Any teens TTC?

[Wobbles]

HOWEVER not all under 18s live at home with their folks, some people leave school at 16, get a full time job, rent their own home, pay their own bills etc etc.

I went out in to the big wide world at 16 I had my own flat had to pay my own bills fight for my own way in life I just can't image doing that with a baby it was HARD & a baby is HARD work - worth it certainly (bring your own in to this world) but not enough to encourage a 16 TTC just because they 'could' get their own place struggle with their bills NOTHING these days falls at your feet easily!

Young girls get pregnant most of the time unplanned & BabyandBump has a support area for that I don't judge or think less of a teen Mum just because I won't support a girl at school age TTC & I don't find a 16TEEN & a 19TEEN on the same wave lenght of what age is acceptable to actively try bring another life in to todays world.

 

[TashaAndBump]

theres no need to get on the defensive.

my question ment what it said, ella said she didnt expect benefits etc etc i was interested to see what she would expect if she got pregnant say today as i wrote in my previous post.
im not that much older than you and was pregnant and alone at 18 i by no means have any issue with teen mums.

i have an issue with under 18s ttc though.

ella its great that you have a good support network and your family around you

Well I believe Ella had already answered that question - she does not expect to live off of benefits and get a coucil house over night by getting pregnant. I assume then that meants Ella, that you intend to be stable financially and have your own place before TTC? She did after all say that she was not trying for a baby any time soon...

As for regarding under 18's TTC, I don't think you can put them all in the same boat... If ANYONE intends to get pregnant without the means to support themselves or the baby, and without being in a stable relationship, or to look after the baby well, then I think everyone would agree there's an issue there. HOWEVER not all under 18s live at home with their folks, some people leave school at 16, get a full time job, rent their own home, pay their own bills etc etc.

There are many over 18s who get pregnant intentially when they are unable to look after the baby as well as there being younger people who stupidly get pregnant under mislead beliefs that it will bring them love, or fill a whole in their life, or will get them a free house and benefits.

I don't mean to be overly defensive - I just mean to clarify that not all teens expect an easy life of benefits and freebies - Some people really do know what they are doing when they decide to have a baby. Under 16s is a different story, but once you have left school if you have your own house and life (rather than being under your parents roof) I really do think it is down to individual choice. After all, who said that you have to have a degree to have a baby? (I know you didn't) but society seems to have taken this approach to parenting whereby if you've not gone to uni and aren't married then you're an idiot to start a family - It is my strong belief that being financially sound, and in a supportive, loving relationship is more than good enough foundations to build a family on.

I'm 17 an have a little boy who was born when i was 16 and i still live at home with my mum. i couldn't have done this without my mum . everything else you say is so true though x

Aww hun! I'm not saying you should move out and stop relying on your mum the second you get pregnant! Especially if that pregnancy was an accident! I do believe that you shouldn't intentionally get pregnant if you are still living at home, and intend to depend on your mother after having the baby, too.

I don't think it's fair when people TTC when they are living at home without discussing it with their parents first - as the parents of the teenager doing so will have to change their lives completey an adjust to having a baby live at home, which they never planned for. If you see what I mean?

If you get pregnant accidentally and your parent supports you, it's a different matter altogether and I think that's lovely that you have that support, hun. x

 

[Wobbles]

NOBODY judged but people have commented in their option that they won't support a certain age TTC! Don't mix judging & supporting they mean two different things and once you point at someone and deem them 'judging' you put them in bad light when thats not how it is at all.

I think people have the right to openly say they won't 'support' a girl in school years try to conceive!

 

[TashaAndBump]

HOWEVER not all under 18s live at home with their folks, some people leave school at 16, get a full time job, rent their own home, pay their own bills etc etc.

I went out in to the big wide world at 16 I had my own flat had to pay my own bills fight for my own way in life I just can't image doing that with a baby it was HARD & a baby is HARD work - worth it certainly (bring your own in to this world) but not enough to encourage a 16 TTC just because they 'could' get their own place struggle with their bills NOTHING these days falls at your feet easily!

Young girls get pregnant most of the time unplanned & BabyandBump has a support area for that I don't judge or think less of a teen Mum just because I won't support a girl at school age TTC & I don't find a 16TEEN & a 19TEEN on the same wave lenght of what age is acceptable to actively try bing another life in to todays world.

Again, I'm not encouraging anyone to TTC. I'm just saying that not all under-18s who try for a baby are getting themselves into something they don't understand or won't do well. Some people are well off financially, have a supportive OH, and decide that they want a family as their next step - because they did things a little differently, and may have done everything else they want to do before having a child. I wouldn't encourage somebody in that situation because it's not my place - but I wouldn't judge or discourage them, either - It's not my place.

 

[Jayden'sMummy]

Aww hun! I'm not saying you should move out and stop relying on your mum the second you get pregnant! Especially if that pregnancy was an accident! I do believe that you shouldn't intentionally get pregnant if you are still living at home, and intend to depend on your mother after having the baby, too.

I don't think it's fair when people TTC when they are living at home without discussing it with their parents first - as the parents of the teenager doing so will have to change their lives completey an adjust to having a baby live at home, which they never planned for. If you see what I mean?

If you get pregnant accidentally and your parent supports you, it's a different matter altogether and I think that's lovely that you have that support, hun. x

I don't rely on my mum nor do i depend on her for money etc.. i support myself and my baby by myself, i started college yesterday an have a Saturday job, i am doing my best to support my baby and make a better future for us before i move out, i feel i can do that in time without a rush.

i know you didn't mean any harm by it nor anyone else, just when your actually one of the under17s this is aimed at makes me feel a little down thats all. yeh under 18s ttc is a bit silly, i would have loved to have had my childhood however i wouldn't change my baby/my life for the world xx

 

[TashaAndBump]

NOBODY judged but people have commented in their option that they won't support a certain age TTC! Don't mix judging & supporting they mean two different things and once you point at someone and deem them 'judging' you put them in bad light when thats not how it is at all.

I think people have the right to openly say they won't 'support' a girl in school years try to conceive!

Again, I have already said that I wouldn't support somebody in school TTC. I think my posts have been misread.

I'm stepping out here - as I feel I am being put in a bad light, when I am simply trying to put my view across that not all under 18's trying for a baby are doing something wrong.

 

[TashaAndBump]

Aww hun! I'm not saying you should move out and stop relying on your mum the second you get pregnant! Especially if that pregnancy was an accident! I do believe that you shouldn't intentionally get pregnant if you are still living at home, and intend to depend on your mother after having the baby, too.

I don't think it's fair when people TTC when they are living at home without discussing it with their parents first - as the parents of the teenager doing so will have to change their lives completey an adjust to having a baby live at home, which they never planned for. If you see what I mean?

If you get pregnant accidentally and your parent supports you, it's a different matter altogether and I think that's lovely that you have that support, hun. x

I don't rely on my mum nor do i depend on her for money etc.. i support myself and my baby by myself, i started college yesterday an have a Saturday job, i am doing my best to support my baby and make a better future for us before i move out, i feel i can do that in time without a rush.

i know you didn't mean any harm by it nor anyone else, just when your actually one of the under17s this is aimed at makes me feel a little down thats all. yeh under 18s ttc is a bit silly, i would have loved to have had my childhood however i wouldn't change my baby/my life for the world xx

Ohh I didn't mean that either! I said that if you TTC and intend to depend on your parents for money and a place to live then that is questionable, but when I said it's good that your parents support you I meant emotionally and in the other ways that they did - re: the support you mentioned earlier that you 'couldn't have done all this without'.

Hun, I didn't mean to offend you at all. Or anyone

 

[TashaAndBump]

IMHO you can not say that NO under 18s should be TTC.

In the UK anyone under the age of 18 is technically a minor. You cannot drink, smoke, get married (without parent consent), own a creditcard/get credit or enter into any legal contract... So are you saying in some circumstances TTC under the age of 18 should be encouraged/supported. I only ask because this is something that has been bought up recently about what is allowed on BnB.

I never said it should be encouraged. I just said that you can't say that in all cases it is wrong.

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

ok im nt here 2 argue fight or p!ss anyone off just 2 put my opionin across... the thought of under 18s TRYING to get pregnant does slightly annoy me. mainly for the fact i think your teenage years are for living... going out experimenting having fun. I got preg at 18 married at 19. im now nearly 21... i dont have a carrer, and i gave up my life 2 move away from everything and live with my husband.
if my kids came 2 me at any age under 18 and said mum i want a baby, i think id be mortified and cry.. some of you can use the * well its my life im an adult line* but just think maybe your parents want the best for you... yes im trying for a baby but im 21 and married.
yes there are teens who fall pregnant under 18, sometimes by accident or watever. i dnt agree with abortion thefore should look after what they made. and yes iv seen some great parents who are under 18 but thats only because they have to due to gettingt pregnant by accident..

dont sit there and plan a baby under 18.. go out get p!ssed and party untill your feet are blistered...

there will be a time when you think right iv partied hard.. iv drank untill i could now i wanna settle.
try when you no you have everything inthe world for you your partner and your baby

hope that didnt affend any1

 

[TashaAndBump]

HOWEVER not all under 18s live at home with their folks, some people leave school at 16, get a full time job, rent their own home, pay their own bills etc etc.

I went out in to the big wide world at 16 I had my own flat had to pay my own bills fight for my own way in life I just can't image doing that with a baby it was HARD & a baby is HARD work - worth it certainly (bring your own in to this world) but not enough to encourage a 16 TTC just because they 'could' get their own place struggle with their bills NOTHING these days falls at your feet easily!

Young girls get pregnant most of the time unplanned & BabyandBump has a support area for that I don't judge or think less of a teen Mum just because I won't support a girl at school age TTC & I don't find a 16TEEN & a 19TEEN on the same wave lenght of what age is acceptable to actively try bring another life in to todays world.

Before I step out altogher, I would like to clarify that I would never encourage a 16TEEN year old to TTC - as I have said from the very first post, a SCHOOL AGE girl and somebody who has left school and supports themselves etc are completely different cases. I would never support somebody in school and living at home unable to support their own family to TTC. And I never said that I would.

I stand by that you can't put all under 18s in the same boat, though! Some 17 year olds genuinely do know what they are doing when they decide to start their own family.

 

[StirCrazy]

Some 17 year olds genuinely do know what they are doing when they decide to start their own family.

I agree to a certain degree, but where do you draw the line (and who is qualified to make that distinction)? This is why we have a Teen Pregnancy forum and not a Teen TTC forum.

 

[Uvlollypop]

ah crap look what i started.

 

[TashaAndBump]

ah crap look what i started.

You didn't start anything, hun. This thread was always going to provoke controversial debate, and as I understand it, the babyandbump team were already considering a ban on the encouragement of teenagers TTC, so the way I see it, this conversation was pretty inevitable? Hope it's okay to say that?

Regarding the question of the line, StirCrazy, was that hypothetical or would you like an answer?

My answer would be that I don't think there is a line. Every individual is different, which is what I have been trying to say throughout. You can not place all people of the same age in the same boat. You can say for instance, that under no circumstances should people who are not ready or who can not support themselves let alone a family be 'encouraged' to have kids. HOWEVER all people of a certain age? No (within reason - obviously for dependent, school-age kids it's a no-go), because no age group is entirely the same - every 17 year old is an individual and has their own individual circumstances, as is the case of every person of all ages. For some 28 year olds starting a family would be a bad move, I think you can say that for the majority of under-18s it's not the smartest thing in the world, but you cannot say that all under 18s are doing something wrong by making the conscious decision to TTC.

Unless you know their situation, you can't really say whether they should or shouldn't be trying for a family. That's just my opinion and I hope it doesn't upset anyone.

Please let me know if I am out of place by pushing this view - if you are definately going to place a new rule that you say it's okay for some under18 (but above school age) couples to TTC, then please let me know - I don't want a ban! I couldn't live without BnB atm!

 

[moomin_troll]

i think at any age its a massive thing to be pregnant or ttc and at 16 although i seemed older than i was i understood that i was still a baby and even tho im now 20 and pregnant its still a huge thing to deal with and is very difficult both pysicaly and mentaly.

i do think its stupid (if thats the right word) to ttc under the age of 18 as ur not even classed as an adult and yes u may work but that doesnt mean ur stable.

im not sayin under 18's r bad mums because of their age i just think its abit daft to plan to have a baby so young seen as ur a baby urself.

then again we cant say just cuz someone id over 18 that they are ready for a baby either cuz i no some people over the age of 20 who act like complete children still.

my baby was planned but came at a time i wasnt expecting it so unplanned to a extent and it was such a big shock now both me n my oh work full time im a administrator n hes in the army n yet we are finding it so hard n baby isnt even here yet.

full time jobs doesnt mean ur ready to support a baby so i think people should stop using that as a reason they are ready for a baby.

 

[TashaAndBump]

i think at any age its a massive thing to be pregnant or ttc and at 16 although i seemed older than i was i understood that i was still a baby and even tho im now 20 and pregnant its still a huge thing to deal with and is very difficult both pysicaly and mentaly.

i do think its stupid (if thats the right word) to ttc under the age of 18 as ur not even classed as an adult and yes u may work but that doesnt mean ur stable.

im not sayin under 18's r bad mums because of their age i just think its abit daft to plan to have a baby so young seen as ur a baby urself.

then again we cant say just cuz someone id over 18 that they are ready for a baby either cuz i no some people over the age of 20 who act like complete children still.

my baby was planned but came at a time i wasnt expecting it so unplanned to a extent and it was such a big shock now both me n my oh work full time im a administrator n hes in the army n yet we are finding it so hard n baby isnt even here yet.

full time jobs doesnt mean ur ready to support a baby so i think people should stop using that as a reason they are ready for a baby.

No but it's a factor. I used it more to distinguish between the different types of teens (i.e. school going and dependent or self-sufficient and financially stable) rather than as a reason to have a baby or a sign they are for sure ready.

As you said, some over-20s are not ready to have a baby and act they like children, so how can you say that all under 18s are babies and not ready to have children? I would agree that's the majority are not ready to start a family, but I don't think you could say they couldn't be just because they are under 18. Everybody is different.

 

[moomin_troll]

i also said that im not saying under 18s r bad mums just because of their age i simply said in the eyes of the law they are still children.

i was 19 when me n oh started talking about a family so im not against teen pregnancy i just think at a certain age u shouldnt start ttc cuz between the ages of 16-19 is when we do our most growing up finding out who we are and what we want and i think planning a baby at that time isnt the right thing to do after all why not wait?

 

[polo_princess]

HOWEVER not all under 18s live at home with their folks, some people leave school at 16, get a full time job, rent their own home, pay their own bills etc etc.

I went out in to the big wide world at 16 I had my own flat had to pay my own bills fight for my own way in life I just can't image doing that with a baby it was HARD & a baby is HARD work - worth it certainly (bring your own in to this world) but not enough to encourage a 16 TTC just because they 'could' get their own place struggle with their bills NOTHING these days falls at your feet easily!

I agree ... some under 18's do do this but lets face it, like wobbs has said nothing falls at your feet easily.

We cant realistically say that a 16/17 year old can be in the right position to activrely TTC. Come on it takes years of hard work and commitment to build up a "decent" and stable life for yourself, it doesnt happen overnight you have to work at these things. Ok so they may have a job/car/house but i would put money on it that at that age 99% of it is financed/loaned/rented ... is that really how you would want to live life?

 

[moomin_troll]

also has anyone thought about the medical side. after all u have to be 16 plus to have sex and thats because ur body is just about ready to be able to cope with sex that doesnt mean ur body will be able to handle a pregnancy.

this point might sound stupid but i thought id add it lol

 

[TashaAndBump]

also has anyone thought about the medical side. after all u have to be 16 plus to have sex and thats because ur body is just about ready to be able to cope with sex that doesnt mean ur body will be able to handle a pregnancy.

this point might sound stupid but i thought id add it lol

The law is actually to stop people who are not emotionally mature enough being taken advantage of by older, potentially harmful adults. Also this law is there to stop people falling pregnant at an age where they would be considered totally unable in every sense to cope with parenthood. This is a very controversial point and let me be VERY clear that I disagree with sex below the age of consent, I would not encourage sex any earlier than that - if the relatioship was right for sex, it would last out until the participants were both legally old enough, but the female body is 'ready' for sex at quite a young age - It's different for everybody, but I think the average age the female human body reaches that point in puberty is about 14? Again - I would not encourage sex at that age, in fact I think it is very, very wrong.

 

[moomin_troll]

also has anyone thought about the medical side. after all u have to be 16 plus to have sex and thats because ur body is just about ready to be able to cope with sex that doesnt mean ur body will be able to handle a pregnancy.

this point might sound stupid but i thought id add it lol

The law is actually to stop people who are not emotionally mature enough being taken advantage of by older, potentially harmful adults. This is a very controversial point and let me be VERY clear that I disagree with sex below the age of consent, I would not encourage sex any earlier than that - if the relatioship was right for sex, it would last out until the participants were both legally old enough, but the female body is 'ready' for sex at quite a young age - It's different for everybody, but I think the average age the female human body reaches that point in puberty is about 14?

so if u think that people under 16 who feel they are ready for sex should wait then why dont u think the same should apply for people to wait until they are classed as adults to wait to have babies!