Any OCD Mums? or mums with axiety disorders?

[lady_p]

Hi ladies, I have long term generalised anxiety. I basically spend a large portion of the time worrying about everything from the way I look to my LO's health I'm sure you can all relate. I am glad this thread was started - thankyou

I haven't been out of my house for about a month its so isolated and my oh works long hours (chef). I don't know what it is but it feels worse when I am alone. Probably why I come on bnb lol.

I have tried cbt and found it a little helpful apart from when my anxiety is really bad then nothing really helps. I haven't taken medication because I am anxious about the anxiety medication haha. I find it helpful to keep myself busy with the kids and read loads about anxiety to try understand myself.

Oh and does anyone else think they are going to die quite alot? That feels stupid to type out.

Sorry for babbling on lol.

ETA the kids do get outside because I dont mind my garden and close to my house and their dad/gran takes them loads of places.

 

[dizz]

I have some form of anxiety disorder (basically I think it's some kind of PTSD) as a consequence of what went on during my 6 month old's birth and subsequent neo-natal/transitional care stay. Hit crisis point when I found out I was pregnant again and spent a lot of time crying myself to sleep and unable to ditch the horrid shaky feeling.

GP, very reluctantly has put me onto some of the safer to use in pregnancy anti-depressants to try to get a handle on it as my quality of life was becoming none existent - she'd rather I went to peri-natal mental health services but I won't do that as it's at the hospital which put us through all the hell and I know from bitter experience that I'll have weeks of flashbacks and end up in a right royal state if I go back there. Counselling didn't help - helped reduce me playing the blame game for what went on over the birth -but not the anxiety... only way I'm coping with being pregnant again is to be some kind of pregzilla overplanning absolutely everything in case I have another premature baby again.

I'm just about back at the level of functioning now. About the most that can be said for it.

 

[youngwife20]

Thanks! That really means a lot to me.

I have good days and bad days. Today was a good day.

My husband has never suffered from anxiety, but he is very supportive of me. He knows how hard it is on me and how much I've changed since our LO was born. He does what he can. I'm surprised he hasn't ran off and never looked back!

Part of the problem is being so far away from my family, and having no help during the day. I know a lot of mothers do it, and I wonder, "Why can't I? Why can't I cope like these other mother's can. What am I doing wrong?"

I do take Ativan once a day. My last doctor said she didn't feel comfortable prescribing it long term.

I'vebeen on it for 10 years! It's what works for me and always has. I'm afraid if I don't have my medication, I will most likely end up in the hospital with a nervous breakdown.

Oh, and I never sleep at night. LO sleeps GREAT, but I don't. Haven't since I was about 21 (I am now 32).

hey hun my daughter is the easiest baby but i still feel i ccant cope and just pray for the minute my husband would walk through the door lol. your baby has other issues hun so ur doing amazing!

and you dont sleep at alll at night gosh ur night must last forever! when do u manage to sleep xx

 

[youngwife20]

I have some form of anxiety disorder (basically I think it's some kind of PTSD) as a consequence of what went on during my 6 month old's birth and subsequent neo-natal/transitional care stay. Hit crisis point when I found out I was pregnant again and spent a lot of time crying myself to sleep and unable to ditch the horrid shaky feeling.

GP, very reluctantly has put me onto some of the safer to use in pregnancy anti-depressants to try to get a handle on it as my quality of life was becoming none existent - she'd rather I went to peri-natal mental health services but I won't do that as it's at the hospital which put us through all the hell and I know from bitter experience that I'll have weeks of flashbacks and end up in a right royal state if I go back there. Counselling didn't help - helped reduce me playing the blame game for what went on over the birth -but not the anxiety... only way I'm coping with being pregnant again is to be some kind of pregzilla overplanning absolutely everything in case I have another premature baby again.

I'm just about back at the level of functioning now. About the most that can be said for it.

Hey hun xx im sorry for what you went through. how far gone are you hun? i have a 7 month old and im 4 months pregnant. i had a traumatic birth with my daughter and care. but ive transfered hospitals this time. have you transferd? have you looked into support groups with other people with axiety disorders? im thinking of going to one if the option is available. x

 

[youngwife20]

Hi ladies, I have long term generalised anxiety. I basically spend a large portion of the time worrying about everything from the way I look to my LO's health I'm sure you can all relate. I am glad this thread was started - thankyou

I haven't been out of my house for about a month its so isolated and my oh works long hours (chef). I don't know what it is but it feels worse when I am alone. Probably why I come on bnb lol.

I have tried cbt and found it a little helpful apart from when my anxiety is really bad then nothing really helps. I haven't taken medication because I am anxious about the anxiety medication haha. I find it helpful to keep myself busy with the kids and read loads about anxiety to try understand myself.s
e

Oh and does anyone else think they are going to die quite alot? That feels stupid to type out.

Sorry for babbling on lol.

ETA the kids do get outside because I dont mind my garden and close to my house and their dad/gran takes them loads of places.

hi hun , how old are yoru kids.. i recognise your username! and i dont think im scared of death myself , i did think i was gnnna die in labour and i think i might die in labour again lol but in general life i dont worry about that i worry about loved ones dieing maiinly , and i feel its worse when im on my own too i think u think more then , what worries you when u do get out? xx and im lad ur happy i made this post xx

 

[dizz]

I'm 14 weeks - at the OTHER hospital in the city this time (still the risk they'll try to transfer me back - they'll be doing THAT with me kicking and screaming)... can't really get to any support groups - my SPD's kicked in again so I'm going to be very housebound and isolated for the duration!

 

[youngwife20]

Morning girlies- He slept, he slept, he slept from 9pm till 5.45am, I got 8 hours amazing to get a block of sleep prob be a one of-but theres hope I normally go shopping with my mum ( cause of my panic attacks) BUT went to sains on the way to my mums

I think you are right about the things that happen to you, make you stronger, good luck with ringing the HV when you find the number

Hope everyone is having an ok ish day xxxx

hheyy hunniii wooho im proud of you hun! you have accomplished something today and goood boy!!! aww fab hun xx and thank u for the luck i still havent found the number ive looked online but il try again tomorow xx

 

[youngwife20]

I'm 14 weeks - at the OTHER hospital in the city this time (still the risk they'll try to transfer me back - they'll be doing THAT with me kicking and screaming)... can't really get to any support groups - my SPD's kicked in again so I'm going to be very housebound and isolated for the duration!

aww im sorry hun do you drive? xx

 

[lady_p]

Hi ladies, I have long term generalised anxiety. I basically spend a large portion of the time worrying about everything from the way I look to my LO's health I'm sure you can all relate. I am glad this thread was started - thankyou

I haven't been out of my house for about a month its so isolated and my oh works long hours (chef). I don't know what it is but it feels worse when I am alone. Probably why I come on bnb lol.

I have tried cbt and found it a little helpful apart from when my anxiety is really bad then nothing really helps. I haven't taken medication because I am anxious about the anxiety medication haha. I find it helpful to keep myself busy with the kids and read loads about anxiety to try understand myself.s
e

Oh and does anyone else think they are going to die quite alot? That feels stupid to type out.

Sorry for babbling on lol.

ETA the kids do get outside because I dont mind my garden and close to my house and their dad/gran takes them loads of places.

hi hun , how old are yoru kids.. i recognise your username! and i dont think im scared of death myself , i did think i was gnnna die in labour and i think i might die in labour again lol but in general life i dont worry about that i worry about loved ones dieing maiinly , and i feel its worse when im on my own too i think u think more then , what worries you when u do get out? xx and im lad ur happy i made this post xx

Thanks for replying!

My youngest is 9 weeks and my eldest is was 2 in August. Yeah I think I recognize your username too.

When I do get out I worry about car crashes, getting ill, kids having tantrums/screaming and people thinking I'm a bad mum although I know that I am not. I just generally over think things. Gladly I don't have depression anymore I somehow got through pnd after my son and I feel a big weight lifted but I have found that now the pnd is gone the anxiety has come back to replace it although its not the worst its ever been in my life I can control it much better than when I was a teen.

 

[MrsH1984]

today he was playing with my daughter and her blanket doing peekaboo. he did it 5 times. im not so bad with 5 i can tolerate it but i couldnt today and he had to do it one more time. stuff like that..

Haha that sounds oh so familiar!... I can tolerate 5 also, as in my head: it's half of ten which makes it sort of an even number to me! I can cope with 15, 25 etc! But I can't listen to the radio or watch tv etc on volume 9 say! I often ask my husband to turn up/ down one notch! Sounds silly when you type it out eh?!

I have lots of funny quirks but (depending on my mindset at the time) often try and purposely do something against my OCD 'rules' to try and combat it by myself! But... sometimes I can't!

Sometimes I feel like a fruit loop for getting so uptight about something not being done 'right'!

im exactly the same with the radio and stuff! i do too feel like a nutter because saying it outloud someone would say " whats the big deal" lol but its a huge deal 3 is the worst for me its just disgusting lol. my mum changed the volume on her radio and she usualy puts it on an even number. but as she was driving she just changed the volume fast and i didnt say anything it was on 11 and for that whole car journy i felt like absulute shit but i imagined to ignore it . but most of the time i cant , i have no clue why i find it so bad lol. what do you try to do against your ocd?

what are your funny quirks? and do you have a number you hate the most. i think im not as bad as i used to be if someone gave me 3 sweets annoyingly id give one back! even tho i love sweets lol when i did that my mum realised i was being serious lol. but now i can tolerate 3 things in food like 3 fish fingers. most of the time. when my husband made us some he ate my 3rd fish finger i was like " waaiiit" lol and he was like 2 but u hate 3s" lol i was like " yeh but im starving" lol so it wasnt bothering me that day. thats something people dont understand ur ocd can change depending on the day!! lol xx

I am exactly the same that some days I can tolerate it but some days things will just bug me 'til I "put them right" so to speak! I usually try and do something deliberately that I wouldn't usually like (obviously when I'm in the right mind frame), for example I will purposely peg washing out with odd colour pegs or deliberately not change volumes to even numbers or not line things up in the right way and just walk off! Sometimes though after a while I have to either change the volume back or say go back in the room to line things up! Sometimes as well the peg thing bites me on the ass cus if I pick out the same colour just coincidentally then I worry about "changing my choice"! Or sometimes I'll be ok with the colours being odd but they have to be coordinating colours!!

I have loads of things I do! Some examples are...
Washing up liquid/ hand wash/ antibacterial gel have to be lined up in size! Same with bath products on the bath! Same colour pegs on the washing line! I have to take cutlery out the dish washer rack in order of the slots in the drawer! The volume thing! I arrange coloured things in to "matching" colours (I have like partners for colours)! I arrange words and numbers in my head in to patterns depending on vowels and consenants, and used to pair letters up and swap in words! I set myself targets ie get to the top of the stairs before xyz happens!

Oh my gosh I sound like the craziest fool!!! I've always shrugged it off as a problem as to me OCD seems a cleaning type thing and I'm not obsessed with cleaning as far as I don't Hoover at 3am and don't clean my skirting boards with a tooth brush and bleach!! But... typing just a few little examples out makes me think I'm nutty myself! People around me do know certain quirks but I'd say I hide it pretty well!!?? I do however panic at times about things like slipping in the kitchen with a sharp knife around LO or dropping her over the banister! I don't tend to worry about health though! Funny how there are completely different spectrums!

I've always thought that it doesn't control my life so it can't be serious, therefore it's not a real problem!? I can often talk myself out of "rules" etc by sort of setting new rules! Like if I miss a knife on the knife's turn (gosh what a fruit cake) then I can leave a fork and a spoon and resume the order at the end!

I tend to deal with my OCD by being super organised! People I know pretty much see this part and don't probably notice the extent of the stuff in my head! The bit I hate about this is that I don't tend to do much without LO as I hate losing the control and passing duties to other people! If anyone does have LO (even DH) then everything is laid out and in the right place beforehand! I'm only just starting to get bugged by this with now liking the idea of having the odd social outing! I do have bouts of wishing things away though, sort of! Like if I feel I want to get organised foran event then I want it to be here so all can be sorted and everything can have gone well etc! I do find myself wanting to do things really early etc!

I don't really have a hated number as I can usually talk myself round to it being ok! Like the 5 being half?! 9 is a squared number and double 11 is 22 which is a good number! I wouldn't be bothered by 3 say pieces of food etc but sometimes I have to do certain things an even number of times?! I don't envy you having to pass up food for it !!! Isn't it weird that there seems to be no rationality as to what's acceptable from one OCD sufferer to the next?!?!

I also get the jaw ache thing that a previous poster mentioned! It tends to be worse when I have a lot of tasks on and start to feel unorganised! I then have an episode where I write a list and get down my to do list!

What quirks do you have hunni? I'm really sorry for the long post, I don't blame you in the slightest if you didn't get to the end!!! It's just I've never really got this off my chest, and once you start...

Edited... reading this back I would be thinking I'm crazy but I don't tend to think it takes over my life! I have always been adamant that I'm not going to label myself or seek medical help! I work hard at dealing with it and others wouldn't really notice! I am adamant not to have it be a problem I pass on to LO!

 

[youngwife20]

Hi ladies, I have long term generalised anxiety. I basically spend a large portion of the time worrying about everything from the way I look to my LO's health I'm sure you can all relate. I am glad this thread was started - thankyou

I haven't been out of my house for about a month its so isolated and my oh works long hours (chef). I don't know what it is but it feels worse when I am alone. Probably why I come on bnb lol.

I have tried cbt and found it a little helpful apart from when my anxiety is really bad then nothing really helps. I haven't taken medication because I am anxious about the anxiety medication haha. I find it helpful to keep myself busy with the kids and read loads about anxiety to try understand myself.s
e

Oh and does anyone else think they are going to die quite alot? That feels stupid to type out.

Sorry for babbling on lol.

ETA the kids do get outside because I dont mind my garden and close to my house and their dad/gran takes them loads of places.

hi hun , how old are yoru kids.. i recognise your username! and i dont think im scared of death myself , i did think i was gnnna die in labour and i think i might die in labour again lol but in general life i dont worry about that i worry about loved ones dieing maiinly , and i feel its worse when im on my own too i think u think more then , what worries you when u do get out? xx and im lad ur happy i made this post xx

Thanks for replying!

My youngest is 9 weeks and my eldest is was 2 in August. Yeah I think I recognize your username too.

When I do get out I worry about car crashes, getting ill, kids having tantrums/screaming and people thinking I'm a bad mum although I know that I am not. I just generally over think things. Gladly I don't have depression anymore I somehow got through pnd after my son and I feel a big weight lifted but I have found that now the pnd is gone the anxiety has come back to replace it although its not the worst its ever been in my life I can control it much better than when I was a teen.

your very welcome

and omg 9 weeeks!!! a little baby awwwwww how is it having 2 babys close in age? and im glad u dont have depression anymore! whats pnd like? when i did that pnd quiz i marked high but i put that down to my axiety and ocd and i told the hv not to worry . so we didnt look into it . do you think ur coping now ur older than when u were a teen because ur hormones are abit more balanced? i think i was the craziest ive ever been when i was a teenager about 13-17 but it seemed to level out as i got older . so maybe hormones contributed xx

 

[MrsH1984]

Double post !!

 

[mumofone25]

hi all!!! im so glad you started this thread

i suffer panic attacks have done since i was about 14, i also have OCD not bad but its there and has got worse sine becoming a mum, my ocd is more like obsessive thoughts, i find it really hard to concentrate, just thinking something awful is going to happen because i done this or didnt do that this in turn makes me have panic attacks like a vicious circle.

i go through phases of it not really bothering me,to im just a nervous wreck 24/7

to all you other ladies xx

heyy hun xx how is ur ocd and panic attacks at the momment? have you seen anyone for them? and i know what u mean about finding it hard to concentrate! its sooo anoying!! xx hope you have a calm and stress free day today!! xx

they are pretty bad at the moment, espec the panic attacks i pretty much feel like im about to die for the majority of the day, and well my ocd ive just had a tantrum because someone at work put my bag on the floor...
my GP has just refered my to have a assesment for what type of therapy will suit me and im doing an online workshop too. xxx it sucks that you guys are going through this aswell but at the same time its so nice to know im not the only one who has to deal with these feelings

 

[youngwife20]

Hi hunn! i posted a reply but then it all deleleted! booho will try again lol.

So i was saying im very happy with your long post lol i love reading long messages!

MRSH-I feel the same about the whole not cleaning ocd. As that’s the one you most hear about . I have an issue with germs . not mess exactly. Im more a ritual and obsessive thinker and axious fearer than clean clean clean. I have gone through hand washing phases but that out of everything is the least probomatic as they don’t last long lol.

I couldn’t think of any fun quirks lol but these are what I could remember lol theres probs a million more but I don’t always remember them as its just what I think is normal lol

I align things too,
Remote controles, soaps and stuff.
This is the list of some things I do that my husband is saying as I write.
Touching things a certain amount of time over and over things such as:
Light switches
Items on the table,
His hand
Anything basicly when im walking round shops etc.
Asking things repeaditly. Sometimes the same question.
Hate my toothbrush touching his.
Always checking everything,
Door handles.
Is the door in our car locked. Repeadidly saying “ lock us in” as I im afraid when we stop at the traffic light someone will get into our car.

Okay back to me
I have mentioned this above.
My mum has to say I love you when she is leaving the room , ending a conversation,hanging up the phone etc. or something bad might happen to her.
Sometimes I need my husband to do certain things. Say certain things. I need to say something to make him say what he has to say or I get a headache.

When someone says something negative I have to say “ god for bid” and do a weird clicking thing with my fingers .
I alwayssss do the “ so this by this time” my mum does it too. She has to do something a certain amount of time before her program starts like a movement with her foot.
I didn’t think that was an ocd thing for me lol I thought it was just me being competitive with myself lol also I try to be orgonised but when im getting ready to go somwere it feels like there is just so much to do that I just end up moving so slow and not doing it fast enough.
Also sometimes I feel strange and get the urge to tidy up ( I hate tidiein usualy_) but when I feel this way I tidy really fast really good . that doesn’t happen often though!
Also I cant do that squared numbe thing because I cant even remember what a squared number is lol im bad at maths haha

Sorry about my bad spelling I type so fast n I cant go back and spell check it all lol xx

edit that reminds me of another one i hate when people put bags on the bed like hand bags makes me want to vomit coz of germs lol x

 

[youngwife20]

hi all!!! im so glad you started this thread

i suffer panic attacks have done since i was about 14, i also have OCD not bad but its there and has got worse sine becoming a mum, my ocd is more like obsessive thoughts, i find it really hard to concentrate, just thinking something awful is going to happen because i done this or didnt do that this in turn makes me have panic attacks like a vicious circle.

i go through phases of it not really bothering me,to im just a nervous wreck 24/7

to all you other ladies xx

heyy hun xx how is ur ocd and panic attacks at the momment? have you seen anyone for them? and i know what u mean about finding it hard to concentrate! its sooo anoying!! xx hope you have a calm and stress free day today!! xx

they are pretty bad at the moment, espec the panic attacks i pretty much feel like im about to die for the majority of the day, and well my ocd ive just had a tantrum because someone at work put my bag on the floor...
my GP has just refered my to have a assesment for what type of therapy will suit me and im doing an online workshop too. xxx it sucks that you guys are going through this aswell but at the same time its so nice to know im not the only one who has to deal with these feelings

omg that sounds soo badd hun! at work did you propper react? how did the other person react to you? x and how does this online thing work is it free? and hope they find something that helps u!! xx

 

[youngwife20]

I had a good day today, we went to the park me hubby and lo , and we were near a lake . and i PICKED UP SOME ROCKS TO THROW IN THE WATER sounds little but i actualy picked rocks up from the ground full of mud! ive never done that before lol the thought makes me feel sick but i felt really good and i wanted to just enjoy the time with hubby and lo and not complaina bout how gross it is lol and my husband was so proud of me lol and we had a really nice day. xx

 

[holidaysan]

I have anxiety and OCD. I was taking citalaphram but an pregnant is have stopped. I worry a lot about DS. Mostly about him being unwell. My big big fear is cancer. Every little thing I over think and combined with google it just makes of worse.

I'm a lot better than I used to be though. I have to wash my hands all of the time though. I've got a big fear of having the cold sore virus on my hands and touching LO or changing his nappy and he gets a cold sore (I get cold sores quite often).

Hopefully after baby us born I can go back on meds as can feel it all creeping back up on me xx

 

[Housewife83]

oh wow i literarly smiled reading your post. everyone on this post seems to answer questions so perfectly exactly how i would like lol that sounds strange but i cant really explain what i mean. reading your post was actualy relaxing the format in which you posted your responce was very helpfull!! xxxxx also what situations do you find triggering if you dont mind me asking? and i think thats my problem i cant switch my mouth of. if i dont ask the question my head will hurt for ages. i am literaly forced to ask them? honestly im so weird lol even when i know the answer to some questions i still need to ask kind of? lol xx thank you again x

Hello everyone,

I hope we are all having a calm day today.

In answer to your question Youngwife, I have a lot of triggers. Unfortunately I seem to pick up more as I get older.

Some are around contamination and food and health.

Others are around safety and security in our home.

Then there are random ones like answering emails and texts. For some reason I worry that I will accidentally write something offensive in a message without being aware of it. I have to go back and check each message several times to be sure. This includes forum posts.

I am glad to hear you are thinking of seeking help. You could probably just go straight to your GP if you can't get in touch with your HV.

 

[holidaysan]

My triggers are.

Changing LO's nappy. I can't touch anything else until I'm done.

My underwear can't touch anywhere or I have to wash it.

I can't touch my face as I might get the cold sore virus on my my hands.

I have to check plug sockets over and over again. The same with the gas cooker and windows and doors.

If everything is going right I wait for something to go wrong (in my head it's gonna happen cause nothing goes right for me).

When I get a shower I have to wash my hands before I clean different body parts.

Wow I sound like a right freak lol.

 

[pinklightbulb]

I can't touch door handles. But certain ones in the house I can, others I can't, and definitely none in public. I just use my sleeve

I re-check plug sockets, the stove, door locks, light switches before bed and before I leave the house.

I can't touch raw meat without freaking and even if I wear gloves I still have to wash my hands afterwards.

I won't touch bins at all. OH does all the bin runs in this house, lol.

I'm sure there's more.... oh yes, won't touch grocery carts or baskets either, and never handle menus/salt and pepper shakers/etc at restaurants.

I won't eat chicken if I can help it, at all, and especially never from fast-food places or even in a takeaway. I'm just that terrified of it. I only trust two people in this world to make a chicken dish for me and that's OH and my best friend. If I cook it myself, I cook the crap out of it, but still obsess over "seeing" a bit of pink and will check every bite before it goes in my mouth. If I see a "suss" piece OH is summoned to check it out for me.

Ditto for fish. I won't eat that either, at all. I don't care who cooks it.

If I come up with more I'll be back!