Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[crystal8]

Jezika, which province are you in if you don't mind me asking? In Ontario you can get assistance for infertility if you've been trying for 6 months and are over 30. Hopefully you won't be someone who needs it, but the supports are there.

They don't want you to take recurrent antibiotics because of the risk of creating more resistant bacteria. Even while pregnant with a loss due to infection (unknown source) last year they don't want me taking them if there's no active infection. So I get tested every 2 weeks. Have you thought about cranberry juice? There have been some positive studies for people who get recurrent infections when they drink cranberry juice regularly. At the very least it can't hurt.

 

[drjo718]

Jezika- not to scare you, but I had plenty of regular ultrasounds, including vaginal ones, at regular docs and the specialist, and none of them found my submucosal fibroid...only the sonohysterogram did.

 

[deafgal01]

That's the name Iready! Thanks!

 

[Angel5000]

Jezika - have you tried cranberry supplements to help with UTIs? I got one that was incredibly painful and debilitating - and I have a pain tolerance that is pretty high usually. Ever since then I take a large dose of cranberry pills after BD, every time. I don't remember the dosage on mine but it's pretty high. I use chewables because I buy them from a company called Melaleuca that sells all natural cleaning and other products and that's what they have, but you can get them anywhere. You want to get pure cranberry. The other thing I've heard of is D Manose. You can use it regularly as a preventative and a lot of people have said it works well to prevent them if you are prone.

If you do cranberry juice you want to get as pure a form as possible, NO ADDED SUGAR or other mixes - that can make it worse.



AFM - I don't have CH because I'm having thermometer issues. First the batteries die on the weekend I end up getting my +OPK. Then I get new batteries and yesterday the thermometer itself dies. Like really dies. So at 3DPO I didn't get to temp. I'm hoping that tomorrow' temp is enough to get me CH. Right now (today and tomorrow) I'm using a regular thermometer while I wait for my new basal to come (amazon prime!) since I couldn't find one at either of the two stores where I looked.

I'm pretty sure I am 4DPO. However, even though I'm only 4DPO I'm having some really weird issues. Trying so hard not to symptom spot but this is very new for me. First nausea - for 3 days. I thought it was a stomach bug but no fever and it comes and goes. Possibly stress though. So if we rule that out the next one is breast pain. So I mentioned that at 1DPO it was hurting one sided (which is normal for me at about 6DPO until period) but it's getting worse and today both hurt. Not just tender but almost throbbing. And some sharp pains in my left breast.

I swear I'm not trying to symptom spot but the damn breast pain is bad enough that when DH gave me a hug today it really hurt!

Is it even remotely possible to have any signs at 4DPO?! Implantation couldn't even have occurred yet.

....driving myself nuts!

 

[Jezika]

Crystal - I'm in Ontario, and yes, I did actually hear about IVF being covered by OHIP. That's pretty awesome. We're a little ways off that right now, but it's great for that to be an option. As for antibiotics, I totally get it and I hate being on them myself for exactly that reason, but it's a common way of preventing UTIs when they frequently occur after sex. When I lived in an apartment when the clinic was right in my building, I was able to go down each time and confirm infection without too much discomfort, but I guess the other clinic wants to see it for themselves. I also never know when I will get it so I'm not sure routine testing would do much.

Crystal/Angel - I do take cranberry extract supplements every evening and I haven't gotten any UTIs on it will the time we started TTCing so maybe the BD frequency was too much still. But the GP told me that they don't do anything and that it's the juice that works (real juice like you guys said, not the watery sweet cocktail stuff). I don't know what to believe! Those supplements are specifically for UTIs!Melaleuca sounds interesting, though. I'll have to look into it.

Drjo - that's absolutely my concern. I didn't really get a proper answer on how much confidence they'll have in knowing exactly what kind of fibroids I have and how mine specifically might affect fertility. I feel like it's not likely they will be able to tell me and that I'll have to ask to be referred to an obgyn. I mean, that would probably be the best idea anyway, I imagine.

 

[KatO79]

Kat - I hear ya. Unfortunately we can't change others' judgments. I guess you can just talk vaguely about family living overseas and things being busy, and hope that by the time you really get to know a person enough for them to know more about you, they'd be a lot more understanding and know you well enough to see the issue is not with you.

I suppose I could try that although the next hurdle would be some would perhaps pressure for me to "try harder", "blood is thicker than water" and "you don't give up when it's family!" and all that nonsense and think me still a heel for not willing to try anymore, I have after all tried for years and years but some feel you shouldn't give up when it's family - it's of course people that come from happy, normal, loving families that know nothing about abusive family. It'll be even harder to explain because the vast majority of it's been emotional/mental abuse and many still don't understand how damaging it is, especially if you've been put through it your entire life. It all tempts me to say I have no siblings or any other family but that would be lying and if they found out later, it'd make me look bad

AFM, went to doc today. I was a little annoyed because she didn't give me a prescription for antibiotics for UTI (I want to be able to take some after BD to stave off infection). I get terrible UTIs after regular BD, but when I get them I am completely debilitated by the pain and discomfort and have to cancel all my plans last minute, so I struggle to get out to a doc in time to be tested and it usually goes way on its own after a few days anyway. So she did take a urine sample (probably too late to show anything, though) but said she'd only give antibiotics if something shows up and they've seen I do in fact get it repeatedly. So basically I have to wait till it happens again and drag myself out while in agony and try to time it so I don't mess up my various commitments. Anyway, she also confirmed that when I have my ultrasound two years ago, they found many fibroids, the largest of which was 5.3cm. She said the normal pelvic ultrasound should pick up all types of fibroids, which I was a bit skeptical of. I have a new one scheduled in addition to bloodwork to see where I'm at. I hope the doc is right and that I'm not going to be completely oblivious of the presence of submucosal fibroids because of the wrong type of ultrasound.

So sorry you have UTIs so frequently, I've had a couple myself and they're just awful However as someone else already mentioned doctors aren't much for handing out antibiotics for everything due to the risk of creating multi-antibiotic resistant bacteria. I think I've only ever gotten antibiotics about 2 times in my life (1 really bad UTI and 1 strep throat where I was super sick) and both it was because it was really bad infections that warranted them giving it to me. I've also heard of the benefits of cranberry supplements/juice for UTIs and have tried it myself and it seems to work really well. My narcissistic mother tipped me off since she used it herself.

As to your fibroids did she think it would affect your chances of implantation? You could maybe mention you've heard about submucosal ones and think there's a chance you may have some?

 

[crystal8]

Oh Jezika I didn't mean start ivf. That was a few years in to my journey and most people don't have to go that far. Here GP's often won't prescribe things like clomid, etc and they are reluctant to do any kind of fertility work up. So you can get referred to a fertility specialist who usually does a full work up on both partners. Then they can offer things like oral meds, monitored cycles, things like that before moving on to medium tech options like IUI. That's all we did at the beginning until we realized we were dealing with moderate male factor. Again hoping you don't need any of it, but it was nice not having to wait a year before my GP would do anything.

 

[crystal8]

PC from loblaws has an organic 100% pure unsweetened cranberry juice. It tastes nasty on it's own just to be warned.

 

[Angel5000]

Jezika - My doctor said that the supplements would work just fine as long as they were pure cranberry. I can assume the juice would be better because it goes straight through the urinary tract, but at the same time it's really hard to find 100% pure cranberry juice. Everything I can find is a mix (like cranapple or something) and has some extra sugar in it. Probably because it tastes nasty, like crystal said.


AFM - ladies today I woke up and my boobs are aching so bad they almost throb. Since every month has been a little different for me, I have been assuming I'm just leveling out still from bcp. But If my body is still just leveling itself out from bcp and this is my new post-O symptom I might just die. I have a friend I was telling this to and she thinksI should test right now but I am refusing to test just yet. i'm only 5DPO.

Actually FF gave me CH's today but wanted to put me at only 4DPO since I don't have temps for last weekend but I'm 99% sure I O'd on Sunday so I did a manual override and put in my O date for Sunday.

 

[ireadyermind]

Wow, I don't read the forum for a couple of days and it blows up in here! lol. Lots of activity.

I've been skimming through posts. I'll reply to a few things here, let's see...

Jezika - Glad to hear that the cranberry supplements have been working for you so far. Let's hope they keep those annoying infections away! I definitely prefer the supplements over drinking straight cranberry juice. Yikes!


Kat - Okay, I'm going to be kind of blunt about this, just for a heads up.

Frankly, if someone isn't willing to try and be understanding of your situation, they aren't worth your time. How you choose to handle your family is your business and no one else's. So, in my opinion, the people that say "Try harder" and similar phrases to you aren't even trying to understand.

And I still say you need to delete all those people from your FB friends list entirely. I know you think they will be upset with you or whatnot, that they'll turn it into more drama, but if all they care about is themselves, will they even notice that you aren't trying to get their attention any more? They are more likely going to be paying attention to their "fans", the people who lavish them with the kind of attention they want. They're going to do what they do regardless of whether or not you're their FB friend. It is not healthy for you to continue to immerse yourself in their drama. All FB is doing is giving you a front row seat to the show they're putting on. Remove them from your list, and you from their drama.

Having been in a similar position as you, and having severed contact with all the toxic family members, I can say that it is the absolute BEST thing you can do for yourself, even if it's difficult to come to terms with in the first few weeks.


Deafgal - Awesome, glad I could help!



AFM - 8 DPO and woke up with an annoying headache. It seems to be leaving me now, but for a while it felt like I had a hangover, and I haven't had alcohol in weeks! Haha

My BBT went back up after a brief dip, so that's promising. I'm trying to hold out until at least 10dpo before I POAS, and possibly longer. The longer I wait, the more accurate the test, right? That's what I'm telling myself, anyway.

 

[Jezika]

Kat - I do hear your concerns and of course it's hard to say how new friendships will turn out and when you would be expected to disclose more information about your family situation. I would **like** to think that anyone who gets to know you reasonably well, likes you as a person and is an empathic, understanding person themselves would not push their "blood is thicker than water" beliefs so black and whitely on you. I'd hope that by the time you revealed anything about your family that would strike another person as curious, they'd be able to buffer any of their assumptions with their actual knowledge of you and respect you enough to trust your POV and decisions. I don't think there's anything wrong with being guarded up until the point that you're close enough to someone to trust them with your more personal baggage (for the want of a better word). Do you find it's actively holding you back from connecting with others? I appreciate it may feel like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place sometimes.

As for what the doc said about fibroids, she was quite vague and didn't really answer my questions about the different types, just said that they can affect fertility because of there not being enough space for implantation, and that the pelvic ultrasound should show up all the kinds of fibroids.

Crystal - ah, okay, it's good to know that a bunch of different services are covered, which I guess makes sense if IVF is. I hope it won't be hard to get a referral to a specialist. How long did you wait before you started checking things out? Looks like it all worked out for you, so that's awesome Also, thanks for for cranberry juice recommendation! I walk past a huge Loblaws every day, so it should be super convenient to pick up. I HATE the bitterness of cranberry, but can stomach anything if I know it's ultimately good for me.

Angel - thanks for the cranberry recs too. What you said makes sense. Sucks that I thought I was getting it right with the pills but was getting it wrong. Doh! As for you, good luck with holding out with testing! Definitely a good idea if you can manage it! And of course FX for you

 

[crystal8]

I waited 6 months, made an appt with my GP to ask for a referral. I had already looked to see which specialists were in my area and luckily there are a few. I had my first appt with the specialist within 2 months of referral. The GTA has a surplus of specialists for this thing but other areas may have significantly fewer. So your waiting time may vary.

They do a full work up including the saline sono to look for fibroids, etc. It's how they found my polyp which I had removed.My workup took a couple months to do. And we were on oral meds after that for 6 months. Then we did IUI. Which worked on the 4th try, but that was the one I mc. This time I did 4 IUIs and they didn't work so we decided to just go all in and do IVF. Some clinics do not have provincial coverage for IVF and others do. So that affects waiting times as well. We paid out of pocket for our ivf in the summer. So far so good for me but I'm being monitored pretty closely since we do not know the cause of last year's loss in second tri.

I think if at 6 months you got the referral (if you even need it) it's better to have the appt set up and be able to cancel than wait around later. I only started paying when I did IUI, as that is only partially covered. We are very lucky here. Also some workplace benefits cover fertility drugs, so something to find out if you get to that point.

But you are so early on in ttc you probably won't need all of the above. Just know that it's there if you do.

 

[Jezika]

Crystal - thanks for the information. It really is good to know, and I think if we're not getting much luck after four cycles I might get the ball rolling with the referral in case appointments take time. We are in downtown Toronto so I'm hoping there would be enough resources. DH might also have some things covered by workplace benefits so we can look into that too. Did you get your BFP in August? If so, you don't have too long to go! But I appreciate there are still some worries, so it's great you're being closely monitored.

 

[crystal8]

Crystal - thanks for the information. It really is good to know, and I think if we're not getting much luck after four cycles I might get the ball rolling with the referral in case appointments take time. We are in downtown Toronto so I'm hoping there would be enough resources. DH might also have some things covered by workplace benefits so we can look into that too. Did you get your BFP in August? If so, you don't have too long to go! But I appreciate there are still some worries, so it's great you're being closely monitored.

Oh in Toronto you will have lots of choices. Even some of the hospitals have programs. You should be able to get something pretty quickly. Watch out for some shady clinics though. Do your research if you have a lot of choice. Some clinics are all about sucking money out of you and others are not. I think getting the referral in early is a good idea. I'm all about backup plans.

I am being monitored by 3 separate specialists right now. I'm certainly getting my OHIP money's worth. I'm 25 weeks now so getting closer.

I had my embryo transfer in august so I'm due May 11.

 

[DBZ34]

Angel - I've had sore boobs since ov this cycle too. It only happens once in a while for me, but when it does, it's not nice. (And I can't seem to stop touching them to check to see if they're still sore. )

I'd say even if the egg did fertilize, you wouldn't have preggo symptoms just yet. Most likely, what's causing your symptoms is a large amount of progesterone your body is producing. Too early to call it, but I would totally test in a few more days. Hope you get your BFP soon!


Jezika - I'm also prone to terrible UTIs caused by BD. I drink cranberry juice every day and haven't had much of an issue since I made the change. When I drink the 100% cranberry juice, I sometimes mix another juice in with it as a sweetener, but sometimes, I walk on the wild side and just chug it down as quickly as possible. SO TART.



AFM- Chart is looking good (possibly triphasic) but I'm not super hopeful at the moment. Not sure why though. Trying not to read into any symptoms and waiting for my ICs to arrive...I'll probably test whenever they show up.

 

[Jezika]

Crystal - okay, that's good to hear, and I will definitely try to check the clinics out beforehand.

DBZ - I might have to incorporate daily cranberry drinking too. Luckily I'm almost out of my "ineffective" cranberry extract pills anyway. I bought some pure cranberry juice earlier (so expensive!) and I drank a small glass of it, then realized afterwards that I, too, had been walking on the wild side, 'cause it recommends diluting it 1:4 with water.

AFM, I got my thermometer today but realized I'd accidentally bought a standard one, not one for BBT. Luckily, Amazon Prime handles returns seamlessly (I promise I don't work for them), so I got the proper one and will hopefully return this one tomorrow. But boooo because now I won't be able to start temping till right around the time I start O, but at least I have the OPKs.

 

[KatO79]

Kat - Okay, I'm going to be kind of blunt about this, just for a heads up.

Frankly, if someone isn't willing to try and be understanding of your situation, they aren't worth your time. How you choose to handle your family is your business and no one else's. So, in my opinion, the people that say "Try harder" and similar phrases to you aren't even trying to understand.

And I still say you need to delete all those people from your FB friends list entirely. I know you think they will be upset with you or whatnot, that they'll turn it into more drama, but if all they care about is themselves, will they even notice that you aren't trying to get their attention any more? They are more likely going to be paying attention to their "fans", the people who lavish them with the kind of attention they want. They're going to do what they do regardless of whether or not you're their FB friend. It is not healthy for you to continue to immerse yourself in their drama. All FB is doing is giving you a front row seat to the show they're putting on. Remove them from your list, and you from their drama.

Having been in a similar position as you, and having severed contact with all the toxic family members, I can say that it is the absolute BEST thing you can do for yourself, even if it's difficult to come to terms with in the first few weeks.

True yet I do fear that many people will take this stance. I haven't heard many of them yet, only my DH that used to feel (before he had more experience with my NPD family members) that I should try to make it work. His parents don't get it at all but I haven't told them very much about my siblings, mostly my mother but they don't get it with her so thinking it'll be the same with my siblings. I have actually had a woman from another forum that was very nasty about it and told me I was just as selfish and horrible as my mother, even though we'd had almost zero communication on that forum before this. She told me it must run in the family and said it's why I have very few friends in Denmark : because the Danes "love their mommys!"

Anyway as to deleting them from FB, I was thinking when I would go NC, I would sent them both hand-written NC letters only stating that I wish no further communication with them at all (with no mention of past hurts or any justify-argue-defend-explain in it since it does no good anyway). I would still think that at the very least my cousin and my brother's wife would contact me afterwards, my cousin to get me to change my mind and the wife to defend her "poor, abused husband" from me. I've currently put them all on my restricted list and unfollowed them, my stalking of their profiles I stopped around the start of this month so there isn't really any drama. They can't see my updates and therefore can't comment. They can still of course message me but I doubt they'll do that anytime soon since my brother hasn't actually ever messaged/emailed me for almost 2 years, other than that fake apology.

My former therapist, whom I still have sporadic communication with via email, actually feels it would be better for me at this point to concentrate on getting pregnant first and take care of going NC at a later date. She said I should just avoid communication as much as possible until then.

Kat - I do hear your concerns and of course it's hard to say how new friendships will turn out and when you would be expected to disclose more information about your family situation. I would **like** to think that anyone who gets to know you reasonably well, likes you as a person and is an empathic, understanding person themselves would not push their "blood is thicker than water" beliefs so black and whitely on you. I'd hope that by the time you revealed anything about your family that would strike another person as curious, they'd be able to buffer any of their assumptions with their actual knowledge of you and respect you enough to trust your POV and decisions. I don't think there's anything wrong with being guarded up until the point that you're close enough to someone to trust them with your more personal baggage (for the want of a better word). Do you find it's actively holding you back from connecting with others? I appreciate it may feel like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place sometimes.

As for what the doc said about fibroids, she was quite vague and didn't really answer my questions about the different types, just said that they can affect fertility because of there not being enough space for implantation, and that the pelvic ultrasound should show up all the kinds of fibroids.

Yes one can hope that many would react in that way. It's not something I'd tell anyone right from the get go anyway. Other than you ladies here, I've only told DH, to a small degree my in-laws and of course my childish friend. No one else knows.

As to holding me back, I think that part of the reason I haven't made many friends here is having grown up in an emotionally abusive environment led me to have social anxiety and trust issues. I was, and still am to a certain degree, a shy person. My trust issue have lead me to taking a bit longer than most to open up to people and many haven't had the patience or just think I'm weird and not given me a bit more time. I suppose you could in a way compare it to how a dog abused from puppyhood would be with people. Another reason is I came here at age 16 and the older you get, the harder it is to make friends here. The Danes make all their friends from kindergarten and up til and including college and after that it mostly stops. Take my MIL, her 3 closest friends are women she went to kindergarten with. At my age, it'll be a bit difficult, especially until I have a child as most women my age have children and aren't much for being friends with women without children because they feel having children means they're "in another place in their lives" and people without kids wouldn't understand (which is BS but there you go). All of DH's friends with children we only see 1-2 a year. I even had a hairdresser that had had her 1st child 7 months previous to our discussion say that she has dramatically cut down on how often she sees her childless friends and mostly sees friends with children because they "have more in common" and their kids can play together. So yeah, this all amounts to it's generally hard to make friends. I've even heard that many outgoing people that move here have problems making friends here.

I hope that they do find all your fibroids and don't miss any.

 

[cutestuff]

Hi ladies
Crystal congrats on being more than half way and past v day. Is it a boy or girl???
Good luck to everyone waiting to test. Hope this is your cycle. Hope all the mommies in waiting have fantastic pregnancies and safe uneventful labor and deliveries.
Kat for what its worth I don't get along with my family either. Kind of my mom but not dad or sibs and Dh only has a brother left who we don't get to see much. I hear your feelings and it can be hard to not dwell on those negatives and much like anyone or anything that has been abused we both have a high risk of continuing to put ourselves in situations we know will cause problems. I can't do nc cause my parents don't get how serious I feel about some of the stuff my dad has said as well as other things. Also I don't have friends really either. Maybe cause I moved a lot or because I have standards for treating people not everyone likes mainly not lying or doing anything intentionally destructive. Bottom line is sometimes its okay to be a loner because it lets you evaluate your wants and needs so when you come accross people you are more emotionally stable and secure. Helps me a lot.


Afm..... lo had her 2 month check up Thursday with shots. She now weighs 10 pounds half ounce. So she gained nearly 4 pounds in 5 weeks.
I also had an appointment and got word there is still something left in my womb but not enough to worry about and my body will just eventually deal with it. Finally stopped bleeding and found out all these issues were related to an abnormally adherant placenta so when we try again I will have to be scanned for that.....finally done with the drama though which is nice

 

[crystal8]

We've been told 80% chance it's a girl and despite all the u/s, baby has been very uncooperative to have a confirmation peek. I have to keep reminding myself I'm more than half way.

 

[KatO79]

Kat for what its worth I don't get along with my family either. Kind of my mom but not dad or sibs and Dh only has a brother left who we don't get to see much. I hear your feelings and it can be hard to not dwell on those negatives and much like anyone or anything that has been abused we both have a high risk of continuing to put ourselves in situations we know will cause problems. I can't do nc cause my parents don't get how serious I feel about some of the stuff my dad has said as well as other things. Also I don't have friends really either. Maybe cause I moved a lot or because I have standards for treating people not everyone likes mainly not lying or doing anything intentionally destructive. Bottom line is sometimes its okay to be a loner because it lets you evaluate your wants and needs so when you come accross people you are more emotionally stable and secure. Helps me a lot.

Yeah I do remember you mentioning that. So sorry you're in a similiar situation

As to NC, I don't think your family has to understand it, it's so you protect yourself from further abuse. The non-abusive family members just have to respect your decision and if they can't, then I think it depends on how much they keep pressuring you to drop NC with your e.g. Dad and sibs, if they're people you need to go LC with or NC. My brother and sister e.g. will never understand my POV, they consider themselves always right and it's all on me, I'm being "too sensitive" or whatever. I won't be doing NC to make them understand or wait until they understand why I'm doing it (because they never, ever will!), I'll be doing it because I need to protect my emotional and mental health plus completely heal and I can't do any of that completely until they're totally out of my life. So no, they don't have to get why you're doing NC. From what I've read, most abusers will never understand it because they always justify their abuse and any enablers in the family will for the most part take the abuser's side, which makes them feel more powerful and encourages their abusive behavior. NC is accepting you'll never have a healthy, respectful relationship and letting it go to protect yourself - not to make them realise they've been abusive and realise what they've done because that'll never happen!

No need to even explain why you're going NC if you wanted to do so, you just send a letter saying you don't wish any further communication with them, period. No mentioning of what they've done because that can only leads to them invalidating and gaslighting everything anyway plus give them ammunition to further smear campaign you (if your abusers have e.g. NPD). I've also heard some just ignore the abusive family member and block all communication they can e.g. FB and email. If they send you any letters, you throw it away (unless you think it may contain important info for some reason, then you can let your DH read it and let you know if it does or not). If they call, you don't take the phone or if you do by mistake, you hang up. Any gifts they may send you, you can donate to a charity or whatever.

Sorry you also don't have many friends, I know what that's like and I feel it can be hard I personally though don't like being almost a loner I would love to have a few girlfriends (or even some male friends for that matter) I could go out with and have fun, people to lean on and experience friendship with. I don't really have anyone like that since my childish friend is so hung up on her boyfriend she has almost 0 time to see us and almost never wants to see me without DH. The only time she mentioned it was we could go out and have a girl's night out where we bar hop and drink which I can't since I'm TTCing Now that she has a boyfriend though I doubt she's interested in doing that anymore anyway. In my case though I think it's both the fact that Danes can be hard to become friends with, especially after college age where they feel they have "enough friends" and are for the most part not interested in making more. I don't know if it's worse here in the big city of Copenhagen. We'll be moving to a more rural area in April so hoping people are more open there.