Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[KatO79]

Actually a company can fire you within the first 3-months for no real good reasons at all. If they wanted to, they could say your eye color is blue and they wanted a brown eyed person. You have no way of doing anything about it. I asked my union and they said nothing can be done if they fire you within those 3 months I actually think within the first year they have a fairly easy time of firing someone. It's first after that that it gets harder for them and they need a really good reason. That's my understanding of it and I did pretty extensive research on it when they fired me.

Yes, the first 3 months is always a probationary period -- both for the employer and employee (meaning you as an employee can also quit in your first 3 months and not be subject to the usual rules about having to give at least 1 month's notice). Basically, either side can end the employment contract for any reason if that side feels like the employee is not a good fit.

After those 3 months it gets harder to terminate people -- especially considering how much of the Danish workforce is unionized. Is there a union for people in the Biotech industry? And are you part of an A-Kasse? They often can help people getting their foot in the door at places.

They unjustly fired me about 2-3 weeks before my probation was up for the most insane excuses and made up a lot of stuff too. This firing is going to make it even more difficult for me to ever get a job because it looks bad. Hence why I've decided to drop both degrees and just find a volunteer job at an animal shelter since I also love animals. In hindsight I should've stuck with the job I had before that one because I would've still had it!

Yeah, they always say hindsight is 20/20. That doesn't make it easier, though.

I've also been told by many (including my former job center) that if you don't have a few years experience then you need connections to get an academic job here. Since I first moved her at age 16 and my mother (born and raised in Denmark) both had no connections due to having lived in the US for 30 years plus her mental illness makes it difficult to keep friends, I had no connections to help me with getting to interviews. My grades aren't an issue and I write much better applications than my DH did when he was applying for jobs. Indeed it seems that every time I've been turned down for a position, they've all said it was due to them finding a more experienced person. I've also had a few "too over qualified" excuses as well when it came to applying for Lab Tech and Lab Tech assistant jobs, never mind supermarkets and the like. I'm starting to think the bio industry here is only interested in experienced people or people who have family or friends that can vouch for them.

This seems consistent with what my friends in Academia have said -- especially regarding how it's just a big network of people who already know each other. It feels really wrong for it to be that way, though.

It's really good though that your DH feels you can afford a child on his salary.

Nope not anymore. I'm not on unemployment benefits so no need for an A-kasse. When I did have one, they didn't care and I was left to find a job myself. No one has been helpful at all, union, A-kasse, family or friends. I've had a couple of false promises from a couple of people that they'd talk to someone they knew in the biotech area but they never did and I don't feel like pushing people or asking people about it. It's just clearly "to be nice" and they don't mean it. No one cares. Everyone is busy with there own lives. They see it as purely my problem.

But I've given up, thrown in the towel. My Master's degree is 7½ years old so getting obsolete and I'm sure they'd rather hire newly educated since everything is fresher in their mind plus they feel if no one hired me, then I'm not good. Like "if no one wants her, then we don't either" kind of thing My Lab Tech degree is also worthless because they either use the usual "no experience" excuse or I'm over qualified to work as a Lab Tech. Think other Lab Techs feel threatened by my background and fear I'll end up being their boss so they look me over as well. It's a shame because I'm actually rather skilled and very quick to learn new things but no one cares

I have a huge student debt but guess it'll never get paid when no one will hire me and frankly, I don't care at this point I workd my butt of getting 2 educations and sending hundreds of applications. I can't help it if no one will give me a chance and train me. Think companies hate to train people hence why they hire experienced people. Plus I was fired from a job during my trial period and have had to many years of unemployment so no company will touch me with a 10-foot pole at this point

I'm just hoping I can find a volunteer job at an animal shelter in the future since I love animals

AFM: Had the Christmas luncheon last night and DH's friend's girlfriend was annoying She asked how the baby making was going so I told her the truth that it was going badly and we'd be starting IUI next month. She gave me the "just relax and it'll happen" mantra and then said I'm also having problems because I was on the pill for 9-10 years and it's messed up my cycles. I explained to her that my cycles are regular and my RE got my hormones tested and all is normal plus that I'm Oing every month. But she kept saying the problem is also because I've been on the pill too long and she's sure it messed up my body, like she didn't hear a word I was telling her I gave up and started talking about something else but wow, why she refused to listen is beyond me My only guess is she thinks she knows it all because she has 2 children and feels like she's an expert in getting pregnant and refuses to believe my body is fine because if it was, I'd be pregnant a long time ago So regretting I told her last year we started TTCing

 

[deafgal01]

Ick... the stupid relax and it'll happen manta. Yeah, there's some you wish you hadn't told.

 

[KatO79]

Ick... the stupid relax and it'll happen manta. Yeah, there's some you wish you hadn't told.

I actually found her refusal to listen to me that my body is working like it should to be much more frustrating I otherwise have a pretty good relationship with her so this is the first snag. But to be honest I was almost expecting her to be like this. She thinks she knows it all when it comes to getting pregnant

The worst part is she mentioned wanting to TTC #3 (she has a boy age 16 and a girl age 11) at age 42 I hope it isn't with DH's friend because he'd be a horrible father. He's too selfish to be a father and he'd resent the child for being his girlfriend's #1 priority. He dated a woman with a small child once and it went badly because he got mad at her for letting her little 2-3 year old son come into bed and sleep because he had a bad dream or something.

 

[deafgal01]

Oh dear... Hope your friend doesn't TTC with that man. Some people are just not suitable to be parents at all for different reasons, and he sounds like one of them.

Some of us in this journey can actually have normal working bodies and still not get the babies that easily.

 

[KatO79]

Oh dear... Hope your friend doesn't TTC with that man. Some people are just not suitable to be parents at all for different reasons, and he sounds like one of them.

Some of us in this journey can actually have normal working bodies and still not get the babies that easily.

Well she's technically not a friend, she's DH's friend's girlfriend. But yeah, he'd be a horrible father. But I guess she can't see that I hope he doesn't want children or it turns out he can't or something because it would be such a pity for that child

Yes but she doesn't get it I think it's because a couple of her friends had issues conceiving and it turned out it was because of having been on the pill for so long and their hormones were wacky or something But she seems to think that's definitely the problem and absolutely refused to listen to me. Might be because she's like 9 years older and think that also makes her smarter or something. I just got annoyed when she kept insisting, like I was a stupid child that doesn't know anything and needed to bow down to her wisdom

 

[deafgal01]

Yeah i cannot stand people like that who thinks they know everything and insist on that or this being the problem.

 

[Mrs. Tigger]

Nope not anymore. I'm not on unemployment benefits so no need for an A-kasse. When I did have one, they didn't care and I was left to find a job myself. No one has been helpful at all, union, A-kasse, family or friends. I've had a couple of false promises from a couple of people that they'd talk to someone they knew in the biotech area but they never did and I don't feel like pushing people or asking people about it. It's just clearly "to be nice" and they don't mean it. No one cares. Everyone is busy with there own lives. They see it as purely my problem.

But I've given up, thrown in the towel. My Master's degree is 7½ years old so getting obsolete and I'm sure they'd rather hire newly educated since everything is fresher in their mind plus they feel if no one hired me, then I'm not good. Like "if no one wants her, then we don't either" kind of thing My Lab Tech degree is also worthless because they either use the usual "no experience" excuse or I'm over qualified to work as a Lab Tech. Think other Lab Techs feel threatened by my background and fear I'll end up being their boss so they look me over as well. It's a shame because I'm actually rather skilled and very quick to learn new things but no one cares

I have a huge student debt but guess it'll never get paid when no one will hire me and frankly, I don't care at this point I workd my butt of getting 2 educations and sending hundreds of applications. I can't help it if no one will give me a chance and train me. Think companies hate to train people hence why they hire experienced people. Plus I was fired from a job during my trial period and have had to many years of unemployment so no company will touch me with a 10-foot pole at this point

I'm just hoping I can find a volunteer job at an animal shelter in the future since I love animals

Well, I think I'd just about be frustrated enough to throw in the towel after years of searching, too. Sorry to hear that your A-Kasse wouldn't help you.

Are your student loans forgiven if you're not working and making a salary?

AFM: Had the Christmas luncheon last night and DH's friend's girlfriend was annoying She asked how the baby making was going so I told her the truth that it was going badly and we'd be starting IUI next month. She gave me the "just relax and it'll happen" mantra and then said I'm also having problems because I was on the pill for 9-10 years and it's messed up my cycles. I explained to her that my cycles are regular and my RE got my hormones tested and all is normal plus that I'm Oing every month. But she kept saying the problem is also because I've been on the pill too long and she's sure it messed up my body, like she didn't hear a word I was telling her I gave up and started talking about something else but wow, why she refused to listen is beyond me My only guess is she thinks she knows it all because she has 2 children and feels like she's an expert in getting pregnant and refuses to believe my body is fine because if it was, I'd be pregnant a long time ago So regretting I told her last year we started TTCing

How annoying. I'm pretty shy about TTC and haven't really told anyone because I'm scared of people being this way. So many people just don't understand that everyone's bodies are not all the same!!! So annoying.

 

[KatO79]

Nope not anymore. I'm not on unemployment benefits so no need for an A-kasse. When I did have one, they didn't care and I was left to find a job myself. No one has been helpful at all, union, A-kasse, family or friends. I've had a couple of false promises from a couple of people that they'd talk to someone they knew in the biotech area but they never did and I don't feel like pushing people or asking people about it. It's just clearly "to be nice" and they don't mean it. No one cares. Everyone is busy with there own lives. They see it as purely my problem.

But I've given up, thrown in the towel. My Master's degree is 7½ years old so getting obsolete and I'm sure they'd rather hire newly educated since everything is fresher in their mind plus they feel if no one hired me, then I'm not good. Like "if no one wants her, then we don't either" kind of thing My Lab Tech degree is also worthless because they either use the usual "no experience" excuse or I'm over qualified to work as a Lab Tech. Think other Lab Techs feel threatened by my background and fear I'll end up being their boss so they look me over as well. It's a shame because I'm actually rather skilled and very quick to learn new things but no one cares

I have a huge student debt but guess it'll never get paid when no one will hire me and frankly, I don't care at this point I workd my butt of getting 2 educations and sending hundreds of applications. I can't help it if no one will give me a chance and train me. Think companies hate to train people hence why they hire experienced people. Plus I was fired from a job during my trial period and have had to many years of unemployment so no company will touch me with a 10-foot pole at this point

I'm just hoping I can find a volunteer job at an animal shelter in the future since I love animals

Well, I think I'd just about be frustrated enough to throw in the towel after years of searching, too. Sorry to hear that your A-Kasse wouldn't help you.

Are your student loans forgiven if you're not working and making a salary?

AFM: Had the Christmas luncheon last night and DH's friend's girlfriend was annoying She asked how the baby making was going so I told her the truth that it was going badly and we'd be starting IUI next month. She gave me the "just relax and it'll happen" mantra and then said I'm also having problems because I was on the pill for 9-10 years and it's messed up my cycles. I explained to her that my cycles are regular and my RE got my hormones tested and all is normal plus that I'm Oing every month. But she kept saying the problem is also because I've been on the pill too long and she's sure it messed up my body, like she didn't hear a word I was telling her I gave up and started talking about something else but wow, why she refused to listen is beyond me My only guess is she thinks she knows it all because she has 2 children and feels like she's an expert in getting pregnant and refuses to believe my body is fine because if it was, I'd be pregnant a long time ago So regretting I told her last year we started TTCing

How annoying. I'm pretty shy about TTC and haven't really told anyone because I'm scared of people being this way. So many people just don't understand that everyone's bodies are not all the same!!! So annoying.

Nope but since I'm not earning any money or receiving any money from the state, they can't make me pay anything. DH says they probably can first take something after I'm dead which will stink for our child but what can I do They'll be harassing me next year so it'll be fun telling them they can forget it because I've given up trying to get a job when they only employ people with connections and i don't really have any

Yes it is. I was excited back then so told pretty much everyone. If I'd known it would take this long, I'd have kept my mouth shut to avoid all these fertile women's "pearls of wisdom" on infertility

 

[Hollynesss]

Hollyness, happy birthday, hope you'll have a fab weekend

Thank you, Fleur! My birthday was fabulous, even if I did have to work I have eaten so many sweets this weekend, I swear my body is just going to shut down from sugar shock! My coworkers bought me a cake, my husband bought me a cake, and I got a free slice of cheesecake when we went out to dinner. Of course I couldn't be rude and refuse any of it 31 is off to a good start!

 

[MissDoc]

Just caught up on the past couple of days. I took the past couple of days off to just be grouchy about AF. LOL.

Hugs all around to everyone being subjected to the assanine oversimplification from those who seem to get pregnant if sperm are within 10 yards of them.


In terms of the maternity leave situation in the US, it's abysmal. When that happens for me I'll get 12 weeks unpaid (unless I have PTO days saved to put towards it, which I currently don't). DH and I have been having serious talks about this and are considering pressing pause on TTC for this very reason. Because we can't really afford for me to take unpaid leave with my big student loan repayments, or at the very least it would be incredibly stressful. We recently bought a house, and that came with a lot of expenses. And the financial stress has at times put a strain on our relationship. I don't want to pause TTC because it feels like I've waited so long and it's sooo hard to wait any longer over 30. You ladies know what I mean, I'm sure.

But if we waited 6 months we would be in a much much better place. We're discussing that if we wait 6-12 months before (hopefully) becoming pregnant we could hopefully focus more on the joy of it rather than the stress of it. It's a tough decision because my uterus is in crazy-mode and is ready to start holding me at gun point if I don't get a baby in there, LOL.

 

[deafgal01]

Holly- that sounds like a GREAT birthday! Of course we can't be rude and say no.

Miss- that makes a lot of sense. I totally understand the metaphor- gun to uterus...

 

[Fleur828815]

Some women who fall pregnant easily don't seem to understand that it can be VERY hard for others. Do they think we're pretending or inventing problems or what?

Hollyness, birthdays are perfect excuses to gorge on cake. Glad you enjoyed the weekend.

MissDoc, you must be so torn between your head and your heart's desires. Maybe try putting TTC on hold for 3-6 months to start with, then it doesn't sound as long? Make the most of this time to reconnect with your DH (you were saying financial stress is affecting your relationship), start planning for the baby... If you do decide to wait, I hope the time will fly by and you'll feel encouraged by knowing you're doing everything to welcome your baby into a less stressful situation.

 

[ireadyermind]

Some women who fall pregnant easily don't seem to understand that it can be VERY hard for others. Do they think we're pretending or inventing problems or what?

My BFF must think I'm inventing problems. I mentioned to her that getting the hang of BBT charting was confusing, and she started telling me that I didn't need to do any of that, and if I would just relax, I'd get pregnant.




To all you gals getting the same "relax and it will happen" mantra -- I'm with you! *fist bump* lol



I'm starting to think that my initial plan of keeping TTC a secret and surprising my mother with news of a pregnancy isn't going to last. SHE had infertility problems when she was TTC me and would likely understand the struggle. Maybe I'll give it a couple more months, just in case. I'm starting to lose weight again, and I've heard good things that say weight loss can help solve hormonal issues and other fertility problems. If I lose the recommended 10% of body weight in the next couple of months, I could possibly see a 30 day cycle instead of a 40 day one! Who'd have ever thought I'd be excited to have MORE periods?

 

[Hollynesss]

Its nearly impossible to "just relax" when there are so many things out there that you can do to help the process. When you do those things and it still doesn't speed things along, its even more frustrating, and makes it hard to relax. Its a vicious cycle

 

[drjo718]

I'm seeing the fertility specialist on Wednesday! I'm nervous but excited.

 

[KatO79]

Yes it's truely annoying when people say "just relax and it'll happen" I'm not even tracking BBT or using OPKs or anything either. Don't know why the girlfriend said it to me because how does she know if I'm stressed about TTC or not Do people sometimes just assume you are if you haven't gotten pregnant within the first 3-4 months? I think her BCP theory is based on a couple of friends that had hormone balance issues after stopping and had difficulty conceiving because of it but who says that's my issue, especially when I have had my hormones checked and they're all normal

I had another slight issue with her as the woman-child started talking about her man problems with the 2 girlfriends (whom she just met that night). She kept shooting me strange looks. Don't know if it was because she found the woman-child annoying and was wondering why I had her along or if she was annoyed and thought I haven't been advising her. Which I have, I've told her hundreds of times to find these men other places and compromise on the looks and find someone with a nice personality that she has things in common with and appreciates her. But to no avail. They were telling her the same things. I may ask her next time I see her what those looks were about

As for TTC-wise, I'm sure I Oed today so my 2WW begins

Good luck drjo718, hope you get good news

 

[Hollynesss]

Best of luck, Drjo!

 

[dede3124]

We have successfully kept ttc a secret. We often hear 'when are you guys gonna have babies?'. We just tell them we aren't preventing so will see. I suspect people are going to start asking questions if we don't get our bfp soon. Dpo 8....temps were going up and then went down dpo 6 and 7 near cover line and didn't temp this morning. Hoping! Fingers are extremely crossed for that BFP!

Oh yeah, sa came back normal.

 

[Hollynesss]

Hooray for a normal sa!

 

[bighouse]

Merry Christmas everyone! This board has been quiet for the last few days... hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas.

I am CD 23 now. I think I O'd on CD 15 or 16 (positive OPK on CD 14 in PM and CD 15).

I was originally feeling very optimistic about this cycle but have since lost my optimism. While I had the best of intentions to continue BDing last week while our company was here, that didn't happen. I was soooo exhausted after every night that I don't think BD was humanly possible, unless DH could do it while I was sleeping The day our company got here was the day I think I ovulated, so we still have a chance from BD earlier in the week, but I would have much rather continued BD for 2-3 more days just to make sure we covered our bases (I don't trust OPK's 100% anyway).

Plus I'm less optimistic because I have absolutely no new symptoms... feel exactly the same as every other cycle where I got BFN's.

Took an HPT tonight... know it's still early but was thinking that maybe, just maybe I would luck out and have the most awesome Christmas gift for hubby. Just another BFN.