Any solo mum's out there?

[Caite]

Rags, that is awful of the woman's husband! And what a cowardly way for him to leave her.

KN - I do get why they wanted experience. It was quite an autonomous role, really, and to be fair, if I was the patient, I would want a midwife with a little bit of experience looking after me. Still, it was good interview practice. Here in the UK, regardless of how the baby is conceived, if the parents are not married, the dad must attend the birth registration to go on the birth certificate, unless they have a special form (I guess for something like serving soldiers on overseas tours), otherwise nothing is entered for the father's details. If they are married, then the mum can record the dad's name without him being there.

 

[melodyy_mtb]

Hello everyone I couldn't stay away for too long lol.

I'm feeling much better. My spotting has officially stopped! Strangely enough it happened the day after I put on this special bracelet my mum gave me with these crystals that are supposed to be good for fertility lol. Spooky. Anyway, my mood is so much better. I've started my blood tests and have my smear next week... finally.

I randomly got a pos opk last week, but unfortunately neither of my donors could make it at such short notice. I thought i might get another pos this week as i often get one then another in 7 days time, as if my body fails to o and then tries again a week late. But this time it didnt! I'm not bummed though, as it looks like i actually o'd for once, and on a normal cd.

KN - I hope you're ok. Looks like we're Cysters lol. I know it must be a shock to find out that you have pcos, but like Kyla said, it isn't a death sentence. Once it has been diagnosed, most women go on to get pregnant relatively quickly. A friend on another forum just got her bfp after being diagnosed with pcos. Gives me hope too.

My donor also said that he'd stay with me if i needed ivf, but I haven't given it much thought. My situation is a bit odd lol. I actually started this whole journey (research, speaking to doctors etc) when i still identified as a lesbian, so the question of a boyfriend/husband never came up. My doctors just assumed (and still do) that I will be using donor sperm and they seem ok with it. I think if i had to have ivf, i would use my donor if i could, or end up purchasing sperm from a bank. I think there would be some sort of funding due to my fertility issues, as the NHS covers a lot here. But like i said, i haven't given it much thought. We just have to take things one day at a time

Kyla - How goes the search for a new donor?

Fairytales - I hope you're ok. How are things going with your text buddy? lol. Thanks for all the support

Caite - Sorry you didnt get the job Its so frustrating because if everywhere says you need more experience, how are you supposed to get the experience in the first place?! Good news about your blood tests though. I just had my Rubella test on Tuesday. I hadnt even considered what it would mean if the results were bad.

 

[KylasBaby]

On the donor front - the donor who I was supposed to meet Wednesday but didn't because he never got back to me when I emailed to confirm, has agreed to meet tomorrow!! And if all goes well I'll get a nice donation as a parting gift

 

[K.N]

Rags: That is awful!! That poor lady What a way to find out IVF is a huge strain on emotions and relationships, I can understand him not being able to cope any longer - but still, how horrible for her to find out like that, not even in person.

Caite: Yeah, I guess you're right - I've been looking at "potential" midwives here, and I have over looked the ones with little experience as well. Whereas working in a 'unit' or a hospital would build that experience up - whilst still giving patients the comfort that they'll be looked after well etc.

Melody: Welcome back - I've been wondering how you've been during your break! I'm glad your spotting stopped! I've got some crystals which are said to help fertility - but they're just stones not a bracelet or anything. I just noticed your blog post! Funny coz I just like 2 or 3 days ago took photos of my stones with the intention of blogging about it haha!! Also good that you O'd - Even if you missed it which sucks But the fact that you ovulated is good! That your Dr has no problems with your use of donor sperm - whether be your actual donor, or clinic donor sperm . I wish we had that option available here Doesn't matter what your fertility is like here - if you're single you're single!

Kyla's baby: Goodluck for your meeting!! I'll be thinking of you! Hope it goes well and he's a good one Don't be afraid to ask lots of questions - may seem a bit daunting, but better to know all than go home going, "wish i asked that!!" Fingers & toes crossed

 

[Caite]

Melody, I'm so pleased that you're feeling better and that you ov'd. Yay. One of the girls in my class was not immune to rubella. She was offered the MMR. The only problem with that is that it is a live vaccine and therefore can't be given to pregnant women. It's also not advised to get pregnant within three months of having it. Routinely, women are not screened for it pre-pregnancy (though I guess it's different if you're going through a clinic?) so it's not picked up until women attend for booking bloods with the midwife. I don't really know why we were screened - I guess just to prevent us passing it on to non-immune pregnant women. Anyway, I read a book (a fiction book) about a single lesbian who was going through IVF in the UK with a male friend as the sperm donor. I know it was only fiction, but it was really good. I think it was called Two Week Wait, but I can't remember who wrote it. You might be interested in it?

Kylasbaby - good luck for tomorrow.

 

[Caite]

Found it. The book's by Sarah Rayner https://www.amazon.co.uk/Two-Week-Wait-Sarah-Rayner/dp/0330544101

 

[melodyy_mtb]

KN: Thanks hun How spooky is that? Lol. I love my bracelet. I could feel it working as soon as I popped it on. I also just got a huge batch of assorted crystals. I plan on giving most of them away.

Yeah I was trying to take a semi-relaxed approach to charting, and was just putting my temps on my phone, never even looked at FF. I decided t finally input them all, since I was feeling much better, and I got my thick red crosshairs! :O I'm still taking Vitex, but at a much lower dose, and so far, so good. That's a shame about the process over there but at least you've got a wonderful donor who is willing to go through it all with you! Where are you at anyway? Will you be trying soon?

Caite: Thanks That book looks really good. I'm going to get it! Yikes, I hope I am immune lol.

Kyla: Gl for today! I'm guessing you'll be o'ing soon then?

 

[KylasBaby]

Met with the donor yesterday. It went very well. Got a donation as well. Temp dip this morning so I'm inclined to believe I was getting false positives on my OPKs due to stopping the femara so soon. A lot of places I found said not to test with OPKs until 3 days after your last dose which I did. Whoops. So hopefully I'm set to O next week still. He has said he would do another Monday if I need one

 

[melodyy_mtb]

That's great. Glad you found a reliable donor. I hope the temp dip is just an o dip or random one, and that you did o. But if not, then at least you can get another donation next week

 

[Caite]

The book is good Melody - let me know what you think about it. Hopefully you are immune to rubella.

Kylasbaby - good luck - hope it goes well!

 

[K.N]

Kylasbaby: That's good you were able to find a reliable donor, and get a donation too - I hope this cycle goes well for you & you conceive as quick as last time!

Melody: Sometimes not charting is the best for a wee while, just to clear your head. This month I haven't temped, or taken an ovulation test - I really dont know where i am in my cycle, but i figure I'll go with what my body tells me and see how I go, After charting non-stop for over a year, im sure 1 month wont be drastic. I've had 3 months, of 29day cycles - so im hoping that means the regular cycles are here to stay again. X fingers, but who knows hahaa.

I hope everyone's doing well . It's winter here, so freezing!! Forgot how cold this house is over winter haha! I actually think it's warmer outside than inside lol.

 

[Caite]

It's funny to think it is winter over there. It's just going in to summer over here (officially starts 21st June), the sun is out, the sky is blue and, if it's anything like yesterday, it'll be nice and warm out.

My friend had a baby girl yesterday, so I can't wait to go and buy her a present. A few of my friends and my cousin are due over the next couple of months, so lots of cuddling babies coming up, and no doubt getting extra broody!

 

[KylasBaby]

Almost summer over here too! I can't wait. Our winter seriously lasted until May. It was so cold for so long. I can't wait to thaw out.

2dpo over here. Lot of weird symptoms yesterday. I know it's super early. But last time I knew from the day after O. They say some women just know. Fingers and toes are crossed!

 

[Keebs]

Hi ladies, may I join

I'm 39, already a single mother by choice and am hoping tostart ttc #2 this month. Just waiting to hear if my donor is free next week. Soooo excited to be doing this again and would love to share the journey with others in a similar situation.

 

[Caite]

Hopefully Kylasbaby you're right.

Hi Keebs. Welcome to our little group. I hope your donor is free next week. I guess if you're planning on doing it again, being a single mum by choice can't be too bad/stressful?

I just spoke to occy health at work. I'm immune to chicken pox but need a hep B booster. I've just done some googling, and it won't delay my TTC (whenever that might be!).

 

[melodyy_mtb]

KN I think you're right. Our bodies react so easily to stress, any little thing could mess up our fertility. As soon as I stopped stressing I o'd! lol. I'm glad that your cycles seem to have settled down. I have everything crossed for you this month! There's definitely something in the air, pregnancies everywhere! Cant believe it's winter there! My house is the same during winter, absolutely freezing!

Caite It's good you're immune to chickenpox, I hope the hep b booster goes ok. Not long till you can start trying!

Kyla FX for you this month! Like I said to KN, there's definitely something in the air

Keebs Welcome So great to have another smbc, and the fact that you already had one child on your own is definitely inspirational. I have everything crossed for next week. Definitely keep us updated.

Afm: I had my smear yesterday which was surprisingly pain free! I've put it off for so long because it just sounds so painful/uncomfortable. The only bad thing is that I started spotting again. I'm due on in a day or so, so I wasn't too worried. There was only a tiny bit by my cervix apparently. The nurse said that these days spotting doesnt have to mess with your smear, as long as they have enough cells I should be ok.

I cant wait to try again. I'm positive that I'll o this time like i did a couple weeks ago. 4 women I chat to on here have all got their BFPs recently. 3 of which were just about to see their GP/specialist, so I'm hoping the same will happen for me Hopefully I'll o around the 23rd of June.

 

[Caite]

Definitely hope it happens for you, Melody. It would be amazing if you got your BFP before you go see the specialist. I should really get a smear test done - I had my invite when I was 25, and a reminder, but I never booked an appointment. I guess I should get used to it really! We were on about smears in uni. We were talking in class about vaginal examinations, and the tutor was like 'well, you all know how it feels, you've all had smears,' at which point, I apparently started looking a bit sheepish and then got told off by my lecturer for not having had one!

Someone mentioned on here (I think it might have been on WTT) that NHS bank staff might be entitled to maternity pay. I've managed to find my Trust's policy online and it is the case. It says that you must have worked 24 out of the 26 weeks prior to the 15th week before the EDD, which would mean that I guess I could start trying anytime! That's a scary thought. I know June was initially my date to start, but I had sort of psyched myself up for probably winter, to be honest. Wow. I need to get some hours in at work and really start saving for the next couple of months. Maybe I could start trying in September, regardless of my job situation? I think I just need to find out what sort of pay I would be entitled to. I'm both very excited and very scared now. It has suddenly become very real.

 

[melodyy_mtb]

I know right. I just want it to happen for all of us. I've grown so fond of all you lovely ladies and gent

I was exactly the same. I got my invite to have my smear but just left it. But it's one of the tests I need for my fertility appointment, so had to be done. I hope the results are ok. Apparently they have to wait 3 months to try again, something about giving the cervix time to recover, but I didn't really feel anything. The spectrum was more uncomfortable lol.

That's wonderful news about your maternity pay entitlement. Gosh you really can start trying any time soon . You must be so excited and nervous. Have you sorted out your clinic choices etc?

 

[Caite]

I think I'm going to go with the one in Denmark. It seems reasonably priced, looks professional, and is accessible. I did email them a while back, they emailed me back and then I got busy (can't remember what with now) so didn't email them back again.

Have you bought that book yet?

I've become very fond of everyone, too. It's nice that we're all going through something similar. I feel much more able to talk to you girls here than the others on here on the different forums - not that they're not mostly lovely, but they all have partners or have baby's father to deal with.

 

[Keebs]

Thank you for the welcome ladies. Being a single mum by choice is amazing. It has it's down sides (need someone to watch the baby for 5 minutes whilst you wash/eat/sleep/breathe not happening) but I love that I have sole responsibility. No compromising on my parenting ideals at all. Plus I get all the cuddles

Caite Hope you can start ttc soon. In my trust you get a much better maternity package if you have a permenant contract. Bank staff only get statutory maternity pay, contracted staff get 8 weeks full pay, 18 weeks half pay + statutory, then statutory only. It's a heck of a difference.

melodyy_mtb A bfp before seeing your specialist would be great losts of for this next cycle.

Everything crossed for those ladies in their tww too.

As for me, sadly I ovulated earlier than expected so just waiting for af to show then try next cycle.