any other over 35 first time mums?

[Claireyb1]

Sending hugs to you and your friend Charlie!💕 hope she's doing ok.
Xx

 

[Borboleta]

Charlie: 46!!! Hope she will be okay! Did she had any heart condition or family history?

I willpostmore later too. to all.

 

[AngelUK]

Hope your friend is doing ok charlie! What a horrible thing to happen Many hugs to you and S

 

[clio]

Oh Charlie, I'm so sorry. And I was just thinking the same thing when you wrote that it puts things into perspective. How is she?

 

[Storm1jet2]

Charlie any update on your friend? Xxx

 

[kosh]

Charlie - hope your friend is doing ok. Have you had any news? to you

 

[SabrinaKat]

charlie - I'm a little freaked out as I AM 46! I hope all is well?! hugs on that....

not much here - OH either has food poisoning, the plague or a headache, so has been complaining all day until I gave him some Solpadeine and now feels grand (Irish 'grand' = fine)! However, I had the whole day of a still swollen jaw (still a bit of an infection), but the deep down pain of the tooth itself is gone. I am hopeful that it is improving, but LO seems to think smacking mommy on the cheek exactly where it is swollen and hurting is the best remedy. (It's not)....

other than that, things are okay. I bought a pretty skirt (it is grey with birds) yesterday from Cath Kidston (sorta a Laura Ashley of the moment, for the north american gang, or perhaps over there?) as my present from the tooth fairy (I had been looking at it for a few months)....and am making lists of what to bring home 'next' month, actually, this month in a few hours and what to get to bring back (various candies, corn bread mix, A1 sauce, etc., as I hoard my little bits that I buy at very overpriced places - Selfridges in London has a lovely little american section, I remember....!)

all me orientated, sorry, but hugs to all and to ALL, A GOOD NIGHT (sleep!)

bye!

 

[Kitty_love]

Happy belated birthday Storm! Hope you had a great day!! Xxx

Sorry to hear about you friend Charlie xx

SK - bubble wrap for that A-1!!! I know you'll be stocking up on your big trip, but if you ever need a care package, you let me know. I'd be happy to mail you some favorites once you run out again

Good Thanksgiving here (although AF decided to appear and very heavy). Big college football day here yesterday (rivalry week, Ohio State vs Michigan is crazy here in Columbus, really never seen anything like it) and some great games! Wow, nail biters!

Blake is doing great, and I'm excited to get decorating for Christmas!

Hugs everyone xxx

 

[clio]

Happy First of Advent everyone!

Okay, a question for those of you with more than one cat: how do you keep the fat, older cat from eating a poor kitten's food? I can't keep the food dish in my bedroom forever...

Oh! So we finally confirmed that, without a doubt, Morgan truly isn't bright. We always suspected it, but it was also always a joke before. But no more: the cat and kitten have become friends, and play with each other. Cleo was hiding behind a floor-length curtain and Morgan crouched there, wiggled her bottom, and pounced so enthusiastically that she hit the wall with her face. By this point, the very quick Cleo had long escaped, but Morgan, undeterred, and either in denial or in true ignorance, continued to search behind the behind the curtain for Cleo. And search, and search. Once she had finally determined she wasn't behind the curtain, Morgan came out and looked carefully at the front of the curtain, pacing from one end to the other, as if she were on guard, ready to catch that darn kitten once she came out. By this point, both Cleo and I were both watching her, and I marvelled at Morgan's total incapacity to hunt.

Good thing we don't have mice.

 

[charlie15]

Thanks ladies for all your wishes for my friend. I still can't quite believe it. What had happened is that she had been swimming and got out of the pool and collapsed. When the paramedics arrived she was in cardiac arrest so required shocking, which thankfully worked, as it often doesn't. Then they did their ECG and she was having a massive heart attack so took her to the hospital that does angios. She arrested one more time in the ambulance and then again 27 times in the cath lab where they were stenting her. 27 times!!!!! I assure you that is not an exaggeration. So she is in critical care now and I am going to see her with a friend of ours tomorrow. She told my friend that she is scared to go to sleep, it must be truly terrifying. But as much as she is 46, I must point out that she is a good time party girl! So she knows how to drink and is a heavy smoker ( it was Lisa that got me back on the fags after I had stopped for 5 years! ) so this time I need to get her off them! I hope that this scare has that kind of effect of her, she absolutely HAS to stop now, no maybes or she really will not be here for much longer.

Well I can say that I am glad November is over! What with viruses, diarrhoea, anniversarys turning 41, Lisa and I also found out that my very closest friend, who I am godmother to her sons, is probably getting a divorce....they moved up to the north if England 1 year ago, so she is far away! They been together 15 years and have a 10 year old and a 3 year old. I am so gutted and scared for her as she is not a great coper, that was her husbands Job, but I think he has had enough of that now, so sad and I worry about the boys

However work...I ended up going in yesterday as was too sick on Wednesday....I don't think any of you ladies would have wanted me looking after you, seriously I would have scared the patients away....when I get a virus I get this awful viral rash all over my chest, up my neck and this time in my face, a great look as an A&E sister! So yesterday I went to work, after Sophia had her first proper accident involving blood! Honestly the timing of these things! So she cut her new tooth one day, then the next day fell and hit her newly cut tooth on a low window sill. Poor baby was screaming like I have never heard. Calpol, and boobie did the trick. Then I could see the bruising and swelling and no tooth! The tooth has reappeared now and Sophia is once again happy . Anyway, work, well SK and Storm, I think you were right,I actually really enjoyed it. It was a generally better shift all round, so not manic, but still I really enjoyed being there and, well looking after patients again. So all good there, I think 2 days a week will be just right for me, so I am happy about that now.

Clio, I love that you have a stupid cat! I didn't think there were any stupid cats, bless her, she must be entertaining! Oh and I am happy you're getting your feline cuddles with Cleo

Storm, how was your birthday? Hope you got a bit of r&r in. Did the celebrations continue into the weekend?

everyone else, I apologise, I haven't had time to read back, so sorry for waffley selfish post again, but I hope you're all well and that the Americans amongst us had a happy thanks giving. x

 

[SabrinaKat]

my little cat, Daphne is quite....slow, but very pretty. She is very confused at birds and all types of cat toys, but she is very pretty and sweet and loves me. We have two litter trays, two big food bowls and two treat bowls and loads of cat areas, but we do keep a bowl of water and food also in the bedroom, so you might need to keep that bowl there, clio?

not much else, here. OH still has the plague or a minor headache (took another dose of Solpadeine and was fine within 10 minutes)....I now have a cold sore on the same side where the tooth was and I woke up with a huge swollen face, which OH pointed out to me. Yes, thanks, I appreciate it.

hugs to all, bye!

 

[Storm1jet2]

Sorry too tired for proper post today ladies, will do a long one tomorrow. L has a cough and I have an incredibly sore and swollen arm after whooping cough vaccine, its sore, burny and itchy all in one!

Also found out DHS shifts over Christmas today, Christmas eve NIGHTSHIFT.. brilliant I'm doing dinner and he's going to be trying to sleep and not here to help and of course Ls 2nd birthday. I'm less than happy... Grrrrrrr... I'm seriously thinking of having her birthday a day early, she won't know right???

Clio your kitty sounds funny I just have the food altogether, thus why one of my cats is HUGE. Well its in 2 locations now due to the 2 cat camps... Oh and Poppy had vomiting and diarrhea yesterday, all over the kitchen and the dogs bed. Yup she pooped on all 3 of the dogs blankets....

Charlie, glad work was ok and man is your friend lucky to be alive! Wow!

Post more tomorrow ladies... Sweet dreams...

 

[clio]

When it rains, it seems to pour for us, doesn't it?

On the upside, the kitten is exactly what I craved: totally devoted to me, sleeps with me and is learning the proper position for a lap cat, which is my lap, and not my chest or under my chin. She also looks so much like my Spider as a kitten that it's like coming home. Plus, she's amazing with J; she hasn't scratched him or bitten him once, even though he tries to carry her around by her neck (we're working on that one...)

But on two other fronts, things are not so good. First, I've been quite sick (brain sick) for the past two weeks. I tried to say something on here, but I'm so used to keeping it a secret that I couldn't post any of the posts I wrote telling you about it. This is also why we were so desperate to get me a good p-doc that I called my beloved doctor in TO. It's interfering with my ability to take care of J, not in small part because he's the trigger. Brain sickness and childcare duties don't mix too well.

As a result, OH has had to deal with a lot, and he's becoming increasingly anxious. He even had to go on anti-depressants himself to help cope. But he's also drinking too much wine. Remember, SK, so long ago, when I said Eric lies? Well, this is one of the things he lies about. (Smoking is another.) I know all the signs now, but way back, years ago, when he went through another bought of this, I was too sick to notice and help him. He stopped on his own accord, though, because he started to scare himself. He's been quite open about it this time, and I'm not pressuring him (if I pressure, he lies), but we need to really talk about it, and I don't have the ability to do so right now. He claims that, in part, he's drinking to celebrate, as his book was just published and the reviews are good; a professor mentor of his who is retiring in 3 years has openly declared OH his successor; one of the news magazines which reviewed the book was so impressed by his writing that they asked him to write an article for them at fifty cents a word, and his income is increasing steadily as the two universities he works for seek him out for course after course, which makes his wages go up quite substantially.

But then there's me, and it's been rather nightmarish for us all, except for J, who goes to the Day House or Oma's whenever there are signs of real trouble with me. I'm hoping OH'll have his "come to Jesus" moment soon, when he realizes he has to stop again. We just had an incident, too. Since lack of sleep as been an immense trigger for me this past little while (depression, not mania), he's been on night duty if the boy cries because of teething. But just now, quite late, he didn't hear J cry, and I woke up and didn't even know where OH was in the house. I yelled and yelled for him, but nothing. I gave J the meds myself and rocked him back to sleep, and OH finally arrived on the scene half-way through. I sent him away, but went to find him afterwards. He was in his bed, completely out of it. The monitor wasn't on, either, so if J wakes up again, it'll be me going in again (I don't need a monitor to hear him). I'm hoping this'll be it; if he realizes the wine is interfering with taking care of J, it might just be the thing that snaps him out of it. But I'm so worried for him; this much wine every evening cannot solely be the result of celebrating. So the only other pressure is...me.

I'm scared that I won't be able to help him snap out of it--that this time won't be as simple as last time. And I certainly don't want him drinking secretly; the last time it felt like an incredible betrayal. I'm hoping that the inability to take care of J will work. And I know: he won't stop until he wants to stop, but he does want to (or so he says). I just don't know how to fight this battle with him.

And to tell the truth, I wasn't worried until tonight. I've watched OH and my parents stop drinking wine heavily overnight. I'm actually far more afraid that he'll lie again.

And then, there is my brain cold. Which is overwhelming me so much right now that I still can't talk about it. I will, soon, I hope. My posts are outlets; they let me see the humour in things, where in real life, I see none. And I'm hoping that volunteering at the library will ease the boredom and the fact that I feel like a lay-about.

They say that one in four marriages end when one spouse is bi-polar. I know that I couldn't do what he is doing: taking care of me, of J, and working at the same time. He says he can handle it, but I'm worried.

But let's end this post on a happier note. The kitten is in the crook of my arm as I speak, purring away, and occasionally giving me a little lick. You can't beat that.

Okay, now I'm going to be brave and post this thing.

 

[SabrinaKat]

I felt incredibly betrayed as well when we had the 'home-made brew' incident, e.g. when OH had made some 'vodka' and drank a lot of it, but acted as if he was sick (physically) when I had that virus back in April, and was absolutely shocked by his behaviour -- I was too sick to look after LO and OH gets drunk? WTF?! Clio - I completely understand how you feel. I'm on a break at work at the moment, so can't post anything lengthy, but hugs!

bye!

 

[AngelUK]

Clio I don't have time right now to respond in depth as I am making lunch for the young masters. But I wanted to send you tons and tons of ! You are brave to post but you need not fear rejection here. We all adore you and accept you as you are. It makes no difference if it is a mental illness or a physical one, in fact we know now that both are actually physical and we aren't rejecting you any more than if you had diabetes.

 

[Storm1jet2]

Clio my dear – please please please post when you can about how you are feeling and your illness – as Angel said we all know you struggle with your illness and no one here that I am aware of has any issues with you discussing what is going on. I know that I for one worry much more about you when you go quiet or you read posts and don’t respond, then I wonder where you are at and what is going on. And of course looking after J isn’t possible when you are struggling, looking after a 2 year old is incredibly hard work and demanding when you are feeling 100 % both physically and mentally. I only wish you lived round the corner my dear as then I could take J for you and he and L could create some mayhem together giving both you and DH a break.

Ok on to DHs drinking, first of all my DH lies – he lies to hide things he knows will upset me, like smoking (back to smoking lots) and his rationale is that if he lies then I don’t find out and I don’t flip out and that avoids ‘a situation’. For me as a woman though lying about the little things can mean lying about anything. You know the mess with his brother and the divorce situation well in short I told DH he was under no circumstances to ‘hide’ any of his brothers money and told him he would be getting DIVORCED if he did – 2 months later I found out he had £40,000 of his brothers savings hidden in his account – money had had moved to his account AFTER I told him what would happen. I never posted that on here as I was incredibly ashamed, I didn’t think the soon to be ex SIL knew about the money and I was FURIOUS. In the end the money was returned to his dads account where it was hiding, I removed BIL off my FB, I refused to see DHS parents (who knew how against this I was – I still haven’t seen them) and I thankfully found out that soon to be ex SIL does know about the money after all (there is WAY more money than that) – oh and I told my DH I didn’t know how he slept in his bed at night and I was surprised he hadn’t been struck my lightening and to grow a set of balls and say no to his brother when he knows something is legally and morally wrong! Anyway I digress – MEN LIE! Not all men of course but I have one that lies and for the same reasons that your DH probably does – situation avoidance. Oh and I still don’t know if there will be fall out from the money hitting Dhs account but I swear I will kick him up and down the street if there is. Ok back to your DH again – drinking – its got to be escapism from the pressure, having a small child,a job etc is incredibly stressful and believe me if I wasn’t pregnant right now there would have been rather a few times I would have been blind drunk myself but being a woman only if I knew L was perfectly safe and cared for – men don’t think like that. He probably thinks I will have a glass of wine and suddenly that glass in way more. Your sickness must contribute but you have to remember your DH knew exactly what he was signing up for when you 2 got together – this isn’t something out of the blue. Its more than likely intensified with J thrown into the mix but my dearest ‘this time will pass’ and things will get easier with J as he gets older. As for 1 in 4 marriages to people who are bipolar ending in divorce – is that all? I swear there have been many times over the last 3 years I wish I hadn’t married DH – and he’s not bipolar and neither am I – marriage is HARD, having children is HARDER and being ill on top of it all – wow – even harder still. My DH can’t hear L without the monitor either (when 100% sober) and funny enough the monitor has gone AWOL since we moved house so I have been 100% on L duty since we moved, 30 weeks pregnant tomorrow, still working and full time and shattered – only a sad little part of me realised this am that really this is just the way it is and is going to be and I need to accept that DH is never going to pull his finger out of his a$$ and be father of the year, I need to let it go as it makes me angry/sad and upset – he doesn’t see it or care. Oh I’m off on one again… Anyway perhaps you need to gently say to DH that you know he is under a huge amount of pressure, but you are in a difficult position mentally right now and J really needs one adult in the house to be 100% coherent and responsible or its all going to spiral out of control? Not that I’m any expert my dear – far from it – I tell you what I think from the heart and once you have read it you can choose to agree or disagree and disregard – I’m good any way – but I just want you to know that I care for you my remote friend and you can discuss anything with us at all – we are NOT here to judge we are here to support each other through the tough times! If you want to keep it off the boards where it’s not just so public I’m more than willing to PM you my private email address and I am sure some of the other ladies are too and we could have a little email circle of support away from open view?

Ok this post is now rather long and I am meant to be doing a report – I will pop back later for a general update ladies xxx

 

[BigLegEmma]

Thanks for all the welcomes several pages back - thread moves so fast and life's up the wall offline for me at present. I'm enjoying all your updates and they distract me from beating my childish OH's head in with a brick.

 

[AngelUK]

Passing by on my way to the paint and wanted to say I heartily concur with Storm's lovely post. (Golly I am lucky to have you all!)
And my man lies ALL the time too! Mainly about the smoking. I am ashamed to admit this cause for some reason I always feel the need to shield my OH from censure (other than mine) but when my boys were born, he swore on their lives that he would not smoke again. I didn't prompt him to do this, he told me a while later and it was an oath made in a rush of love I guess. Well, he is still sneakily smoking and has officially broken EVERY promise he ever made (including faithfulness as you know) even one so sacred. So clio I know all about the lying and the betrayal. It is one of the reasons I don't want to marry him, which is odd since it would probably not make much of a difference to how we are now (and maybe I could ask that any oath be left out). And when I just read that part out to him where Storm mentions that men lie for situation avoidance, he actually said yes 90% of the time this would be the reason. And I said "yes I know my OH does it too". He left to go shopping with a bit of a sheepish expression.
And Sabrina I remember the home brew incident and I agree, how like a man. Mine will even sneakily have a fag when he is in charge of the boys and I am having a lie in, say. And when I asked him what he would do if he had no time to wash his hands and brush his teeth before going to the rescue maybe if one of the boys had a fall or something, he had no answer. I guess men don't think in what ifs. I do, ALL the time. I guess it makes me anxiety prone but I also think it makes me better with emergencies as I have most likely prepared for them. Not that being stupefied by drink and reeking of smoke is the same thing of course! What your OH did is worse decidedly. I am glad my OH doesn't drink alcohol cause otherwise he would be the same.
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[Storm1jet2]

Thanks for all the welcomes several pages back - thread moves so fast and life's up the wall offline for me at present. I'm enjoying all your updates and they distract me from beating my childish OH's head in with a brick.

Lol BLE that did make me laugh - Ohs can be very trying and believe me the more pregnant you get the more you will want to beat his head in with a brick - oh and just wait until Lo is here

Sometimes I wish I fancied women

 

[BigLegEmma]

Lol BLE that did make me laugh - Ohs can be very trying and believe me the more pregnant you get the more you will want to beat his head in with a brick - oh and just wait until Lo is here

Sometimes I wish I fancied women

Haha me too Or sometimes I fantasise about living with female friends in a commune, no OHs allowed. This forum is a lifesaver; stops me from being rash when I see other women have similar junk to deal with.