any other over 35 first time mums?

[cranberries]

Hi everyone. Hope we are all having/had a good day wherever you are!

Angel- I'm in the UK. Live in North Yorks but spend a lot of time in London because of hubbys job. I am self employed- so basically if I don't work then it can to be a struggle financially. I'm going to take it slow- but week after next i'm going to have to start again! Had a scare when I was 34 weeks so have been off since then and we only have hubbys income and rental income from the cottages we let out. Obviously everything we pay/budget for (mortgage being the big one) is based on roughly what we both bring in so the belt has been tight lately

 

[clio]

SK--thanks for all the info re: reflux. We do have colief here, so I'll pass that on to my mum, who will try to tell my sister, if she is willing to accept any advice. Let's see how it goes with the Lactation Expert...

Re: Bedtime--I don't know how you guys can deal with your LOs being up so late! It would drive me mental (and him, too).

Jules--good to hear from you! But I'm really sorry about your Grandmother. I can imagine how nice it must have been for her to learn that she can spend time at home on weekends. Who will she stay with?

 

[julesjules100]

Hi Clio, she'll move to Ormskirk hospital for 1-2 weeks for rehab physio and, following the meeting with the consultant and physio team today, it seems she may be able to go back to her home but on the proviso that my mum moves in with her for a while. They thought this would be better for her rather than moving into my parents house and the bedroom they were going to make in the ground floor office. After mum has been living there for a while then we'll have to look at some sort of carer I think. Luckily her house is a 2 min walk from my parents. Tricky timing as mum is coming down to London for 5 weeks when I have the baby x

 

[AngelUK]

Good evening ladies

Claire I am just a bit envious But very excited for you

Borboleta thank you for asking. My friend is still in hospital and not at all well. She doesn't respond to my sms and will not answer the phone cause she is too weak and too depressed to talk. I keep sending her chatty sms so she might feel a bit more connected but it is hard to keep up without any answer at all . But I will persist of course.
As for the boys' birthday, I am sure that in the end I will have fretted too much and all will be fine and fun. Just like the time before their Christening which nearly robbed me of the little sleep I was able to get at the time That too turned out to be a lot nicer than I had anticipated
And yeah my whole male family is really tall, even my dad and his brothers and their father. Which is why I think that my boys will be really tall too
Yay for sttn. And yeah like you I will take early mornings every time over night wakings! Hope it continues for both of us

Charlie hope you and S are well too

Clio you brave woman with the knitting and the marking and the lectures! Sounds like you are super busy even counting with J's nap.
As for the snuza, OH and I have been talking about it and we will continue till their adjusted age is 1 year (3 weeks after their 1st bday) at least and then see how we feel. The thing is that I don't really think anything will happen to them at this stage. But I have a morbid imagination and can easily think myself into an anxious state. I have to actively push such thoughts from me or I will dissolve into the greatest fears and forebodings for everything I hold dear in my life. I don't know why this is so, unless it ties in with my way of thinking that this happiness is too much for the likes of me and there just has to be a disaster waiting around the corner that will snatch it all away soon. Ooh best not go down this path any more! Quick I have to think of something else
My boys love peekaboo too and that is one of the few games that can make Dominic really laugh. Usually he just goes HEH but no real giggles or belly laughs. The other thing that makes him laugh is that belly eating game that OH plays with them
And yeah I like the teeth too on the Tutulu. So glad you posted that pic! We want these Ugly Dolls to be their teddy equivalents maybe My brother and I each had a baby sized cuddly monkey so not teddies either although several resided on our shelves at home. But that just goes to show that kids choose their own favourite toys and our plans might well not work out.
What you say about the cat litter makes great sense. I have encouraged Alfie to go out by not putting new litter in his litter box. Luckily unlike my previous cat he won't go in the empty box lol But yeah I know that if there is litter in there he will use it so I will reintroduce it. Does Morgan ever bring you presents btw?
As for J's pics, my golly that boy is just edible! SOO cute with his hood up and that smile! I love the boots too. I bet you get loads of comments when you are out and about with him Hope his poor nose isn't too painful poor boy
As for Reflux, I don't think my boys had it as badly as Lydia but it is hard to say when it started for us. Dominic was crying every day all day pretty much for the first 3 months but I think we concluded that it was reflux when they were about 1 to 2 months old and they started screaming during feeds. I would have to read up on this in my journal. But since the boys were FF I naturally didn't have to do an elimination diet. We did try Gaviscone but that didn't really help much and our GP was not hesitant to prescribe Ranitidine. It helped loads.

Sabrina I think it will be the routine too. He is fine with the routine at home and the routine at creche. Cause surely to him they are both a kind of routine And of course he will prefer to be with mummy!

Jules Glad your grandmother is well enough that she can go home. I think it is very important especially to an older person's recovery to not be in a hospital too long. Do the doctors have any explanation to her weird visions? How disconcerting for her!
I can understand that you are nervous about the section. I thought it was easy-peasy compared to them getting the epidural and spinal block in. That took almost an hour (I kid you not) and the section itself was like 10 minutes. And then 30 to sow me up but by then I was distracted by my two little bundles so I didn't care lol
As for your pic, you look super sexy and have a very neat little bump. I assure you that I am not joking when I say that mine was at least double that size at that stage! And as for having a huge backside... I don't even want to go there.
I love Brown's Hotel for afternoon tea! I used to go there so often with my best male friend (and Sebastian's godfather) but he refused to go back there when one day we saw a mouse run across the room and the waiter saying "Oh yeah we have seen one before too." And no apology whatsoever, would you believe. Ew! But they probably did put out new traps, so you should enjoy your treat

Cranberries I am so sorry you had a scare and that you have to start work again so soon! I am self employed too but only do a few commissions here and there now. Childcare for two here in London pretty much costs more than I would be able to make so it isn't really worth it going back to what I was doing before. Not that I mind. I love being a SAHM and luckily we are ok financially, if not swimming in it since OH doesn't work at the mo either (except looking after and renting out his house).

Nothing much to report here. Last night Dom cried at 4:30 for 10 seconds but it woke me. He then cried out again for 10 seconds at 5 and 5:30 at 6 I got up. I really hate the idea of him having bad dreams But anyway I have been awake since 4:30 Oh yes AND I woke at 12:30 cause I thought I needed the loo. Turned out I didn't really. Do you ever get that? I used to need to go like that all the time during pregnancy and then only for a trickle (sorry if TMI) but I really thought I was done with that, hm! So I am a bit tired today. But I get to sleep tonight so all is well hehe.
Ok I am now going to eat and watch an episode of season two of Game of Thrones. I adore the excitement and "grippiness" of it all and I loove the music but the books are SOOOOO much better! Yep I am a nerd hehe.

 

[SabrinaKat]

angel - we're still using the snuza (even with adjusted age, Finn is over 1 year (just)), but I just feel more comfortable using at night as it helps me sleep alot easier.

We had a nasty phone call from my MIL, who rang when OH was feeding LO. He informed her that he was feeding LO and he would ring her back. When he did, she 'let loose', e.g. why didn't she ever see the baby? why did we have separate bedrooms (e.g. something wrong with our marriage), that I could have had the baby without him, etc., and just went on with some really nasty and vindictive stuff. My OH did make a few comments (in a quiet voice), but then she hung up on him. He then questioned our marriage (we do have separate bedrooms and we do argue alot about his lack of involvement re: housecleaning), but we talked for a few minutes and was able to tell him that it's her with the problem, not us, etc. This has nothing to do with her mental health issues, but rather her self-absorbed, manipulative behaviour (remember Christmas?) and I/we don't know how to proceed. I really don't want to expose the baby to her, but my OH is terrified that she will try something again, but that isn't fair to me, OH and LO. My OH thinks of last year as not firstly the year his son was born, but rather for her 'attempt', and now, she's causing more problems. My OH says 'if she apologies', but how do you forgive?

sorry so me-centred, but any advice?

hugs

 

[julesjules100]

Angel – Eeewwww! There you go Borboleta, fancy coming to Brown's with me for afternoon tea? Seriously gross but then I guess most hotels have them especially the ones in historic buildings. I have to put faith in the health inspectors doing their job (is there a smiley for >sceptical, arched eyebrow<) and assume that the odd one is acceptable as long as they're not running around in the kitchens. I'm really looking forward to it now, gag! Nothing like egg, mouse and cress finger sandwiches.

That is my worst nightmare on the C section. I actually just met with the anaesthesiologist the week before last and I think we're just going to do it under a general. I have a really funny thing about my spine and the idea of putting a needle into it is unbearable. DH will have LO as soon as he comes out of me (so he's happy with that now) and then when I'm pieced back together LO will be taken to meet me in recovery. I know I'll miss the first few minutes but it's making me feel much calmer when I think about doing it this way.

Gran has another c 1-2 weeks in for physio before she comes out of hospital sadly but we're hoping that a focus on rehab now will help her plus I think it will be great knowing that she can come home for lunch at the weekends. The hallucinations are just as a result of the damage from the stroke now so its likely to be that way going forward. Over time the brain may learn to ignore it as nonsense but right now it's obviously making her feel anxious and startled.

Just showed Mum my bump photo and she said it's not representative. She said she'd take a more accurate photo of my arse for me to post. Cheers Mum!

x

 

[julesjules100]

Sabrina, so sorry but I missed this post.

Its difficult for me to comment as I don't have all the information but it's very tricky when someone has mental health issues (although depends on what). Is it possible to for your OH to speak with her when she has calmed down? It sounds like she needs some parameters as to what is acceptable for her to comment on and what is not in your marriage. It's really none of her business where each of you sleeps. Was that meant as a dig at you (ie is this something your OH is unhappy with and she's looking to create a row between you both)? Does OH have any other siblings and if yes, how do they find her?

Just to make you feel a bit better, DH and I don't sleep together. I'm a really light sleeper and he blacks out but then leaps all around the bed plus gets up to pee every hour if we've been out. Week nights he likes to get up for work at 5.45am and there is NO CHANCE I was going to do that. As a result we're in separate rooms now. Also, we row lots about his lack of help with anything to do with our lives. He sees it as he can just work long hours and contribute more funds to our life but leave me to do everything. I have told him that I would rather we had less money but that I had a partner to help me. I KNOW this effect will be amplified when we have the baby there and while I think he will be a good dad, I know he's not going to be the most helpful. Anyway, just wanted to tell you that you're not alone on that front x

 

[Claireyb1]

Jules I very much believe that your Grandma will do soooo much better when she gets home. I don't know many people that like being in hopsital and it will be so much nicer for her to have her own things around her etc. As you say,if she focuses on this then great!
Your bump looks tiny, but did laugh at your Mum's comment! lol I'm sure you really are not big though - despite what your Mum might say

Clio[/B not sure why I have a compulsion to watch OBEM? I guess I'm one of those wierd people that likes to think back to the moment of Lucy's birth??!! lol in a way I think I get a small kick out of thinking "yeah,I did that!" and with only G&A

Can't think what else I wanted to write.....too late for me I guess?
Night all.

 

[Storm1jet2]

Clio I got next to no help with Ls reflux,
they gave me gaviscogne which didn't help and made her constipated
, carobel to thicken the milk which made her windy but I didn't work that out for months! No one was concerned as she was gaining weight. Eventually when she was 10months we got losec, brilliant stuff.. stopped the spewing dramatically. That and the lactose free milk (i think colief does something to the lactose) made her a happy child! I just need her to grow out of the lactose intolerance.

Sk dh and I are in seperate rooms, his snoring drives me NUTS! We fight less this way

 

[julesjules100]

did laugh at your Mum's comment! lol I'm sure you really are not big though - despite what your Mum might say

Yah, and she said it right as I was eating a Digestive. That's just evil! x

 

[SabrinaKat]

thanks - we've always had separate bedrooms as a) the cats like to sleep on my bed, and b) my OH snores, too!

Jules - long story very short. My MIL was a lovely lady for a long time, but my OH was able to visit every month, etc., and since the baby came, she has become more and more demanding. It's not a mental health issue at all, but rather, a displacement issue. However, my OH is worried that she will use as an excuse, etc., so we're in a very tricky spot. My BIL and his wife don't take their children down to see her and I had promised/always said that I would, but now that LO is here, and with some other stuff, I just can't (plus my OH has worked some weekends and to be honest, she lives 1 1/2 hours away and we're exhausted at the weekends, too!) .

storm - I know you've mentioned some MIL issues, but...how do you hold your tongue? (I remember your LO ran out of the room last time, but my LO isn't running yet!)....

off to sleep.

hugs to all!

 

[Borboleta]

Sabrina: I am so sorry you are having a hard time with your MiL. That is really hard position you are in. Like Jules said it is none of her business what happens in your relationship between you and your OH unless you ask her for her advice ( which was not asked). MIL's are a tricky people to deal with. They are like your second mothers but not really. I think is your OH's responsibility to talk to her. Draw the line. Unless you don't want to stir more drama than maybe you can just let her talk and keep going with your own business. And like you mention keep Finn away from the drama.

Jules: cutest 33 weeks bump ever ! That is what my belly looks like at the end of the day all bloated and everything !!! By the way have you girls noticed that your tummy is not the same as it used to be? I always had this pouch underneath my belly bottom but the too part was okay, now someways I look pregnant again at the end of the day . It is like your belly remembers how big it can get or something ! And my gosh I do loads of ab work !! No bikini for me this year , unless I go get a tan ( maybe they can do a fake six pack on my belly ) and I go to the pool first thing in the morning .

Night night ladies .

 

[SabrinaKat]

neither my boobs nor tummy are the same post-baby, borboleta! I've lost a bit of the baby/pregnancy 'fat' (still have another 30lbs to go after I get to pre-preg body, though!) and none of my bras fit right, e.g. they are too loose around the body, but my boobs are 'puffy' now (like they would get a day or two before AF before) all the time and therefore, need higher cups on my bras - scary, eh?

thanks for advice. We'll see what happens...sigh

bye!!!!!

 

[clio]

Sometimes I'm thinking that I don't want to lose the weight because I just look at my eventual apron and think "Lordy, NO!" I don't think skin stretched that badly, then held up by a stupid scar can ever look normal again. It'll just be one big flap!

OH and I have been in separate rooms since I was pregnant, and I'm in heaven. He had this stupid ideal in his head that married couples MUST sleep together, or otherwise they have broken some sacred "marriage rule." Yet, we go to bed at different times (I have chronic insomnia), we wake up at different times, he's tall and likes to spread, snores, grinds his teeth and makes this horrible smacking noise that truly makes me want to hit him hard (and I have). I put up with this "ideal" for 7 years, until I finally put my foot down and moved into the guest room. It has been bliss ever since. My parents didn't sleep in the same room (Dad snores) and even OH's stopped as well. I think a lot of couples don't, and just don't admit it.

Angel--ah yes, I am certainly Supermom. I teach for an hour three times a week, my lectures are already written, I'm currently not marking, and my husband and I share the work of taking care of the kid 50/50. Oh, and the kid goes down at 7 pm, allowing me to knit a very easy pattern, despite how the final product looks. I've finished the head now, but look at what I have to do for the legs and find my resolve to finish this one solitary piece of knitting fading. But J's first word upon waking up is now consistently "turtle," so I am determined to finish it soon. Well, soon-ish.

Jules--again, I'm sorry about your Gran; I hope the arrangements you've made work out. And regarding your OH, does he at least acknowledge what you're saying about money vs. his involvement in your lives? Does he understand where you're coming from?

Okay guys--I know there are more personals to write, but I've got to continue preparing for this lecture today; this is the day I'm being reviewed and I'm really nervous. I had this horrible dream last night where everything, and I mean everything went wrong. I forgot to pack the laptop I use to teach, I forgot to transfer my lecture to the memory stick, and somehow, in the end, was rooting through some guys really stinky underwear to borrow his computer, which he assured me was "in there." Where did that last part even come from?

 

[SabrinaKat]

again, thanks guys re: sleeping in separate bedrooms -- looks like we've all thought about it and/or are doing it (and besides, the cats are much quieter than OH!)

bye!

ps. good luck today, clio. I once had a nightmare that my Greek exam (part of my M.Phil exam so mega important) would be all these authors not on the syllabus and my tutor even assured me they wouldn't and....they were. I had gotten the other group's test.....I 'passed', but just barely...

 

[Borboleta]

Good afternoon ladies,

Clio: that is a weird dream!!! Maybe there is something to do with dirty diapers. Worth analyzing lol!!!
And I laugh about the scar flap!! That is exactly how it looks like!

Sleeping in the different rooms: OH and I sleep in the same room but he actually doesn't snore that much and if he does I just hit him and tell him to turn to his side. I am the one that moves all over the place! I do enjoy sleeping with him .

Kosh: congrats on the new pope.

 

[SabrinaKat]

LO's teething very bad today - was upset and fussy at creche, but when I got there, was ok. He went down for a nap around 4.15 and I don't have the heart to wake him up yet (it's 6pm) -- TBH, he didn't sleep very well last night (woke up crying at 3.30am and wouldn't settle for two hours (OH had him, and gave him some meds at 4am, so I think his fussiness at creche was the painkillers wearing off)....

thanks again for all advice, etc. I feel like I've been hit in the stomach/upset about my MIL's comments, but she's in the wrong here, me thinks. My family are all in the USA, so my OH doesn't have to deal with them much. I do appreciate that she is lonely since my FIL died and that she relies on my OH alot (my BIL will go down to see her since the 'attempt', but doesn't bring the kids), but my OH is so scared of 'telling her off', that she gets away with alot. I'm not perfect, I know, but to make such comments isn't appropriate or right, regardless.

hope that all are okay?

bye!!!!!!!!!

 

[Leeze]

i"ve got separate room envy! i want my own room. OH snores so I wear ear plugs. we're still in seething hell with nightly parties from 2am till at least 4. total zombie today. i hate having to go to work.

Sabrina - such a tough one re ML. your OH clearly feels protective towards her but your new family needs to come first. are you able to meet halfway between where you live and she lives and go out for a meal or something? we sometimes do that with ML. the best bit is you can leave more easily if it gets tough.

I love Game of Thrones too. can't wait for season 3!

sorry again for short post. am so so frazzled today. one day ... XX

 

[AngelUK]

Good evening ladies

Sabrina first of all I am sorry your MIL is being so difficult and mean. I don't see how the intimacy of your marriage is any of her business at all. I find it incredible that she dared comment upon it in such a tone. Had she gently and carefully and above all respectfully asked what the separate bedrooms were about then maybe one could say ok she was worried. But from what you write of her self-centredness she just used this as ammunition in being horrible. And if she wonders why you never bring your son to see her, there is her answer. Why would you want to expose your son to a woman who is so full of venom. Also while I don't really know the particulars of her illness I do wonder if she doesn't fully realise that the fear of another attempt is holding your OH hostage to a certain extent and to make him toe the line. May I ask if she made her attempt before or after Finn was born?
We are still sharing a bed but if I didn't have my headphones in I would not get much sleep at all. He snores and squeaks when he holds his breath due his apnoea and it drives me crazy. But I wouldn't want to sleep apart from him. I need my goodnight cuddles

Jules sorry if I put you off Browns! Was not my intention! I am sure they would no longer have their 5 stars if mice were a regular occurrence and nothing was done to check them. My friend who vows not to go there again is very fastidious and a bit of a jump-on-the chair drama queen . I am sure you will be fine and I envy you actually
I am sorry you are in such dread about the spinal thing. It didn't hurt at all I promise. It felt like someone was very gently tapping my funny bone with a little golden hammer. A bit irritating but not at all painful. But if you feel more comfy with going for a general then that will be best. I often wondered if the adjustment period to having a baby and being a mummy is maybe harder if you don't get the birth you want or expect. So
I hope your gran is feeling lots better already?
As for your mum... well I am speechless! If my mum said something like that to me I would probably dissolve in tears And I am sure you are a beautiful pregnant lady

Borboleta my belly is AWFUL! I was never super slim but I always had a flat belly and tiny waist. Well no more. Of course with the section I too have that apron of skin. I never thought I would long for a tummy tuck but now I do lol And yes in the evening I look pregnant too but that is cause I have those danged parted abdominal muscles. Maybe you have that too? Btw crunches and sit up would make that much much worse. To see if you have any gap have a look at this video, it shows how to test yourself.
As for my boobs, well they have moved down an inch or so and just look a bit deflated even though I am wearing a size bigger bra (but that might be cause I am fatter than before pregnancy). Ah well. It isn't as if any one is going to see me naked any time soon so who cares

Clio you are super mum! All I do all day is look after the boys and in the evening I am dead! I actually argue with my OH when he wants to watch tv after 10 cause I wish to be in bed by then! Golly I used to be such a night owl too!
I hope your reviewed lecture goes well. It couldn't possibly go as bad as in your dream. Eww at the underwear detail lol The subconscious is weird

Leeze sorry Kia is still not sleeping better and that you are so tired Is she now sleeping in her room on her own or are you all in there with her still? If so, does she wake from your OH's snoring too?
Hope you get lots of lovely sleep tonight And yay for being a fellow GoT fan

As for us: Nothing much to report. Boys are doing well and Dominic is still doing his super annoying screeching. It sounds like the screeching he does when he cries but there is no blubbering after and no tears either. He just likes to screech I guess and I always wonder why he isn't hoarse yet. He only does it when he is tired but that means pretty much from 5 onwards I hope he grows out of that soon!
It's my birthday tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it AT ALL! But at least I have one treat to look forward to: My best friend and I (he is the one who doesn't like mice and who is Sebastian's godfather) are going to The Bada Antiques & Fine Arts Fair at the Duke of York Square. I first met him when we were both studying at Christies and though he later went on to study architecture in Oxford, his first love is still antiques. I cannot wait! We always have so much fun imaging what would look good in our imaginary château
At any rate it will get me out of the house and looking at things which were such a big part of my life before I had the boys and which now hardly feature any more at all. Really looking forward to it

Ok hope I didn't forget anyone. OH is making an all day breakfast (and yeah I know I could say no) and then we will be watching last night's Big Bang Theory and maybe another episode of Game of Thrones. Unless it is then to close to 10 cause as I said I need to be in bed by 10

 

[SabrinaKat]

UPDATE: OH finally talked to his mom, explaining that he thought her comments were abusive, etc., and in a quiet and determined way said that Finn is the top priority, that having a baby and working for both of us is tricky, that my hands aren't great at times (so that's why he was feeding LO last night when she first called), and pointed out that he does call her everyday, etc. I am very proud of him. This has been years in the making, e.g. he never complains to her so I am hopeful that she might take some of it on board. So, again, thanks - the separate bedrooms percentage (and desire of!) was something that my OH could mention, e.g. others do it, we both can get sleep, etc., so thanks!

LO has had awful teething and a temperature on and off (nothing higher than 38, if it went over to 39, would be calling the doctor, but calpol/nurofen helps a bit) -- I HATE TEETHING especially as LO seems to get a whole bunch in at once....today, however, I was able to move my hand/fingers fast enough to be able to use the teething gel, so feel good about that (I haven't really knitted in a few days, but still hurt a bit from the cold, although I burned my arm as couldn't get the potatoes out of the oven without dropping (my fault, should have moved the moveable shelf)....)

hugs to all!