much easier. Lugging bottles around, needing all the paraphernalia and thinking where am I going to be to heat a bottle... Giant pain in my experience.

In all honesty, for the reasons you've stated - yes it is going to seem a little selfish to some. I put an awful lot of effort in to breastfeed second time around and I am aware that in certain situations I have to make sacrifices to make sure I continue breastfeeding. That's just motherhood I guess. BUT your baby, your body, your choice, and your happiness does matter too, of course it does. As some have suggested though, there are other options. Formula for when you're out for an extended period of time, or combi feeding. The only thing I'd say is if you make the decision to switch, it will be very difficult to go back on that afterwards should you want to. So be sure before you do it.

 

[babyv13]

no judgement from me either - it's your choice and no one can decide what's the best thing for you and your baby though I definitely think FF is more of a faff than BF and you might regret giving it up, I know I would!

 

[lanaross]

even if you're selfish, what's wrong with being a little selfish and let yourself live too? Your life doesn't end when you have a baby. (That said I'm still doing all three things -- BF, FF, and pump - this feeding thing is tiring lol -- have you considered combi feeding?)

Also I would just go with the flow - if by summer you want to stop, then stop. You'll see where you are. Do keep in mind that your bubs will drop a lot of feeds by that time and will probably be on solids so it's not like you'll be as attached.

 

[meli1981]

By freedom I mean having the luxury of leaving my son with my husband for however long I want and not have to pump during my time away. I signed up for a 10k run for charity but am now realizing I won't be able to do the run if I'm still breast feeding. Also, my sister is having her bachelorette party in another city an hour away which I won't be able to attend either if I'm breast feeding.

Wow. Baffled. Personally, I would never give up BFing LO for those reasons. But to each their own I guess. If those things are more important to you, then I guess you've made your decision and you should do what's right for you.

You shouldnt have to give everything up when you have a baby.....and pumping might not be easy for some. I can pump in five min and get like five ounces...but maybe it takes her a long time to pump or maybe she cant get alot out....its not a big deal..formulas not going to kill her baby or anything! And this comes from a mom who breastfed all her babies until ten months on....