any other over 35 first time mums?

[kosh]

borboleta - how did the appointment go? I hope you got some answers. is it mainly the eye contact that is worrying you? I'd imagine that different babies have different levels of eye contact and also react different in different circumnstances? as for the language, as a mum of another bilingual child, I wouldn't worry about his language development. i think it's normal to have a regression at some point. I know Gael used to say words that he doesn't use now. also, he is much more comfortable with 'words' like mooo and woof woof, probably because they are the same in both languages. as clio said, I think their brains are just trying to figure things out. if you think about it what they are doing is a massive task!!

clio - Gael also sometimes tells us when he had a poo. I don't think that is a signal that they are ready for toilet training, just that they are more aware and probably uncomfortable? Gael even tells me when he farts

a while ago you asked me if G's sleep was any better. short answer? no. it does vary though, it goes from bad to utterly crap you also asked me if I could leave him with DH for a night. again, short answer: no. long answer: he'd be ok-ish to go to sleep at bedtime, but if (if?? ) he woke up during the night he wouldn't settle and would get very distressed etc etc. of course I could still do it, but I don't think I'd relax and rest anyway. I think claire and leeze may relate to this....

angel - you asked me if I had any thoughts re BF. In an ideal world I would like to BF until 2yo minimum and after that let him self-wean. but reality may be very different! I go back and forth re. night weaning, as some believe it would help his sleep, but tbh, I'm not totally convinced it would be the solution to all the 'problems'.

anyway, talking about sleep - for the last week or so Gael slept on a mat at nursery!! it took him 2 months!!!! i wonder if this would affect his nightime sleep but no (positive) changes so far.

re. DH - I feel I have to say something, as many of you thought he was totally unsupportive and unhelpful. Unfortunately, DH is almost useless at night because now G only wants me, but during the day, what does he do? he gets up with G in the morning so I can sleep a bit longer. He changes him, dresses him and gives him breakfast everyday. He feeds him (if I ask ) and baths him (if I remind him ) and plays lots and lots with him. So he does help. I guess what still upsets me is that I was hoping/expecting he wouldn't just help, he'd share, if that makes any sense. And what drives me nuts is that when he's tired/ill/stressed he thinks it's ok to go and sleep/rest/relax because I will take care of G anyway On top of that, when he's stressed (which is very often) he gets incredibly grumpy and I just can't stand it. I used to be more patient, but i don't have the energy anymore. We've been talking about this again recently and he said I was right, so I hope the penny has finally dropped!! we'll see.

 

[Leeze]

Borboleta - Kia is quite a sociable little thing generally but there are often times when she's in her own little world and just not interested to be around us or look at us. Sometimes she totally ignores me or says "No, Mummy" and physically pushes me away. As long as we have some moments of connection then I try not to let it worry me

Kosh - I so hear you re OH. Mine will get really involved if I ask him but generally the assumption is still that I'm the one looking after her. We also struggle with his work stress. He has the thing where he feels he needs half an hour to unwind when he gets in from work and I don't think that's on because I don't get time to unwind. I could moan about this for ages but the bottom line is that I haven't really hot the headspace right now to consider his needs

 

[Borboleta]

Hi ladies,

We are back from thiago's appointment and it feels like a ton of brick has been lifted off my shoulders !!! I love our doctor!! And the nurses too. They basically said that there is nothing to worry about it and stop googling stuff and if we have any concern to just call them instead. The doctor said that with autism more than lack of eye contact what it is really important is the communication. If the toddler or kid is trying to bridge his world with yours either pointing or showing you things is what it is more relevant. And thiago points no stop showing us things, brings us books for us to read, etc. They said they didn't see anything on him or heard anything from us that sounded alarming to them . The doctor even said that she new 3 patients that she really thought they had autism spectrum but when they hit 3 years old they completely changed. I am sooooooo relieved!!! This is probably the second happiest day of my life after thiago's birth !!! I just love that little man so much and you never wish anything that would case to brake the bond between him and us to happen to him.
And his bad eating is still going strong. So now the doctor games some drink ith supplements in it and we will be giving him that. I even started a thread on the toddler section about picky/ bad eaters and it is refreshing to see how many of us are in this world .
I will do personals later and thank you so much for all your wonderful words. No more autism talk from my end... I promise .

 

[Indigo77]

Such good news, Borboleta!

 

[Leeze]

Great news Borboleta XX

 

[kosh]

great news borboleta!

 

[AngelUK]

Great news Borboleta I knew though that everything would be ok. Both my boys like to look up at planes and since we live in a flightpath Dominic points upwards ALL the time when he hears one. Both boys do downward dog though mostly Sebastian when he is supposed to nap. And sometimes they are both too busy to look at silly old mummy! Still I bet it is nice to have the all clear from an expert. So lots of happy to you and your lovely Thiago

Sorry ladies, I am being short again today. Having a spat with OH since 2 days and I just want to kick him. I don't remember what it is about but I am getting the silent treatment cause I won't be the first this time to beg to be all ok again. He once said in a similar situation, that he wasn't giving me the silent treatment but needed time to be silently angry at me/the situation/whatever bugs him. Ok I am waiting for that to over. And it is total nonsense cause how can he still be angry about something so minor I don't even remember the details? No, he wants me to come begging again. No way!
Sorry for such a stupid self involved rant. I am just sooo annoyed!

to you all nonetheless

 

[kosh]

angel men!

 

[Storm1jet2]

Borboleta brilliant news - unsurprising but very reassuring for mummy and daddy!

Angel men can be a right pain in the butt, I know I am married to one! We had a huge spat the other day as he tried to enforce that he was more tired than me - um no, I look after L nearly every night, work full time and I'm pregnant - if you can't sleep after night shift when the house is empty, L is at nursery etc then you don't get special compensation the next night cause you are still tired... grrr...

Ok not going to rant about DH anymore - he doesn't get it - I need to accept that!

Anyway we had a great night last night, I was in with L at 10, DH was in with her after that and then she stayed in her bed until 7:10! Wow - oh please let her be getting better - I need the sleep these days

Nothing else to report oh apart from those of you who arent on my FB - when I asked L if she wanted a boy baby or a girl baby she asked for juice The night before I asked if she wanted mummy or daddy to take her to bed and she chose the dog! She actually went over and started trying to shove the dog towards the door - you have to laugh

 

[kosh]

storm - as I said to angel

I love L's replies! thanks for sharing!

 

[clio]

Borboleta-- You must feel such relief!

Angel-- ah, another weird "man" response. They can be so strange. Do you know that I am not allowed to talk to OH about anything important first thing in the morning, or I'm at risk of not being able talking about it for hours, when he deems "first thing in the morning" to be over. And I so agree that in your case:

Storm--L is priceless! I laughed at the "juice" answer, and even more about the dog! Sorry for your spat, as well.

Has anyone's LO tried to pick up the cat yet? J's been working on it, and I can so see it happening soon.

My little "talk" with OH just now (and it really was a talk, just an anxiety-ridden one), is so typical, too. We've been dealing with all these issues for a while, and, after tons of begging, he finally agreed to see the doc for an anti-anxiety med. Which you can see is working: his eyes no longer bulge out of his head. That came about when he told me, as I was rolled up on the couch trying not to think of bad things, that he was having trouble coping. And all I could think of was, "why are you telling ME this? I really have no ability to help you right now!" And just now, after I came home, exhausted from my pain meds doctor (lots of prescriptions, but haven't filled any yet), he told me that he is unhappy. My heart breaks when he says these things, so I begged him to go get an antidepressant (which would have helped things a lot over the years). He has refused before, but finally said yes. Now, we just need for him to follow through.

ETA--Yay! OH made the app't to get the meds from our GP. I told him how unfair it is that the minute I say I can't cope or that I'm unhappy, I'm whisked off to the p-doc or hospital, while he doesn't have to do anything about it if he feels the same way. Drugs! Drugs! Drugs for all my friends!

But we both have agreed to work on better coping skills together. None of this can continue.

Oh! I have to get my mum from the airport! Sorry for not getting to, well, virtually everyone's personals. More, hopefully, later.

 

[Kitty_love]

Hi ladies! Thanks for all the lovely, kind words about Blake's pics!

Borboleta - excellent news!!! As mentioned earlier, it was as we expected, but what a relief for you and oh nonetheless.

Storm - L is so funny, love those stories! And you look very beautiful, thanks for sharing the pic!

Clio - hope you enjoy time with your mom!

Sorry, hungry baby all of a sudden...love to all!

 

[Storm1jet2]

Just a fleeting post ladies, Clio yes L has picked up storm my biggest fattest laziest cat... I had the photoon fb, where is it now....

 

[Storm1jet2]

Here you go....................... https://www.flickr.com/photos/100380294@N06/9682984790/

 

[Leeze]

Brilliant photo Storm. I can't ever imagine Kia picking our cat up. He occasionally tolerate her stroking him for a few seconds! He tends to run a mile whenever she's near him.

Men, huh? What can I say that hasn't been said? Its good to feel solidarity from Mum.friends as most of us think they don't really get it. I'm not going to stop trying though! XX

 

[clio]

Borboleta--I forgot to say that your avatar says it all. T is NOT autistic! He's probably, *ahem* pointing at an autistic bird. See, he's THAT smart. And NOT autistic.

 

[clio]

Here you go....................... https://www.flickr.com/photos/100380294@N06/9682984790/

Oh, priceless! I don't know when Tata will let J do it. Probably when he figures out that he needs to lift under the front legs and around the chest, not Tata's tummy... (ow! Poor Tata.)

Leeze-I know, right? Just like Kosh said, none of us want to give the impression that our OHs are bad people or that we aren't right for each other. It's just such a friggin' hard time right now. And it's also a relief, as you said, to talk to mums/friends who understand!

BUT, do you ever have the sense that you understand your LO(s) better than your OH does? Not only in language, but why he's crying and what his needs are, even though they are not immediately evident to others? I hate to be essentialist and say that mothers are more naturally more nurturing, because OH is the most nurturing father I have ever seen, even among our friends and family. We've put it down to me carrying J for almost 10 months in my body. Do you guys feel the same? That you understand LO better than OH?

 

[Indigo77]

Very true for us, Clio. IDK why, either. I always thought it was because I spend more time w him, but given that you have equal time w J....

 

[AngelUK]

Good morning ladies I am going to try and catch up, even if it takes me all morning to write this lol

Sabrina thank you for your advice about the reins. I think I will not get any for the time being. Totally chickening out here. At the moment Dominic doesn't know that he could be walking when we are out and about, except when we go to the lawn at the park. I think I want to keep it that way. He was already very put off when he had to go back into the buggy after he was out and about in the shop where we bought his shoes! He has this annoying way of making himself heavy and trying to slip through your hands when you grip him under the arms to lift him! No sense of danger.

Borboleta subscribing to a cookery magazine is a great idea! Mind you, we have tons of cookery books, especially with meals for kids but OH also finds it disheartening how little they will eat of what he prepares. And the most shocking thing they both don't like is pasta! How can they not like pasta?!
And like you, when we go to a grocery shop we now always have some snacks with us in case the boys get too bored and annoyed. It is a terrible habit cause of course especially Dominic now expects it and acts up if he doesn't get any snacks. Sigh. At least they both like apple slices, so it's at least healthy.
And once again I am so pleased that all went well at your appointment If you are worried about T's language skills then know you are not alone. Sebastian doesn't have a single word and is no where near as physically advanced as your T. I am not even convinced that Sebastian means me when he says mumum. He used to say "day" for ball and "gie" for book like Dominic but I haven't heard that in weeks now, so I am starting to wonder if he ever really did say it. But I googled "17 months and not talking" and apparently it isn't that rare. At any rate we don't even have the excuse that our boys are bilingual like T as I really never speak German to them except when I coo at them and call them things like mein kleines Babymäuschen or mein Engelsbübchen (doesn't translate well into English but it means something like my little Baby Mouse and my little Angelboy lol). I am very silly. But yeah I am not overly worried but will certainly mention it to my Doc. We shall see.

Clio you find it imaginative that they ripped the book to shreds? I must say my heart bled when I found it like that. It is such a sweet book! I still haven't got the replacement. For some reason, even though it is on Amazon Prime, it only dispatches within 10 or 14 days. Annoying! Dominic has clearly not forgotten it yet as he keeps going over to the bookcase and points and says Gie! Gie! This is how he says book now. It used be Goo-y but it definitely both means nothing but book. Weird lol.
As for the garden, are you sure yours isn't bigger than my tiny patch? I mean the lawn area is about 4 steps long and 3 and a half steps wide. And the patio area is about 2 steps long and the same width as the lawn. And no we didn't put the rolls in ourselves. That handsome gardener and his assistant did. We did try once a few years ago but did it wrong I guess as the grass didn't really take. But I have been very good with watering this time around and I think it has taken
As for my dad, I feel I must do him justice here. He is in many ways a horrible and selfish man but, although I did have almost half of what my flat cost 20 years ago, he did pay the other half by taking out a second mortgage on our house in Switzerland. And he paid for all my education and didn't even protest when I wanted to do my MA in my 30s. So he did help me a lot and I really don't think I am entitled to more. It is just a bit bitter when I see what he DOES spend his money on now. But it is his money after all.
As for your DH ruining all your clothes! I was left opened mouthed when you were relieved that he wasn't angry that you got angry. lol! He has no right to be angry but you certainly did! My golly, I think I would cry and scream!
And my OH also needs HOURS to wake up! What is it with our men? He actually once said, give me a chance to wake up when he had been up for 3 hours! lol
But anyway I do hope that he really will get some help with his depression and anxiety and that it will be something mild that will help him and that it won't make him more tired. I am sorry he is unhappy cause I do know how much you love him
I am glad your mum is coming to help you, but I do hope that she won't push too many buttons too quickly this time :/
And no, my boys haven't tried to pick up Alfie. Or maybe they did but there is no way he would let them get that close. They manage to stroke or hit him over the head sometimes (not really hard!) but when Dominic starts to pull at his fur, he is off. Usually they just follow him around the room and scream at him in delight. lol

Claire how is Lucy? Is she over her cold now? Have you managed any sleep during? You poor woman

Kosh I am so glad that you are feeling better and yay for your first holiday When are you off?
I am not convinced that night weaning would the solution to all your problems either to be honest. It might help but I am thinking you will have to ride it out I just so wish he would at least get down to only one waking for your sake.
Yay for G sleeping on the mat in nursery though! That's great. Where did he sleep before? Or would he just refuse to sleep at all?

Leeze Yay for AF arriving! Crossing my fingers for you this cycle
Also, please let us know how it goes with Kia and the toilet seat! I am dreading potty training to be honest but I guess this is the next big thing we are all going to have to face sooner or later. I think I have decided that I will try later, as my boys haven't exactly been early in any thing else and I cannot imagine they would be eager to potty train early-ish either lol
AS for what you said about your OH thinking he is entitled to unwind when he comes home, well yes I do understand that he wants to do that but since you don't get any then he shouldn't either. Would you believe that my OH thinks the same thing and he doesn't actually work? Noooo, he goes shopping every day (though I hope that will now change) and leaves us at home for about 3 hours. Then, when he comes home he wants a tea and online time. Erm...? What?! Men! Kosh is right LOL I love that emoticon!

Storm yeah if there is any sort of flap in any book it is ripped off in the first few minutes they get it. It would have to be a very sturdy book to withstand Dominic who, I find, is freakishly strong!
As for your next mat leave, did anyone comment about it negatively or are they ok about it? Is it easy to find someone who can do your work on a temporary basis?
And yay for choosing names! Though I know it can be very frustrating. Took OH for ever to agree to Sebastian. What are you considering? Is there any way we can help? Probably not but one could try
I loved L's answers to your questions lol! She is so funny!

Kitty_love how are things with you and your lovely Blake? Hope all is going well?

Indigo how are you and N? Hope all is well with you too?

As for OH not understanding what makes LOs cry, this is not so in our case or mostly not. I often ask Nick what he thinks one of the boys is crying about and though his answer is invariably a bland and unimaginative "I don't know" growlmad, I do not always know either. But my OH and I do take care of the boys almost equally.

Ok it has only taken me 3 hours to write this post and I now need to put my boys down for a nap as Master Dominic got me up at 6:05 this morning. But I wanted to quickly tell you about his new word. He doesn't have that many as yet. He says daddy, mumum, mummy, ca(t), knee, "gie" for book and "day" for ball and "nanana" for banana. He can also say teddy and "nannniee" means dummy and anything he wants to put his mouth really. But his new word is just soooo fitting and so useful for my round boy! He says More! And he does mean more food! He says it constantly when receiving snacks while out in his buggy and when he is in his highchair at mealtime. He stretches out his hand, smiles beguilingly at us and says "more, more"! How fitting that that should be his first useful word LOL

Ok got to go, sending and love to all

 

[kosh]

very brief as I still have to finish tons of things at work

storm - brilliant picture
clio - I def understand G more than DH! (just realisedthat can be read in two different ways, both true! ) I too thought it was because I spend more time, but I'm not totally sure that's the answer. maybe we just put a bit more effort?
angel - yay for more!

leaving on sunday
haven't packed yet!