Am i the only one who thinks this is wrong?

[devon_91x]

I agree it does sound like a lot of time to be in nursery, but you do what you have to do to pay the bills, so if that means working 60+ hours a week then so be it! Better than sitting around claiming benefits in my opinion.

I agree. In fact if me and OH both gave up our jobs and claimed benefits, we would probably be better off. It's shocking how the system works..

 

[special_kala]

When would the right time be? that could mean some people never get to have children because high living costs will exclude them. Basically having kids would be a low income privilege. How would that be fair?

 

[Scottish mum]

How would I buy all my wine if I didn't work hard!! Lol x

 

[special_kala]

I agree it does sound like a lot of time to be in nursery, but you do what you have to do to pay the bills, so if that means working 60+ hours a week then so be it! Better than sitting around claiming benefits in my opinion.

I agree. In fact if me and OH both gave up our jobs and claimed benefits, we would probably be better off. It's shocking how the system works..

So not working is wrong...as is working too much...oh to be perfect

 

[devon_91x]

When would the right time be? that could mean some people never get to have children because high living costs will exclude them. Basically having kids would be a low income privilege. How would that be fair?

But then is it fair that you bring a child into the world & they spend more time being looked after by someone else than their own parents? Like i said, i am lucky that i don't have a demanding job and that i can have family members watch LO for a few hours, so i am very biased. Maybe if i worked hard at university and worked hard to get an amazing job then i'd think differently?

 

[Ju_bubbs]

We're not all lucky enough to have loving partners who stand by us. Ya know, sometimes, even when children are planned in a loving, happy marriage, things go wrong later on. Some of us are left to raise our children alone, with no one to go out to work. We either stay at home to take care of our children, claiming benefits, or we put our children in nursery so we can get a job and earn money to pay for them. When you have 3, 4, 5+ children needing childcare, you HAVE to work 60+ hours just to be able to pay for the childcare! Which are we meant to do, when everyone seems to think both ways are totally wrong!?

 

[special_kala]

It isn't always about quantity sometimes quality counts too.

 

[devon_91x]

I agree it does sound like a lot of time to be in nursery, but you do what you have to do to pay the bills, so if that means working 60+ hours a week then so be it! Better than sitting around claiming benefits in my opinion.

I agree. In fact if me and OH both gave up our jobs and claimed benefits, we would probably be better off. It's shocking how the system works..

So not working is wrong...as is working too much...oh to be perfect

You've just taken that wayyy out of context.. I think the system is shocking that people who claim benefits are normally better off than hard-working people. That has nothing to do with working or not working.

 

[charlie_lael]

I can't imagine leaving my son for 30 minutes, let alone 12 hours! I mean wow... I don't understand why both parents would have to work 12+ hours five days a week anyway. Unless they have horribly massive debt!

Sorry, your post is incredibly naive!! Some people genuinely have no choice but to work full time due to loads of factors - where you live could be incredibly expensive, he husband may be on a low wage and mum is the main earner and so on.

NO ONE likes to leave their baby to go work full time I'm sure. You are very lucky you don't have to do this (I assume from your post) and you should be thankful for that, not be incredibly judgemental to parents who have no option but to do so.

I'm kind of tired of repeating myself... Maybe read further in the thread and see some of my other posts before quoting me? Thanks.

 

[midori1999]

What if I said that people who aren't going to have one parent in the home full time are wrong? No?

People do what they have to do. I wouldn't personally leave my children to go to work at all unless I absolutely had to if I was a single parent or something, but as long as children are loved and well cared for, then what does it matter? Your comment about 'being scared the child would love the nursery worker more than you' says it all tbh, this is about you, not your child.

 

[devon_91x]

We're not all lucky enough to have loving partners who stand by us. Ya know, sometimes, even when children are planned in a loving, happy marriage, things go wrong later on. Some of us are left to raise our children alone, with no one to go out to work. We either stay at home to take care of our children, claiming benefits, or we put our children in nursery so we can get a job and earn money to pay for them. When you have 3, 4, 5+ children needing childcare, you HAVE to work 60+ hours just to be able to pay for the childcare! Which are we meant to do, when everyone seems to think both ways are totally wrong!?

Your situation is completley different tho. I'm talking about when people plan a baby knowing full well the child will be going straight into full time care, like i said in above comments, my aunt for example who was TTC and already planning her childcare options..

 

[charlie_lael]

How would I buy all my wine if I didn't work hard!! Lol x

I love you, you're a cutie.

 

[special_kala]

What if I said that people who aren't going to have one parent in the home full time are wrong? No?

People do what they have to do. I wouldn't personally leave my children to go to work at all unless I absolutely had to if I was a single parent or something, but as long as children are loved and well cared for, then what does it matter? Your comment about 'being scared the child would love the nursery worker more than you' says it all tbh, this is about you, not your child.

I'm a sahm mum so I could sit here and say that exact thing, how can people ttc knowing it won't have mum at home with them.

that would be pretty offensive, actually the same as the op is.

 

[devon_91x]

What if I said that people who aren't going to have one parent in the home full time are wrong? No?

People do what they have to do. I wouldn't personally leave my children to go to work at all unless I absolutely had to if I was a single parent or something, but as long as children are loved and well cared for, then what does it matter? Your comment about 'being scared the child would love the nursery worker more than you' says it all tbh, this is about you, not your child.

Well yes it is about me. But also i wouldn't want my child being dependant and becoming attached to someone else. Does that make me insecure? Probably. But forgive me if i want my daughter to depend on me for everything. Im simply just stating that i don't think its right but like i said i am in a completley different situation from other people so i am biased.

 

[bananaz]

I'm a little confused. Are people only ready to have babies when they don't have jobs and will be able to stay at home? Here in the US I'm pretty sure that most kids spend more time in the care of someone other than their parents, whether it's daycare or school. That's just the nature of our society (and our economy). Of course being gone 12+ hours a day is extreme, but a lot of women have babies while they're in successful careers that they plan to return to and I don't think that's a bad thing. They can still get plenty of quality time with their kids in the mornings and evenings, on weekends, etc.

And I don't see how kids having to be in childcare is "unfair." To be honest I think sometimes my daughter would be happier surrounded by other kids and adults in a daycare environment than she is hanging out with boring old me all day every day. Daycare can be a very stimulating, enriching environment for active little minds. It's not like the parents are dumping them off at a dog kennel or something.

 

[Randianne]

I'm a nurse and before I started my own business I did work 7-7 four or five times a week. Sometimes more if we were short staffed. I've heard the 'why have kids if you're not going to spend time with them' argument before and it's really not fair. We had our LO in daycare for those hours. My OH was working his job and then running our business on the side. It was a sacrifice, but we chose to do it because the long term benefits (being self employed and having more family time) were worth it.

We're in the US. You get six weeks of unpaid maternity leave and thousands of dollars of medical bills from the pregnancy, delivery, and pediatrician on top of the normal baby expenses. It's good that we've finally come to the point where I can work on our business full time from home. However, I won't apologize for those 12 hour day care days because they were worth it in the end. It does not mean that I had a child for someone else to raise. I was working 60 hours a week because of the effect it would have on LO's future.

I have several friends who have been forced into long day care. Job loss, sickness, divorce, and any number of other factors can make a parent have to do this so that they can feed and clothe their child. I think the ones who plan on leaving their baby for 60 plus hours a week are few. Most of us do it because its necessary.

Don't be so hard on those parents. You don't know their situations. I can tell you from experience, those parents are hard enough on themselves.

ETA: If the child is more bonded to the day care teacher then the parents, then its a parenting problem. Day care workers have classes of 10 kids at a time. They're not exactly giving your LO one on one attention. There is a HUGE difference in how a mom treats her baby and how a babysitter does.

 

[Indigo77]

 

[midori1999]

What if I said that people who aren't going to have one parent in the home full time are wrong? No?

People do what they have to do. I wouldn't personally leave my children to go to work at all unless I absolutely had to if I was a single parent or something, but as long as children are loved and well cared for, then what does it matter? Your comment about 'being scared the child would love the nursery worker more than you' says it all tbh, this is about you, not your child.

I'm a sahm mum so I could sit here and say that exact thing, how can people ttc knowing it won't have mum at home with them.

that would be pretty offensive, actually the same as the op is.

Exactly.

What if I said that people who aren't going to have one parent in the home full time are wrong? No?

People do what they have to do. I wouldn't personally leave my children to go to work at all unless I absolutely had to if I was a single parent or something, but as long as children are loved and well cared for, then what does it matter? Your comment about 'being scared the child would love the nursery worker more than you' says it all tbh, this is about you, not your child.

Well yes it is about me. But also i wouldn't want my child being dependant and becoming attached to someone else. Does that make me insecure? Probably. But forgive me if i want my daughter to depend on me for everything. Im simply just stating that i don't think its right but like i said i am in a completley different situation from other people so i am biased.

So, having a child in full time childcare isn't a problem for the child, just insecure Mum's who want their child to depend on them for 'everything'?

I think it's more wrong to put your needs before your child personally. A child needs to feel secure and loved, it doesn't matter to the child why or who makes it feel that way.

 

[charlie_lael]

I'm just reposting something that another lady made a topic about:

https://www.scarymommy.com/a-letter-to-my-pregnant-child-less-self/

I thought it was kinda funny.

 

[devon_91x]

I'm a nurse and before I started my own business I did work 7-7 four or five times a week. Sometimes more if we were short staffed. I've heard the 'why have kids if you're not going to spend time with them' argument before and it's really not fair. We had our LO in daycare for those hours. My OH was working his job and then running our business on the side. It was a sacrifice, but we chose to do it because the long term benefits (being self employed and having more family time) were worth it.

We're in the US. You get six weeks of unpaid maternity leave and thousands of dollars of medical bills from the pregnancy, delivery, and pediatrician on top of the normal baby expenses. It's good that we've finally come to the point where I can work on our business full time from home. However, I won't apologize for those 12 hour day care days because they were worth it in the end. It does not mean that I had a child for someone else to raise. I was working 60 hours a week because of the effect it would have on LO's future.

I have several friends who have been forced into long day care. Job loss, sickness, divorce, and any number of other factors can make a parent have to do this so that they can feed and clothe their child. I think the ones who plan on leaving their baby for 60 plus hours a week are few. Most of us do it because its necessary.

Don't be so hard on those parents. You don't know their situations. I can tell you from experience, those parents are hard enough on themselves.

You only get 6 weeks maternity leave? And unpaid?