Am i the only one who thinks this is wrong?

[charlie_lael]

I think you are being quite judgemental here, most parents who put their children in full time childcare have no choice and you can bet however bad you think it is will not compare to how crap they will feel having to do this. Also situations change, they may not have planned to have children and put them into full time care, and to say why should they have children in the first place is very unfair. Until you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes then you really are not in a position to comment.

Oh and why post something you know is going to cause a fuss and say sorry to cause a debate? For goodness sake, at least have the conviction to stand by your comments when you know they are controversial.

I think the OP meant that she personally would wait to have kids if she didnt have the time for them. Not that people like this shouldn't have kids.

 

[Banshee]

The boys will go to nursery 2 days a week 8am to 6pm when I go back to work part time. It will actually be tricky with the distance we both have to drive to get to work (living in the countryside) to make sure we are there at 6pm so of they were offering til 6.30pm we'd probably take it. People aren't necessarily working 12 hour days but travel adds to the time we need childcare for.

 

[devon_91x]

I think you are being quite judgemental here, most parents who put their children in full time childcare have no choice and you can bet however bad you think it is will not compare to how crap they will feel having to do this. Also situations change, they may not have planned to have children and put them into full time care, and to say why should they have children in the first place is very unfair. Until you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes then you really are not in a position to comment.

Oh and why post something you know is going to cause a fuss and say sorry to cause a debate? For goodness sake, at least have the conviction to stand by your comments when you know they are controversial.

Lol what are you talking about I didn't purposely try to cause a 'fuss' i wanted to know if i was the only one who had this opinion and actually hear from someone who did have to place their child in nursery because i've never spoken to anyone in this situation before. When did i say sorry for causing a debate? I said i HOPE this doesnt cause a debate and i don't think it has. I haven't been nasty or horrible to anyone. Yes i probably am being judgemental but that's just me. I'm sure my parenting skills have been judged before and that's fine. You're causing more of a 'fuss' than i am by getting so worked up over it, you didn't have to comment...

 

[Lulabelle27]

You make some great generalizations in your post, and stating you don't mean to offend anyone simply means you know you're going too, and yes, I'm offended! I work full time as a finance manager, my fiancé is a mature student so works as good as full time. Our amazing daughter is in nursery full time, and is absolutely thriving. We do what's right and what's best for us, as a family. You say people must have massive debt, yet nursery costs us £180 per week, so no we don't have massive debt or we couldn't afford nursery. Yes the best part of my day is seeing her beautiful smile when I pick her up, and we cherish and make the most of every moment we spend with her. I do not believe for one moment we are doing the wrong thing nor do I believe sahm's are either ... Each to their own.

Asking questions about people's situations is one thing, making sweeping and frankly offensive comments is another.

 

[zoe0504]

I can't imagine leaving my son for 30 minutes, let alone 12 hours! I mean wow... I don't understand why both parents would have to work 12+ hours five days a week anyway. Unless they have horribly massive debt!

The original post didn't offend me but I have to say this did, myself and oh work 5 days a week, not to pull ourselves out of debt but just to live. We don't survive on benefits (yes we accept help towards childcare) but we have our own mortgage and car and bills to pay for. We don't have luxuries, and we save for our children's future. Some of us just simply don't have the choice.

 

[Scottish mum]

I'm not offended. I have a demanding job and there may be times I don't get away on time!! I'm still on mat leave but due to go back April. My lo is my number one priority but in the same semtace in order for him to have what he needs/ wants I need to work. But I do agree 7-7 is extreme I couldn't imagine doing that all the time but there may be a night where I might have to but I'm sure his grans will step in xx

 

[Noelle610]

My local moms group has a facebook page. Most of the moms work. Every day there is a post from a mom with huge guilt for working. Every day there is a post from a mom who just really misses their kid. If you have never had the experience of working in a demanding industry, living in an expensive city or receiving no paid maternity leave, you have no right to judge.

 

[pompeyvix]

You put in your thread title that you think it's wrong....it certainly isn't wrong if it's the best thing for the family or those who need to work to pay the bills and don't have the option of family help. I am sure mum's who put their children in nursery full time don't enjoy it.

However, there are SOME women (I know of 2 personally) who have chosen to work full time, working long hours, as they do not want to sacrifice their lifestyle and want to be able to take their children on foreign holidays and have expensive days out etc.

That option does not appeal to me at all, but I don't judge those who do that.

Personally, I HAVE to return to work....working full time would mean we have a nice surplus income each month and lots of monies for all the nice things in life, but I am personally choosing to return to work part time to earn enough to pay the bills and keep us in our home without getting into debt but I won't be earning enough to have loads of luxuries.

I am hoping as our family grow, our needs and incomes will change so money will not always be as tight and we can 'spoil' our children more in the future when they are older and will remember and appreciate it more.

 

[dachsundmom]

I normally avoid these kind of threads like the plague...

With that said- I was a single mom for a lot of DD's early years, she is now 16. She was not planned and I had no choice but to work.

She was in FT daycare and there were days when she was dropped off at 0630 and not picked up until 1800.

I was very lucky, DD was close to her daycare teacher and in fact, I ended up using her as a private sitter.

You are right, DD spent more time during the week with her daycare provider than she did with me. She loved them dearly and I couldn't have done it had she NOT had such a close relationship with them.

OP, I'm not sure if you are in the UK or US, but please keep in mind, here in the US we do not have a benefit system anything close to what you have; it's not just a matter of money, but my employer also provided my health benefits.

You may not have meant to offend, but rest assured, I am offended.

 

[charlie_lael]

I can't imagine leaving my son for 30 minutes, let alone 12 hours! I mean wow... I don't understand why both parents would have to work 12+ hours five days a week anyway. Unless they have horribly massive debt!

The original post didn't offend me but I have to say this did, myself and oh work 5 days a week, not to pull ourselves out of debt but just to live. We don't survive on benefits (yes we accept help towards childcare) but we have our own mortgage and car and bills to pay for. We don't have luxuries, and we save for our children's future. Some of us just simply don't have the choice.

I didn't mean it like that and I believe I stated in a different comment that I can totally understand if you have to take care of your family financially. Maybe read further along in the thread before quoting someone?

 

[Athena]

It's not something I would do personally but then I work from home. My sister had the type of career where she put her dd into nursery for long hours. Of course people would soon complain if she had sat at home on her backside and claimed benefits...Her daughter is thriving and is very well loved and knows exactly who her Mummy is.

Threads like this are completely unnecessary especially since you know you will be offending someone, so you wouldn't chose to put your child in nursery long hours, but others would. It's actually quite absurd for you to suggest that it's pointless having children!

And it's so annoying when people post things like don't mean to offend or don't take this the wrong way blah blah blah. If you don't want to offend anyone, don't start the thread in the first place!

 

[Broodypants]

Ok. So when you post "not trying to start a debate or offend at all" you know full well that you are saying something that could offend or cause a debate, otherwise why would you say that? And after that in brackets you said "Sorry if I have" which is where you apologised.

 

[charlie_lael]

I normally avoid these kind of threads like the plague...

With that said- I was a single mom for a lot of DD's early years, she is now 16. She was not planned and I had no choice but to work.

She was in FT daycare and there were days when she was dropped off at 0630 and not picked up until 1800.

I was very lucky, DD was close to her daycare teacher and in fact, I ended up using her as a private sitter.

You are right, DD spent more time during the week with her daycare provider than she did with me. She loved them dearly and I couldn't have done it had she NOT had such a close relationship with them.

OP, I'm not sure if you are in the UK or US, but please keep in mind, here in the US we do not have a benefit system anything close to what you have; it's not just a matter of money, but my employer also provided my health benefits.

You may not have meant to offend, but rest assured, I am offended.

Completely OT, but i love your "hell no kitty" in your siggy. LOL!

 

[Scottish mum]

That's another thing I want to add I love my job! It's my past before lo and it reminds me I'm not just a mum . My lo is not going to suffer because my oh and I have demanding jobs it all works out in the end x

 

[Kel127]

You are being very judgemental and a bit rude. Who are you to judge whether or not someone should have children because they have to long hours to support them.
Not everyone has a paid maternity leave or can afford not to work, but that doesn't mean they love their children any less. I leave my children for 10 hours a day for 5 days a week. I do this so that they have a roof over their heads and food to eat.

 

[charlie_lael]

I think everything we say will offend some one on these forums so I just don't give a crap anymore. LOL. Things offend me too.

OH THE THINGS!!!!

(Just trying to have fun people.)

 

[pompeyvix]

I can't imagine leaving my son for 30 minutes, let alone 12 hours! I mean wow... I don't understand why both parents would have to work 12+ hours five days a week anyway. Unless they have horribly massive debt!

Sorry, your post is incredibly naive!! Some people genuinely have no choice but to work full time due to loads of factors - where you live could be incredibly expensive, he husband may be on a low wage and mum is the main earner and so on.

NO ONE likes to leave their baby to go work full time I'm sure. You are very lucky you don't have to do this (I assume from your post) and you should be thankful for that, not be incredibly judgemental to parents who have no option but to do so.

 

[devon_91x]

My comment of 'there is no point in having kids if you are going to put them into nursery' came out wrong and im sorry if i offended thats not exactly what i meant. A few years ago my Aunt was planning on having a baby with her OH (ended up that she can have kids but thats another story) They both worked, and she had a very demanding job in Londo. She left home at 5.30am and wasn't back until 6/7pm. Before she even started TTC she looked into how much nurserys would cost and how long the child would be able to stay there for. This was an example of what i meant. Why start TTC a child if already you are thinking about how long they can go into nursery for? That's what i meant by my comment. Not that my aunt shouldn't have tried for a baby, but if she knew her job was so demanding why not wait until you are ready?

Maybe i am biased tho because i dont have a demanding job. I have a pretty easy job in retail, which doesnt involve travelling every day. I have the option of changing my hours if needed and i dont need to work 9-5 each day so its easy for me. Maybe if i had a different job i wouldnt be so judgemental but my main worry is just my LO getting so attached to someone else!

 

[babyrough]

I agree it does sound like a lot of time to be in nursery, but you do what you have to do to pay the bills, so if that means working 60+ hours a week then so be it! Better than sitting around claiming benefits in my opinion.

 

[special_kala]

My best friends have both worked incredible hard at school and university they now have great but demanding jobs so when they decide to have a baby I wouldn't even think about judging them if they needed to use childcare so much.

we have made very different life choices, I chose children first and career later but I'm not going to condemn those who went a different way.