Any solo mum's out there?

[Caite]

Spudsmama - that's kind of how I'm trying to see it. Being a single mum will just be normal for me. And if someone were to come along in the future, that would just be a bonus. Loads of women manage on their own, my mum did, and you and a few others have come back to do it all again!

Keebs - Next spring/summer isn't too long at all. I've waited long enough as it is, a few extra months (sounds better than saying it may be a year!) is going to be fine. And besides, I don't really have much knowledge of this side of pregnancy - the women are normally about 10 weeks before we meet them - so I feel like I'm learning loads from all you ladies.

I think you might be right about it having been phased out in Scotland. They've been on about it for years in England and Wales too - at least since I was a student nurse (started in 2005), and courses are still being run. I think one has just been validated for my old uni to start in September. It's such a pity they've been phased out in Scotland because, as a nurse, I think we bring so much knowledge and so many skills from nursing to midwifery which the 3 year girls don't have the chance to practise or develop. On labour ward, anyone who came in with something not necessarily pregnancy related (generally chest pain ?PE), I'd be like 'I'll do it, I'll see her,' because those things don't frighten me. The 3 year girls would be absolutely terrified of them. The doctor was surprised when I told her I'd go and do the ecg, as she was going to do it, and that I had discussed her chest pain (as in pain on inspiration, location etc) rather than just saying chest pain.

Melody - everyone around me is having babies at the moment. Hopefully I'll get to see my little cousin again soon. And my friend won't be too long until she has her baby. I saw her first baby when he was about 12 hours old - at that point, he was the youngest baby I had ever laid eyes on, never mind held. I think I might end up having to drive her to the hospital or babysitting her eldest as her family will be away next week (bad timing!) so there will be just her and this baby's dad. I've got a few other friends who have recently had babies or who are due very, very soon, but they're not really local friends, so I don't see them as much.

Could you imagine crying at every delivery? That would be awful - I go all horrible and red and blotchy and sniffy when I cry. I am completely different at work - I have cried a few times (as a nurse, not over patients though, just when I have gotten really angry with someone/something) - but I'm generally not a crying person at work. But, the other day I was at my mum's watching the 2nd to last episode of How I met Your Mother and I cried over that. I didn't watch the last episode tonight at mum's - I didn't want to cry in front of them, so I'm going to see if it's on 4OD and watch it on my own.

There's a thread on WTT about how much babies cost. No one has answered how much they actually cost, and I have been wondering that myself. So I added everything up and I think, if I'm successful on the first round of IVF, the IVF, drugs, travel and all the baby stuff for the first 6 months should cost around £6500, which isn't as bad as I thought it would be! I'm not sure if I've remembered everything, though! Nearly £4000 of that is the actual IVF, flights and hotel fees.

 

[Child2Hold]

Thanks ladies!

Caite - I remember when I first came on the board we were both close to starting (back in March) and we still haven't started.

to those that are having trouble. I wish this was an easy process for us single ladies. Lotsa on our journeys.

I've told a few people. My mom and sister have known since day one. I needed their input to keep me sane (not working). My little brother found out inadvertently. The little snoop that he is found my supplies. Then he's all like, "Now I get why the vitamins!"

 

[Caite]

I know, I think I started thinking about this about 4 or 5 years ago and there has always been something getting in the way. First off I didn't want it to be done in this country as I wanted it to be anonymous (and it's so expensive in the UK) so it took me a while to find other options. Then I was buying a house, finances, uni. And now I need to either save a lot or get contracted hours. We'll get there child2hold, and it'll be so worth the wait! I still haven't told anyone. You lot are the ones that keep me sane!

Anyway, in addition to getting contracted hours, my mum's just found out she's got to have pretty major surgery. So I need to make sure she is OK after that, and that she can cope financially whilst she is off work recovering. If she can't, then I'm going to have to help her out first before thinking about saving for a baby. It sucks, but I'd rather help my mum out, who is obviously here and needing me now than spending the money she needs on trying for a baby who obviously isn't here (if that makes sense). There is only my sister and me who could help her, and my sister isn't on much more than the minimum wage, so it's going to be down to me.

 

[melodyy_mtb]

7dpo today. Trying not to ss, but I had the weirdest cramps last night and today. Kind of like a dull ache mixed with twinges. Nothing like af cramping. No spotting or anything. Lol its crazy how often we pee during the tww. I keep wiping like mad Can't wait for Barcelona on Monday. I realise this could all be pms symptoms or just a figment of my imagination lol.

Keebs I can see you're back on cd1 So sorry. But at least it didn't drag on for months. I think your body is just adjusting/getting back to normal after your loss. Fx for this cycle!!! Well done staying sane through Peppa Pig lol.

SpudsMama Thanks hun. Sending lot's of babydust your way. Only 4 days? Hehe fx for us both!

Caite Aww it's so great that you'll be there for your friend. Lol crying at every birth would be insane. But you're so level headed and organised, working out costs etc. Best triple ithe child care costs just to be safe lol. I hope everything goes ok with your mum's operation.

 

[somedayisnow]

Hey ladies! I have to catch up with the thread but hopefully all is well with all of you. I had my second acu session today and the doc said something interesting and encouraging. He said that it will take 3 IUIs for me to get pregnant. I have no idea why he believes this and I don't even know if I believe it but I guess we will see. He also wants me to do 2 IUIs per cycle (a couple of days before ovu and the day of) which my RE is against. My RE says that there is no research to support that more than 1 IUI per cycle increases a woman's chances of conceiving. Honestly, I don't think I can afford more than 1 IUI per month. Since I'm using donor sperm from a bank, it will cost me $700-800 per vial of sperm and that doesn't include what I need to pay the RE. Who knew getting pregnant could be so expensive!

 

[Rags]

Caite, I remember reading all the 'how much it costs to raise a child' stuff when I was thinking about trying and even more so when I was expecting. I have no idea who they are basing there figures on but I can honestly say it can be done on a fraction of what the 'experts' say. Ds and I don't miss out on anything, and haven't had to go all second hand or miss holidays. I work part time and more than halved my salary after having him. As my mum told me when I said I wanted to try 'It doesn't take money to raise a child, it takes love and time'. You are already full of the love just waiting to pass it on, the time bit you have to make yourself.

 

[Caite]

Melody - I'm getting excited for you now. I hope you have fun in Barcelona and it manages to take your mind off the 2ww! I'm having to do something baby related so I thought I'd work out all the costs. Thanks for the good wishes for my mum.

Somedayisnow - 3 goes at IUI! That's not so bad. Let's hope he was right.

Rags - to be honest, I don't think it was too expensive the price I had worked out. Nearly £4000 was for a round of IVF, £1250 was on a pram (I really want a proper, old-fashioned Silver Cross pram. I love the Balmoral but the Kensington is slightly smaller and more practical. And my car is plenty big enough for it!), and a couple of hundred was on reusable nappies and the stuff which goes with it.

 

[SpudsMama]

I use cloth nappies Caite and you can get a full stash and all accessories loads cheaper than that We use a mix of BTP pockets from Tiny Nippers (better than the bigger brands by a long shot!) and Totsbots AIOs so not too bad at all cost wise

 

[Keebs]

Caite
I think babies can cost as little or as much as you like (IVF excluded obviously). My big expense was the car seat because I only wanted an extended rear facing one.. and I had to buy two so my dad had one to drive her to nursery. So almost £800 on that alone, but it was money well spent. Buggy I rarely use, spent £100 but so far it's probaby cost about £10 per outing so not a great bargain. £250 on slings on the other hand is working out at less than £1 per use, so a bargain in my opinion

I used cloth until I went back to work, then I couldn't keep up with the washing (or drying really as I don't have a tumble drier). Initially bought prefolds and wraps (cheap as chips) but they didn't work for us so ended up spending a fortune on lovely fluffy bubblebubs candies had to go through a lot of duds to find ones I liked though. Another dud buy was the cot £100 and never used, she slept in the hammock 1st few weeks until I realised she slept when next to me. cried when not. Bed shared ever since.

Hope your mum's surgery goes smoothly and she has an uncomplicated recovery. It's lovely that you will be there for her

Child2Hold
lol at inquisitive little brothers

melodyy_mtb
Have a great time on holiday! Here's to a great fat positive on your return

Pretty sure it's the breastfeeding that's made my cycle so wonky, that and it's the 1st pp one I've had. Think I'll end up just monitoring this one, try and find a pattern. It's a 2 hour trip to see my donor and between that, his work, my work and Cara a last minute donation is pretty improbable.

somedayisnow
3 IUI's sounds very positive indeed, no reason why not. Have you researched the success rate of 2 IUI v's 1? Not something I've ever looked into but a quick google throws up loads. On the surface it doesn't look like 2 IUI's increases pregnancy rates by more than 6%, if that even. Anyway, my advice is to listen to your dr's, then go do your own research and make up your own mind. What's right for one is rarely right for another.

I made some controvertial decisions during my pregancy (and re conception I suppose ) but because I'd researched and was happy my choices matched my values (no downs testing, home birth, no vit K, delayed clamping etc) then I was able to brush off the scare tactics some of the staff I encountered tried to employ.

Best of luck whichever route you decide to go down

Rags
Gosh, I am in awe. You sound like the mummy I'd love to be, any tips please pass them my way

I dropped from 37.5 hours to 34.5 hours (eliminating a 4 day week every 4 weeks) but don't think I could afford to drop further (would dearly love to though).

Spudsmama
Keeping everything crossed for you

 

[Rags]

Keebs, thank you, I had to laugh when I read the 'mum I'd like to be' comment as I've been completely 'grummpy mummy' the last couple of days as I've been so tired. Although I work part time - averages out at about 20 hours a week - the way my job goes every so often I have to put in a couple of really hideaous weeks. I've just finished 14 days in a row, 1st week 66 hours, second week 60. this week will be about 45 and so will the week after. It's a pain at the time but it means that I can put enough by for bills and fun stuff for the next few months so can get away with working about 20hours twice a month until the start of the new year.
We spent today fruit picking which was great fun and saves us a fortune on fruit. Picked enough to make a few jars of jam, freeze some for later and at less than half the price I'd have paid in the shops - and much more fun for both of us. We spend a lot of time at the beach and love pick nicking whatever the time of year or weather. I think I have quite a good balance which seems to work for us, although to be honest only time, and DS will be able to tell me if that is true.
I will also admit that I think I was one of the very few people who hasn't really suffered from the recetion. By absolute chance I was lucky enough to sell my flat just before the bubble burst at the top of its price and because of my job wasn't looking to buy anything at the time. I then got a bit of a bargain near my mum and brother while I was trying to conceive so now I have a very small mortgage and brilliant child care arrangments for when I have to do stupid hours.
I really do think that we all give what we can and that our children accept us for who we are and what we can give them, my son and I are right for each other.

 

[somedayisnow]

Keebs, I would love to know more about your "controversial" decisions. Why no vitamin K? What's the benefit of delayed clamping? (What exactly is delayed clamping? ) I agree that each person should do her own research and then decide what's best for her. I wanted a home birth, still do, but my insurance covers the birth in full if it's done at the hospital.

Caite, I hope your mom's operation is a success and that she's able to recover quickly.

Rags, once I have my baby (positive thinking) I plan to move back to my hometown to be closer to family. That way, my baby can go up with its grandma, uncles, and cousins. Also I'll be able to get some free child care out of the whole thing.

 

[Caite]

Spudsmama - that's good to know they're even cheaper!

Keebs - I totally agree that babies can cost whatever you want. I'm quite adamant with what I want for the birth. In our first week at uni, we had to write a birth plan, and then were meant to amend it as we went through the course. Mine, I think, was pretty much the same as it was at the start. I want it all as natural as possible, home birth, no pethidine, don't want an epidural (obviously if I had to transfer), physiological third stage, delayed cord clamping, no vitamin k. I don't want to be induced just for gestation (obviously if there were other problems I would), also not keen on augmentation. Don't want my waters broken. and I definitely feel as though I have the knowledge to be able to back up my decisions - a few of those subjects I looked at in detail for my portfolio at uni.

Keebs and Somedayisnow - thank you

 

[fairytales87]

Caite: I hope your mums op is a success and she has an uneventful recovery. Getting a proper contract can be difficult sometimes hopefully you get your dream post soon hope saving isn't too hard for you I'm a nightmare at saving lol

Canadian maple: great news about being able to fit another transfer in
I pray it's successful and you get your bfp

Melody: I hope the tww isn't driving you crazy and your having a good trip away

Where is KN? I haven't been on properly for a while so
I hope she is ok!

Hello to anybody else who has posted that's new since my last post

 

[Caite]

Hi Fairytales. Thank you for wishing my mum well. To be honest, I'm loving the freedom of just being on the bank, so as long as I can save, I don't really mind not having a permanent job. I'm normally rubbish at saving, too, but I think now I have an idea of how much I am going to need, and, well, what I am saving for, it's going to be a whole lot easier. I am starting from £0, though - whilst I was a student midwife, I was on significantly less than before I went back to uni, so I ended up spending a lot more than I earned! And at least I can not pick as many shifts as I want.

 

[Keebs]

somedayisnow

Well, they were only controvertial because they upset some of the midwives, HV and many of my colleagues at work lol.

Every child in the UK is given vitamin K after birth, unless you opt out. The theory (as I understand it) is that every/most children are born deficient in vit K, breastmilk is also low in same. Dr's think it should be topped up by an injection (or it can be given orally but you need to request that too.) I opted out because I believe that if every/most children are born with low levels of vit k then that is actually the norm and no need ot interfere unless the child is at risk of a bleed. Backed up entirely (in my mind) by the low levels of vit k in breast milk. Mother nature didn't get much wrong, hard to see why she'd stall on this

Delayed cord clamping is waiting until the umbilical cord has stopped pulsating before clamping. It alows the baby to recieve up to 30% more blood, including all those lovely stem cells which are essential to so many functions. Reduces the risk of anaemia, improves baby's cardiopulmonary (starting to breathe etc) transition. I think it's now becomming more the norm but at the time I was threatened with all sorts, from life threatening jaundice to strokes and clots. As it happens she did get jaundice, a couple of days by the window and she was fine My neice, immediate clamping following c section had to have 5 days of photo therapy and formula top ups (I disagree with that too by the way ) due to the dangerously high levels of bilurubin in her blood.

Gosh, it's bring it all back, I loved the excitement of planning and researching. It was so empowering to make these decisions over the birth of a life I had grown. Waaaaaaah I wanna do it again now!

Loved my homebirth, but after everyone had gone I was running round mopping up blood, emptying pool, washing towels etc. Should have been snuggled up with my precious... have to say that is the one thing I would change if I could.

Anyhow, Caite will be able to explain it all much better than I.


SpudsMama
Eeeeeeeek, your chart looks amazing. Fingers crossed!

Melody_mb
Hope you are having a fab time, can't wait to here how your tww went. Everything crossed for you


Not much happening here, still waiting to see if I'll ovulate at a more reasonable time. My donor has written to say his dad is very unwell and the prognosis is not good. He's happy to donate if he can but somehow I think he just won't feel like it at the time Am making tentative enquiries to see who else is out there should I need them, would love for dd to have a full blood sibling but at 39 I just don't think it's wise to hang around waiting for donor to get over his grief. I hate looking for a donor, so many weirdo's muscle in on the act, makes the good guys hard to spot.

 

[Caite]

Personally, I completely agree with your views, Keebs. From what I read, the research is out of date on vitamin K, and looked at women who had poor access to decent nutrition, therefore there were going to be low levels of vitamin K in their breast milk and their babies. But as you say, even if the levels are low, then there must be a reason for this. In my Trust, all babies admitted to the neonatal unit are automatically given a vitamin K injection. I do understand that as they are subjected, quite often, to invasive procedures so their risk of haemorrhaging is going to be higher. However, research actually shows that vitamin K given orally is just as effective as vitamin K given by injection. This is not what is routinely recommended by the NHS, though - I imagine for financial reasons, as repeat doses are required (the current evidence base does not determine how many doses this should be - the current practise is 2 doses, 1 at birth and 1 around day 5 or 6 for formula fed babies with a 3rd dose on day 28 for babies who have not received any formula), and therefore costs more. Something I didn't know until I started researching vitamin K for uni (despite the fact I had been giving it for a while to adults) was that the only available vitamin K on the market in the UK is produced from cows, which is obviously not suitable for vegetarians/vegans or some religions. However, this is not discussed with women so where is the informed consent?

Delayed cord clamping is currently advised, for at least 1 minute. It increases the blood volume and the red cells. Whilst this does increase the risk of jaundice in the short term, there is less risk of anaemia at 6 months of age. Recommendations are also that babies who require resuscitation at delivery should receive delayed cord clamping and should be resuscitated by mum. This ensures that baby receives a supply of oxygen via the placenta whilst being resuscitates. However, this is difficult to do in practise, as resuscitaires (where babies are resuscitated) are often either out of the room or in the corner of the room, and are sometimes attached to the wall.

I really hope I am able to have a home birth. I don't know whether it is because of working in a hospital or whatever, but I feel as though I am always on the alert in hospital even if I'm not there working. I don't think I could relax properly with a hospital birth, and that would affect labour, increasing the risk of interventions, which I do not want. However, I would transfer to hospital if needed, or have a hospital birth if it was necessary (such as preterm labour). There was a massive study carried out recently, called the Birthplace Study (https://www.npeu.ox.ac.uk/birthplace/results) which looked at birth outcomes in different settings for women who should have been low risk (though there were a few breech deliveries, which aren't classed as low risk), which basically showed it was safer to have babies at home (although the risk of home deliveries was ever so slightly raised for first time mums having a home birth compared to a hospital birth. Interestingly, the risks were not raised for the same low risk mums having a midwife led unit (which have the same acceptance criteria as a home birth, and the same staff), which might suggest it was the personality of some of the mums perhaps refusing to listen to the midwife's advice?).

This seems to have just turned in to a bit of a rant about the routine practises in midwifery which really, really annoy me! Sorry!

 

[somedayisnow]

Hi Ladies,

I saw my RE today and I have some good news and not so good news.

The Good
On the u/s he could see 6-7 follicles on each side. He said that is much better than expected and is consistent with a woman in her early 30s, if not younger. I'm 41. My lining looks great and the shape of my uterus is perfect.

The Bad
He found a fibroid but it's placed in such a way that it won't effect me getting pregnant.

The Ugly
They found an 8cm (big) cyst on/near my right ovary This may have caused my AMH to be so low - .65 The usual AMH for a woman my age is no lower than .9 - not great but a hellava lot better than .65 So this means I have to have surgery and if all goes well it will be at least 2-3 months before I can start trying to have a baby.

If Life Gives You Lemons....
This will give me more time to lose weight, continue to see my acupuncturist, get additional prenatals and supplements into my system, and save some more money.

How is everyone else doing?

 

[Caite]

Somedayisnow - that sounded like quite a positive appointment, I'm pleased for you. At least the not so good aspects are fixable. 2-3 months isn't so long to wait, and as you said, it'll give you more time to save and lose weight etc.

 

[somedayisnow]

Thanks, Caite. I do see my appointment as more positive than negative. AF is supposed to show up this weekend so I'll be having my FSH tested on CD3. Hopefully, that won't be too high. FX...heck, everything is crossed at this point. On Wednesday, I meet with the surgeon for pre-op and then we'll schedule the surgery.

It's not too long now before you start TTCing, right? When is school over?

 

[SpudsMama]

That appt sounds like a big bag of mixed emotions! The good is very good though and it all means you're on your way to a

AFM - CD1 today... boo!