Any solo mum's out there?

[Caite]

Somedayisnow - I need to change my signature. TTC is on hold probably til next spring. I finished uni but don't have any contracted hours. I am just doing bank work (I don't know if you have it over there, basically all the shifts that the wards can't cover and available for bank staff to choose to work). I love it as I get to choose which shifts I work and where I work. I need to save up, though, as I won't get proper maternity pay, just statutory maternity pay (?) which is a lot less than I earn at the moment. I've also some other stuff going on with my mum at the moment - she is waiting for major surgery, and I don't know if she will afford to pay her mortgage etc whilst she is off sick so I'm probably going to have to help her out financially after the surgery.

Spudsmama - sorry

 

[somedayisnow]

Caite, I completely forgot about you putting your plans on hold for a bit. I swear I don't know where my mind is at. How's your mom doing while she waits for surgery?

Spudsmama, I hope we're all on our way to BFPs. Your daughter is so cute!

 

[Caite]

It's OK - there's quite a few people to keep up with on here! Mum's OK thanks, just waiting for a date for her surgery now - should be within the next 2 months mum said.

 

[melodyy_mtb]

Hola ladies I'm back!

Well I actually got back last weekend, but I've been rather down. Af got me the day I was leaving so... It's been so long since i got to have a proper try, where I actually had a chance. I guess I just got my hopes up. You know when you just "know" you're pregnant? Lol wel I wasn't. Plus my pms was awful this month. I guess with the o pain I felt, i o'd intensely so got pms intensely? hahaha I dont know.

Anyway I'm cd8. I redid my day 1-5 and rubella bloodwork on Monday. I'm also booked in for my hycosy next Wednesday I'm praying that it doesnt hurt too much. I'm also hoping I don't o till afterwards as I'm prohibited from SI before the ultrasound, and if the rumors are true, I could be extra fertile afterwards

somedayisnow I'm sorry about the cyst they found, but your approach to it all is great. The next few months will fly by, what with all the prep you're doing

Caite I hope your mum is doing well. I see you've changed your signature to next spring. At least you have a more definitive time on when you'll be ttc. Like I said to someday, the time will fly by, especially when you're preparing. It did for me.

keebs Sorry to hear about your donor's father. I hate looking for new donors too. It would be awesome if he could donate this cycle, but if not I really hope you find a reliable (non weirdo lol) in time. Fx for you hun. I'm in awe onf both you and Rags hehe. I plan on using cloth nappies, so I'll deifnitely be picking your brain. I love researching things too. The vt k and delayed clamping has definitely pricked my interest.

Rags Such a beatuiful way of explaining things. Sound like you and your son are perfect for each other. I love thinking of having a baby like that. As i said to keebs, I'm also in awe of you and her. You ladies are a major inspiration and I'll be asking all sorts of questions when i conceive lol.

 

[Caite]

Melody Hopefully you will be extra fertile after next Wednesday. Other than AF arriving, I hope you had a good time away? My mum's OK - she's waiting for a date for her surgery, and still working in the meantime. She and I are going to my cousin's tomorrow, so lots of baby cuddles! I'm going to be extra broody tomorrow evening.

There are a number of things in midwifery that are done routinely (or routinely by some midwives) which I will not be consenting to. I don't want vitamin K. I want delayed cord clamping. I want a physiological (no drugs) third stage. I do not want routine CTGs (I think the older midwives do this more often - if someone has to deliver on labour ward, some of the older midwives do a CTG on arrival routinely, even if it is not indicated (for example, women who have had a previous shoulder dystocia/PPH/3rd or 4th degree tears) and it really bugs me). I don't want routine induction of labour due to gestation. I won't phone up/go in just to confirm my waters go if they go before going in to labour. I would have to really consider whether I was induced due to waters going or whether I would opt just for monitoring if I didn't go in to labour within 24 hours of my waters breaking. I don't want to have my waters broken. I won't deliver on the bed lying on my back. On labour ward, I will eat if I want something to eat. I would, I think, consent to a student being there and possibly to being one of a student's practise caseload women, just cos I know how difficult it can be to get numbers.

I feel as though I have to keep postponing TTC - initially I wanted to start TTC in March this year, as soon as I finished uni. Then I moved it to June, just so I would have time to start a new job, then it was September so I could sort out finances and stuff, now it's next spring. Whatever happens, I will start TTC next spring. I wanted children young - I wanted to have 4 children and to have my last at the age of 27. I'm 27 now and have no children. If I get pregnant next spring, I'll be 29 when I have the baby.

The worst bit is when I was 19, I think I had a miscarriage at about 8 or 9 weeks pregnant. I missed a period or two and the dates all tied in with, well, a guy. I had awful cramps (never have period pain), and passed clots and the bleeding was much heavier than usual and went on for a lot longer than usual. And you know (I feel like an awful person admitting this), I felt relieved at the time. I felt pleased that I wasn't going to be a mum. I had just started uni, about 7 or 8 weeks before, and the guy was an idiot (he never knew). I was on my first placement. I was out with the health visitor so there were lots of babies, and it didn't bother me. The bleeding started on the Tuesday (quite light), on the Wednesday it got heavier, clottier and more painful. I had a morning visiting an organisation and went home at lunchtime - I was flooding pads - I phoned the health visitor and said I wasn't well so wouldn't be coming in in the afternoon. I had the Thursday and Friday off sick, and went back in the Monday. The only thing I was worried about was leaking. It didn't bother me that I was around babies. Quite often, when I'm driving alone (which is a lot), especially at night, I now think about that probably miscarriage. I feel angry at myself for not caring at the time - for actually being relieved. I sometimes even cry about it. And I wonder if that was my one chance to be a mum.

This post was starting off quite upbeat, and then I started writing about my age, and that lead me on to the rest of it. Sorry - I didn't meant to write such a depressing post.

 

[K.N]

Hey ladies I'm still here floating in and out - have had troubles with internet, then had no computer; gets hard to keep up hahaa!!
Haven't given baby making a try the past 3 months, though I definitely ovulated last month / so that's good started writing individual replies to some of your messages; but it's just too hard to do in my phone! Will definitely reply properly though when I'm next on my laptop.
Hope your all doing well . Have missed my ttc/wtt buddies while I've been internetless hahaa!

 

[Caite]

Good to see you back KN - I wondered where/how you were

 

[somedayisnow]

Caite, your 2nd to last post made me sad. Your feelings about the miscarriage you had at 19 were completely understandable and NO that was not your last chance to be a mom. I truly believe that a woman should only be a mom when she's ready to be one. You're ready now and you're going to be a great one.

 

[Keebs]

Caite
I am so sorry, it must be hard not to wonder 'what if'. I still remember my boss being aghast that a poll of local uni students (females) showed over 80% would rather catch HIV than get pregnant. OK so we are going back around 20 years here but even so, I think it illustrates just how life shattering an unplanned pregnancy is for young women. To feel relief rather than sorrow was not only understandable, but perfectly natural

Totally agree with somedasyisnow, you are going to make a fantastic mother.

Speaking of fantastic, you sound like a pretty fantabulous midwife (and nurse) too. A little sad you won't be mine frankly

Didn't know that about the vitamin K, I have to administer it now and again. Will definitely bear this in mind for my veggie/vegan patients


somedayisnow
Sorry about the cyst, the rest of the meeting seems to be pretty positive though, hurrah for plentiful follicles . Love your attitude to the delay in ttc, something I think I need to emulate


SpudsMama
Darn witch Lets hope that's the last you see of her for a goodly while. Everything crossed for this cycle


melodyy_mtb
So sorry . Am a wee bit glad you got to experience a little excitement though, ttc should have a bit of that now and again. Hopefully next time the witch wont crash your party and ruin it all. Good luck for Wednesday, can't tell you how much I hope it helps give you your BFP

Thank you for your kind words. I do the best I can, as do we all. I think we are lucky as single mums by choice because we do not have to compromise on our parenting ideals at all. This gives us an edge over 2 parent families I think... clearly I am totally biased though


K.N
Yay for ovulation when do you see your specialist again? for you too, this ttc lark is hard, hard, hard.



My cycle remains unpredicatable (makes it very hard to plan a conception you know, what with his work, my work, a toddler and a 2 hour drive each way to factor in... I really wanna give myself/hormones a good shake/boot up the bum!) this month is probably out. I think I geared up for O but it just fizzled out

Donor text to say his Dad passed away last week so he would be unavailable for remainder of said week. Small part of me wonders if this is why O fizzled. Dunno, but I like that idea better than plain old confused hormones

 

[Keebs]

Caite, saw this on another thread recently and found it rather touching, hope you do too. I don't know your beliefs so hope you don't find it offensive. I'll remove it if so

This is an excerpt from "The Baby Catcher"


Spirit Baby

Colin, my twelve-year-old son, discovered me late one rainy afternoon sitting at the kitchen table, a damp Kleenex crumpled in my left hand, wiping my eyes as I tried to compose myself for his sake. It was the third week of January, two months after I’d miscarried a pregnancy, but I still found it impossible to get through a day without at least one meltdown into misery.

...

Colin asked, "Are you crying about the baby?" and when I nodded tearfully, he said, "Well, you just have to have another one, Mom, because it’s a Spirit Baby, and you should be its mother."

I must have looked puzzled because he said, "Don’t you know about Spirit Babies? How could I know about them if you don’t? I mean, you’re my mom!" But he could see my perplexity.

So my first child, this not-yet-teenaged boy, pulled a wooden chair to my side and draped his thin arm across my shoulders, saying, "Well, Mom, here’s how it is. See, I was one myself, so that must be how I know. Anyway, every woman has a circle of babies that goes around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in line. If she gets pregnant, then that’s the baby that’s born. If she doesn’t get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with all the others. If she gets pregnant but something bad happens before the baby’s born…now listen, Mom, because here’s the really cool part. It goes back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies give it cuts. Each month, it’s always first in line. Isn’t that great?

"So you just have to get pregnant again, and you’ll have the same Spirit Baby. If you don’t, though, then the baby circle will just beam that little Spirit Baby over to some other woman’s circle, and it’ll be first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until it finally gets born.

"But it’d be a shame for you not to have it yourself, because I know how much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember that baby you lost before I was born?" I nodded wordlessly. "Well, that was me. Really. I’ve always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I’m talking about here, Mom."

(the story goes on that several months later, she did finally decide to try again and conceived her 'spirit baby', for 'the joy of it'--to quote her tweenage children)

 

[fairytales87]

Caite: your second last post made me cry and is something I can very much relate to. You will be an amazing mum when the time comes massive hugs

Melody: I'm sorry you got af I hope your next cycle is the one
are you starting treatment this cycle or is it another natural one?

Keebs: unpredictable cycles are so frustrating you seem to be able to see a good side to the frustrations of ttc I admire this wish I could too!

KN: Good to see you back! Woohoo for a perfect ovulation

Spudsmama: I'm sorry af arrived everything crossed for you that you get your bfp this cycle

Ufm: I've been away from the boards and not really posting
as I needed time out I'm currently waiting on my cycle to return however I won't be ttc soon I will be working on getting myself together for when I'm ready to start properly this time

 

[Caite]

Somedayisnow - thank you. I hope I get to be a great mum some day in the not too distant future. Sorry my post made you sad. I've not told anyone before about it. I started typing, and it all just came out.

Keebs - that's a lovely thing to say. Thank you so much. I have had to administer Vitamin K as a nurse, and I never knew it then, either. It's only because we had to do mini-essays to go in our portfolio and I decided to do one on Vitamin K that I found out about it. But a number of research articles I found said that a lot of health care professionals, including pharmacists (which is kind of shocking) don't know that Vitamin K (and it possibly said other drugs, but I can't really remember as I wasn't looking at them) come from cows (or other animals). I don't have any religious beliefs, but I find that story lovely. Sorry about your donor's dad. Hopefully he'll be back ready for you next ovulation, and sorting out the child, job, transport etc isn't too troublesome.

Fairytales - sorry my post made you cry too. I feel a bit bad that I've put a bit of a downer on the thread. Anyway, your update sounds exciting. Hopefully the wait won't be too long, and then you'll get a nice, speedy BFP.

We've been to see my cousin today and had lots of cuddles with their baby. He's so cute and grown loads, and he's changed so much in the few weeks since we last saw him. It was actually a little weird holding a baby which wasn't newborn! I'm super broody now, and it was so obvious my mum really wants a grandchild of her own (I think she's a little jealous of her sister!). She asked, if I have a baby, can she look after it over night. I don't know why she asked for overnight - maybe cos she's used to working nights? - but she seemed quite excited by the idea. I almost told her in the car driving home about my plans, but didn't quite manage it. I think I will end up telling her at some point - I've been so close to it so many times.

 

[fairytales87]

Caite:We are here for each other on this thread when things are good and when they aren't so good, you obviously needed to get it out and I'm glad you were able to share with us and let us support you facing a miscarriage is not easy especially on your own & to keep it to yourself for all that time too
Awww little baby cuddles are the best, I'm going to visit my family in a few weeks and my cousin has a baby girl who will be 6 months old when we visit and I cannot wait for cuddles even though I know it make me desperate for one of my own! Bless your mum she sounds like she will make an awesome grandmother when the time comes my mum always gets mega excited by new babies in the family but I know she is jealous and would love a grandchild of her own and I feel bad that I'm making her wait so long! I told my mum my plans after I had truly looked at my options but I wish I had waited now however I hope you can share your journey with yours and she sounds like she would be a great support x

 

[Caite]

She's been desperate to be a grandmother for years - I think she started asking me about it when I was about 20! She was in her mid 30s when she had me and my sister, which 27 years ago was quite late for a first child. All her friends from school had children a good 10 years earlier, so most of them have been grandparents for quite a while.

 

[K.N]

Argh; Had written out a message, then accidentally changed page - and now it's gone, sigh. Ahwell hahaa; I tried my best to catch up! Sounds like you've all had your own little tricky bouts of ttc - and wtt!

First up Caite: hugs!! No need to apologise for posting sad posts, they come from your heart - we're all here for you, that's the good thing with this forum huh . I'm not really a believer of single chances; there are endless chances in this world - sometimes, we just need to work a little harder than others for them. Maybe; someone knew that at that time - you just weren't ready, and thought they'd save your little angel - for when you are. I'm sure when you get to start trying, and conceive - you'll make an excellent mom. And your time, for that - will definitely come xxx I too am intrigued by your controversial decisions, I think they may be my next route of research!! I think currently here, delayed cord clamping - is a choice; neither expected, nor frowned upon. I'm pretty sure vitamin K is a standard requirement - however should it be refused; it can't be forced. I want to look into the vitamin K, as I do immunisations. Research is always good for a distraction and time filler lol.

Keebs: Unfortunately my specialist appointments are now over; There's not really a lot more they can do for me now. They've put me on the massive waiting list, given me piles of things to read. Told me I wont have any further tests - until closer to IUI time in 2016. It's good, not to be going to the clinic - but it leaves me at a kind of dead end really! It's either conceive, or wait a really long time hahaa!


Melody: Good luck for your hycosy! I'm sure it'll go just well, and I too hope you o after - and score a bfp as a result of extra fertility!! Sorry to hear you got hit with another period

 

[Caite]

Thank you KN. Keebs was the one who brought up the 'controversial' decisions - I then just had a bit of a rant about stuff in general! But I completely agree with her - I want everything as natural and normal as possible and won't be accepting any intervention unless I deem it clinically necessary. I would love to have twins, but I know that would automatically class me as high risk, so I wouldn't be allowed to have a home birth (unless I did it against medical advice). Delayed cord clamping is fairly new as a routine thing here. Consequently, most of the older midwives, particularly those who have practised for a long time on consultant units, aren't very good at doing. One of my last mentors was really good. She would have me feel the cord and wait until it stopped pulsating before clamping it. For a physiological third stage, you have to leave the cord be until the placenta is delivered.

That's good that you don't have to go back to the clinic, but it sucks that you have to wait until 2016. I hope you get a BFP long before then!

 

[Keebs]

Good luck today Melody

 

[KelWin]

Hi everyone, haven't been on here in a while, but I thought I'd come in and say hi, and let everyone know I'm doing my first AI tonight, fx.

 

[K.N]

Hi everyone, haven't been on here in a while, but I thought I'd come in and say hi, and let everyone know I'm doing my first AI tonight, fx.

fingers and toes are all crossed Kelwin!! Goodluck & lots of baby dust

 

[Caite]

Good luck Kelwin