any other over 35 first time mums?

[SabrinaKat]

My LO is now saying ....'da-da!', 'da-dee!' and looking very pleased with himself!

I think that it's great that our LOs are so connected with their daddies (unlike prehaps previous generations?!) and that whilst we worry that they love us less, I think mama provides the security that all our LOs need and therefore, it may look like they appreciate daddy more, but the fact is - we have given them the foundation to have good relationships with dada, their favourite stuffed toy, etc. (I hope!)

LO has been pretty good today -- thanks for the info re: teething, MrsN and Clio....

nothing much else, am counting the days before I have to go back to work (mainly dreading), but I still have three more full weeks before that day, sigh. I just wish I/we had that little bit more money so I could be a SAHM, and it looks like the budget in December is going to hit the so-called middle class even harder here in Ireland....

bye!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Leeze]

Hi ladies. Firstly, Angel and Kosh - I really hear you on fears of LOs loving others more. Whether it's nursery staff or OHs. I've got the same fears too. I really want Kia to enjoy nursery but I'm a little worried she'll enjoy it more than being with me. And sometimes I feel a bit insecure when she's having fun with OH. I'm hoping these fears lessen as she gets older because I don't want to put all my insecurities on her.... And the question about giving dairy to under 1s - my understanding is that dairy's absolutely fine for under 1s in terms of food. I think it's more about milk in that you shouldn't give normal cows milk to under 1s as their main milk source. But you can cook with cows milk or put it in breakfast cereal etc. And give other dairy products like cheese, eggs, yogurt. With yogurt or fromage frais it's best to check the ingredients because some have loads of sugar and additives etc. It's best to give natural yogurt or one that's sweetened with fruit juice if possible.

 

[Indigo77]

Ladies...Sorry, I can't seem to keep up...

I wish all of you & your LOs the best! :wave:

 

[clio]

shes getting pretty sturdy which is fab Im not so nervous when shes walking round things and pulling up she keeps standing on one leg and seeing how long she can do it then laughing she s worked out getting down to sitting from standing - phew! boy did she practice bless her!

J practices too. He's trying to pick something up off the ground while holding onto the coffee table right now. But he's been practicing that for a long time, and I don't think he knows how to do it even now. And he also has no idea what to do if you take his hands. Right now he bounces. He doesn't want to take steps.

Clio And sleeping hasn't improved for Dom But it is amazing how much time has gone bye since I started participating in this thread! I still cannot believe that my boys are almost 6 months old! It seems like such a milestone
Sorry your back is hurting so! But as for guilt, I have that now though perhaps not the same kind! Sometimes it feels as though the boys, especially Dominic, are more focused on my OH and it makes me feel so bad! In the evening OH often takes over the rocking and the soothing. Not that I don't want to do it but, since I have no self confidence, when Nick says, "let me try", I often hand Dom over, thinking maybe I am doing it wrong or Nick thinks he can get him off to sleep faster. Which is nonsense, I am perfectly capable of rocking Dom, even if he is getting a bit too heavy for me while standing up. And I know Nick only does this to help me out and not to make me feel incapable. Also, I always ask my OH for his opinion on everything regarding the boys so it is definitely not me who says what goes when it comes to the boys. I do all the research but I always ask Nick what he thinks.

I don't know why I have such self doubts. But the thought that my boys could love me less than their daddy, kills me. I don't mind being loved equally but please please not less. And then I wonder if perhaps I don't spend enough quality time with the boys? Maybe I am not fun enough? Nick plays with them on the floor, lifting them up above him etc and especially Dom loves that. I cannot do that as I am not strong enough and Dom weighs over 10 kilos now. I even thought that if Nick and I were to separate (which we won't), would the boys really be better off with me as is normally assumed? Do you ladies ever fear such silly things too? Or am I alone in this?

First: You are not alone in this.

Re: Rocking Dom--were you able to do it before? I went through this awful period where I was convinced that I couldn't put J to sleep. But, I finally figured out that the problem was that he had gotten too big for the position I would always use. So I had to find ways to make it comfortable for him again (and for me!). Remember the Cashmerino Blanket experiment? That was one of my attempts. Anyway, you say you're standing. How the hell can you stand for that long? Do you have a glider? Over here, everyone has a glider.

Re: fear of less love--I have this too. I always feel like I am failing J somehow. Will he always remember me as the mom who lay on the couch with a bad back? Is my husband's laid back personality more soothing than mine? Am I a harpy? (We take a lot of videos with our phones, and I always sound like a harpy.) Will my husband seem like the fun guy because he took J on daily jaunts with the stroller, which I couldn't do because of my hip?

But I wouldn't worry about them not loving you. When you come on here, you sound like a mum who loves her kids so much and S and D can't help but love you because of it.

 

[clio]

Wait! Indigo! Don't leave us, please! I want to know more about what's happening with you and your gorgeous Niko!

 

[clio]

J's teething again. One of his top ones have broken through, but the other one looks as if it's no where near close to coming in. So I just got up to dose him, and now can't sleep...

The most amazing thing happened today. OH had gone out shopping, and I was trying to figure out what stuff I could do with a bored J while lying down. We had a book out, but he's far more into eating books than reading them, so we had abandoned that activity. There was also a bottle on the ground nearby. I don't know what made me ask him, but I said to J, "Can you show me where your bottle is? Where is your bottle?" He looked at me, and I thought I'd help him out a little, and mimed drinking a bottle. He immediately tore off to his bottle. I was seriously flabbergasted. Then I asked him if he could show me where his book was. And he went to the book. I threw in Clock (a toy) for good measure, and he went to Clock. OH thinks I was giving him cues, but I swear I wasn't.

Later I picked him up from his Oma's, and told her about it. I also said that her son didn't believe me. And she said, "But didn't I tell you about the ball?" Apparently, he has been identifying "ball" for a while now.

(You know, it's not that I really mind missing his "firsts," but I'd really, really, really like people to tell me about them when they happen!)

I learned something else today. "Bap" means "bottle." Every time J went over to his bottle, he kept repeating "bap. Bap." At one point I asked him to go to his "bap," and he went to his bottle. I told my mum this on the phone, and she told me that of course "bap" meant bottle. She learned that when she visited. She also asked me if I actually pay any attention to my son.

It scares me a bit, though. This means he understands a hell of a lot more than I thought. How much, exactly? I mean, we haven't really censored ourselves around him yet. I guess we have to start now. Oh sh...oot.

Beware, all of you. They know more than we think.

 

[SabrinaKat]

I had another bad night with LO, we partied at 2.15am until almost 4am, then he woke up at 7.45 -- am soooooooooo tired, but LO seems in great spirits this am and yes, screaming 'dada'...sigh...

Indigo - don't go! We promise to behave -

off to give LO his porridge/oatmeal....

bye!

ps. LO now seems to love his willy, and grabs at it/the nappy whenever we have nappy-changing, and also seems to want to roll off the changing table (I always keep a hand on him), so changing time is getting very physical!

 

[Rowan75]

wow clio thats great clever boy

ah we had to stop using the changing table a while ago - too dangerous! yesterday she discovered she could climb onto the lowest shelf and crawl along and get through the other side...hmm! nappy chag=nges are a hilarious event now often involving everything being covered in poo while i chase the crawling / cruising baby around! the other day I didnt know where to clean first but before cleaning had to try and prise her away from the toilet as she was holing fast onto the toilet seat of all things - so funny!

 

[skweek35]

Hi ladies,

I'm so bad at keeping up with all of you! Work is just manic at the mo, but thankfully only 3 weeks till Mat leave starts!! YAY!! Then I should actually be able to catch up properly and keep up too!! Only seem to get on BnB at the weekends at the mo!

Loving all the babies talking already.
Clio - what a clever little Boy you have there!!
And as for the roaming nappy changes!

Nursery just about set up. Just a few bits to move out of the room - aka the hoover and the rocking chair to fix. Cot bed and dresser/changer all set up. Just need to get a changing mat - which I am hoping to get in the next 2 weeks.
Will take a few pics as soon as its all sorted.

 

[SabrinaKat]

sounds good, skweek! We (I) was too superstitious due to previous mc/chemicals, so we had to run around after LO came (well...I walked slowly), but I had ideas in my head (which came to nothing as we had to move the nursery to the other side of the house due to new, very noisy neighbours).....

Clio - Jonah is very clever! All I'm getting ad nauseum is every variation on...dada, dadee, dadooo.....

and Martha! I'm somewhat jealous at how she's WALKING!, but know that life will completely change once my Finn gets more mobile (as it is now, he can bump crawl and twist all around, therefore, must play attention to him at all times!, you all know what I mean....)

nothing else, LO is sleeping. I started to drape a blanket over LO (raised, like a canopy) as it seems my bedroom is just a little too light for day-time naps even with the curtains closed, and he is sleeping a little more at naps (or else, the lack of sleep at night - growl - means he is taking longer naps during the day)....

bye!!!!!!!!!

 

[clio]

ah we had to stop using the changing table a while ago - too dangerous! yesterday she discovered she could climb onto the lowest shelf and crawl along and get through the other side...hmm! nappy chag=nges are a hilarious event now often involving everything being covered in poo while i chase the crawling / cruising baby around! the other day I didnt know where to clean first but before cleaning had to try and prise her away from the toilet as she was holing fast onto the toilet seat of all things - so funny!

Maybe she was telling you that she should have been allowed to use the toilet! How's that going, by the way? I think it is so cool.

Re: Poo--Rowan, what you just described is one of my worst nightmares. I HATE poo. I'm poo-phobic. But anyway, we are at the point where I have to pin him down by his shoulders and my husband changes him (we have always changed him on the floor, so falling off the table isn't an issue). The other day I put a sleeper on him while he was on the run. This is currently one of my greatest achievements. (Seriously, it is. I think about it and feel a sense of victory that buoys me up.)

Borboleta--you love laundry too? Yay! A fellow laundry freak! Everyone thinks I'm crazy, but I actually have the belief that if fabrics are clean, then 3/4ths of the house is. As I said, I'm not much of a housekeeper, and neither is my husband. But at least there's always clean laundry.

SabrinaKat--I'm really sorry about your night. It sounds like they are getting rougher. Which teeth are you battling right now? Still the top middle ones, like us? Man, they take forever to come through!

And yay for Da-dee!!! How does your husband feel about it? My lord, watching language develop is fascinating.

Skweek--you sound so organized! Do you feel like you are nesting? I was from around 31 weeks on, and it was the most bizarre feeling. Because domestic is the last thing I am.

Question about giving painkillers--or more of a worry, I guess. I think I jump to it too quickly. Do you guys have your LO tough it out at times? I just feel like if I have the means to make the pain go away, I should use it. But then I wonder if he really needed it. Last night is a classic example. He was crying in his sleep. Like, really crying, but with pretty long pauses in between. And I was torn. Should I just let him sleep through it, or should I stop the pain? I finally decided to give him Advil because the crying in his sleep just kept going on, but then I wonder if I should have tried a bottle first... Ahhh, the insecurities and doubts of first-time motherhood.

 

[skweek35]

Clio - my DF will voucher for me hating all house cleaning!! I think I must have started nesting from around 28 weeks. Think that was partly because I was on school holidays and knew I would not get the time now to be doing all the prep and cleaning. But I still find myself wanting to spring clean even more now! HELP!!! Think I might start driving poor DF nuts the way I am always finding things to wash and clean. If its not the winter coats its the fridge or the microwave or the oven or ... or... or ...
Think I might be nesting?? haha

Sabrina - My mother and I have been way to excited about this baby to have waited to buy things. I asked my mom to hold off buying things till at least after 12 weeks but that just didn't happen! I on the other hand was able to wait till about 16 weeks till I bought the first pack of nappies and clothes.

 

[Borboleta]

ah we had to stop using the changing table a while ago - too dangerous! yesterday she discovered she could climb onto the lowest shelf and crawl along and get through the other side...hmm! nappy chag=nges are a hilarious event now often involving everything being covered in poo while i chase the crawling / cruising baby around! the other day I didnt know where to clean first but before cleaning had to try and prise her away from the toilet as she was holing fast onto the toilet seat of all things - so funny!

Maybe she was telling you that she should have been allowed to use the toilet! How's that going, by the way? I think it is so cool.

Re: Poo--Rowan, what you just described is one of my worst nightmares. I HATE poo. I'm poo-phobic. But anyway, we are at the point where I have to pin him down by his shoulders and my husband changes him (we have always changed him on the floor, so falling off the table isn't an issue). The other day I put a sleeper on him while he was on the run. This is currently one of my greatest achievements. (Seriously, it is. I think about it and feel a sense of victory that buoys me up.)

Borboleta--you love laundry too? Yay! A fellow laundry freak! Everyone thinks I'm crazy, but I actually have the belief that if fabrics are clean, then 3/4ths of the house is. As I said, I'm not much of a housekeeper, and neither is my husband. But at least there's always clean laundry.

SabrinaKat--I'm really sorry about your night. It sounds like they are getting rougher. Which teeth are you battling right now? Still the top middle ones, like us? Man, they take forever to come through!

And yay for Da-dee!!! How does your husband feel about it? My lord, watching language develop is fascinating.

Skweek--you sound so organized! Do you feel like you are nesting? I was from around 31 weeks on, and it was the most bizarre feeling. Because domestic is the last thing I am.

Question about giving painkillers--or more of a worry, I guess. I think I jump to it too quickly. Do you guys have your LO tough it out at times? I just feel like if I have the means to make the pain go away, I should use it. But then I wonder if he really needed it. Last night is a classic example. He was crying in his sleep. Like, really crying, but with pretty long pauses in between. And I was torn. Should I just let him sleep through it, or should I stop the pain? I finally decided to give him Advil because the crying in his sleep just kept going on, but then I wonder if I should have tried a bottle first... Ahhh, the insecurities and doubts of first-time motherhood.

Clio: I am just like you when we talk about painkillers. If he is crying and teething just give him the meds . If I was in pain I would take meds but he cannot say give me my drugs so I just give it to him .

 

[kosh]

re. painkilles - I've only given G calpol once! I know what you're saying that if you were in pain you'd take them, but, I don't know, if I only see him a bit upset I prefer not to give him anything strong - I prefer to leave drugs for when he's properly ill as I really don't want him to get somehow resistant to them, if that makes any sense?
In your example ClioI would have offered BF/bottle first, but that's just me

sorry I've been MIA
how's everyone

 

[clio]

re. painkilles - I've only given G calpol once! I know what you're saying that if you were in pain you'd take them, but, I don't know, if I only see him a bit upset I prefer not to give him anything strong - I prefer to leave drugs for when he's properly ill as I really don't want him to get somehow resistant to them, if that makes any sense?
In your example ClioI would have offered BF/bottle first, but that's just me

sorry I've been MIA
how's everyone

kosh--I know. I normally would offer a bottle first. But it was a completely uncharacteristic wake-up. It was at 11:00--he is guaranteed to be asleep at this time if everything is alright. So that made me suspect teething. And when I went in, he was still asleep. He was crying in his sleep. If he were hungry, he'd be awake and standing up and crying non-stop. It seemed like a no-brainer. This was teething pain, not hunger.

I think it's pretty brave that you make your way through teething without any medication! I totally agree with you about the resistance issue as well. What do you do at night instead of meds? During the day we can often cajole him through, but night times are hard. Do you use any alternatives to these OTC painkillers? I'd be interested in hearing what some of your tricks are.

 

[MrsNorthman]

Hey Clio, I have been wondering about the exact same thing, Finn is definiately teething a lot and some days he seems better than others however I have been giving him calpol and I also have the nurofen but I have only given him this twice as it is stronger and I keep it for when I think he is really bad.

I don't want to be giving it to him all the time but then I don't want him to be in pain either if I can help with the pain then why wouldnt I?

Its a tough one and sorry I'm not much help but I would normally give it to him every other day just before he goes to bed and then again some nights when he has woken up screaming crying as I know its not hunger its a pained cry!!! x

 

[SabrinaKat]

In our case, if LO (my Finn!) has bright red cheeks, I know it's teething-related and offer some calpol. Otherwise, we do offer the bottle and/or a cuddle, and as I keep a log (yes, I know, I am a teacher after all, used to take attendance with my stuffed animals when I was little....) I can 'guess' most of the time...(oh, plus, I only give a 1/2 dose most of the time....)

Last night was pretty bad, we tried to get LO to sleep from 8.30pm and it took until 1am. He would fall asleep, we would move him to the basket/cot and within a few minutes, the crying/screaming would begin....my OH is going to take him tonight so I can get some sleep.........

skweek - don't apologise for being rightly excited! Most of my friends bought me loads of presents from 12wks onward, and I accepted with thanks...!

best wishes

 

[clio]

We just went through it again last night. Well, my husband did. We then sit here in the morning and try to figure out if we did the right thing. It's like a post mortem! Anyway, we are 75% sure that he did the right thing last night. But I think we should back off of the Advil (the more potent one) a bit, and stay with the Tylenol (your Calpol). It's just that here, everyone reaches for the Advil first because a) it reduces inflammation and stops the pain--Tylenol just stops the pain, and b) it lasts longer and gets him through the night. Plus, it makes him sleep, and we really like that.

I asked my SIL last night--she has a boy who is less than a year older than J--and she said that she "errs on the side of caution" and gives him the meds (not exactly how I expected her to finish the sentence...). And she says that "Advil is a Godsend." And she's a priest, so those are some serious words! Ach, this feels like a moral and medical mine field laced with a whole lot of guilt. I do appreciate hearing everyone's experiences and thoughts on the matter. I really need to think this through and come up with a more reasoned game plan.

ETA: SabrinaKat--did F stay up so long because of teething, or just orneriness? And I'm sorry--you sound exhausted. I hope you get a rest tonight!

ETA again: My husband just told me that last night he was pulling on his ear. That's the clincher. He only does that in really extreme cases. Okay, I feel much better. About last night, that is. Not about the whole issue.

 

[SabrinaKat]

clio - it was teething and a bit of tiredness (only a bit)....he was screaming, crying and when he does that, it's teething ...I feel so bad for the little one, because I know he would feel a little better if he got some sleep...(and so would I)...

just put him down for a nap in my bedroom and he woke up after 20 mins, but very happy....it's odd, or is it me, but teething seems worse at night OR is that I am more tired in the evenings and therefore, it seems worse? (and LO is also more tired?)....

yawn....

 

[clio]

SabrinaKat--I think everything is worse at night. Maybe because there are no distractions?

We've been having amazing naps after our two Advil nights. Yesterday he slept for FOUR and a HALF hours. We even went in a number of times to make sure he wasn't dead...

Today, he's been down for 2.5 hours and still going strong. I think these painful nights drain J as much as they drain us.

Did you give F any painkillers, or were you toughing it out?