Any solo mum's out there?

[VillageVoice]

Lovelymo, sorry to hear that this wasn't your cycle, fingers crossed that number 6 is the one for you. It sounds really positive that you have a plan beyond that though, I think that it's a good way of stopping stress levels building up which makes everything more likely to happen sooner.

VillageVoice, these are a lovely bunch of women to support you through this. I'm sorry about your mmc in January, it must have been very hard to go through especially when people aren't aware that you were trying. You seem to be staying positive which is wonderful, I look forward to following your progress and congratulating you when the time comes.

Thank you so much! It's been very hard but I'm hopeful (or maybe naive) that it will happen again!

 

[Caite]

KN - yeah, it is funny how Mother's Day is different times of the year around the world. I kind of assumed it was like other celebrations and happened the same time everywhere. The lasagne was good, bought a new dish for it (absolutely huge) and then panicked as I suddenly realised as I was about to put it in the oven that it might not fit. Thankfully, it did - just! I'm glad you were able to tell your mum - I still so desperately want to but haven't - and that she understood what you were going through. I can't remember - is she the first person who knows? And I get what you mean about being jealous. I get that too.

Melody - it was lovely. And the chocolate cake was gorgeous. I made two - I think I should have made three! I spent all Christmas, too, thinking this time next year... Sorry that your cycles are playing you up again. But a weekend of bath salts and pampering sounds like heaven.

Fairytales - I get how you're feeling with pregnancy/baby envy. It seems that everyone I know is pregnant and it is difficult.

VillageVoice - hi. Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I hope you get a BFP just as quickly again and that you have a lovely, healthy pregnancy.

Mo - sorry you didn't get your BFP. Hopefully this next go will be successful. Have you thought about the music you're going to play this time?

No real updates from me. I'm still job hunting and applying for anything which sounds interesting. I really don't want to apply for a Staff Nurse job (that was what I was before I went to uni) - it kind of seems a waste these last 18 months if I do - but I have applied for a number of other non-ward based/non-clinical nursing jobs, in addition to a few midwifery jobs. Just waiting to hear back from them now. Once I know about the job situation, I can then think about setting a date for TTC again.

 

[K.N]

Mo: I'm really really sorry that this cycle was another no go for you I can't imagine how draining it must be, going through it every month through a clinic & taking clomid etc to try and get pregnant Really hoping that your next cycle is the one - and that there's no need for IVF I agree with Caite - What song do you think you'll play? My two favourites for ttc at the moment are ellie goulding - "how long will i love you", and bryan adams "when you love someone" - They're both about partners - but i like to think its the same situation and often play them thinking about my "baby to be". hope you enjoy your vacation

Villagevoice: I don't think its naivety thinking it will happen again - I prefer to call it optimism, positive thinking - because it WILL happen somehow or rather -and I really hope that its not a long journey for you I get that you havent told many people in your personal life - I'm only 21, so I haven't told many people either. A lot of my friends and family will throw the, "your only young" and I'm sooooo sick of it hahaa!

Caite: My mum always benefits from mothers day where it is in nz - coz its always no longer than a week from her birthday. Same with my dad and fathers day - they're only ever days apart too in september. So it's like double whammy for them. To answer your question about my mum knowing - she's not the only person who knows no . I've got 2 friends who know up to date whats happening, one who lives 7 hours away - and one who lives pretty close. But another friend who knows, but not fully if that makes sense. I probably wouldn't have told my mum - but we'd had an argument the day before about my graduation - and so we had a big heart to heart and in my sadness "needing my mum" moment - it kind of just came out lol! She doesnt know i have been trying, just that i will be trying. Then we both ignored it for a day or two, and then we just got talking about medications like clomid etc - and researching natural supplements etc; and she has been really supportive actually. We managed to find out that there is ways to get prescribed clomid without needing a gynecologist - so thats my next port of call next week. Asking and talking to my GP and if they don't help, i will be asking for a referral to either a free gynecologist OR I'll be changing my dr - many people have recommended a specific drs nearby, and apparently she is incredibly understanding - so if my gp judges, doesnt listen etc - ill be changing

Hopefully I've covered everything! No real updates here, just waiting for next week really - GP appointment and then "ovulation" [provided if i do ovulate, and when hahaha]

 

[VillageVoice]

KN - no I haven't told many people. A couple friends but that's it. I'm turning 25 Saturday and I know my family would judge me hard. It's going to be hard to explain having a second pregnancy. The first one I could play off as an accident, but with a second I'll have to fess up haha. Luckily only my mother, father and brother know for family about my loss so that'll be easier.

 

[Rags]

HI Guys, to all of you who are still young, good for you for starting now. It is wonderful to know your own mind and to apreciate that being a parent is that improtant for you. Of course you could wait for another 10 years thinking you might meet the right guy - and I hope you do if that too is important to you - but if you don't then suddenly you have 10 years less fertility ahead of you and that's if you don't then find out that everything isn't working right and your to late to sort it. When I was 16 I told some friends that if I'd not met the right person by the time I was 30 I'd have my family by myself. I got to 30 and had not long started a new career and was having a whale of a time. The next 6 years flew by and suddenly I was 36, single and without my much hoped for child. I tried dating but was very concious of the fact that I didn't want to just settle for a guy in order to start a family, it wouldn't be fare on him, me or our child. This is when I went down the solo parenting route. I am so aware of how lucky I was at 40 to concieve at all let alone using IUI. I would have loved a second child but was unable to concieve again at 43, had I started sooner I may well have a brood.

In life you will always come across people who judge you, positivley and negativley, who cares. This is your life and your family. You do not need to justify yourselves to anyone. I have had the best support from all of my family and friends who know and i wish you all the same.

 

[K.N]

Aw rags - Thanks Means a lot - I had never really set an age for meeting the right someone; but just always wanted to be a mom; as long as I can remember. I have wanted to study, wanted a job, wanted various other things - but the number 1 think - I've ever wanted this much is to be a mom - so heres hoping not too much longer

Today - I officially had my first fertility related needle. Saw my gp this morning - She was really really understanding - told her it's beena year and still no BFP. Told her about the troubles with my ovulation and cycle lengths as well - and she wrote it all down. Then I had to have some blood tests to see if they can pick anything up. Tested for 14 different things in my blood - it's amazing what they can find out with a few vials of blood!! Results will take up to 2 weeks - so I begin a 2ww again! Just a different one!

Hope your all going well ladies x

 

[melodyy_mtb]

Ladies! Hope you're all well

Big welcome to you VillageVoice! Hope you enjoy your time here. Everyone is so lovely. Sorry to hear about your mmc hun and that you had to have a d&c but I wish you all the luck in the world for your next try. I see you have PCOS. I'm borderline pcos so it would be interesting to hear about your experiences so far.

Mo - I'm so sorry to hear your 5th iui didnt work, but at least you have a plan for the future. Hope you're enjoying/enjoyed your vacation

Caite - Thanks hun Good luck with your job hunt! I have my fx for you. xx

Rags - That was such a beautiful message, thanks. Your story really gives me hope that being a smbc is doable and as rewarding as I thought it would be

KN - I hope your tests come back as quickly as possible! I know how it feels having thatfirst app. I hope it all goes well and that you conceive before you even get to the fertility specialist

Afm: I've been really down lately so haven't been around much. I'm cd57, no af, no bfp, and confirmed that this cycle was yet another anovulatory one. I've just felt really hopeless. But today i woke up feeling a little brighter. I've realised that charting really stresses me out and it may be having a negative effect on my body/fertility. But sadly as I SI i cant just bd every other day so for now I depend on it. I'm going to try to think of fun ways to make charting more stress free lol, and or only chart when I absolutely have to. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

One thing that is kind of worrying me is that I have been spotting for the past week! No pain or af, just spotting I dont know what that means.... but I dont want to go back to the doctor again or should I? lol

 

[K.N]

Aw Melody - That sucks! Another crazy long cycle with no bfp or period How long do your Dr's suggest you leave it before you need to see them regarding the length of a cycle?
Charting can be really hard on the system, It could be worth toning it down a bit and seeing if the stress calms down your hormones, and makes your cycles a bit more normal? I tend to chart so i know where im at on my phone, but i only go by cervical fluid and dates - so when i get my period, i put it in - how long it lasts for. Then i just do little ticks when i get ewcm. I used to do full chart - but like you it just took it all out of me.
I also find blogging helps me cope - I know i have people to talk too, and you guys all on here, but could be something worth looking at too? I use it as a place to store photos of my babybuys, thoughts, inspiration - anything really. But it definitely helps me cope with the situations https://lotsofloveandbabydreams.wordpress.com That's the link for my blog - if you're interested in looking hahaa. Finally my last coping mechanism, as weird as it sounds - is buying things for the baby to be, looking through ideas online etc - telling myself constantly "i will be a mom" - even if I have to adopt, so it sort of makes me feel as though i have control. Obviously what works for me may not work for you - but I thought I'd share anyway; juuust in case

I hope it works out soon for you

 

[melodyy_mtb]

I just read through your whole blog on my lunch break! What a wonderful writer you are and all those pictures aww, so cute. I envy your knowledge of natural toys and other products. I have a list of websites and stuff that I like but I've never thought of keeping a blog. I don't think im that artistic Buying stuff definitely makes it more real, gives you something to visualise. I've always felt silly for wanting to buy stuff for the baby but it makes sense, especially how expensive things are these days, to pick the odd thing up now and again. I'm going to buy some cloth nappies first

I'm definitely going to ease up on the charting. I need the opks so my donor knows when to visit but I might give up temping, cervix and cm checking for a month, see how I feel. Last cycle I saw the doctor on cd58 and was told it wasnt long enough so I guess if i pass 70 days then I'll go back. Although I hope the spotting is just af slowly coming.

 

[VillageVoice]

Melody - I only tried once and got pregnant the first cycle. However, because I've had PCOS since I was diagnosed at 12/13 and as I'm gay and can't BD every other day and get pregnant, my dr put me on femara. With only two inseminations that cycle it thankfully worked. Hopefully it works again this cycle. I'm also on a bunch of supplements I'd be happy to discuss

 

[K.N]

Aw thanks Melody . I'm going to try favour wooden things and natural things over plastic - but I'm not planning on being an exclusive natural parent. I'm not planning on exclusively breastfeeding, I will use dummies (i travel too much not too!) and I'm not such a fan of co-sleeping. But I definitely want to be as natural as possible. It's weird to talk about that kind of thing - still in the ttc stages. But I guess one day, I'll be glad to have researched my options and have my own ideas already - If they change when I GET pregnant, then so be it hahaa. I don't think anyone needs to be artistic to blog, or even a good writer - I first started out, I just used to post pictures and write little things - then it just developed. I find it the easiest way to get my feelings out. Figure one day, when I have kids - It'll give me a journey to look back on. And now it's just turned into something bigger and I love blogging. Could be something to look at starting, even if it is just photos and little written snippets of your ttc journey? Somewhat like a ttc journal

People who don't know I'm ttc think it's weird that I buy stuff - but those who do think it's a good idea, That way when i am pregnant - I can put my money into the big things such as pram/carseat/cot etc - and throwing a baby shower and that sort of thing - and will already have the basics. Especially given how expensive baby stuff can get. I just store everything in plastic clip it containers so no moisture or dust gets in. But I have toys, bottles, clothes - all sorts of bits and bobs. I just keep it sealed so that it lasts however long it will need to last for .

Regarding AF - I hope it comes soon, not that AF is what we like to hear - but that way you can go onto your next cycle. I don't know too much about PCOS - but is long cycles a norm for that? Or is it something different??

Villagevoice: At least you know you're fertile with having a first pregnancy, still couldn't imagine how tough it would have been for you though . Hopefully (crossing all my fingers and toes) you conceive just as fast & get your precious little rainbow baby soon .

 

[fairytales87]

KN- Glad your doctor was so understanding hopefully your bloods don't show anything major but you get some answers from them

Melody I'm so with you on the feeling rubbish!! I haven't charted in a while as I just got stressed when it was going.like I wanted it to but I agree it's stressful and I hope this wee change makes a difference for you,I would definitely go to the docs if the spotting between af continues just to make sure all is ok.

Village voice- welcome to the thread everyone's lovely here and so supportive, I'm sorry to hear about your mmc I hope you don't have long.to wait before your bfp

Caite- I haven't noticed you about much I hope your doing alright

I will post an update about me when I can think straight on how to write it sensibly and not just a big jumble of rubbish

 

[KelWin]

first off i apologise for any and all typos in her cos im currently high on pain meds which is the mian point of ths post. I was supposed to be ttc this sept but due to a genetc condition flaring up in the worst possible awy, i cant even walk at the moment, so theres no way i could be lugging around a baby on my womb. ive had my implant taken out and am ezpectng AF any day now na di'm getting o nprenatals anyway, but from now on my post probaly wont be verry long cos its realy kinda hard to type when everything is wonky an dfuzzy. I wish you all the best and i hope to be of these ehavy duty drugs soon, although ziping around in a whelchair is fun when youre high

 

[K.N]

Aw kelwin that's annoying no need to apologise. Is it going to be a long term flare up do you think? Or will you be able to get back to ttc, just a little delayed? Thanks for letting us all know how your going!! I hope you get better soon!!! .

 

[KelWin]

It's looking like I'll be out of commission for at least 2 months, so maybe I'll be able to start ttc when i originally wanted to, but I'll also need to be put on baby-safe pain-killers, and my other meds need to be changed to baby-safe as well. Apart from that, it's kind of a life-long thing that can and will flare up whenever it wants Also, it's why I'm going to sway for a boy, anyway I can, because as much as I want a child, I don't want to burden them with my condition, and it's far more likely to develop in females.

(Also, current HD painkillers haven't kicked in just yet, that's why good spelling, lol)

 

[melodyy_mtb]

Hey everyone

I was too worried about the spotting to wait for an app with my dr so I went into a local walk in center. Had to wait 2 hours but it was worth it. The on call dr was so lovely! I dont usually like male doctors but this one was great. So sympathetic and sweet. Apparently its nothing to worry about. Just 'one of those things'. He called it break through bleeding. My body is just desperately trying to start af. He just said to try to relax and wait. Yeah im on cd60 and its really annoying, but things could be much worse i guess. I'm not in pain, tested negative for all infections, so now I just wait... Wanted to thank you all for your support. I'll definitely let you know when af chooses to show herself.

VV - That's really inspiring to know that you have pcos and got pregnant on your first try with the meds. Hopefully it will happen as quick this time round. xx

KN - I've totally fav'd your blog and just signed up for my own! So once i actually put something down, i'll let you know. Thanks for the advice. Its helping to calm things down for me. I'm going to look round the baby shops next week and might even buy something You've definitely got the right idea, doing all your research and buying things before hand. The cost would only pile up otherwise. I hope to be as natural a mama as I can be too. Oh and long/irregular cycles are one of the key symptoms of pcos. The wait is agonising.

Fairytales - Thanks hun I totally agree with you. I'm going to try doing as little charting as possible from now. x

Kelwin - Omg that sounds terrible. You poor thing. You must be in so much pain. Well thanks for letting us know. I was worried (i'm a total worrier lol) that we hadn't heard from you in a while. I hope you recover quickly, and if you have to postpone ttc for a short while, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Just remember your baby needs a healthy, happy parent

 

[KelWin]

Yeah, I'm definitely on my way to being happy, but this is just another setback in the health department. I reckon I'll probably use the extra time to get a few extra things and help (when I can) build the crib and such. You're so wonderful to worry about me, I'm touched, but I just haven't really felt like coming on here. But thanks for understanding. for you all!

 

[K.N]

Hope everyones going well this morning Well, it's not morning for you all - but it is for me .

Melody: Good on you for seeing a dr, even when you know they can't say much - sometimes it's good to hear reassurance that it's normal and there's nothing going wrong. What was that stuff you tried last 50day cycle? Would it be worth trying that? I'm glad you've found my advice good - I'm not always too good at "new advice" but if it's something I've tried and succeeded with - I'll always share! look forward to reading your blog - It'll just be something to occupy your mind without over doing it or stressing out. As for buying stuff - there is soo much unisex stuff around, and nearly everything will last. Good luck - Even if you don't buy stuff, it's fun to look and think "one day" - positive thinking is key!!

Kelwin: I agree with Melody Baby needs a healthy happy parent - and hopefully this flareup doesn't last long, and doesn't come back for awhile either!! That's interesting you say it's more common for a girl, strange how different things are more prominent in girls or boys. Do you guys have a genetic test available over there? Here in NZ we have a test that can be undertaken in a fertility clinic somewhat similar to IVF - where they extract the eggs; fertilise them - but before implanting them they go through a genetic test to pickup anything. My friend carries tubereschlerosis - a genetic condition with non cancerous tumour popping up. she's been told her eggs have a 50/50 chance of carrying it - so to get pregnant again, that's what she's got to go through. To make sure that the foetus won't have it. Building a crib sounds nice - Are you gunna build one from scratch? Or from the box? Cute - baby cribs are so cute! Keep up updated x

 

[KelWin]

Well me and the donor are probably going to try building one from scratch, since he's pretty good with his hands (get your mind out of the gutter, he's like a brother to me, lol) and I like the idea of a from scratch crib, but if that goes horribly, then we'll put one together from a box, lol. Eh, after the first 2 or 3 months, baby will be sleeping in my bed anyway. Either way, the kid will have handmade stuff since the godmother insists on sewing and knitting and crocheting heaps of stuff, lol.
I don't know about any tests that can find it, since it normally takes a biopsy and it doesn't always show up, even with the severe symptoms. Not to mention There's no way I'll have the money for anything like IVF, even with the ridiculous waiting period, which would just make it even harder since I want to have my kid already so I can start my transition.

 

[fairytales87]

Melody- I'm so glad everything turned out alright when you saw the doctor I hope af hurries up so you can get on with your ttc

KN- I admire you for making the decision to solo ttc and all your pre baby planning and organisation

Kelwin- I hope this flareup doesn't last long and your back to ttc soon

Update on me: I currently feel my mama clock is ticking louder than ever and that time isn't on my side,I just want to start at least the early test as I'm terrified something is wrong and I won't be able to do treatment