Any solo mum's out there?

[CanadianMaple]

It looks like my FET was a failure. 8dp5dt and BFN. Everyone else in my TTC group that transferred the same day as me got their BFPs a few days ago. I'm having a hard time coping without Chris by my side. He always had a way about him that kept me sane when I was disappointed.

 

[melodyy_mtb]

Aww hey CanadianMaple Don't let it get you down just yet. I know that the other women who had their transfer the same time got their BFPs but everyone really is different. It might just take a few more days for yours to show. It's never over until af shows. I'm sure your husband is watching over you but you're so brave, you can handle more than you give yourself credit for. I've got everything crossed for you hun!

somedayisnow GL with your upcoming IUI x

 

[Caite]

CanadianMaple - that would only make you the equivalent of 13dpo I guess? Maybe it's still a little early?

Somedayisnow - that sounds like a really positive appointment, and you've got a plan of action, which is great. Everything seems to be happening really quickly then, with all the tests you've got planned.

Melody - I'm not sure about what sort of questions you should ask. Maybe ask about their experience of treating single women - I know when I looked at UK clinics a few years ago, they had to go to multi-disciplinary meetings to agree you would be a suitable mum if you were single. What there success rates are for women in your exact situation (eg not always ovulating). Are you being NHS-funded or paying privately (you've probably said before, but I've forgotten - sorry!)? You could ask about the waiting list for treatment, and (if you're going via the NHS) what the private waiting list is like. If you're paying, do they have any payment plans available, or any ways to make it more affordable? I know someone who had IVF and it hardly cost her a thing as she shared half her eggs with another woman. The cost of any drugs needed. Whether you will have all the procedures/appointments with the same person and at the same location? What sort of support is available emotionally/psychologically, if that is important to you? If you go down the IVF route, would they freeze any fertilised eggs (if that's what you want) in case you wanted a whole sibling (as opposed to a half sibling if the donor changed his mind about donating again) and what their policy is on that. (I've just realised I've given you quite a long list - they are a lot of the questions I think I will be asking when I finally start TTC). Regarding the donor, if the clinic know you are doing this as a single woman, you'd probably be best asking their advice about it. Would he be prepared to have a sperm analysis if needed? Or would you be open to using a sperm bank?

 

[unicornwish]

Thank you for the welcomes ladies.
Catie u are right about how expensive UK clinics are- it works out at £1200 per attempt for a medicated cycle, which I would most probably need due to ovulation issues in the past. The initial consultation alone is £300. I think the very most I would be able to afford would be two attempts.
I have heard about overseas clinics but difficult for me to go overseas due to my son.
Can I be really nosey and ask why u have decided to go it alone? I understand if u don't want to answer. With me I just feel like my clock is ticking (if I was 5 years younger I wouldn't be as bothered) plus I'm sick to the back teeth of bad relationships & emotional stresses & just feel this is the best way for me.
Canadianmaple keep us posted.

 

[somedayisnow]

Melody- how was your appointment? What did you decide to them about your donor?

CanadianMaple - you're going to get your baby. I just know it.

I still haven't picked my donor from the sperm bank. Maybe I'm making the decision harder than it needs to be but I have to do it soon. I actually have a small committee made up of friends who are going to help me. I'm going to give them 10 potential donors and they're going to rank them.

 

[CanadianMaple]

I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I know it's a BFN but getting the official beta is going to suck. It doesn't sound like they will let me go back in the pill without taking a cycle off either. That means a second attempt before school starts is totally out of the question.

TTC is so much harder when you're alone. You have no one who is equally as invested in it to cheer you on or cheer you up.

 

[Caite]

Unicornwish - I've never met a man whom I could see as being the father to my future babies. Some of my friends have become single parents after splitting up with their partners and it is just so difficult that if I haven't found the perfect man to be the father of my future children, I'd rather do it on my own from the outset. If I met this man tomorrow, though, I would definitely go the traditional route, even though it would mean waiting a couple of years.

Canadianmaple - Good luck for tomorrow.

 

[CanadianMaple]

Confirmed BFN. I'll be back if I get to do another cycle before school starts again in Sept. If not, it will probably be a few months. Thank you so much for your support.

 

[Caite]

Canadianmaple, I'm so sorry.

 

[unicornwish]

So sorry canadianmaple, sending you hugs x

Catie I can understand that, I've just become so disillusioned with men & relationships in general. I'm probably partly influenced by the fact that I had a really traumatic & unstable childhood with my dad leaving & then returning for years, him & my mum had been married for 17 years with two kids & she found out he was having an affair & was totally shocked. So just goes to show even what seems like an ideal situation can go wrong. I always said I would be ok if he had just left & I never saw him again but they kept getting back together & then splitting again, this went on for 9 years & the inconsistency nearly killed me. At least this way my child will always have stability & can't be hurt or affected by a father growing up.
People say to me I shouldn't be considering donation & that I don't know who I'm going to meet, but I have absolutely no faith in finding a decent partner after my past experiences. I could be waiting forever & will be 33 next birthday. People in this day & age are so selfish I see no point in holding out just to get let down. Would rather take control of my own life & hopefully be a happier & more settled person as a result

 

[Caite]

I can understand where you're coming from, Unicornwish. I don't think it's because I'm disillusioned with men at all - I would love to meet a nice man - but I've yet to meet one whom I could see myself having children with.

 

[Keebs]

Caite Hope your perfect job turns up soon. Delaying ttc is a heartbreaking decision but it's unlikely you'll regret it when you are able to spend more time at home with your baby. I started my mat leave on my due date and still had to return when dd was just under 7 months old... aaaarggh the mummy guilt was (and still is) huge.


K.N Great news! That is a heck of a wait forIUI, but I agree better to be on the list and drop off than not. Fingers crossed you won't need the IUI

So glad you are feeling more positive about things.

melodyy_mtb Aaaargh, how frustrating. Do you have any answers yet? Hope the meeting with your specialist went well. Did you end up telling them about your donor?


unicornwish Hi. Great that you are wtt your second. Try and ignore the naysayers, as you say, there are a great many positives about ttc as a single lady.

I concieved my dd using a known donor when I was 36. It was only by accident I stumbled across the possibility to be honest, I'd given up all hope of motherhood precisely because I wasn't prepared to be in just any old relationship.

Looking forward to followingyour journey


somedayisnow How are the tests going? It's true that many women remain very fertile well into their 40's yet it's so drummed into us that 35 is the magic number we automaticaly start to panic. I know I did, was so worried I was past it at 36 now I'll be anywhere from 39 to 40 and laugh at my earlier fears because now I'm really worried


CanadianMaple So very sorry Hope they let you try again before the holidays are up.



as for me. Eurgh, don't think I'm fertile at all at the moment. Have started taking vitex, night weaning my little boobie monster and drinking rrl tea by the gallon. Also taking pre conception vitamins and coQ10. Temps still flatlining though and very low. C'mon body, get yourself together and help make me a baby

 

[somedayisnow]

Keebs, you crack me up. Oh to be 36 again!

unicornwish, I decided to go the donor route because Mr. Right never showed up and I didn't know where to find him. Also I can't see myself never trying to have a child. I will be a mother, one way or the other.

canandianmaple, I'm sorry things didn't work out this time but I truly believe you will get your BFP.

My HSG is scheduled for next Tuesday. Then I have a follow up with my RE on June 30th to finalize the plans for what I'm calling, "Operation Baby Drop." *no eggs will be harmed in the making of this human* Hopefully all of my test results will come back in my favor so I can get started.

And finally I tried temping for the first time this morning and failed miserably. My alarm went off and the first thing I did was heat the snooze button - repeatedly. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.

 

[melodyy_mtb]

Hello everyone

It's been a few days. My appointment was a huge disappointment but mostly because of my own expectations. I wont go into it too much but basically it was more of a glorified chitchat with the nurse. I wont get to see my actual consultant until September. No meds or anything. She seemed to think I'd have trouble getting clomid etc because I'm using an "unregistered sperm donor", but she wasnt 100% sure. I could have lied and said Im trying with my bf but I panicked and told the truth lol.

Besides walking out of there empty handed, the thing that upset me the most is that she's issued more blood tests. I know for a fact I did these tests right before my appointment but she tried to convince me that I hadn't. I mean, just admit to losing the results, i'd have appreciated the honesty. So I need to do (another) rubella and (another) FSH/LH test. I also have to book a HSG once my next cycle starts. The good news is that because of my history of long cycles. They'll be willing to prescribe me Provera if AF doesn't show by the 21st of this month. She also advised me to start thinking of my options ie IVF

somedayisnow Hows the selection process going? Its good that you have a panel of friends to help you choose hehe.

CanadianMaple Hun I'm so sorry your FET was unsuccessful I really hope you can try before school but if not... it just wasn't meant to be. I often believe that babies almost want to be born at certain times. Maybe you're little bubba just wants to arrive during a specific month. Thinking of you loads. x

Keebs Lol I know how you feel. I didnt o at all this cycle. Felt like it was coming them bam! Nothing. Lol our bodies are insane I hope the Vitex and tea helps. It can take a little while for it to regulate your cycles. Stick with it, you will get your BFP!!!

 

[Caite]

Melody - I'm sorry your appointment was a disappointment, and that you've got to have the bloods done again. How can they have lost the results? Surely they'll be on a computer system somewhere? How do you feel about the possibility of IVF?

What's a HSG?

Somdayisnow - that would be another reason I wouldn't be able to temp - I always hit the snooze button as many times as I can. This morning, I didn't get up until 6.15 (alarm set for 5.30!), had a shower and got to work (25 minute drive) for 7am, which I thought was quite good.

Keebs - Late 30s/40 isn't old to be having a baby. I've looked after a number of women in their 40s having their first baby. The oldest I've personally looked after was a 49 year old first time mum, who, from what I remember, had conceived naturally. I know it doesn't mean that every woman of that age will be that fertile, but I guess it gives women of that age some reassurance.

 

[somedayisnow]

melody, is she suggesting that you skip IUI and go right to IVF? Also is there some way you can covertly find out the policy on using unregistered sperm donors that way you can get your story straight before September?

Caite, temping went a little smoother this morning. I was still tired as heck but at least I didn't hit the snooze button this time. That said, I did go back to sleep and didn't wake again until after 11 AM. It's a good thing no one was looking for me in the office today.

I spent the rest of the afternoon picking up my prescription for the antibiotics I need to take for my HSG and then raking over my donor list. Step #1 is complete. My initial list of 23 donors have been whittled down to 12. Tomorrow night, is step #2: a friend of mine is a pediatrician and she's going to go over the donor medical info forms and advise me who and who not to choose. Of course there are no guarantees and I will love the child I get but I figure I might as well use all "experts" at my disposal to further narrow down my list. In the end, my gut will tell me who's right for me.

 

[Rags]

Keebs, I think you're right to night ween to get your cycle back on track. I had no af for well over a year after DS was born which was really frustraiting as I was hoping to try again but quickly aproaching 43 at the time. In the end he night weened and af was back within a few weeks and fairly regular after a couple of cycles. Unfortunately I didn't manage to conceive number 2 but IUI has an incredably limited sucess rate from 43 so I knew it was unlikely - which is why I'd hoped to try earlier.
This is a big part of the reason I am always happy to see so many people on here starting younger and not sitting waiting on your body clocks to wind down, you give yourself the option of having a sibling.

Somedayisnow. Good luck with your donor decision. Prior to opting for NHS treatment and donor I spent a lot of time looking through profiles from a clinic choosing who I thought would be the best. There was one person who I thought would be a fab bio dad but he had ticked the box saying he wouldn't allow his details to be disclosed to any child at 18. I am so glad I went down the route I did now. I have recently found out through my clinic that my sons donor has been in touch with then to say that he has had an asymptomatic congenital heart problem picked up during a routine work health screening (no one else in his family history has had any heart problems) and for them to pass this information on to anyone who conceived thanks to him. It is incredably reasuring to know that when he decided to take on the role of a donor he was truely commited to it and that it was not a financial thing - my clinic only pay expenses to the donor.
My darling son is fine and can be screened in the future, meantime it's life as usual.

 

[melodyy_mtb]

Aloha ladies lol. I hope you're all having a nice relaxing Sunday. Where's everyone at in their cycles? I wanna know everything hehe

As you can tell, I'm in quite a good mood. I get like this occasionally. After the stress of ttc get's me so down that I can't possibly get any lower, I suddenly get a rush of energy and feel ready to fight again. I'm going to war with my cysts and unruly womb. Operation is back on track!

I'm currently cd38. Using my last cycle, I should have o'd on cd17, AF would have been due cd30. I still got my donation but never actually got a + opk. I was preparing myself for another lengthy annovulatory cycle, then randomly a few days ago (cd35) I got a pos opk! Thankfully I managed to get a few donations (day of, day after etc). Super lucky. I also experienced quite bad o pain, so fx it finally happens

Caite I know right! I thought everything was done on computers these days. The only other option (and it's something the nurse sort of let slip) they may have mistook my recent test results for older ones and so chose to disregard them. Oh well, these things happen I guess.

A HSG is when a dye is inserted into your uterus to flow through your Fallopian tubes. They then take x-rays to check for blockages and injuries that might prohibit you from conceiving. I got it mixed up, I'm actually having a HYCOSY, which is when they inject a gel/water mixture into your uterus to see if it squirts out through your Fallopian tubes and out the other side. This checks for blockages.

somedayisnow I'm not sure. To be honest, I didn't retain a lot of information from my appointment, as I was a bit too emotional/disappointed. I think she was just trying to get me to think of all my options. I cant find any concrete evidence online on how the way I'm choosing to ttc will effect my access to medication. My donor says that he will stick with me through all this fertility stuff so that's good. I think I'm just going to continue to be honest and pray that that doesnt harm my chances.

I'm so glad you managed to scale your list down to 12 candidates. Sounds like you've got the best people around you helping. You're so lucky! I hope your HSG goes well

 

[somedayisnow]

So this morning I took the first of my antibiotics for my upcoming HSG and it made me nauseous and I couldn't keep it down. The instructions say to take them on an empty stomach but there's no way that's happening again. Hopefully the 2nd pill will stay down with lots of food. I'll find out in a few hours.

I got my AMH results back and they're not good: .65 equals low ovarian reserve. So after I had a little pity party for myself I went ahead and made an appointment for acupuncture. I went yesterday and really liked it. The acupuncturist was very encouraging and gave me hope. I'll be seeing her twice/week.

My donor selection pool is now at the final six (I think). My friends have been great. Each have told me that they feel honored to be part of the process.

melody, I'm loving your positive attitude. There's just so low one can get before they pull themselves back together again and renew the fight. Like you, I'm a fighter too.

Rags, My first choice for a donor is open to having his information disclosed when my child is 18. The other 5 potential donors are a mix of open and anonymous.

Hoping for future BFPs for us all.

 

[unicornwish]

Hi ladies hope everyone is well?

Keebs & somedayisnow- where are u both currently with your plans? Are u using a known donor again keebs or anonymous this time? How old is your daughter?

Sorry just trying to keep up with everyone as this thread is so long!

Melody I hope your HSG goes well! I was told by my GP I would have to have one before I could be prescribed clomid again to try for a second pregnancy & it really annoyed me because as far as I'm aware I only have ovulation issues. I was prescribed clomid straight away by a different doctor after my 21 day progesterone showed I wasn't ovulating & I fell the first month I took it on 50mg which is a low dose. Frustrated me that they were saying I had to have HSG when I had fallen pregnant fine with just the clomid before. I have heard u can be a lot more fertile after an HSG though so I guess it's not a bad thing!