any other over 35 first time mums?

[Kitty_love]

Oh Kosh, that is a tough one! I can totally see what you mean about not wanting to be difficult in a new job. When is the conference? Would you have time to make reasonable (price-wise) travel plans for oh and G to go too? That sounds like the best solution. If it's last minute, I'd say there's your way out. Nobody can expect people to just drop everything quickly, arrangements need to be made.

I'd probably not confirm anything immediately, be positive, say you'd really love to go, but you need to discuss with your family and make sure it's doable first. They don't have to know all about your personal stuff, for all they know you may care for older parents or disabled family members or something who can't travel/care for themselves for 5 days. I wouldn't make any excuses yet, or say anything about G. I've seen from experience in offices how the men snicker about women not doing something work related due to their kids. Sorry, I def dont agree, but I've seen it.

And nothing about this is your fault!! These types of things come up when working and having a family, not your fault at all!

 

[Kitty_love]

Clio - that's so funny you mentioned wanting to go to a YMCA to try it out, just last night on the news, they said all Ohio YMCA's would be free to public this week because of the frigid cold temps. We had a wind chill of -33 F at ten last night!!! Actual temps of -11 F!

SK - funny how we have to remind grown men of basic manners lol!

Storm - how are you feeling? Thinking of you

 

[Storm1jet2]

Oh Kosh 5 days, that is just too much! I know they expect you to go but I couldn't do it either... Rather than ignoring the emails can you not face it head on and talk to whoever expects you to go?5 days is somewhat of an assumption for a mother with a child under 4, im sure you have legal rights if your child is under 4? Surely the whole 5 days can't be critical? Do they have a schedule so you could maybe do 2 days with one overnight? I've always found work travel no matter how important it supposedly is, is usually a pitiful waste of time, well at least 75% of it. Don't they have any video conferencing facilities or at least dial in facilities? I'd make sure they know you know how important it is and you are keen to find a suitable compromise but 5 days away from such a young child is just not feasible. Xxx

 

[Kitty_love]

Great point, Storm! This is 2014, they could have some type of video conferencing, right? Saves $$$ on travel and hotel rooms?

 

[clio]

Kosh--I'm sorry that you're in such a dilemma! I certainly wouldn't know what to do! Are you certain that your OH can't deal with him alone for 5 days? I can't remember; does G go to creche? Would that help take the burden off of your husband during the days?

As for taking a job that is incompatible with raising a child, you are in no way a bad mother. There is no way you could have known. Can I ask how your old one worked better than this one? What would happen if you missed the conference? (Though I know what would happen if OH missed one, so I can imagine...) Can you cry off at the last moment, saying that G is sick? I know--very duplicitous, but no one ever questions it.

Ugh. OH just got me up at 6:30 am to help deal with the boy because he was being very clingy, and OH had work to do. At first J was fine (he'd been up since 5 am), and I was reading him the books he's been carrying around everywhere. I was also making coffee, using the hot water kettle. J walked over, reached up, and put a book on the hot burner and I became so alarmed that I cried out. But I wasn't yelling. Not freaking out. But then J freaks out, runs to Daddy and cries and cries on his shoulder. And cries and cries while OH hugs and hugs and hugs him. And hugs and hugs and hugs him as J continues to cry and cry and cry. We decided that this was unusual behaviour and sent him back to bed. He's now asleep again, and it's 7 am.

I, though, have now had a cup of strong coffee, am wide awake, and am hungover from this whack load of antihistamine (Benedryl) that I had to take last night. I finally had one of the bad reactions to one of my new meds that people on bi-polar forums have talked about, but which I poo-pooed, because I didn't believe it could happen to me. Turns out, it did. I now have akathisia, where I am so restless that I can't stop moving. It's like restless leg syndrome, but it takes over your entire body and your mind. I can't concentrate on anything and my whole body fidgets. It gets worse after I take the pills at dinner, and by nighttime, I am in complete distress because I can't stop moving and consequently can't fall asleep. I read on some forums to use Benedryl as a stop gap until I can see if my p-doc can help (I see her today). But OH still had to hold me tight last night until I could finally be still on my own. There is a med that can be used to stop it, but it is contraindicated with the drug causing the problem, but which is actually helping my mood. I feel like I'm always in a Catch 22 with this illness.

ETA--just read Storm's response to the conference problem. It's a good one, if you could pull it off!

 

[kosh]

tahnks a lot ladies for your advice and support!
it means a lot, mainly when I am trying to get in touch with DH since 10.30am (it's almost 4.30pm now) and he's not answering the phone or picking up emails!!

kitty - the conference is end of Feb but I have to tell them asap as they are making travel arrangements and I'd get my expenses paid for!

storm - yes, I do want to go and discuss it now, but I'd prefer to be able to discuss it with DH first (and he is not picking up arrghhh)

I double checked and the conference is actually Sun-Wed, so 4 days, not 5 as I said, but still too long for me. I did look into the possibility of going Sun-Mon, which in theory I should be able to do, but to be perfectly honest even that will be too stressful, as reality is DH cannot settle Gael to sleep (let alone spend the whole night with him waking multiple times) so I'll be constantly worring.

The other option, as you all said, is taking them both with me. Probably doable, just a bit expensive. Plus not sure if DH could actually take time off work (it'd help if he answered the phone....)

I'm waiting now for my line manager to get back to me to discuss it.
What I still don't know if whether I should say that it's difficult for me to go because of childcare issues (ie practical reasons) or because I cannot leave my 2 year old son (ie I am not prepared to do it and/or he is 'difficult')

I guess what goes aginst me is that the girsl I am replacing had 2 boys of 2 and 4 and always travelled to thiese things!!!

 

[kosh]

Kosh--I'm sorry that you're in such a dilemma! I certainly wouldn't know what to do! Are you certain that your OH can't deal with him alone for 5 days? I can't remember; does G go to creche? Would that help take the burden off of your husband during the days?

100%
yes, Gael goes to nursery and that would help, but as I said, I don't think DH can have him overnight on his own unfortunately.
This is something that is always worrying me (and I know that Claire can relate too)

As for taking a job that is incompatible with raising a child, you are in no way a bad mother. There is no way you could have known. Can I ask how your old one worked better than this one? What would happen if you missed the conference? (Though I know what would happen if OH missed one, so I can imagine...) Can you cry off at the last moment, saying that G is sick? I know--very duplicitous, but no one ever questions it.

the difference with my old job is that I started there 8 years ago (single and childless), and had years and years of leaving the lab/office after 8pm or even spending the night over submitting a paper, so if I didn't go to a conference now it wouldn't affect their oppinion of me at all.


----
really sorry you're having side effects from the meds.

 

[Storm1jet2]

Oh Kosh I totally understand, I'm worried sick about being away from L when I give birth, I'm hoping for a 6 hour discharge! I started my job 8 and a half years ago and it started with 3 weeks in London and a week in Barcelona, can you imagine me doing that now!!!

Ok back later, time to make bugs tea :-

 

[kosh]

well I finally talked to DH
he was (is) very relaxed about it all
he says a) we all go or b) I go and he looks after G.
he claims I can go all the 4 days and 'they'll be ok'
I know he means well, but I think he's got no clue what b) implies!
he loves his son but hasn't looked after G for more than 3 hours. ever.

I think my real options are:
- take G and OH with me (and pray this works out ok)
- go Sun-Mon and stress all those 48hr
- not go and get a bad mark



ps - don't think the teleconference is an option as most of these are interactive workshops

 

[Claireyb1]

Gosh, it seems like I've not been on here for weeks!
In fact I've not been on here properly since I was in my 30's!!!!! Lol
Thank you all for my birthday wishes! It was a busy weekend and I have been truly spoilt.
I'm sure most of you will know I got a beautiful 1carat diamond eternity ring from df and an iPad from my mum and family )
Oh and not to mention my mulberry clutch bag from my best friend! I am a very lucky girl.
Sadly, lucy didn't give me the ultimate gift of Sttn though lol and I'm fighting off a cold/ flu bug thing.

Storm- hows things now with dh after the latest show of total lack of consideration?? He really is becoming the serial winner of naughty husband of the month award!! Lol

Will try to catch up more soon.
Hugs ladies.

Kosh- big hugs and yes I totally understand!!
Xxx

 

[Kitty_love]

Kosh - that's awesome your dh is so relaxed about the trip, really glad to hear it, hopefully you'll all be able to go as a family. G had fun in Mexico, so maybe he'll start to love traveling!

Clairey - yay for all the birthday goodies!

Clio - thinking if you and hoping your bad reaction to the meds is getting better, sounds really awful, I'm so sorry.

Also, forgot to say how absolutely adorable your story was about J and his tiger jammies! What a smart little guy, figuring out full sentences!

Angel - Dan and I sat around laughing last night as we realized how many words we say to B that either end in y or that we add a y to! Never noticed until you mentioned that. We were laughing at ourselves so much as we came up with more and more y words B hears, thought we were going to wake the little sweetums.

Hugs girls!

 

[Storm1jet2]

Kosh maybe you should tell dh you are going and see how relaxed he is? I asked P (still not back to dh status) how he would feel having L for that long alone and he said 'Oh flip I don't know'...

SK is F still jet lagged?

Clio, so sorry your meds are having horrible side effects, any joy on getting them adjusted? Are you getting your hair done today? I'm going to a proper salon tomorrow, I blame you xxx

Kitty, B sounds wonderful and a smart cookie, when will you be able to venture out properly? It's soon isn't it?

L had her first trip to the dentist this am which I was dreading but she was great! Lay on the chair, let the dentist check all her teeth, he confirmed just 2 more molars and was so good I was in shock. I expected tears and tantrums. Anyway her teeth are ok, but obviously he did recommend dropping the night time bottles. He was very nice though and did say obviously I cant tell you to stop the bottles but it would be better for her teeth but they are ok at the minute. He's such a nice man.

Right, feet up for me for ten minutes, L is at the park with daddy and dog before daddy goes to sleep before nughtshift

 

[SabrinaKat]

aargh - got AF and was feeling a little hopeful as had bad nausea, swelling and aches - but I guess it's just the flu...TBH, not been too healthy this xmas-time, so perhaps best and was thinking of the practicals and perhaps not best for 2 at the moment?

Finn is almost over his jet-lag, e.g. 'only' woke up from 12.30am to about 2.30, but I had gone to bed with him around 9pm (guess jet-lag gives me exhaustion, another false maybe pregnant sign!), so at least, I got over all sleep (up at 6.30).

hope all are well and must go relieve OH from LO-duties...

bye!

 

[Borboleta]

Hi everyone,

Kosh: I agree with storm. Tell your husband that you are I going by yourself and he will watch G by himself . And you will see his face when you come !!! No so relax after all . If I tell OH to watch thiago for certain amount of time and I come back he sometime says: " why took you so long? And I can see that is totally worn out if thiago is in a bad mood. Now is thiago is fine he does fine with him. But there is something to be said about us women and the amount of patience that we have. Again if I were you I would just take them with you, unless you want to become a saint in your OH's eyes than leave him with G so when you come back he will be kissing the floor you step on .

Storm: that is so cool that L did great at the dentist!!! . I will be dreading the day I have to take thiago to the dentist. He will probably sense my fear !! I hate dentists!!! And I don't think he will open his mouth for the dentist to have a check on his teeth .

Clio: I am so sorry you are having a hard time with your medicines. It sounds awful !!! And when you mentioned that your OH had to hold you so you would stop moving!! .
And it sounds wonderful that you are going to try to exercise more. Do you think that improves your mood? I know it does mine. When I closed the studio for 1 week for the holidays I was just feeling tired and grumpy, but now that I am back exercise I am back to my full on energy person .
Oh, I meant to tell you that thiago has a book that is so cute and the illustration reminded me of the books you mentioned before. It is called the night pirates. It is about a little boy that receives a visit of pirates girls and they go on a adventure. It is not very long. Sometimes thiago will pay attention to it but most of the time I don't think he cares much about the story. I think it is a little too long for him.

Kitty: Blake sounds adorable. And I laughed at your comment about you and your OH laughing at how you talk to Blakey . Too cute. I love when OH and I have a good laugh together too .

Sabrina: sorry to hear that you got AF. But glad to hear Finn is getting back to his normal schedule .

Claire: how sweet of you family to pamper you on your special day. You deserve it girl. I just wished your DF would had take over one night with Lucy so you could sleep in. But you know what, maybe right now your body is so used to it that you might not be able to sleep for one whole night if you could.

to angel, indigo and Charlie.

Well, for the second night in a role thiago decides that 4am is a good time to get the day started !!!! I am blaming on teething or the heater. It was really cold here too ( Clio and Kitty you can all laugh but 20F or -5C it is unbearable here ). But thank you lord today we are back to the 50s and going into the 60s . So hopefully the heater will not be kicking in so much and thiago will sleep till his usual 6:30am. Even though he woke up at 4am I didn't go get him will 6:15am. He just played in his crib and thru his pacis and toys on the floor.
OH took my iPad yesterday to work without my aqua green case and dropped on the floor while in the urinal !!! That is what he gets for multitasking !!! Well, actually I got the end of the deal ! Anyways it works but it has a green background. So I googled how to fix it and they said I could open the iPad and it must be just something that is not connecting well. I tried but thought I was going to break the glass in the iPad, so now I am going to bring to a place that fixes iPad and iPhones to see if they could open it for me with better tools. After I opened a bit the imagine does look better but still with some pixelated green background.
Okay, better get some stuff done around the house. Bye.

 

[Storm1jet2]

Aww SK sorry you got AF, if it's any consolation I am wrecked, sore and fed up and wondering how on earth I can do this for another 5 weeks! I'm carrying so high I can't breathe, bend etc and my skin feels like it's going to explode it's so tight and now itchy... Urgh I want my body back, even a stretched saggy one please...

Borboleta your poor iPad, not that I have one! I keep meaning to order a tablet and never get round to it, so all my updates are from my phone which is awkward!

So Clairey I want to see your new diamonds! Photo! Mine are all off at the moment as I have fat hands and I'm currently sporting some qvc silver and diamonique rings, heehee, I want my real diamonds back!

OH is working tonight so just before he left I asked Miss L if she was going to spend all night in her own bed, the answer 'um no, mummys room'... Ha! I wonder how this is going to work with the baby given id really like to breastfeed this time! Who knows... We shall see.

Charlie how are you and Sophia adjusting to your return to work?

Indigo did you get your one shot in?

Leeze how are you and where are you on the ttc front?

Angel how are the boys? Any update on the speech, or have I missed that, apologies I'm very vague these days.

BLEmma are you still around? Im dying to know what happened after the car accident!

Clio, I want to know how the hair is!

Kosh have you spoken to anyone at work yet?

Ok better dash, L seems to be settling so I need to sort a few things in the calm before the storm....

 

[Claireyb1]

Just for you storm!
I was lucky to be able to wear my solitaire all the way through my pregnancy. I know I'd miss it if it wasn't on my finger.

Borboleta- my df would happily take lucy for me at night ( occasionally) but lucy would have other ideas!! Mummy, mummy, mummy!

Clio- I hope you're feeling better?

Sk- sorry about AF 😞

Hugs to all
Xxx

 

[Storm1jet2]

Oh Clairey it's BEAUTIFUL! You are a lucky lady

I normally have quite narrow fingers in comparison to the rest of me J 1/2 so I'm guessing that's why in pregnancy they expand a bit! I was terrified of having to get them cut off so took them off a few weeks ago, I've had my mums solitaire off for ages, can't wait to get them back on!

Did you pick the ring yourself or did DF?

 

[Claireyb1]

Wow storm- J 1/2 is a slim fit. I'm a K 1/2 and I thought that was quite slim?! Lol
Df chose both rings all by himself , although with the engagement ring I did tell him what I did and didn't like.
My mum gave df some good advice when he was deciding about the eternity ring. He couldn't decide if he should go for diamonds all the way round or just half way? Mum said to him that hers was only halfway round and the ring twists,so you don't always get the best look. So inadvertently she got me a ring with the them all the way round as df took on board what she said!!!!!! Lol good work mum!

Xx

 

[Indigo77]

Kosh
I hope you figured it out. Kids complicate things a bit, don't they...

Clio
A SE like that sounds horrible! I hope they can figure out an alternative? Please show us the hair...

Claire
The ring is beautiful. You have such beautiful hands, btw.

Borboleta
I hope you disinfected the iPad. .... I love your hair color, btw. What do you use? I'm sick of forking out $100 + tip for a touch up. & how is your hair straightened? Brazilian blowout? N didn't have a good night. With out heater in overdrive, the air gets so dry & he kept waking up for water. Tonight we're using the humidifier in the room.

Storm
I remember late pregnancy well....it's difficult enough without a toddler & a big spoiled baby for a hubby...I hope your father & brother kick your H's ass a bit.... Tell him to thank his lucky stars I don't live closer!

Kitty
Everything ends in a -y around here, too. It's so difficult to stop, though!

SK
Are you getting cold feet or just putting TTC off for a while? I hope you all soon recover from your trip, etc..

Storm
No...we never DTD. I wish a stork would just drop one off.

Angel
I meant to ask....Is D the older twin? & I missed it....why won't you marry N?


It's been a while, ladies....let's see some Xmas pics of the kiddos?

:wave: &

 

[kosh]

I posted a long message last night but it's not there now?!

so a quick update: it's been decided that we are going on a conference/family trip!
will post details soon

to all and thanks for your suggestions and support!!