Am i the only one who thinks this is wrong?

[devon_91x]

I'm just reposting something that another lady made a topic about:

https://www.scarymommy.com/a-letter-to-my-pregnant-child-less-self/

I thought it was kinda funny.

love this

 

[special_kala]

Children are little endless pots of love anyway, I'm sure the love they have for their childcare provider has no impact on the love they have for their parents.

 

[whit.]

Your situation is completley different tho. I'm talking about when people plan a baby knowing full well the child will be going straight into full time care, like i said in above comments, my aunt for example who was TTC and already planning her childcare options..

Really?

I think she was being responsible. If she knew she would have to go back to work (which I'd say 99% of women have to do!) it was good of her to think of child care options. Most child cares in our area have waiting lists up to a year before you can even get in! We only get 6 weeks maternity leave. How would that work if it wasn't planned beforehand?

 

[bananaz]

Also, like I said before, I was in childcare from the time I was very little because both of my parents had demanding careers. I have a few distant memories of some of the people who looked after me, but 90% of what I remember from my childhood is time spent with my family. Caregivers will come and go but your mom is always your mom, whether you spend every minute of the week with her or she just makes you dinner and tucks you in at night.

 

[devon_91x]

What if I said that people who aren't going to have one parent in the home full time are wrong? No?

People do what they have to do. I wouldn't personally leave my children to go to work at all unless I absolutely had to if I was a single parent or something, but as long as children are loved and well cared for, then what does it matter? Your comment about 'being scared the child would love the nursery worker more than you' says it all tbh, this is about you, not your child.

I'm a sahm mum so I could sit here and say that exact thing, how can people ttc knowing it won't have mum at home with them.

that would be pretty offensive, actually the same as the op is.

Exactly.

What if I said that people who aren't going to have one parent in the home full time are wrong? No?

People do what they have to do. I wouldn't personally leave my children to go to work at all unless I absolutely had to if I was a single parent or something, but as long as children are loved and well cared for, then what does it matter? Your comment about 'being scared the child would love the nursery worker more than you' says it all tbh, this is about you, not your child.

Well yes it is about me. But also i wouldn't want my child being dependant and becoming attached to someone else. Does that make me insecure? Probably. But forgive me if i want my daughter to depend on me for everything. Im simply just stating that i don't think its right but like i said i am in a completley different situation from other people so i am biased.

So, having a child in full time childcare isn't a problem for the child, just insecure Mum's who want their child to depend on them for 'everything'?

I think it's more wrong to put your needs before your child personally. A child needs to feel secure and loved, it doesn't matter to the child why or who makes it feel that way.

No i think it is a problem for the child but like i said its MY opinion. I think it does matter to the child who makes them feel loved. I'm sure the child would rather they know the love is coming from their parents rather than a childminder/nursery nurse?

How about we agree to disagree?

 

[special_kala]

What if I said that people who aren't going to have one parent in the home full time are wrong? No?

People do what they have to do. I wouldn't personally leave my children to go to work at all unless I absolutely had to if I was a single parent or something, but as long as children are loved and well cared for, then what does it matter? Your comment about 'being scared the child would love the nursery worker more than you' says it all tbh, this is about you, not your child.

I'm a sahm mum so I could sit here and say that exact thing, how can people ttc knowing it won't have mum at home with them.

that would be pretty offensive, actually the same as the op is.

Exactly.

What if I said that people who aren't going to have one parent in the home full time are wrong? No?

People do what they have to do. I wouldn't personally leave my children to go to work at all unless I absolutely had to if I was a single parent or something, but as long as children are loved and well cared for, then what does it matter? Your comment about 'being scared the child would love the nursery worker more than you' says it all tbh, this is about you, not your child.

Well yes it is about me. But also i wouldn't want my child being dependant and becoming attached to someone else. Does that make me insecure? Probably. But forgive me if i want my daughter to depend on me for everything. Im simply just stating that i don't think its right but like i said i am in a completley different situation from other people so i am biased.

So, having a child in full time childcare isn't a problem for the child, just insecure Mum's who want their child to depend on them for 'everything'?

I think it's more wrong to put your needs before your child personally. A child needs to feel secure and loved, it doesn't matter to the child why or who makes it feel that way.

No i think it is a problem for the child but like i said its MY opinion. I think it does matter to the child who makes them feel loved. I'm sure the child would rather they know the love is coming from their parents rather than a childminder/nursery nurse?

How about we agree to disagree?

it's not one or the other.

 

[midori1999]

I'm a nurse and before I started my own business I did work 7-7 four or five times a week. Sometimes more if we were short staffed. I've heard the 'why have kids if you're not going to spend time with them' argument before and it's really not fair. We had our LO in daycare for those hours. My OH was working his job and then running our business on the side. It was a sacrifice, but we chose to do it because the long term benefits (being self employed and having more family time) were worth it.

We're in the US. You get six weeks of unpaid maternity leave and thousands of dollars of medical bills from the pregnancy, delivery, and pediatrician on top of the normal baby expenses. It's good that we've finally come to the point where I can work on our business full time from home. However, I won't apologize for those 12 hour day care days because they were worth it in the end. It does not mean that I had a child for someone else to raise. I was working 60 hours a week because of the effect it would have on LO's future.

I have several friends who have been forced into long day care. Job loss, sickness, divorce, and any number of other factors can make a parent have to do this so that they can feed and clothe their child. I think the ones who plan on leaving their baby for 60 plus hours a week are few. Most of us do it because its necessary.

Don't be so hard on those parents. You don't know their situations. I can tell you from experience, those parents are hard enough on themselves.

You only get 6 weeks maternity leave? And unpaid?

I know, all those selfish american women hey, deliberately having babies when they know they will have to go to work and leave them?

 

[Irish Eyes]

You keep saying about long hours being linked to an amazing career. What about those who just work long hours with no amazing pay at the end? Ordinary people who have to work long hours to provide for their families. Your messages get more offensive the more you keep talking. If I started a thread saying hope I don't offend anyone but I why would you have kids if you don't own your own home and have a decent income then I would be attacked!

 

[midori1999]

What if I said that people who aren't going to have one parent in the home full time are wrong? No?

People do what they have to do. I wouldn't personally leave my children to go to work at all unless I absolutely had to if I was a single parent or something, but as long as children are loved and well cared for, then what does it matter? Your comment about 'being scared the child would love the nursery worker more than you' says it all tbh, this is about you, not your child.

I'm a sahm mum so I could sit here and say that exact thing, how can people ttc knowing it won't have mum at home with them.

that would be pretty offensive, actually the same as the op is.

Exactly.

What if I said that people who aren't going to have one parent in the home full time are wrong? No?

People do what they have to do. I wouldn't personally leave my children to go to work at all unless I absolutely had to if I was a single parent or something, but as long as children are loved and well cared for, then what does it matter? Your comment about 'being scared the child would love the nursery worker more than you' says it all tbh, this is about you, not your child.

Well yes it is about me. But also i wouldn't want my child being dependant and becoming attached to someone else. Does that make me insecure? Probably. But forgive me if i want my daughter to depend on me for everything. Im simply just stating that i don't think its right but like i said i am in a completley different situation from other people so i am biased.

So, having a child in full time childcare isn't a problem for the child, just insecure Mum's who want their child to depend on them for 'everything'?

I think it's more wrong to put your needs before your child personally. A child needs to feel secure and loved, it doesn't matter to the child why or who makes it feel that way.

No i think it is a problem for the child but like i said its MY opinion. I think it does matter to the child who makes them feel loved. I'm sure the child would rather they know the love is coming from their parents rather than a childminder/nursery nurse?

How about we agree to disagree?

How about we agree that the vast majority of parents love their children more than life itself and just want what is best for them? That they don't need to be beaten down for their choices by others?

 

[ARuppe716]

We completely planned our child knowing we would need childcare. We will have family care for him 2 days a weeks but the other three days will be approximately 7-6 at a daycare. It kills me to do that but both dh and I have a commute and an 8-5 workday. I have a fantastic job that I love and worked hard for and wouldn't be able to get back if I left and tried to return to the workforce down the road. We are carefully choosing a place that fits our family and I know that he will be getting good care and socialization. This is very much the normal around me as most moms have to work. I live in a county that has great schools, etch but the price we pay is higher cost of living so we need two incomes to provide this for our child.

 

[Randianne]

No i think it is a problem for the child but like i said its MY opinion. I think it does matter to the child who makes them feel loved. I'm sure the child would rather they know the love is coming from their parents rather than a childminder/nursery nurse?

How about we agree to disagree?

Day cares here have classes of up to 14 kids with two teachers. They're getting a lot of social time, but not much one-on-one time. The day care workers can't treat your child like you would because they don't have the time. There are some great teachers out there, but they're not the parents. There is a huge difference in how a nice day care worker treats a child and how it's own mother does.

 

[bumpy_j]

We're not all lucky enough to have loving partners who stand by us. Ya know, sometimes, even when children are planned in a loving, happy marriage, things go wrong later on. Some of us are left to raise our children alone, with no one to go out to work. We either stay at home to take care of our children, claiming benefits, or we put our children in nursery so we can get a job and earn money to pay for them. When you have 3, 4, 5+ children needing childcare, you HAVE to work 60+ hours just to be able to pay for the childcare! Which are we meant to do, when everyone seems to think both ways are totally wrong!?

Your situation is completley different tho. I'm talking about when people plan a baby knowing full well the child will be going straight into full time care, like i said in above comments, my aunt for example who was TTC and already planning her childcare options..

Maybe they planned to have children by a certain age? The point is you don't know and therefore cannot judge good for them for working so hard for their families!

 

[devon_91x]

Wow the joys of having an opinion!

 

[zoe0504]

I can't imagine leaving my son for 30 minutes, let alone 12 hours! I mean wow... I don't understand why both parents would have to work 12+ hours five days a week anyway. Unless they have horribly massive debt!

The original post didn't offend me but I have to say this did, myself and oh work 5 days a week, not to pull ourselves out of debt but just to live. We don't survive on benefits (yes we accept help towards childcare) but we have our own mortgage and car and bills to pay for. We don't have luxuries, and we save for our children's future. Some of us just simply don't have the choice.

I didn't mean it like that and I believe I stated in a different comment that I can totally understand if you have to take care of your family financially. Maybe read further along in the thread before quoting someone?

Actually the thread had progressed that fast that by the time I had written my post there was a new page. I just think it's incredibly naive of you to come out with something like that. If you mean what you say about finances maybe you should have put it in your first post and not had to have explained yourself later on?

 

[devon_91x]

What if I said that people who aren't going to have one parent in the home full time are wrong? No?

People do what they have to do. I wouldn't personally leave my children to go to work at all unless I absolutely had to if I was a single parent or something, but as long as children are loved and well cared for, then what does it matter? Your comment about 'being scared the child would love the nursery worker more than you' says it all tbh, this is about you, not your child.

I'm a sahm mum so I could sit here and say that exact thing, how can people ttc knowing it won't have mum at home with them.

that would be pretty offensive, actually the same as the op is.

Exactly.

What if I said that people who aren't going to have one parent in the home full time are wrong? No?

People do what they have to do. I wouldn't personally leave my children to go to work at all unless I absolutely had to if I was a single parent or something, but as long as children are loved and well cared for, then what does it matter? Your comment about 'being scared the child would love the nursery worker more than you' says it all tbh, this is about you, not your child.

Well yes it is about me. But also i wouldn't want my child being dependant and becoming attached to someone else. Does that make me insecure? Probably. But forgive me if i want my daughter to depend on me for everything. Im simply just stating that i don't think its right but like i said i am in a completley different situation from other people so i am biased.

So, having a child in full time childcare isn't a problem for the child, just insecure Mum's who want their child to depend on them for 'everything'?

I think it's more wrong to put your needs before your child personally. A child needs to feel secure and loved, it doesn't matter to the child why or who makes it feel that way.

No i think it is a problem for the child but like i said its MY opinion. I think it does matter to the child who makes them feel loved. I'm sure the child would rather they know the love is coming from their parents rather than a childminder/nursery nurse?

How about we agree to disagree?

How about we agree that the vast majority of parents love their children more than life itself and just want what is best for them? That they don't need to be beaten down for their choices by others?

I honestly wasn't trying to 'beat' anyone down and if i have made you feel like that i'm sorry but my opinion is what it is.

 

[marron]

I'm a single mother. I don't have the option of quitting my job and having money problems. Unless you think I'd be better off living on welfare?

 

[shorman]

I Stay at home mummy my neighbours both work full time to really late and the daughter is in nursary from 8:30 till 7pm and I feel sorry for the child as she is only three and my kids are tucked up in bed and she has only just got home

 

[lightweight]

Not read whole thread but dds nursery sets a maximum of 9 hours per day so if I drop her at 8.30 I have to collect by 5.30. Whilst she gets lunch and tea I still do breakfast and a snack at home.

 

[devon_91x]

I Stay at home mummy my neighbours both work full time to really late and the daughter is in nursary from 8:30 till 7pm and I feel sorry for the child as she is only three and my kids are tucked up in bed and she has only just got home

My point exactly..

 

[Lettuce]

Well I leave my child 3 days a week 7:45 til 6:15 but it's ok, it's not bad cos it's with her grandmother. (joke) some days she's not even woken up before I leave.
Yes, I do feel guilty, but actually not guilty enough to give up my job that I love and to become a full time mummy. I feel I can be a better mum when I keep my career. I did work hard at it, and I'm proud that I work, and I'll be delighted to tell my daughter about it when she's older.
From the other side, my mum is a nursery nurse, and yes, some children are there all day everyday. And sometimes the mum (or dad) goes to the shops on the way home before picking up their child! and you know what? I dont blame them or judge them. One day in the past I might have done, but time and a child has changed that.
There are women in my work who "choose" to work full-time and use childcare to have a luxury lifestyle, and those who have been deserted by partners and simply do it to survive. But I don't know each situation so I try to take a step back and think before those wee nasty thoughts enter my mind. I dont doubt that every single one of them loves their children.
Children who's parent have careers is no bad thing. I hope my daughter learns about work/life balance and is proud of her mum and dad for working hard for her and for ourselves.