Big hugs to you hun!
I am so sorry that your brother is so mean to you and you and your Mom aren't getting along. Maybe it is time to give yourself some space from them? Especially your brother. Maybe tell him that if he can't treat you with respect and kindness that you are going to give him some space for a while? He sounds very childish and like an ass for sure!
It sounds like he needs to grow up still!
It is hard to make friends in general and as we grow older and go through different phases, like marriage and moving away it gets harder!
My mother and I aren't getting along because she verbally and emotionally abuses me. So in reality it's her not getting along with me. She does these things unprovoked, she'll out of the blue tell me I'm selfish and when I protest she'll say "I can say whatever I want to you and you just have to put up with it!" There was the time she scared me and when I told her she gave me a heart attack she said "That's impossible dear, you don't have a heart!" with this smile on her face. Whenever I don't want to take her advice, she'll scream all sorts of nasty things to me so I end up hanging up and then calls me anywhere from 2 weeks to 1 month later acting like nothing happened and when I've tried confronting her, she just tells me she's done nothing wrong. The best was when she'd gotten mad at me for yet again (politely) disagreeing with her and a couple of weeks later it was her birthday and I hadn't heard from her (silent treatment from her). DH (we were dating at the time) told me I should just bike over to her house so I did. I didn't have the key anymore so had to ring the doorbell. She opened it, got this pissed off look on her face and then
slammed the door in my face!I once tried confronting her on all the abusive things she's said and done but she refuses to discuss things and just says she remembers none of it (not even the very memorable stuff) and then starts crying about poor her and her childhood, no empathy for me, no apology for any of it. Luckily I knew enough about NPD that I wasn't expecting one
This woman has pitted my brother against me. Every time I haven't given in to everything she wants or says, she's called him to get him to berate me (where he comes with nasty condescending remarks and will insult me to no end). This is what narcissistic mothers do, they verbally and emotionally abuse their children and pit the favorite golden child (my brother) against the scapegoat (me). It's called triangulation.
Unfortunately, I don't think that'd work with him since he has NPD. People with this mental disorder don't respect boundaries, they believe they have the right to treat you how they please and you just need to put up with it or suffer their rages or silent treatments until you do. People with NPD haven't developed emotionally beyond the age of 6 or so. He'd probably just tell me that I'm the one that's wrong and it's me that needs to change. This man is in his 50's, he's not gonna change, people with NPD refuse to because they believe they are
never wrong. They will even go to extremes by gaslighting you e.g. they re-write history so it's you who was the wrong party and they're the innocent ones. My mother and brother both do this. These are the reasons most psychiatrists won't bother treating them because they're impossible to treat when they believe they never, ever do any wrong. Because really, how do you treat someone like that?
As to the friend making it's very difficult here. Because of the verbal abuse, I was also very shy and mistrusting of people so it always took me too long to open up and most people didn't have the patience for it. Luckily in college I met hubby and his nice guy friends that also became my friends but otherwise no one really (other than this one woman who's extremely insecure at age 33) and people in this country stop making friends after college. I've heard stories of people moving here that otherwise had no problems making friends where they lived but here found it very challenging. This one woman got to talking to another woman at the fitness center and one day after months of chatting invited her out for coffee. The other woman's answer "Nope, sorry, I already have enough friends"
Doesn't help I'm a housewife either.