Any Scottish April 2013 babies out there??

[lj2245]

He's not interested in talking about it. He says until he apologises there's nothing we can do, which is correct.

 

[bbymc]

I'd just do nothin until he apologises.

 

[Kaybee]

But even if he does apologise will the situation not remain that you will be expected to be his carer and have to do everything for him? I really for you it must be so hard when its your Dad but you do have your own family too.

 

[lj2245]

He wont. He put me in hospital when I was 14, when he took a mental turn and repeatedly kicked me around the head. He only stopped when the police arrived. He still hasn't apologised for that. He never apologised to the neighbour he stabbed and has never apologised for a single other thing he has done in his life.

 

[lj2245]

He will sometimes try to do wee things to 'make up for it' like after the hospital incident he sent me up a perfume set he'd bought for me. The reason he gives Carol and Claire so much money all the time is because he feels guilty. The reason he's so good to Shaun is because he feels so bad about missing out on the first 2 years of his life.

It's not enough for him to change though. It's like he has a sense of entitlement. He has screwed up his life. His health problems are his own doing, yet I am somehow responsible for the consequences of his actions.

 

[Kaybee]

oh gosh Laura he is lucky you have had anything to do with him at all. I think you have done more than most people would in this situation. He knows what he needs to do if he wants to be in your, and your family's life so by him not doing that he is making the decision for you. I hope it can all be sorted out somehow so it doesn't upset/stress you so much.

 

[bbymc]

oh gosh Laura he is lucky you have had anything to do with him at all. I think you have done more than most people would in this situation. He knows what he needs to do if he wants to be in your, and your family's life so by him not doing that he is making the decision for you. I hope it can all be sorted out somehow so it doesn't upset/stress you so much.

I agree Karen. I think you've done more than enough Laura. He knows what he needs to do now. If he chooses not to, more fool him. He'll miss out on a lot more than you will. And it's his decision that's made it so.

Xxxx

 

[lj2245]

I now exactly what's going to happen. Ann is going to arrange for him to move to Glasgow and they are going to put him in a dump in the East End. He will be too far away for Ann to visit him every day. Since she works full time and cares for their other brother and also visits a 3rd brother in hospital every day (the one who is dying), I don't see how she can visit him at all never mind care for him. Carol won't bother with him and neither will Claire. He will then decide that he 'needs' me after all and will start phoning me. I won't answer because he's been told if he moves away without apologising we are finished. He will leave millions of voicemails acting like nothing has ever happened...saying things like 'Hi laura Hen, phone me and let me know how you are. I need you to do this or that'. I will have to change my phone number and at some point Carol will tell me he's dying. I won't believe her because she's used that one on me twice now but this time he probably will be dying. He will then die alone and it will be up to me to arrange the funeral because no one else will bother.

Then I'll feel guilty for the rest of my life.

 

[bbymc]

Well if you feel that's how it will turn out, don't let it. Maybe you could retract your 'we're finished' statement and visit him in his new place once every couple of months. Then you'd still see him and as long as you stuck to your guns and didn't do everything for him, you'd then still be involved and he can't say you 'abandoned him' and you'd know if your sisters were making up lies about his health.

 

[lj2245]

Nah I can't do that if he's not going to apologise. I feel too much resentment as it is. Plus, it would never be me just visiting once in a while. He wouldn't allow that. He'd lay on the guilt trip every time and would bombard me with phone calls. I'm talking 20+ phone calls and voicemails every day. Like I said, he somehow seems to think I am responsible for sorting out his life. It has to be all or nothing and I definitely like the look of nothing more lol. I need to put myself and my family first for once. I was shocked when I realised I'd been looking after him for 20 years. I moved in with him when I was 11 and he made me do EVERYTHING. He worked back then and had his own business and I was made to be his secretary. I had to do leafleting for him and I had to work for him on the weekends on his stall in the Barras too. Then I wasn't allowed out afterwards because I had to stay home and look after Carol and Claire who were visiting every weekend. I had to pay his bills, do his washing, go to the supermarket, cook his meals. He could easily live another 20-30 years and there's no way I'm looking after him for that long. I've already looked after him far longer than he ever looked after me.

 

[bbymc]

It sounds like you've made your decision. It's hard cos he's your dad. But It looks like you need to make a clean break for the sake of yourself and your family.

 

[lj2245]

Yeah the decision has been made but I think I can safely say he made it for me by refusing to apologise.

 

[Kaybee]

Yeah the decision has been made but I think I can safely say he made it for me by refusing to apologise.

I agree with this.

 

[bbymc]

That may make it a bit easier on you though, since its outta your hands.

 

[lj2245]

Cheers for letting me rant on all afternoon you 2! x

 

[bbymc]

Lol, of course. That's what friends are for. And after 8 months of rants, moaning, talking rubbish as well as all things pregnancy and babies between us all, I'd say that's what we're here for!

I hope our listening ears have helped, even just a little x

 

[Kaybee]

Aww no problem. Hopefully its helped speaking to someone not involved. That old saying of you can pick your friends but not your family is too true.

 

[lj2245]

My family are all nutbags. Honestly, I fear for this baby because Stephen's family are all nutbags too. What a gene pool! I asked Stephen's Dad what he wanted the baby to call him (Shaun has always called him 'Stephen's Dad' as we don't see him often) and he said 'David'. He was being totally serious too!

This combined with my Mum, who I haven't spoken to in over 2 years now and Stephens Mum who is as crazy as a box of frogs...what chance have we got? Lol.

My 2 sisters have terrible psychological problems and both are good candidates for alcoholism.

At least Shaun's Dad's family are all ok....lol

 

[bbymc]

You Steven, Shaun and Alex are a wee family. You don't need the 'nut bags' around. You'll be too busy with your 3 boys

 

[lj2245]

Jesus, I think we are as mental as them

Shaun has a swimming assessment tonight to see which group he belongs in to join a swimming club. He's so excited I hope the group suitable for him isn't on a Weds night otherwise he won't be able to join - that's when he has Tae Kwon-Do.