Any solo mum's out there?

[melodyy_mtb]

No peak today so it looks like we're set for Tuesday! There is a small possibility I can get the morning off that day so fx I'll be able to inseminate at home lol.

KN you have a 40 day cycle? Me too! Or has it gone down since you tried the Vitex? I have a feeling the soy might make me o a few days early. My head's hurting trying to work out when to inseminate after Tuesday. Might just try for every other day till I get a peak. Definitely like the idea of covering all basis though. My cycles are random as well lol.

x

 

[Caite]

Melody - I hope you manage to get Tuesday morning off. It would be so much nicer for you to be able to inseminate at home and not have to lie on the toilet floor.

My cycles are random too. It sucks. That's why I'm thinking IVF will be the best option for me. I've spent some time researching it further today (I was meant to be doing work for uni). I will have to be in Denmark longer than I thought (5 days for the actual procedure) and I'll have to have more scans than I thought, which can be done at a clinic over here.

I was almost tempted to tell my mum earlier today, but wasn't quite brave enough to do so. I don't know if I'll be able to keep it to myself when I am TTC. And goodness knows what I'll be like if/when I actually get pregnant.

 

[Rags]

Caite, I can't immagine how it would feel not telling my mum. After I started reaserching my options I went to my mum and told her what I was hoping to do. She was so supportive. It was so nice knowing that she knew and that I could speak to her about what was happening. I didn't feel the need to go into huge detail with her, or even tell her every time I tried, but it was so nice when I got my BFP to call her and tell her and not have to worry at that point about the 'Who/how' questions.
Denmark sounds so promising for you, fingers crossed. When might you be thinking of trying, is there a long wait from getting in touch to being able to start?

 

[Caite]

I'm close to my mum, but she is old fashioned and doesn't approve of 'unnatural' methods of conception. So whilst I know she'll be supportive if/when I get pregnant, I know she won't like the idea of me having IVF.

I emailed the clinic I think I will use in Denmark. It seems reasonably priced compared to the UK clinics, I can use anonymous donor sperm from there, and it is in Copenhagen, and there are direct flights there. They emailed me back wanting to phone me to answer all the questions I had sent them, so I am going to arrange that for the end of this week or early next week. I don't think there is a waiting list. I think I will be aiming to start June sort of time, but it depends on getting a job first. I had an interview last week, but I don't know if I've got the job yet, and I don't know anything like hours, so I need to hear back off them first.

 

[Caite]

And having said that I don't want to til my mum until I am 12 weeks pregnant (assuming I get pregnant), I don't think I'll be able to wait that long. I'll probably end up telling her, at the latest, when I find out I am pregnant.

 

[Rags]

I think I take it for granted that parents will always support well thought out choices, sorry that's not the case for you. My mum is in her 70's but is an amazingly forward thinking person. She has seen so many unwanted and uncared for children brought into the world that the idea of not being there for one that is planned and loved would be rediculose to her.
June is a fab month to go for it. What is the policy in Demnard about donor anonimity, are they contactable at 18 or can they remain annonimous? Just curious.

Cheers

 

[Caite]

She would support me, but I know her feelings on IVF - she's quite vocal about it - and so I know she wouldn't approve of it, even if she didn't say it direct to me.

Denmark has either anonymous or non-anonymous sperm donation, and you buy it as either. If it is anonymous, they are not contactable at all. That is what I want, and one of the main reasons I am looking into going to Denmark for treatment. There are some other countries in Europe/localish to Europe which have similar policies regarding anonymity. Spain is one of them, but the one clinic I found, I didn't like the sound of. From a quick search, Russia and the Ukraine also offer anonymous donation to single women, but I don't particularly fancy going there at the moment. There are others, too, which offer anonymity, but they don't treat single women.

The only problem I seem to have found with Denmark so far is that it is meant to be quite expensive there. Not the IVF side of things, but staying in Copenhagen. When I first started looking, I was considering going to a sperm bank in Aarhus and doing it myself. Regardless of the fact that that wouldn't really have been practical, there were no direct flights and getting there was either expensive or inconvenient. I would have had to got a flight or a train from Copenhagen. A flight would have been expensive (from what I can remember, it was more expensive than flying from the UK to Copenhagen) and a train would have taken a long time. I've had a quick look at some hotels and they seem fairly reasonable, but I have read quite a big which says that staying in Denmark - hotels, restaurants and the like - are quite expensive. Still, it'll all be worth it, I'm sure.

 

[melodyy_mtb]

I planned not to tell my mum until I got a bfp but for different reasons. I knew she would be over the moon for me ttc no matter what method I used but I just wanted to surprise her. We're really close too and as I'll be a smbc I thought of it as the equivalent to surprising a partner with the good news. But after my first bfn I really needed more support. I'm happy she knows everything now though. I think I'd burst if I couldn't share the whole experience with her.

I actually just had to call her in a panic. I'm really stressing out about this cycle. I just want it to go well. Looking back through my charts I tend to get super anxious and depressed several days before I o. Anyone ever get stressed before a donation? Its like all the opks and temping are just merging into a blury mess lol. I'm worried I wont time it right.

Caite hearing about all the research you're doing is just making the time go so quickly. Not long till summer comes and you're ttc It must be hard having to get through uni work when there's all this ttc information distracting you lol.

Rags how's you and your lo doing?

 

[Rags]

The only problem I seem to have found with Denmark so far is that it is meant to be quite expensive there. Not the IVF side of things, but staying in Copenhagen. When I first started looking, I was considering going to a sperm bank in Aarhus and doing it myself. Regardless of the fact that that wouldn't really have been practical, there were no direct flights and getting there was either expensive or inconvenient. I would have had to got a flight or a train from Copenhagen. A flight would have been expensive (from what I can remember, it was more expensive than flying from the UK to Copenhagen) and a train would have taken a long time. I've had a quick look at some hotels and they seem fairly reasonable, but I have read quite a big which says that staying in Denmark - hotels, restaurants and the like - are quite expensive. Still, it'll all be worth it, I'm sure.

Unfortunately you are right, Denmark is very expensive all round. Have you looked in to youth hostels and back packers in Copenhagen? They can be really comfortable these days and you can normaly book a single room rather than dormatories, it might be a way of keeping costs down a bit. Also the clinic may have a list of places they recomend as I bet they get quite a few clients coming from abroad. Also, at that time of year it may be worth seeing if the uni has accomodation, once the students leave universities are generaly keen to let out rooms and flats, over here the rates are normaly pretty good out of term.

Melodyy_mtb, Ds and I are well thanks. He's going to be 4 next week and been keeping me on my toes.
I had always planned on telling him how he came about but he's thrown me quite a bit over the last month by asking loads of direct questions about how babies are made (my friend had a baby in January). My plan has been to answer each question honestly and simply then wait till he asks something else, normaly a week or two later. So he knows that it takes 2 'seeds', that one was in me and that the other came from a hospital. He understands that the other seed normaly comes from the man who is the dad but not in our case. He mentioned that his uncle was like his dad so couldn't we have used his seed!! So as of yesterday he knows that brothers and sisters and cousins can't make babies together as the baby could be very sick because the seeds come from people who are to closely related. He knows where his best friends seeds came from and that some mums and dads don't really like to tell their children how they are made so if he wants to talk about it all to anyone else maybe he should stick to family just now - although my friend has said she's perfectly happy for him to talk to her 4 year old daughter about it all and she will back up the answers. So there you go, I didn't think that I'd be getting into it all this early but to be honest I'm pretty glad it's all happening now as this way I'm hoping it will all just be normal and something he has always known rather than some great revolation when he's older.

 

[K.N]

Melody: I normally have between 38 and 40 day cycles When i first started TTC i was bang on 28 days every month. But then after 6 months, they went to really long cycles. The past 3 months have been short though, 27 days - 26 days; then this cycle - 17 days. Eeek. Yesterdays spotting, was just the morning, then throughout the day it was soo light - but really really dark brown. But then last night - it was a normal flow. so I really, have no idea what is going on. Needless to say yesterday I didn't go ahead and inseminate. I think I'll be booking an appt with my GP when I'm home from australia, they can't do a lot - because I am fertile - but they might be able to help me with the lengths of my cycles changing and help me pin point ovulation exactly.

I really want to say I could tell my mum - I so want too; but I can already hear her lecture ringing in my ears about life. She will be STOKED when I get a BFP, I always show her the baby clothes i buy every now and then and she gets so excited with me - she can't wait till I have kids - But I think she thinks it's a little further away than it is hahaa. I don't think she'll ask tooooo many questions, I think she'll be the *need to know* kind of person. She has a friend, who has a kid through in-home insemination, so she will know all the details already from that person! It's so interesting all the different relationships people have with their parents and the abilities to share different things with them!

Rags: I love your seed explanation, that's such a good way to get it out. You're right, 4 is quite early; but at least he'll grow up knowing - and it will probably just seem a normal thing for him. he won't get into school and go, hmm - wheres my daddy. Because he'll already know. That's also really cool how your friend is happy to discuss it too - and back up what you're saying with her girl. You'll definitely be the go-to lady when we all need help on how to word things!!

Melody: Aw - Hope she knew the right things to calm you . Sometimes I get more nervous then other times - I'm sure it's all the ovulation hormones mixed with the anxiety of how important timing etc is - and how life changing one week can be! Try not to fret, They're all normal emotions - All my limbs are crossed for your BFP

 

[Caite]

Well, I've spent the afternoon/evening on uni work. Only a few more days til I finish the course. I can't wait. I am getting so distracted by researching TTC stuff. But it's kind of related (?) so it sort of counts - that's what I'm telling myself, anyway.

I will be so excited telling my mum if and when it happens. She will be so excited - she is desperate to be a grandmother, so I can only imagine how excited she will be. And my nan will be a bit disappointed/upset at first (she feels sorry for unmarried women who get pregnant, even if they are in a serious relationship), but then I think she will get excited having a great-grandchild living fairly local (I live about 10 miles, if that, from them). My cousin with lives about an hour or so away and we don't see them very often, and my other cousin (the one I've just found out is pregnant) is about 5 miles away when she's with her parents and I don't know where when she's with him. I've just realised that my nan could have 3 of her 4 grandkids pregnant (well, the one that I call my cousin (the one with kids that I found out a while ago is pregnant, not the recent one) is actually my cousin's wife, but it's the same difference) at the same time. How exciting for her!

Melody - I hope your mum managed to calm you down. It's understandable that it all gets a bit crazy around ovulation time. You've got so much to co-ordinate all at once, it must get so hectic and stressful. I hope this cycle goes well for you and you get your BFP.

Rags - quite a few hostels came up when I searched but I didn't even look at them. I presumed they would all be shared rooms, but if they are single rooms, I might just have to have a look. And staying in a uni would be fun. This is my second degree I'm doing and I've never lived at uni. The first time, uni was about half an hour up the road, I was still living at home, so just stayed there. This time, I'm living in my own house. We have to go to a few different campuses, so some are a long drive away, but the one, and the hospital I have my placements in, are about twenty minutes away.

And that's good your son is learning about where babies come from. It won't be such a shock when he's a little older and doesn't have to suddenly learn that babies don't get found under the gooseberry bush or delivered by the stork. My mum was honest about it with me and my sister - we never had the alternative stories - and I think that is the best way.

 

[Caite]

KN - sorry you got your period. That's rubbish having a 17 day cycle. And weird that you've gone from a normal, regular cycle to this.

 

[melodyy_mtb]

KN - I'm so sorry A 17 day cycle? That's crazy! Definitely book an app with your dr. Although was it just full flow for one night? The brown colour at first makes me think it could be ib...

Please keep us informed

Rags - It's really great to hear from someone who is actually a smbc. I second what KN said, I love the seed analogy. I think I will definitely take the same approach if and when my lo asks about their bio father or how babies are made.

Caite - Congrats on coming to the end of your course. Now its just a few short months till baby making time I definitely know what you mean about your mum being happy/excited when you get that bfp but not wanting to tell her before. I'm like that with my dad. I know he will be over the moon and supportive but I'm not telling him anything about the actual process as he's very old fashioned.

I did manage to calm down, thanks guys lol. I feel like I've got a burst of adrenaline though. That must be the anxiety. KN I get really nervous too. Sometimes I fret calling my donor when I get a + opk because I dont want to disturb him lol.

I'm not inseminating tomorrow now Well not if my opks are still negative. My donor can only make it twice this week so I really want those tries to count. I'll be trying the day I get a + opk and then 2 days later as I usually o 48 hours after my lh surge.

 

[K.N]

KN - I'm so sorry A 17 day cycle? That's crazy! Definitely book an app with your dr. Although was it just full flow for one night? The brown colour at first makes me think it could be ib...

yeah a 17 day is cycle - even for someone who has random cycles, how is 17 days even possible; because first you need an egg to go through so the body KNOWS if it needs to shed the lining or not! It's crazy! But yeah it was only the night - Yesterday was just back to barely anything, and by mid arvo - there was nothing. Today I thought there still might be a flow, but it's just clear CM. I guess it could be ib - but for ib - I think it would probably have been too heavy to be that though - even if it was only one night. I'll pack pregnancy tests in my australia suitcase just in case and if I don't get a normal period then - I'll still test; just to be sure - but my hopes are relatively low.

Melody; ttc has got to be the most emotional thing ever! Hopefully you get you positive opk soon - what day do you think is meant to be your ovulation? Sucks you're not inseminating tomorrow - but as you said, you want it to count. fingers xd!

Caite; congrats on nearly being at the end of your course! It's such a good feeling!! I really really hope it doesn't take you long to get a BFP

 

[Caite]

Thanks KN. FX that that wasn't a proper period, then, and was just heavy implantation bleeding.

 

[Child2Hold]

K.N., Melody, Caite - fingers crossed for you guys!

Is it just me or the closer time gets the more scared "we" become?

 

[Caite]

I'm getting terrified, and every time I see my ticker go down another month, I realise how close it is getting and I get a little bit more scared. But I get more excited too.

 

[melodyy_mtb]

Thanks child2hold Gosh you'll be ttc soon! Aww you and Caite must be nervous/excited. I was a wreck my first actual try lol.

KN I know you don't want to get your hopes up but ib definitely sounds like a better reason rather than a 17 day cycle! I have everything crossed for you. I hope you enjoy your trip to Australia and can relax. A BFP would be the most amazing thing, but if it isnt meant to be this month, I would definitely get o the gp.

Well I got a peak on the clearblue digi test today but a negative cheapie opk! What the heck is that about?! Lol. Im waiting till tomorrow to see my donor as he can only make it twice this week. I want to be 100% sure, test again tonight etc. Plus when I do o it is always 48 hours after my + opk so hopefully if I inseminate tomorrow and Friday I should be covered. Fx!

If I do o on Friday then that's 2 days earlier than expected. I took soy this month and so far this week I've noticed watery cm and I can feel twinges in both ovaries today lol

 

[Caite]

Hopefully the soy's doing the trick, Melody. Good luck for your insemination. Will you be able to inseminate at home?

 

[melodyy_mtb]

Hopefully!

I just inseminated.. at work! I was very anxious and nervous. My poor donor. I hope he didn't feel rushed. But I got a very good sample lol. I put lots of cotton wool in one of those coffee cups, hid the syringe in there and handed him the cup at the door. Very inconspicuous haha.

I was worried about my bosses wondering where I was but they didnt even notice I left my desk for about 20 minutes. It wasnt very good (gravity wise) lying on the floor. I forgot my cushion. Definitely going to use it tomorrow.

I also didn't get to lie down for very long, but women get pregnant in all sorts of positions I guess lol. One more insemination tomorrow then that's it. I hope I got the timing right.

We need an abbreviation for us at home insemination girlies. Partner'd people have bd and dtd. I get fed up of writing insemination/inseminated all the time lol. Maybe we could also use dtd but for 'did the deed', or si for 'syringed it' hahaha.

x